Lisbon stood near the small window in the living room, watching the outside world go by - since it was a forest, nothing really got by, except animals. It was her turn to be on guard, while the two other men slept their tiredness off. She was asleep for almost whole day so it was only fair to be the first one on guard. Cho was snoring lightly on the couch while Jane went into a small bedroom and closed the doors behind him.

She couldn´t tell whether he was asleep or not and nor she cared.

All right.

She cared a little.

For all she known, he is a civilian sucked in a dangerous situation he had no control over. She and Cho being in danger was different. They were trained for it, used to it. It was an occupational hazard in their line of work. Of course a fake psychic might as well face some kind of danger but far from what she and Cho were used to. A punch in the nose here, a kick in the gut there...that´s nothing compared to the feeling of being possibly shot everyday while working.

Or being captured by a crazy serial killer for that matter.

She sighed quietly looking out of the window being almost sure that Mrs... Jane was not sleeping at all.

Perhaps it was time to show him her little black notebook of hers. With a mind of his, he could easily see what she might have overlooked. It was not a nice thought, or a pleasing one, but then again, beggars can´t be choosers.

She left the window, leaving the migrating deer and other animals she couldn´t see to themselves, and went to knock on Jane´s bedroom, fixing Cho´s fallen blanket on the way.


Jane was wide awake, there was no point in trying to sleep. He tried it, for some minutes, but his mind was unable to shut down. No amount of biofeedback had helped him and the images from past days swirled in his mind wildly. He tried to conceal the gut wrenching fear he felt all the time, carrying a carefree face, but once in his tiny bedroom, all alone, a thought occurred to him.

He might in fact die.

That´s something he was not prepared to do.

Life had just started to be...interesting.

He sighed and turned over in his bed when a silent knock disrupted and also gave him a mini heart attack.

"It´s me," Lisbon´s voice, silent, came through the door, "Can I come in?"

He sat up and his hands went straight to his tousled hair. It was almost automatic and it surprised him that he actually cared about what the woman behind the door thinks of him.

That was new.

And kind of dangerous.

"Come in," he said after a while in which he tried to make himself look more of like a human being.

"You decent?" she asked after opening the door and walking in.

"Is there any point of asking it when you´re already in here?" Patrick asked still sitting at his bed, his lips slightly quirked up.

"Probably not," she said and quieted down, unsure what to do next so she just kept staring at him silently, wondering if showing him her notebook was a good idea after all.

"You want to show me something," he stated.

"Maybe," she said after a while.

He patted the place next to him on the bed and motioned for her to sat down. "I won't bite."

Lisbon rolled her eyes, murmuring, "I like to see you try..."

He waited until she sat down, leaving a huge amount of space between them.

"So, what is it? Oh, let me guess...some sort of notes, your notes...and you want me to look through them."

Lisbon sighed. This psychic thing of his was starting to be kind of irritating, "Do you always have to know everything?"

Patrick shook his head and smiled, "Only things you tell me."

"I haven´t told you a damn thing."

"Not with your mouth you didn´t. Sorry. It´s cold reading. I can´t stop it, not even if I wanted to."

"Riiight...okay," she sighed again, "here it is," she said and handed him the small black notebook, "It contains everything I was able to deduct from case files, investigations, witness interrogations...my own thoughts, and, uh...experiences. I read it a million times, but then again, I wrote it. Maybe...maybe you´ll be able to get something else from it. New angle or something."

Patrick took it from her small cold hands, the notebook barely holding together, as he could see it had been read over and over again. The black color was almost fading into gray, pages were torn and marked here and there.

"I´ll do my best," he said and tried to give her his most sincere look.

"Thanks," she said and strode out closing the door behind her without any other word.

Patrick flipped through the notebook, finding it to be fully packed in a neat handwriting. From the beginning to the end.

Reading. That sounds nice. Finding clues. Good. He could do that. In fact, he would do anything to take his mind off of the dying soon possibility.

Soon, he was engrossed in reading so deeply, he forgot where he was.


Lisbon went back to her guarding space, Cho´s slight snoring still echoing in the room. She did love the man, in a special way. Her team meant a world to her, even though they stopped being a team six months ago. She could and would risk her own life for all of them and trusted her own life with them.

