Chapter 4

She was seething. She didn't think she had ever felt so mad. What must the Staff think? My goodness, what a show! And what on earth were the two men about? Speaking to each other in such a way? She could not even settle at her desk, as she paced back and forth in her sitting-room, wringing the back of her neck with her hand. Seven o'clock in the morning and this has already been a horrid day, she thought.

A light tap on the door stopped her pacing, as a very sheepish looking Butler walked in.

She exhaled loudly as she looked at him.

"Umm ... I wanted to have a word about breakfast," he began.

He wasn't one for apologies but he knew that he needed to say something. Mrs Hughes was obviously furious with him.

"I think you've said more than enough words already, don't you?" she said, glaring at him.

"Uh huh ... I perhaps could have held my counsel a little better," he said evenly.

She made a loud huffing noise at his words. His eyes widened in surprise; she normally forgave him more easily than this.

Why is she being so hard on me? That man doesn't deserve any kindness. And Mr Douglass was far worse than me. He flirted with her in front of everyone! He asked her to go for a morning walk with him and everyone heard. Unless, she enjoyed his flirtations? Oh god.

Mr Carson gripped the nearby sideboard at that thought as Mrs Hughes stared at him as if he was mad.

"Mr Carson, I shared a confidence with you last night. It was very difficult for me but I did so nonetheless. And how did you repay me? By speaking rudely to Mr Douglass in front of everyone and drawing attention to the situation," she stated, a wobble in her voice.

"I didn't ... I mean to say ..." he bumbled, not sure how to react. Yes he had done that but only because he wanted to protect her, to show his support for her.

The fire in her eyes had turned to hurt now and he couldn't bear it. Her temper, her annoyance with him was fine, he was used to that. However, he despised it when he wounded her, even though he seemed to do so with alarming regularity. They had only just gotten past his last blunder; when he had told her that he was disappointed with her, and only because she had dared to have a different opinion to him about the memorial business. I really don't like it when we are not on the same side, he worried.

"Mr Carson ... what happened between Mr Douglass and I ... it is between the two of us ... I don't need you to stick your oar in and be mean to him. I can fight my own battles thank you very much, I don't need your protection," she declared, her voice continuing to waver as she spoke.

Oh dear me, now I've hurt him, she realised, as she watched the forlorn expression on his face.

"I am sorry if that sounded harsh Mr Carson. I know you were trying to help in your own way ..." she continued.

And she did know this. Despite her embarrassment and her annoyance, she knew that he was trying in his own ham-fisted way to show that he was on her side.

"... but I told you something in confidence, I didn't want anyone else to know," she explained more softly.

Mrs Hughes was absolutely right and he knew it. He had drawn attention to this sensitive matter. Mrs Hughes was a highly private person and now, because of something he had started at the breakfast table, everyone would certainly know that something was afoot between Mrs Hughes and Mr Douglass.

"I am very sorry," he said softly.

He was as surprised as Mrs Hughes that these words should leave his lips. He rarely ever said sorry, even when he felt it.

She sighed resignedly but managed a kind smile towards him.

"Thank you," she replied.

######

"Mrs Hughes!" Mr Douglass called along the corridor.

She turned to face him. He quickened his steps to catch up with her.

"I apologise for earlier, I know that I spoke out of turn and was perhaps a little forward," he said quietly.

"A little! What on earth were you thinking Mi ... Mr Douglass? How dare you!" she whispered furiously.

The corridor was clear of other staff but she knew that any number of people could appear at any moment.

"I know, I'm very sorry. Mr Carson spoke so rudely to me and I reacted. I should not have dragged you into it."

"No you should not!"

"But I would like to go for a walk with you Els ... oh for heaven's sake ... Mrs Hughes. We haven't talked about what happened. I know you said we don't need to, that it was in the past. But I want to talk about it. I want to talk to you," he said in exasperation.

"Well you gave up that prerogative over thirty years ago!" she stormed under her breath.

She was furious with him now. Absolutely gut-wrenchingly furious; if there'd been a pail of water nearby, she'd have thrown it over him.

