Chapter 4

Worries And Fears


Harry hadn't woken up. Poppy had told Severus that he was in a healing coma, and would wake up when he was ready. So Severus had no choice but to attend the Order meeting and alert them. He was rather hoping Harry had the forethought to say no, when Dumbledore asked him to join. It wasn't that he didn't think the Order wasn't the way to go, he just believed that the boy should stay out of the war as much as possible. How the hell was he to protect a boy who was out attending order meetings? Knowing Weasley as he did, he would get insanely jealous. Which would make Potter depressed, his fourth year all over again. Weasley had no idea just how lucky he was, to have both parents―parents who loved him, and siblings. Even nearly losing his sister had not changed the brat, or nearly losing his father. He was as spiteful and jealous as they came; Severus just couldn't understand why Potter stayed friends with the red-head.

It had been a week since Harry was rescued from Malfoy Manor; Severus hadn't been called since, which surprised him. Normally he was called quite often during the summer; it was why Severus elected to stay in Spinners End. It was much easier to Apparate that way; he avoided being 'punished' for being late.

"Snape," murmured Lupin as he looked back to see who had entered the hospital wing.

"Lupin," replied Severus with the same tone of voice. "Move aside." Remus was sitting on a chair, which was directly in front of Harry's bedside cabinet. That was where Poppy always put the potions he'd need, and out of habit he did it too.

Remus stood up, the chair scraping along the concrete floor, giving Severus easy access.

"Good boy," said Severus sarcastically. Remus hadn't moved the last time, causing Severus to levitate him across the room. Of course Remus had been sheepish when he realized that Severus had only wanted to place potions on the table.

"Shut it, Snape," said Remus. There was no hate behind it. They needed to let off some steam, and bickering with each other did that. Of course, since Sirius died, as well as the others marauders being dead. Remus could actually feel like being himself, and not talking constantly about pranks. He had hated that part of his friends; all he wanted to do was sit down and read books. He had wanted friends and had gotten them, and had stayed loyal to them even in death. Remus just did not have any room left in his heart to fight anymore, especially with someone on his side. Without James and Sirius clouding his view he had found Snape's sarcasm refreshing and sometimes funny. They were far from getting along, but they would hopefully manage it somehow.

Severus looked at the clipboard; he nodded to himself and in his spidery scrawl wrote something down. Uncorking three vials, Severus coaxed the unconscious sixteen-year-old into swallowing them. With the potions he was improving, but to recover he needed to eat. If he didn't wake soon, they would have to force feed him. Even with magic there was no way to force someone, it would be the crude Muggle method that would be required.

"Did you know?" asked Severus, his voice deceptively soft. If you knew Severus, like Remus did, that was when Snape was at his angriest. He was loud when he was angry but his voice went lower the more pissed off he was.

"Know what?" asked Remus eyeing Snape warily, seeming to know he was on dangerous ground.

"What his so-called family did," snapped Severus his hands balled into fists as he controlled his anger. Since he'd found out, the anger had only grown exponentially.

"Only that they didn't feed him enough or buy him clothes," said Remus his amber eyes were filled with depression as he said this. "He alluded to the fact that more happened, but even I didn't think it was this bad."

"Why didn't you do something?" hissed Severus. Not having the best clothes didn't matter to him, he'd grown up with second-hand clothes all his life. Abuse was a whole other ball game, one he didn't approve of, and he wanted someone to blame... so he didn't have to feel guilty about the fact he hadn't noticed it either.

"What could I do, Snape? Huh? Tell me. Take him away? Have myself tossed into Azkaban and have Harry ending up right back there? I have no money, no means to provide for myself, never mind my cub!" said Remus bitterly. "Dumbledore controls every aspect of Harry's life; I wasn't even allowed to visit when he was younger."

"Yet he didn't know you existed until he was thirteen. That doesn't sound like a man who cares," scoffed Severus sitting himself down.

"I got used to being on my own; I knew he'd ask those kind of questions…why I wasn't around. Then I wondered why Harry would even want a werewolf in his life. I convinced myself that he was better off without me," said Remus quietly. "Then when Harry saw me as a teacher, I didn't think he wanted it any other way. He never got in touch; it just confirmed my suspicions."

"And you are supposed to be the adult," said Severus wryly. "If the abuse was as bad as it looks, then he would have thought you didn't care."

"That's exactly what happened," sighed Remus quietly, his face strained with pain. "We only got close after Sirius died. Part of me thought he hadn't cared, because Sirius had come into his life."