There was one thing she would never do though. She would never risk their lives, not even if they wished her to do. There was nothing to do about Cho, as she was no longer his boss and he made a choice, but Grace and Wayne? They gotten married for fucks sake, finally, after ages of longing, hoping and hiding. They have a life, a normal life, their own safe business...No way she would let them be sucked in this fucked up situation.

They could help her, sure.

They could also get killed thanks to it.

And there was no way Lisbon would let that happen.

She had learned a few tricks herself while being on the run for the last few months. There was no pay coming to her account and after taking out all of her savings, which was not much, she had to earn some extra money just to survive.

A former special agent became an occasional thief.

She never stole much, only what she needed to get by, usually money, or phones, watches, anything she could sell and earn something extra.

Cho´s burner phone was in his pocket.

Was.

She took it while fixing his blanket and he didn´t even stir.

Without even thinking about it, Lisbon walked outside and sent a text message before smashing the phone on the ground, stomping on it just to make sure it won't function anymore. She did the same with her burner phone, so there was no way left to contact Rigsby and Van Pelt, except maybe sending smoke signals.

Perhaps it was not a greatest idea, but if it will keep them safe, it was worth it.

They had to find out the identity of Red John some other way - without putting their friends into danger.


"What is your deepest desire, Brett?" Red John asked the youngest and newest addition to his team and smiled. He could clearly see there was something more to Brett, even though he tried to hide it. Despite his ignorant looks, Sheriff McAllister could see through a person in a second. And Brett Partridge was a sadist. At least.

He enjoyed the way the bruises covered poor Natalie´s face while investigating the domestic violence call, of that much he was sure.

"What do you mean, Sheriff?" the kid asked, suddenly terrified.

"Your desires, your wishes, your dreams...something you have always wanted yet have been denied through your whole life."

Brett was spooked more by the second, lost in the meaning of the conversation.

"I...I..uh, I don´t know what...-"

"Have you ever been with a woman?" Red John asked, suddenly changing topics, and smiled softly at Brett, sitting in his red themed living room.

"What? I...well, you know...I´m still young and...I´m wai-"

"Waiting for the right one?" Red John chuckled. "Sit down Brett. We need to talk."

Red John waited for the shocked young man to sit beside him before speaking. His hands were visibly trembling, so he handled him a sherry, motioning for him to take a sip.

"First, there is no such thing as the right one, my friend...no, you have to make her right first."

Brett Partridge left Red John´s residence few hours later, with an idiotic grin on his face. He walked himself home, too pumped up to took a cab.

His boss promised him something.

Something he always had craved for his whole life. And he could make it happen and...And!...he didn´t even judge him, nor hate him, laugh at him...better, he understood and had even encouraged him to be the true form of himself. At least when facing his new boss.

That´s all he wanted from him.

And Brett was ready to obey.

Happy even.


Patrick read the little black notebook in silence, astonished at Lisbon´s mind. She did a quite an impressive work, even while deducing from what happened to her. He was not sure how a person could do that, how she could detach herself from the personal experience and still try to find clues in her own suffering.

It was just...surreal, reading about what she went through - through her own eyes. A lot different than reading her case file to be honest. He read it further feeling more dreadful with every page. He was almost ready to give it up for the day when he spotted something that caught his attention.

He got up, leaving his bed and bedroom at once.

Lisbon was outside having another smoke, watching for anything and anyone, the remains of broken burner phones still at her feet when she heard the front door being opened.

"Here you are," Patrick said and it took him a millisecond to notice what she have done, "Did you just...?" he asked in surprise.

"Yeah," she said, "I had to," she said and looked into his eyes, her gaze so intense and powerful it left him speechless, but only for a second.

"That´s not important right now...listen Lisbon, I need you to be fully honest with me now, and bear in mind that I can tell whether you´re lying -"

"Then why I have to be honest with you?" she snapped back before he could finish his sentence. He remained silent for a moment before speaking, looking intensely at her.

"So I know that I can trust you."

She snorted. "Fine."