"I always did love it when you lost your temper with me," he teased, flashing her a handsome smile.

How dare the man! How dare he! She wanted to wipe the smile from his face. That smile may have worked when I was a young girl but it certainly won't work now, she thought.

"I am sorry. I am truly sorry Mrs Hughes. I am making things worse," he said, realising before she had even responded that it was not the time for joking.

"Yes you are." she replied firmly.

They both took a breath; the resulting silence welcomed by both, as they gathered themselves.

"I am presuming Mr Carson knows, about us I mean?" he asked gently, none of his earlier bravado on show.

"He does," she whispered. There was no point in lying about that fact.

He nodded and then explained softly,

"Mrs Hughes, I would like to spend a little time with you. We don't even have to talk about the past if you don't want to, I would just like to find out about how you've been over all of these years, to catch up with you. I'll only be here for another five days ... will you at least walk to Church with me this morning? I planned to leave around nine ..." he said hopefully.

She stalled at that.

"I am really not sure Mr Douglass ..." she stumbled worriedly.

And she really wasn't. Could it do any harm to speak to him? What was she scared of? If their business really was in the past, what did it matter if they chatted together? Yet, something did not feel right. She didn't want to upset Mr Carson. It felt disloyal somehow. Don't be ridiculous Elsie Hughes! It would only be disloyal to Mr Carson if you and he were ... well ... and you are not. You are friends and colleagues. Oh dear me, why is this all so confusing? An old friend wants to enjoy a pleasant chat, there's hardly anything unnerving about that. Yet, she knew that on some level, this wouldn't be just a chat. And she also knew that he wasn't just an old friend. She continued to be lost in her thoughts as a million worries spun through her mind.

"I'll wait in the courtyard at nine thirty for you and if you would like to walk with me, that would be lovely Mrs Hughes. And if you would rather not, that of course is also fine. I'll wait ten minutes or so in the hope that you'll join me but if you don't arrive, I'll make my way with the others," he offered warmly.

She nodded in acceptance of this and he smiled at her again before walking away. Mrs Hughes did not move, as she stared along the empty corridor, shaking her head gently at herself. What am I to do?

Mr Carson stood just inside his pantry door. He hadn't heard all of their conversation but he had heard Mr Douglass ask Mrs Hughes to walk to Church with him. And she didn't say no, he thought, as his heart sank.

######

"What have those candelabras done to you then?" she asked with a smile, as she looked through into Mr Carson's pantry. He was wearing his polishing sleeves and rubbing the silver with all of his vigour.

"Oh ... huh ... yes ... I thought they needed a good polish," he said, his cheeks blushing slightly to have been caught.

He needed to get his frustrations out of his system somehow. He was sure that Mrs Hughes was going to walk to church with Mr Douglass and his mind raced to all sorts of places about where that might lead. It's not up to you who Mrs Hughes walks to church with and so you best stop fretting about it, he told himself again. The last thing he wanted to do was 'stick his oar' in where it wasn't wanted again. Yet, he was desperate to know if she planned to meet Mr Douglass. You've less than an hour to wait, you daft old thing.

"Are you alright Mr Carson?" she asked kindly, she could see that something was on his mind.

"Yes, yes ... quite fine," he answered a little too quickly.

"Are you sure?" she prodded gently.

Oh dear god, she can see right through me. Say something to explain why you are unsettled. And don't mention Church ... or him.

"Umm yes ... I mean ... I've managed to upset both you and Mrs Patmore in the last few hours and so it hasn't been the best morning, I'll grant you," he said, with a weary smile.

Mrs Hughes smiled at him tenderly. She knew that he and Mrs Patmore had spoken with His Lordship and the Cook had shared in no uncertain terms her disappointment with Mr Carson regarding his view about her nephew and the Downton memorial. It really had been a terrible morning for him. The poor man looked quite ruffled.

"She'll understand eventually Mr Carson. It's just a very sensitive subject for her. And you and I are fine now," she said, hoping to reassure him.

"Are we?" he asked uncertainly.

"Yes of course we are. Now come on ... we best be getting ready for Church," she said cheerfully.

