Chapter 4: Distant

His eyes went wide in horror.

"Didn't you see him just now?" Marie asked, which confused Allen further. What was he saying about seeing Kanda just now? He didn't see anyone walking by just now! He was extremely sure he had not missed anything or anyone ever since he came here. Allen stared at the list, shocked and completely stunned . Everything seemed to be spinning around his head crazily, and the only thing he had in mind was the face of the previous raven-haired Exorcist.

Kanda was...alive?

"Yu-kun and Lavi came previously, and they just left about 15 minutes ago." Allen breathed out slowly as he stumbled backwards, shocked. He did not know what on earth was happening, but those memories which he had been suppressing all along came rushing back to him. It did not matter what was done in the past, but when he heard the truth, it felt as if the whole burden was released from him.

"Wh-What?" Allen stammered, not believing what he was hearing from the two adults standing right in front of him. He wasn't even sure whether he was in reality. Saying something like that was...slightly ridiculous, in his own point of view. He was slowly accepting the truth of his eventual death when he stepped out of the Order, only to hear such news that he was alive. That had to be...kidding.

"Didn't you know? Kanda's curse had already healed completely after the last battle. So...does it surprise you that much when he is alive?" Marie asked, completely puzzled. Frankly, Allen wasn't really surprised, because Kanda wouldn't just tell anyone about his personal problems, and furthermore, he wouldn't tell to someone like him. What was him to Kanda? A comrade, he guessed? But other than that, it was nothing. He was not related to him in any ways, unlike Tiedoll who was somewhat his father.

"He just left with Lavi a couple of minutes ago," Tiedoll added, pointing in a particular direction. Allen looked across, realising that he was taking the same route here as well, so that means he was at the same bus stop where he alighted, but he didn't see them when he stepped out.

Wait, Lavi as well? !

"Did you say...Lavi?" Allen asked. So many unexpected things had happened at the same time, confusing him.

"Yes. I was surprised that Lavi was with Yuu-kun the whole while. He probably arrived in England about some hours ago." Allen laughed. The two of them were great friends after all.

"Oh, the list. It's 18 December today. Wouldn't you mean returning it back to me on the 20th so that we can do the final preparation?"

"Yes, it's okay. I will get it done by then," Allen replied. He bowed as he thanked them and said their goodbyes. He couldn't stay any longer because he had his part-time job in the evening which started at seven, and he couldn't be late. The silver-haired teen walked back to the bus stop, waiting for the bus to take him home. As he sat down on the available bench, he looked up and saw the numbers which would stop by here. He wondered what bus Kanda took at that time.

Kanda...

Somehow, it hurt. To him, Kanda was a shadow which he couldn't overcome even if many years had gone by. Kanda reminded him a lot about the times in the Order. How they met, how they quarrelled over the slightest things and more. He was someone he couldn't simply forget, because most of his memories were connected to him. He was the only one who reminded him of the painful pastimes that he wanted to erase. He was like...him.

He stared at his name in the list, before staring at his contact number at the side. He was going to call him eventually. He wondered how Kanda would react when he received his call? Would he be shocked? He doubted so, and even if he was surprised, it would only be a few seconds. That guy would definitely reject going to the Christmas party. At this, Allen sighed. Somehow, he felt slightly disappointed about it. He had never thought that Kanda would still be alive, and be in England. He wasn't prepared to face this.

He looked up, seeing a bus arriving. It wasn't the bus that he wanted to board. As the bus stopped and opened its doors, Allen fumbled his bag and took out a photo which he carried along. It was a photo of the four of them which was taken at the last day when they were in the Order. He didn't expect Johnny, who was the photographer, to be able to wash it fast enough to give it to them in the next morning.

It was one of his treasures that he cherished dearly.

Allen peered at each of their faces, realising that he was staring at Kanda most of the time. His finger slowly touched the area where the face was, feeling slightly depressed. He missed everyone, whether it was their laughter or the things that they usually did when they were in the Order, but he missed Kanda the most. His stoic face, that arrogant voice and that incorrigible behaviour of his that could not be comprehended. Somehow, he missed bickering with him.