"Is there something you can´t remember from your abduction? "

Lisbon heart sank at his question. How in the hell he got to that? She never told anyone, she hardly let herself think about it. Her hands started to shake involuntarily.

"Ah, I assume your answer is yes then?" Patrick asked and sat down beside her. "Easy...breathe," he said quietly, taking the half smoked cigarette out of her shaking hands and putting it out. Lisbon nodded and bowed her head down breathing heavily.

"I don´t know what it is," she murmured. "He did something to my head. I know something is there...I just...can´t...think...about...it..." she said and suddenly tasted blood on her lips. "Shit," she groaned and her hands went to her bleeding nose.

"Oh, wait, I have a napkin here somewhere" Patrick said and started rummaging through his pockets, remembering he kept some after she almost broke his nose, "No don´t turn your head up...here you have a napkin and keep your head down, it´ll stop, eventually."

"What´s happening?" Cho asked suddenly, opening the front door quickly, "Lisbon, you okay?"

"Shyeah, jusht shpeachy..."

"Don´t speak," Patrick ordered and he could swear she rolled her eyes at him even if he couldn´t see it.

"Is that my phone?" Cho asked when his sight fell on the broken pieces on the ground.

"What´s left of it, yes," Patrick said, "and Lisbon´s there too as I presume."

Cho crossed his arms around his chest and that was his whole reaction after realizing what Lisbon did, "So, what now? Change of plan?"

"Yes, a slight one," Patrick said and started rubbing Lisbon´s back softly, surprised when she didn´t flinch at his touch at all.


Wayne walked up and down the hall with phone in his hands, looking grim. It´s been ages since Cho had called and the wait was almost unbearable.

"I´m going to call him," he said all of sudden still walking to burn the pent up energy.

"Shouldn´t we wait? He told us to wait," Grace said but then again, she was worried beyond words too. Wayne looked at his wife who was sitting at the kitchen table, nibbling on some kind of salad. She looked worried.

"But - "

Then, the phone beeped, disrupting them.

"A message," Wayne gasped as relief flooded his whole body.

"What´s it says?" Grace asked leaving the salad to itself and hurried to her husband.

There´s been a change of plans. We will no longer contact you. I want you to stay safe - so stay out of trouble, okay? And delete this message. Or better, destroy the phone. Do it now.

PS: I´m happy for both of you, you deserve it.

L.

"It´s Lisbon!" Grace yelped and hugged Wayne tightly.

"Yeah," Wayne said a lot less enthusiastic then his wife, "what does she mean they will no longer contact us? How are we supposed to help them?"

Grace´s happiness slowly faded. "I don´t know...but we´ll have to figure something out."

"Yeah," Wayne sighed and gave Grace a hug.


"You never told me about it," Cho said once inside, sounding only partly accusing, his arms still crossed on his chest. He looked like a father scolding a misbehaving child.

"There was no reason to," Lisbon simply stated and sat down not giving a crap about Cho´s accusing tone.

"I could have helped."

"You couldn´t," Patrick said before Lisbon could beat him to it. Both of the ex-agents looked at him a bit irritated. One thing was having an argument, the other thing was when some fake psychic mingled into it. "Oh, please, stop with the death stares and let me explain myself. Cho, you won´t be able to help Lisbon with her memory loss, not even if you tried, for I believe she was hypnotized."

Silence followed his words, silence so strong they could actually hear crickets from outside. Only thing missing was a wolf howling somewhere in the distance to add to it.

"I mean it," he said seriously when Lisbon´s lips quirked up a bit. "You said it yourself minutes ago haven´t you?"

"What?" she asked puzzled.

"He did something to your head," Cho repeated her own words. He heard her say that before when he was not so subtly listening behind the closed front door.

"No," she said. "No...I...I wouldn´t let him."

"Can you explain you memory loss then?" Patrick asked quietly.

"Um, I don´t know, maybe all the torture and fucking blood loss might have clouded my mind?!" Lisbon yelled back , her chest rising up and down. She couldn´t believe it. She won´t. The fact he hurt her body was something she could get used to, even live with I, but planting something inside her head? Something she couldn´t control?