"Idiot," sneered Severus. Honestly, to think he'd thought the wolf was the smartest of the lot. He was also put out that he couldn't really blame Lupin. He, unfortunately, did have a point; they wouldn't have gotten far before Dumbledore found them. Lupin wasn't any good to Potter locked up in Azkaban for trying to help him.

"I'm just glad they are dead, or I really would have had a reason to be in Azkaban, other than saving Harry from the Dursleys," said Remus, his amber eyes flashing with undiluted fury.

Severus remained silent; he had nothing to say, since he'd had the exact same thoughts a lot this past week. Who would have thought he and Lupin would have been able to talk without insults flying back and forth? He certainly hadn't, that's for sure. Standing up, he silently left the Hospital wing; he had the yearly supply of Potions to brew for Poppy. He'd been busy brewing the ones needed for Harry, and they did take a great deal of time.

Even more surprising was the fact he had taken to calling the teenager Harry; for nearly seven years he'd been Potter, never once Harry. Things had changed, a great deal actually, but he would have to remain the way he'd always been during classes. There were just too many children of Death Eaters here for him to change.

"How is he?" asked Poppy coming in, her travel cloak on and a large bag in her hand. She'd travelled home for her granddaughter's birthday yesterday. Severus had been left in charge, since he was the only one who understood healing and potions as much as Poppy did.

"He's the same," said Remus, sounding more downhearted than usual.

"I see," said Poppy pursing her lips, obviously unhappy that there was no improvement. She quickly removed her cloak and took her belongings into her office, then changed back into her 'healer' garb that she always wore in the hospital wing. Once she was back in the main room, she looked over the clipboard. "He's gained a little more weight; the potions are helping somewhat. I hope he wakes up soon, I'd rather not have to force-feed him." He was already so skinny as it was, they were just holding off as long as possible.

"I don't want to see it either," said Remus, it sounded horrifying, sticking a tube down someone's throat. How did they breathe? And it probably hurt them as well, surely it must? Having anything stuck down your throat... If they did, he would have to leave, he couldn't bear to watch such a thing. It would make him feel ten times worse, that he'd failed Harry so grievously. He should have screwed Dumbledore and helped Harry. Lily and James were probably rolling in their graves at what had been done to their son. At least he'd been spared another horrific injustice, all thanks to Snape and his spell. Merlin, Harry wouldn't have recovered if Lestrange or Malfoy had gotten a hold of him. Snape must be really good at what he does, and he bowed down in respect to that.

"He's just had his potions... well, that's him for another six hours unless he wakes up," said Poppy replacing the clipboard. "You need something to eat."

Remus just shook his head, he wasn't hungry.

"You either eat or I send you away to the Great Hall, Remus Lupin," said Poppy, her arms crossed. She meant every word she said, and sooner or later every child, teenager and adult realized that. She wasn't a woman to be trifled with; just because she was a healer, it didn't mean she couldn't hex like the best of witches.

"Fine, fine," said Remus giving in; he'd force something down him, anything so he could continue to be here. He didn't want Harry waking up alone in the hospital wing, not like he normally did. He was pushing his luck staying here; Poppy was a woman who stuck to the rules, so he knew not to antagonise her.

Poppy promptly Floo'ed the Kitchen, demanding two meals be brought up, one for herself and another for Remus Lupin. It took all of three seconds for a house elf to deliver the food, as always overly eager to please everyone.

"How many times has Albus been down?" asked Poppy as she sat down, once again joining Remus. She normally ate with the other teachers during summer. With a patient here though, she didn't like leaving the hospital, so she normally stayed with Remus.

"Five," said Remus. Behind his soft voice was unmistakable irritation.

Poppy nodded as if she'd expected as much.


NEXT DAY - HOSPITAL WING - HOGWARTS

"POPPY!" said Remus jumping up, "He's moving." His voice was alight with excitement and worry. He was glad Harry was waking up, but worried about his state of mind, he had been tortured after all. Who knows what he'd seen? Harry may well have seen the Dursleys tortured and killed. Whether he liked them or not, seeing such violence could change someone.

"Harry? Can you hear me?" asked Remus his hand clutching Harry's own tightly.

"You are yelling in my ear, I'd have to be deaf not to," said Harry bluntly, his voice a little rough from the lack of use.

Remus laughed, slumping onto the chair, relief flowing through him; Harry was going to be fine.

"How do you feel, Mr. Potter?" asked Poppy coming forward, fussing as always.

"Fine," murmured Harry, as he always did, he could be at death's door and still he'd say he was okay.

"Are you in any pain?" asked Poppy; her tone brooked no lying.

"Not really, my bones ache though," admitted Harry, which for him to admit must be rather bad.

