At dinner my mind kept drifting back to my conversation with Augustus but I tried to stay in the moment so my parents wouldn't worry about me acting too distant. I ate my meatloaf and laughed at the corny jokes my dad told and empathized with him about the obnoxious customers he dealt with that day. Mom took our plates when dinner was over and served dessert, which was a rare occurrence in my household, usually only given when there was news to be told or birthdays and holidays. Seeing as it wasn't anyone's birthday or a holiday, I became instantly worried and completely focused on the present.
"Mom, we never have dessert…"
"I decided to make a pie," She said, but something about her tone didn't convince me.
"Okay, what's really going on? You never randomly bake, you hate baking."
My dad sighed and my mom glanced in his direction.
"We should just tell her, honey," Dad said.
I got scared that this had something to do with my cancer. What if they found something and I was going to die in a matter of days?
"Am I… going to die soon…?"
"Oh, honey! No! It's nothing like that at all!"
"Oh my god, you guys scared me! If it's not that then what is it?"
"I got promoted recently."
"That's great, dad!"
"Which means," he continued, "that we're going to have to move to California."
"Oh."
"It's a really tough decision, considering the doctors here know you and your condition very intimately, but I talked to them and they said where we're going they have even better research centers and more funding. They told me we could get you in with one of the best doctors in the nation. They were incredibly supportive and encouraging of this move but obviously we won't go anywhere if you aren't comfortable leaving."
It was quite a lot to take in. I'd never in my wildest dreams thought of myself as the type to live in California, but if I had a good chance at living longer and getting better care, I'd go wherever I had to go.
Mom chimed in just then, "We realize it's a lot to process. We don't want to rush you or pressure you into making a decision. If we stay here, nothing will change and we won't be mad at you, sweetie."
"You said I would be able to go to one of the best doctors in the nation?" I asked
"Yes, honey," Dad said.
"Do you think going to California would increase my chance of living longer?"
"I think there's a possibility but I really don't know anything for sure."
I truly felt like this would be the best thing for me, it's not like I'm really going to lose anything either way and I want my parents to be happy.
"California sounds nice, I think moving would be good for me. Don't worry, I'm not rushing into this and I really feel like the move will be a nice change."
"You're sure?" Mom asked.
"Positive," I said
"Oh! This is going to be so wonderful!" Mom exclaimed.
"Have you guys looked at any houses yet? Do you even know where you're gonna be transferring to?"
"Southern California, near the beach. We started and found a beautiful beach house in our price range but we haven't placed a bid on it yet," Mom answered.
"I doubt that's gonna be for sale long, you might wanna act soon."
My parents laughed and said they would. We finished dessert and then watched some ANTM together. About an hour or two later I went to my room and logged onto my tumblr yet again. I had a message, surely it couldn't be from Augustus though, we'd just talked earlier that evening. I checked it and sure enough it was from him.
"I enjoyed our conversation earlier, Hazel Grace, you have a nice voice. Oh god, that probably sounded really creepy. I swear I'm not an axe murderer! That sounded too defensive, okay I think I'm just gonna shut up now. Until next time, Hazel Grace"
I chuckled loudly at the message, then replied.
"Hahahaha are you quite sure about not being an axe murderer? Anyway, I enjoyed the conversation too. Oh! Before I forget to tell you, I read Price of Dawn. It wasn't too bad, I actually really liked it and I'm currently reading the sequel. Talk to you later, Augustus."
I closed my laptop and went to bed, hardly able to keep my eyes open any longer. I ended up sleeping for a really long time. I probably would've slept longer had my phone not gone off and startled me awake. It was 10 AM, I'm surprised my mom let me sleep in so long. I checked my phone and it was none other than Augustus.
"Morning," I croaked and stifled a yawn.
"Good
morning indeed, Hazel Grace," He replied.
"Wassup?" My words slurred together due to my only half conscious state.