How could I ever stay angry with this man for long? She smiled to herself, as she watched him fluster again and place the silver back in the cabinet. She presumed that he'd been worrying because he thought she was still angry with him. She wasn't sure what else it would be and he had known that Mrs Patmore was upset for the last few days, that was nothing new.

"Yes, yes of course. I'd best be going up," he breathed, trying to force a note of jollity into his voice.

His anxieties had not eased. The thought of Mrs Hughes walking to Church with Mr Douglass actually made him feel nauseous. However, he could not admit that to her. He needed to support her, whatever her choice. He walked towards the door with Mrs Hughes; as they both planned to visit their respective bedrooms to change for Church.

"Best leave them down here, eh?" she soothed, looking at his polishing sleeves that he had forgotten to take off.

"Oh, huh ... yes," he smiled bashfully, quickly flinging them onto the sideboard, before he headed down the corridor.

Mrs Hughes watched him fondly as he ascended the stairs.

######

Mr Carson sat in his pantry all dressed for church. He wore his smart grey suit and his coat and bowler hat. He looked at the clock on the wall. It was nine thirty five. He'd wait another ten minutes before leaving himself. Mr Douglass had suggested Mrs Hughes meet him outside at nine thirty and the last thing Mr Carson wanted to do was bump into them as he made his own way to church. He was certain now that Mrs Hughes had agreed to walk with the man. He hadn't seen her since he'd headed upstairs to change into his Sunday best. Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson nearly always walked to Church together, sometimes joined by others, although there were occasions when, for one reason or another, they each made their own way there. He knew that if she hadn't called for him by now, she must have already left, and as he'd been watching his pantry door for the last fifteen minutes, willing Mrs Hughes to knock, he knew that she was not calling for him today.

He fidgeted with his hands as he sat at his desk. He had thought she would accept Mr Douglass' request to walk to church. He had convinced himself of this as soon as he had heard them in the corridor and yet the reality of this still pained him. It's only a walk to Church, she's not marrying him, he reminded himself. Yet, her decision still felt quite devastating to him.

It was almost quarter to ten. He'd be at least fifteen minutes behind them now and so it should be safe to leave. As he rose from his seat with a heavy heart, the door to his pantry flew open.

"There you are, we best be off ... I think we might be the last," she said happily, as she pulled on her gloves.

His mouth hung open; Mrs Hughes was standing in front of him and he couldn't quite believe it.

"Uh ... I thought you had left," he stumbled.

"Left? Of course not, I wouldn't have left without telling you," she replied truthfully.

Even if she had decided to walk with Mr Douglass, she would have spoken to Mr Carson first. You were never going to walk with Mr Douglass Elsie Hughes, just admit it. Not when the choice was him or Mr Carson. Her mind had been finally made up as she'd watched Mr Carson walk upstairs a little earlier. She knew in that instant that the only man she'd be walking to Church with was the lovely yet frustrating man before her. She could not place Mr Douglass before him, even over such an inconsequential matter as a walk to church.

"I've been waiting for you in my sitting-room. Although as the service starts at ten, and it is now a quarter to, I thought I better come looking for you. I was wondering if you'd got lost," she teased cheerfully.

He grinned from ear to ear. She has been waiting for me. For me.

"And has everyone else gone? Umm ... has Mr Douglass gone?" he asked, immediately kicking himself for being so transparent.

Good god man, could you be any more obvious? He chided himself.

Mrs Hughes gazed up at Mr Carson in surprise. Surely he doesn't know. No, he couldn't know. Mr Douglass and I were alone in the corridor. Yet she wanted to make her intentions clear, even if he didn't know.

"Mr Douglass has gone to Church. So have the others. I waited for you Mr Carson," she said sweetly and meaningfully.

He gasped faintly as he observed her beautiful smile.

"Thank you for waiting Mrs Hughes," he replied sincerely, his eyes becoming watery.

They smiled warmly at each other; neither quite sure if they were still talking about a walk to Church.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this update and thank you for all of your very kind reviews. They do make the world of difference and so if you have time, a review for this chapter would be wonderful x