Poppy nodded in understanding. Given the amount of time he'd been held under the Cruciatus curse, it was no surprise. A muscle relaxant would probably help that; she immediately went to her potions cupboard and was grateful to see plenty of that particular potion still available. She grabbed one that had a mild pain reliever mixed in as well.

"Here you are, drink this," said Poppy, uncorking it before giving it to the teenager.

Harry immediately swallowed it. Watching Poppy go to the fire, he then turned to Remus. He didn't know why, but it meant a great deal that someone was there. He noticed that Remus looked tired; he had bags under his eyes. "You look like crap," he told Remus, as he sat up. He had to grab onto Remus' arm as the room span around him. His hand raised up, feeling for the sore he'd had on his head, only to find it healed.

Remus snorted. "You don't look any better yourself, Harry," said the werewolf smiling, just glad his cub was up and about again.

"I've been worse," said the sixteen-year-old, and it was probably true.

"Here you are, Harry, I want you to eat everything on that tray. I'll know if you don't," warned the Medi-witch.

"Yes, ma'am," said Harry, grimacing at the contents of the tray. It could be worse; she could have ordered him a lot of greasy foods. This was light stuff, porridge, fruit, pancakes and a few waffles. It must be breakfast time, how long had he been out of it? The hospital wing didn't have a calendar in it, so he had no idea. "How long have I been out?"

"A week," said Remus, before Poppy could reply.

"Oh," said Harry surprised, he was never normally out that long.

"We will be speaking about your weight, young man," said Poppy seriously.

Harry blinked at her in surprise, giving her an odd stare. In the end he shrugged; he'd find out sooner or later. He did notice both of them kept a close eye on him as he ate. Poppy didn't let up until every single morsel of food was gone. Harry felt rather bemused by her actions; it certainly wasn't proper Madam Pomfrey reactions.

"What's up with her?" asked Harry when Poppy left the wing.

"You are severely malnourished, Harry; any more and you would have had serious problems," said Remus grimly.

"Not my fault," said Harry defiantly, his chin jutting out.

"I never said it was," said Remus quietly. Obviously talking to Harry here wasn't going to help him. He'd have to get him to open up another way, not that the reason for his malnourished state was a mystery. Harry did need someone to talk to; Merlin, the Dursleys had abused his cub. It was a good job they were already dead, or he'd have paid them a visit during the full moon. Show them the consequences of messing with a werewolf's cub.

"Do you remember what happened?" he asked, changing the subject to more important matters. Taking the empty tray he put it at the bottom of the bed. The house elves would remove it, either that or Poppy would banish it to the kitchen.

"Yes," said Harry tiredly, unfortunately he remembered everything all too well. "How did you know where I was?"

Remus decided on total honesty, he plucked a gold galleon out of his pocket. It wasn't just any old galleon, but the one for the Order. "See this?" the werewolf said handing it over.

"Yeah, Hermione made it for the D.A back in fifth year," said Harry, but he could see that it was different; there had been more information on Hermione's coin than there was on this one.

"This one is similar; Professor Dumbledore is using it for the Order. There's a tracking charm imbedded in it, so it's more useful than just for telling us when the next meeting is," said Remus. "Everyone has one, including Professor Snape. We were able to get to you because of that."

"Snape?" asked Harry, wincing as he remembered the agony the man's spell had caused.

"Yes," said Remus, before taking a deep breath and continuing on. "You must understand, Harry, that all the Death Eaters wanted to hurt you. Voldemort made them fight, to be able to…torture you first. Snape had to fight to keep you safe, and he did. I thank Merlin every day he succeeded. You see, the Death Eaters don't just torture people, Harry, some of them are really depraved and would have…raped you in order to break you." He didn't know why he was defending Snape so much, then again, if it wasn't for Snape…his cub wouldn't be here right now.

Harry winced again, understanding why he'd used that spell now. How many life debts did he owe Snape now? They weren't half adding up: his broomstick, the shack, fifth year with the Ministry, and sixth year…now this. Four times the man had saved his life, and the man hated his guts. He'd never really understood that. He wasn't in any position to complain either, this time, though he knew he had to thank the wizard. He felt sick just thinking of what Malfoy would have done…Lucius Malfoy had a son his age, for god sake. Revulsion crawled all over him just thinking of what Remus had said. Harry would have felt broken, if someone had touched him that way. He'd sacrificed so much for the wizarding world; or rather, so much had been sacrificed for him. His parents, his childhood, his adolescence, his innocent teenage years. He'd never once experienced a normal year at Hogwarts, and that's all he'd ever wanted. All he had left was to give someone who loved him, not the boy-who-lived, but him, a young man named Harry, his first time. He didn't know when that would be, but he did want it to be something half-way special.