"Absolutely nothing, which is why I called you. I figured you'd be able to make my incredibly dull morning a bit more interesting." I heard some rustling and thudding in the background as if he'd dropped something.
I laughed, "Are you getting ready for school at the moment?" He must be in a different time zone. I don't know why I had assumed he lived anywhere remotely close to me.
"Unfortunately," He said. The line was silent for a moment or two, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was almost as if we were in this third space where we were together in the same room and we were just enjoying the silence together, not feeling the need to say anything.
"How are you feeling today?" He asked, interrupting the silence.
"Today's a pretty good day; I mean my lungs are crap and it feels like I'm constantly drowning but as far as it goes, I'm doing okay."
"I don't mean to sound insensitive so you don't have to answer if you don't want to but have you ever felt like you were going to die?" He asked, suddenly serious with a slightly shaky voice.
"Um yeah, actually many times, the first time it ever occurred to me that I might die was when I was 14. I'd been diagnosed for a couple months and woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't breathe. I thought I was gonna go that night. I panicked and screamed for my parents, who rushed me to the ER and I lost consciousness. I woke up two days later with all these cords attached to me and a baggie full of this awful looking amber liquid that was draining from my lungs. It's happened too many times to count and every single time feels like the end. Why do ask?"
He sort of sighed, "Out of pure curiosity. I'm sorry you have to have to go through that. It sounds terrifying and I don't think I'd ever be able to do that." He sounded odd but I didn't question it, mostly because he started swearing under his breath, "Hey I gotta go, the bus is here and as usual, I'm running late. Talk you later, okay?"
"Okay," I said.
"Goodbye, Hazel Grace."
And with that, the line went silent. I didn't really know what to do with myself so I kept thinking over our conversation. Why had Augustus sounded so worried?I really hoped he was alright, I didn't want to picture him, or anyone for that matter, in my situation. I tried to put it out of my mind; when he's ready to tell me whatever it is that's bothering him, I'll be here to listen and support him.
I left my room and went to get breakfast. I poured some cereal and was greeted by mom.
"Good morning, sleepyhead. How'd you sleep?"
"Morning. I slept pretty good, how about you?"
"Pretty good," She replied, "Up for some shopping today?"
"Sure, sounds like fun. Give me an hour and I'll be ready."
"Alright, honey," She said then left the room.
We left the house at about noon and arrived at our local mall. I'm not really someone who likes shopping but it's a necessary evil, none of my clothes fit right. I'm thinner now than I was in junior high, and I was pretty thin back then too. So off we went to all the stores that girls my age shop at. We spent about two hours shopping until we decided it was time for a break.
"Why don't you go find a spot to sit and I'll order something for us?"
"Sure, I'll have whatever you get," I told mom just before going off to the closest table.
It was probably going to take a while for mom to get back because all the lines were long, so I pulled out the next installment of The Price of Dawn series and read for about half an hour. I was so absorbed in the book that I didn't notice my mom until she said something about how long the line was and how excited she was to sit down and eat. I put the book away and empathized with her and then started eating a luke-warm slice of peperoni pizza.
"Do you want to look anywhere else?" Mom asked me, between bites.
"Not really, I think we did pretty good today."
"Are you sure you don't want to look at shoes? Those ones are looking a bit tattered, sweetie." She said, looking down at my old, beat up Converse.
"Nah, I'm good for now I think. Plus, I'm getting kinda tired anyway, I don't think I'd be much help picking out shoes."
"Alright, we'll go home after we finish eating." She agreed.
Upon getting home, I put my new clothes in my closet and sat on my bed reading, but I kept Augustus in the back of my mind and couldn't really concentrate on what was happening in the book. I reassured myself that he was alright but something seemed very off. It was probably me over-analyzing the situation, but I still worried nonetheless. All the gore in the book didn't exactly aid me in forgetting it either, so I picked up AIA instead and started reading that. It distracted me just enough and the familiarity of the story lulled me to sleep, where my everyday problems had no importance and I could feel normal and healthy for a couple hours.