No.

She shook her head feeling the panic rose inside of her.

"Lisbon," both Cho and Patrick said in unison.

"Leave me alone! Both of you!" she yelled and run for the bathroom. Cho was about to run after her when Jane grabbed his arm. "Don´t. Let me do it."

Cho glared at him, before sighing. "Fine, but don´t come crying back when she breaks your nose for real this time."

"I won´t," Patrick said already bracing himself for it.


Lisbon locked the door behind her and splashed cold water over her face. She felt dirty. If Jane was right, there was something in her head, in her own mind, given by the person she hated and feared the most.

If you can´t rely on your own mind, what are you left with?

Nothing.

Her whole body trembled under the realization.

She was on the verge of a panic attack, something that hadn´t happened to her in weeks, when Patrick picked the lock and opened the bathroom door. He closed them right after and stood still, watching Lisbon leaning over the sink.

"Leave, just leave," she said breathing heavily.

"Hear me out first."

"No, screw you, Jane...screw it all."

"He couldn´t plant anything inside your head that would go against your character, that´s how hypnosis, or suggestion, works."

Lisbon listened to him, the water still running. "How can you be so sure?"

"I am not just sure Lisbon, I know it. And I can prove it to you."

"How?" she asked turning to face him, her face pale and wet from the cold shower she gave it.

"I can hypnotize you and reveal what he had hidden."

Lisbon stared at him. He was looking at her back, his face so full of confidence and something else, something she couldn´t quite decipher. Compassion maybe?

"I believe it´s a key for learning his true identity."


"How did you find out, anyway?" Lisbon asked Patrick while the three of them sat in dim lit living room, another round of chamomile tea placed on the table.

"You wrote about it," he stated calmly while sipping on his tea.

Cho was flickering through the black notebook, something he had no idea existed. Lisbon had it since Bosco and Mandy were murdered, apparently. And she kept it hidden, even from her own team.

"I didn´t...where?"

"Almost at the end, Cho, may I?"

Cho took his eyes of the notebook and handed it to him. "Sure."

Rather than reading it out loud, he found the page which made him think and handed it to her, "Here, you...uh, you don´t seem to remember when Red John left, yet you were quite aware when your rescuers arrived." There seem to be a gap, a very important gap."

Cho nodded. Lisbon was quite wide awake when he and the team found her - or better, when they followed the address somebody send to the headquarters. He remembers thinking it was just a wild goose chase until they arrived at the location and found Lisbon strapped down, covered in blood. Just thinking about it filled him with anger, yet, he didn´t show it. They never found the source of the message.

"What does that mean?" Cho asked when Lisbon remained silent.

"Well, anything that happened is still in Lisbon´s subconscious, hidden, even from her. I can try and uncover it, but..."

"But?" She asked.

"You will have to relive it once again. And trust me, it´s a lot different than nightmares you´re having. It would feel as if it´s real. It won´t be easy."

Silence fell over them once more, all three of them thinking about what had to be done. Lisbon felt torn apart. Part of her was already hooting for the hypnosis while the other part, more sensible one, didn´t want to ever go through it ever again. Plus, it meant Jane would be inside her head. While Cho watches. It would be a public display of something so tried to keep to herself so hard.

But then again, what if there is really something? What if Red John did something, said something...that would help them to catch him?

Isn´t that what she wants more than anything?

If ending him means she had to go through it all again, she had to do it.

She owns it to Sam and Mandy.

To Cho and the team.

And to herself.

"Let´s do it," she said and sipped on the nerve calming chamomile tea.


She was sitting on the couch alone, too pumped up to notice Jane´ stare. Cho was guarding outside after Patrick suggested that a little more privacy might help her relax. Except it did nothing. Her leg was twitching violently up and down and Patrick knew this needed a different approach. Waiting for her to calm down would took too much time - years probably. Just as to earn her trust. And they simply didn´t have it.

"It´s no use," she heard him say all of sudden.

"What?" she asked, half annoyed, half relieved.

"It´s no use, you are too pumped up, I am not going to hypnotize you now," he said and sat down in front of her, to maintain eye contact.

