Chapter 4
Maura Isles was a logical woman. She prided herself on never jumping to conclusions and following the facts till the only conclusion left to reach was based on evidence and evidence alone. As such she was struggling to make sense of what had just happened.
Her senses had come alive the minute Jane had walked into the room at the hospital. She knew her scent as well as her own. She had been thrown by the smell of beer and before opening her eyes, was composing herself ready for an argument. She knew her words had been hurtful and vicious. She saw the look on Jane's face and her own heart nearly crumbled at the intensity of utter devastation in front of her. She wanted to reach out, to tell Jane she was sorry and didn't mean it, but the anger inside her refused to let her. Emotions were not her strong suit and trying to contend which such extreme and powerful feelings was affecting her ability to think clearly. Just as she had been about to open her eyes, she heard her biological father speak.
She had no idea why she hadn't spoken up at that point. She meant to interrupt, to let them know that she was awake and intended to participate in the conversation. Jane's tone however made her stop. She sounded broken, pent up with emotion and Maura could hear the slight slur behind her words. She was drunk. Again Maura wanted to stand up, to confront her. How dare she come into the hospital under the influence of alcohol. How dare she believe she was welcome to swan straight in like she had some kind of right especially given their last conversation.
Doyle's words stopped her dead in her tracks though. He thought Jane was in love with her? She had to stop herself laughing at the thought. Her and Jane were friends yes, best friends even. Lovers? No, there were definitely no thoughts from Jane towards her in that manner. She supposed she had little to compare it with, after all most of the friends she had previously were socialites and not people she spent a great deal of time with. Certainly not people she'd ever discuss her feelings with, let alone consider seeing her dressed down and eating pizza with a dog curled up by her feet. She wasn't a snob by any means but she guarded that side of her closely.
Maura listened to Jane stuttering and stumbling over her words and allowed herself to open her eyes a crack to observe her. Jane was rubbing her scars, a habit she only reverted to when she was incredibly nervous. Her heart rate had increased and she could see perspiration appearing on her brow. Maura justified that this could all be due to her alcohol intake. However the look on Jane's face told her otherwise. It was like she'd had a sudden epiphany and her mind was being attacked from all angles. As Jane moved to leave the room, Maura made sure her eyes were closed and no signs of her being awake were showing. She rationalised that she needn't have bothered as neither her father or Jane had paid her the slightest attention as the conversation took place.
She waited a few minutes to be safe and then opened her eyes. Her father's breathing was steady and his lack of movement suggested that he had fallen back asleep. Maura stood quietly and contemplated what had just happened. All the anger that she had felt towards Jane had dissipated the minute she had apologised to Doyle and he had accepted it. Instead all she felt was confusion and uncertainty.
She knew she had to talk to Jane if only to try and resolve this distance between them. She had no intention of revealing the conversation she had overheard, she just missed her best friend and knew that her work was cut out if she was going to try and make up for the pain she had caused.
Was it really that easy though? Jane had let the secret of Doyle slip to an FBI agent of all people. Normally she'd have found it easy to say that she trusted Jane with her life but as she sifted through her thoughts she realised that she was unable to say that now. Her inability to lie betrayed the fact that she wished she could trust Jane with anything. Now the unwelcomed thought of broken trust entered her mind and she wondered how she would be able to resolve that. How could she trust that Jane wouldn't give away her secrets any time she got close to someone else in her life?
Thoughts of Jane and Gabriel Dean came into her mind and she could feel the anger that had just disappeared emerge once again. Who the hell did he think he was storming in like that after Jane had implicitly told him to await her instruction? Jane had trusted him with that information and he had just thrown it away by prioritising his job over her. She didn't deserve that. Jane deserved someone who treated her as their number one priority. Who did he think he was swanning back into town and thinking he could play her hero? Admittedly she had found him good looking and considered him as date material when they had first met but he had no right being with Jane.
No right? Maura considered where that thought had come from. Who was she to decide who did and didn't have the right to be with Jane? She contemplated this as she considered Jane's previous romantic encounters. Despite her eagerness to help and encourage Jane into dating them, she realised each time that she had done so it'd felt like she was pouring vinegar into an open cut. Nothing so painful as to have stopped her but enough of an irritant that she was aware of the pain each time it happened.
So what did this mean? Did she feel the same way about Jane? Maura tried to process her thoughts but unlike her science where she was able to act rationally and digest each snippet of information separately, she realised that she had no way of trying to do this with Jane. Whenever she thought of Jane, her stomach was flooded with giddiness and she no longer acted on fact, but on instinct. She had never considered this before but suddenly the information was right there in front of her and she had no choice but to face it. She was in love with Jane.