Something was niggling at him though, he didn't know what…closing his eyes he continued to press the niggling in his mind to find out what it was.

"Poppy?" questioned Dumbledore, staring at the Medi-witch. "Has he been...?" they had all seen the blood.

"I'm afraid so," said Poppy swallowing thickly, but with sheer willpower she managed to keep herself professional. It did her patients no good if she broke down crying over what they'd been through. With Harry it was different; he was in her hospital wing so often she knew him better than most other students that passed within the walls of Hogwarts. She quickly began pouring potions down Harry's throat, and healing him as best as she was able.

"Then you would be wrong," said Severus coldly as he made himself known, he wasn't about to let them think he'd done something so utterly despicable. His lip curled as he stared at them. The Order wasn't there, just Dumbledore and Poppy.

"Severus," said Albus looking surprised to see him, whether it was because he was standing or uninjured he didn't know. "Why is the scan indicating that's the case?" Dumbledore looked furious, put out, enraged, as if someone had put a spanner in his works. Severus should know, he'd seen the same look on the Dark Lord's face all too often.

"It doesn't give exact details of what's wrong, just the area that's been injured. I used a spell, you old fool," said Severus, angry that the Headmaster would even think for a second he'd hurt anyone.

"I am glad to hear it, Severus," said Albus returning to his normal genial self within minutes. "Harry is too important; if he's to be Voldemort's equal, he must participate with someone willingly to gain full access to his magic."

"Remus…do you get more magic when you… well, you know," said Harry his cheeks going red at what he was discussing. He refused to dwell on what Dumbledore had meant by that. If the old fool thought he'd roll over, and allow someone to bugger him for the greater good, he had another thing coming.

Remus frowned, not understanding what he was talking about at first. His eyes lit up when Harry's cheeks heated up. A small amused smile appeared on his prematurely aged face. That was the thing with Hogwarts; they didn't have a sex education class, when they should. Children, teenagers should be aware of these kind of things. If they didn't have 'the talk' with their parents, they didn't learn.

"When you have sex," said Remus, ignoring Harry's squeak, feeling deeply amused. Yet he was saddened almost immediately, it should have been James having this talk with Harry. Hell, it should have happened years ago, normally parents told their children at around the age or eleven or twelve. "Willingly, I mean, it unlocks your full potential, which means you'll find yourself a little more powerful afterwards. Nothing extravagant, of course, but an increase nonetheless. If you are unwilling, your true potential is never open to you."

"Why not?" asked Harry, a frown marring his forehead.

"Because they get it instead," replied Remus grimly. This wasn't something anyone usually spoke about.

Harry's jaw dropped; the unfairness of it made him want to jump up and down in anger. "That's hardly fair!" he said moodily.

"No, Harry, it isn't. Unfortunately, as you and I learned very early on ― life isn't fair," said Remus quietly. "Harry…why didn't you tell me how bad it was?"

"Would it have changed anything?" Harry shot back, defensive again.

"Of course it would! Everything else be damned, I'd have taken you out of there," snapped Remus, and he meant every word.

"Look, it wasn't so bad; I told them about Sirius being my godfather, and with what they'd heard on the news…well, they were too scared to touch me for years," said Harry, his voice faltering upon speaking about his godfather. "It was the Order that made my Uncle start again, threatening him like that. Then Dumbledore told them about Sirius being dead and I lost my leverage."

"That was over a year ago, Harry," said Remus in pain. "Why didn't you tell me?" Harry was going to be attending his seventh year at Hogwarts after the holidays already.

"Look, Dumbledore knows, he just told me I was exaggerating and I had to go back. Apparently the blood protection is more important than me; if Dumbledore didn't do anything, what made you think…I would think anyone else would help?" snapped Harry, getting really angry. He didn't like talking about it.

"I see," said Remus, his face closing off completely.

Harry sighed; Merlin, he was exhausted, and he'd only just woken up. A yawn tore out of his dry throat, as he reached for a goblet of water. As it always was, nice, cold and fresh, and Harry gratefully drank the entire goblet.

"Sleep, Harry, I'll be here when you wake up," said Remus, suddenly feeling awful for questioning him; he'd just been tortured after all. He shook his head, Harry was already sleeping, conked out while still sitting up. He smiled sadly as he levitated Harry down under the covers and tucked him in. He was going to be fine; nothing had spoiled his recent need for making sarcastic comments. He hadn't failed to notice Harry becoming more like Snape over the past year. Now adays though, it didn't seem like an entirely bad thing, now that he and Severus got on a little better.


Edited by Jordre thank you.