"What? I´m fine, just do it...let´s just get over it," she rambled while her leg still twitched like crazy.

"Oh, no. I need you to relax first Lisbon, as you are not falling into deep relaxing trance state. Just keep breathing slowly in and out, like a wave slowly crashing onto a shore. Deep breath in, deep breath out, calmly, slowly, like the wave," Patrick´s gaze was locked onto her dropping eyelids as her breathing became slow and steady and her leg stopped twitching. "One more time Lisbon...good...now, sleep."

She closed her eyes fully and Patrick lowered her onto the couch giving her shoulder a light squeeze. He left her for a brief moment to retrieve Cho and they both went back, worry filling them.

"Ready?" Patrick asked Cho and he nodded.

"Yeah. Just make it quick."

Patrick sat down so he could be near to her and braced himself for what was coming.

"Lisbon, can you hear me?"

She nodded and said "Yes," slowly.

"Okay. Good. You are safe. There is nothing that can hurt you know. You will wake up when I touch your left shoulder. Do you understand?"

Another nod.

"Good. I need you to go back to your abduction."

A shiver run through her body followed by a small nod.

"Good. As I said before, nobody and nothing will hurt you. You are safe here. You are able to see everything that happened to you, yet, it will not harm you."

"Kay," she whispered.

"Good. I need you to go back to the last day of your abduction - to the day you were rescued. Can you do that?"

Lisbon´s lower lip trembled. "Yes."

"Good. Tell me what you see. Everything."

"I am strapped down on the metal bed. I´m cold. And thirsty...so thirsty. My whole body hurts...badly. I´m going to die..." she whimpered.

"No, you are not going to die. Nothing can harm you now, you´re safe. You are able to fast forward everything, until Red John arrives...do it."

"No...I can´t."

"You can. You have to. I´m here with you, nobody will hurt you, not even him."

"Okay," she whimpered again and inhaled a sharp breath, "He´s here..."

"What is he doing?"


"Hello again, Teresa," a silent voice came to her. She was on the verge of fainting. The thirst was going to kill her soon. Her mouth was so parched, her lips cracked open and she felt blood on her tongue.

"I came here to say goodbye, you know? It pains me to do it but I couldn´t made you right. At least not for now."

Lisbon shivered when a hand landed on her naked thigh on went up her body until it reached her neck.

"You will succumb to me. I will wait for you, my friend and then...we will finally be together. Ah, you´re bleeding," he said and chuckled at his own twisted sense of humor. "Close your eyes!" he commanded all of sudden, the honey in his voice gone. When she didn´t do as he told, he grabbed her neck tightly, making it almost unable for her to breathe. She closed her eyes finally, unable to resist him any longer. The pressure on her neck loosened but not entirely.

"Keep them close if you want to live," she could hear him say and suddenly felt his lips being pressed against hers. He was kissing her. Every cell in her body screamed against it. Even she tried to scream but it only made it easier for him to fully invade her mouth. His hand was still tightly pressed on her neck and it started to hurt. She couldn´t move and he wouldn´t stop. She couldn´t take it anymore. She opened her eyes only to see his own staring back at her.

He was not wearing a mask.

He stopped kissing her immediately and hit her face hard with his free hand.

"You stupid bitch!" he yelled in anger. When she looked at him again, not giving a damn about the pain, his mask was back on.

" What did you do? Now I have to kill you!"

Another hit to her head knocked her off.


"Lisbon, wake up!" Patrick raised his voice when her thrashing became unbearable to watch. Cho was leaning over, worry filling his usually stoic face. Patrick squeezed her left shoulder tightly and her eyes opened, tears escaping them.

"He kissed me," she groaned..."that bastard kissed me..."she said again before she hurled what was chamomile tea minutes ago onto Janes lap.

Cho had to admire his calmness. That man didn´t even stir, his eyes still locked on heavily trembling Lisbon.

"Did he do anything else?" Patrick asked and lowered her down onto the couch, careful not to touch her too much.

"He...god...he took off his mask...I saw him."

"I saw his face."


Well, let me know what you think about this chapter, if you feel like it :) Anyway I hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading.