I Declare War on Neptune!

A/N: I HAVE NO OBLIGATIONS NOW! FRICKIN' SUMMER! YEEEESSSSS!


"…What are you doing?"

"GAAHHH!" Rome yelled, spinning around and brandishing his spear. "Oh, Gallia, it's just you…" he sighed in relief, lowering his weapon.

"…It's Gaul," she said irately. She looked at him up and down curiously, noting that he was soaked in seawater and that his legs were lightly coated in sand. Rome was in his full battle armor, and nervously shifting from one foot to another. There was no one else in sight. She sighed at him. "What—"

"Gallia, you're looking as beautiful as always!" Rome interrupted, almost eagerly as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Your hair is as glowing as the twinkling of the stars and your astounding blue eyes as luminous as the sea! I miss your old habit of fighting naked—"

She swiftly gave a sweeping kick to his legs, knocking him down onto the beach. He curved his neck so he could see her. She gave him a quietly playful lopsided smile. "Gaul," she whispered.

He groaned and mumbled something under his breath, dropping his head back onto the wet sand.

"Now, what were you doing on the beach?" she asked, leaning down by his head.

He started looking wildly around, anywhere but at Gaul for once. His face was beginning to turn a deep red.

"W-well…" he stammered out. "I-It's just…"

"Yes?" she said, smiling sweetly.

He began squirming, as if trying to burrow deeper into the sand. "M-my boss… declared war… on… Neptune," he said, voice getting progressively quieter with each word.

Gaul stared at him. Rome was growing even redder.

"…Your boss declared war on the sea?"

Rome nodded.

"So that's what you were doing with your spear?"

Rome nodded, miserable.

She let out a peal of wild laughter, falling down to sit in the sand next to him.

Rome looked at her grumpily. "You don't have to sound so happy. I'm your boss now."

"I-I'm sorry, 'boss'," she said, still sniggering. "I haven't found much to be happy about nowadays."

Rome let out a big smile. "I can change that!" he said happily. He got his arm around her shoulder again, willing out sparkles from the ether in his eagerness, laughing blithely.

Gaul blinked, her long lashes fluttering in a way that drove him wild. Her full lips curved into a small, surprisingly vulnerable smile, and her blue eyes glittered as they grew the tiniest bit soft.

Then she slapped him on the face.

"There was a firefly on your cheek," she said sweetly.


"Ohohoho~ Come back here, let me plunder your riches!"

"Nnhmmhmm! Maybe later!"


H/N: I feel slightly bad with how I portrayed Rome at the time, but let's just say that when Caligula was in power, he wasn't exactly going to be badass. Also, the Celts (the Gauls were also Celts) sometimes fought naked. At the time of the Neptune war, Gaul had already been conquered by Rome in the Gallic Wars and named the region Gallia. And now you know where France's stripper habits come from! :D

Also, it's a head canon of mine that Rome was scared of some of his bad emperors. Seriously, one of Caligula's quotes were: "Rome is but a city of necks waiting for me to chop."

...Would you really want your personification meeting this guy?

So! 'Caligula' is actually a nickname, meaning 'little boot' on account of the fact that he was basically the Roman army's unofficial mascot as a kid. His mom paraded him around to get him acquainted with the army he'll later rule. He hated the nickname. Actually, his full name was Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus. Oh Latin naming conventions, how I love you.

Later his father died (according to Suetonius, poisoned by his uncle Tiberius). Then his mother and his brother (later, he died in exile) were banished (because of Tiberius). He lived with his great-grandmother, and she died. His other brother was charged of treason, and he died. All this happened when he was a kid to adolescent. Then he and the rest of his sisters that survived had to live under the dude who ruined his life, Emperor Tiberius, basically as prisoners for years.

Yeah. It's kinda understandable why he went crazy later on.

When Caligula became emperor, he was actually a pretty good ruler, diminishing the power of the Senate and giving more power and enjoyment to the people. Things only started going terribly wrong after he fell sick. When he woke up, he saw the captain of his bodyguard coaching his adoptive son on how to be an emperor, leading him to realize how replaceable he'd been. Thus begins his reign of fear. Or, you know, he just went crazy from sickness.

There's actually a bit of a dispute as to whether Caligula was really crazy or not. After all, history is written by the winners, and Romans happen to be unreliable as historians. He could've just been really disdaining to the rich guys (who happen to know how to write) and wanted to humiliate his army.