He slid it into his pocket as he stood up, seeing the bus that he waited. So now, Kanda was back once again. The chance that he had thrown away had somehow returned. It wasn't the end. Rather, it marked the beginning of their relationship. As his life went by a big round, he reached a point whereby everything could be changed back to what he wanted.

There would always a meeting point between crossroads going in different directions. It was the same for the both of them. They would only stay there for a moment, before they went on their different journeys. Three years had passed. Kanda should have things that he wanted to accomplish and achieve. He had his own dreams. Allen was sure that having his own precious sword wasn't the only motive that the raven-haired samurai was holding for in his whole life.

The bus slowly came to a halt as it opened the doors. Allen looked up, staring inside it. When he stepped inside, the time was going to start ticking. Kanda wasn't going to stay long in England. It would be the same for him as well. What would his decision be? And whatever it was, was he going to regret just like the last night they spent together?

Allen sighed as he closed his eyes, feeling the light touches of the cold wind. The bus continued to drive on towards its final destination. His hand slowly reached for the photo in his brown canvas bag, as he took it out and looked at it again. He slowly felt Kanda's face, feeling a slight painful tug at his chest.

Now, compared to the past, Kanda Yuu seemed far away. So far, far away.


Kanda got off the bus hastily, staring at his watch to check the time. It was already half past four. He grunted in frustration, looking at the streetsigns at the roadside before locating the cafe at a nearby shopping mall. He ran across the road and up the stairs, entering the large building. The nice aroma of barbeque chicken travelled to his nose, and the warm air from the heaters warmed up his cold cheeks. He glanced through the place, before spotting the very small coffee cafe at the corner.

"Yuu!" He turned and saw a pretty young lady smiling and waving at him. He frowned at that particular word she said, as he approached the small round table and sat down, staring rather hardly at her. She just blinked, confused at his foul expression.

"What?"

"You aren't supposed to call me that."

"But your father keeps calling you that! Why am I the exception?" She wailed and gave a pout.

"He's not my father! And don't you call me by my first name again, shortie!" Kanda snapped.

"Not that nickname again! Seriously, stop that, Yuu! It isn't humorous," She said as she made an unhappy face.

"I will do as I please."

"I have a name, Kanda! My name's Mandy Parker, not shortie!" Mandy made a firm stand as she folded her arms and stared hardly at him. Kanda was slightly astonished by her tone of voice, which reminded him about someone who also used the same sentence and the same tone towards him.

My name's Allen, not Moyashi!

"Kanda?" Kanda blinked, staring at her blankly.

"Nothing. I told you that I will return to Canada to finish the rest of the job. You do not need to come here at all."

"I didn't say I come here for work. Designers need break as well. We aren't robots working for twenty-four hours, unlike you, workerholic," She played with her golden curls as she pointed out to him.

"You are just giving yourself excuses to slack off, aren't you? Have you even started on yours?"

"Almost finishing!" She chirped, smiling sweetly at him. Kanda raised his eyebrow.

"Really?"

"Are you doubting me now, Kanda Yuu?" She asked, frowning as she pointed a finger at him. Kanda grunted in reply. Of course he had a reason to suspect whether she was telling the truth or saying another lie again. Last time she had totally forgotten to hand in her assignment on time and he had to help her to rush and complete it. It took him almost two whole days, and that means two days without sleep.

"Of course. You should know -" Kanda paused as her finger touched his knitted brows sticking together gently. She grinned childishly, before redrawing it and sighing away.

"...that." He finished with a much softer tone, slightly stunned.

"You shouldn't always frown like that, Yuu. You are still a young man. Your fierce look will definitely scare all the girls away. It's no wonder you haven't dated before." The raven-haired teen blinked, before a slight blush was evident on his face.

"You know I don't have time for that!" He scowled angrily as he brushed across his forehead, though he had no idea why he was so furious about. Colleagues always brought this topic out whenever they had a tip-off by him for handling in sloppy assignments, and he was sure that he had got used to it...until now. Mandy just stared at him in slight astonishment, wondering what was happening to him today. Kanda seldom snapped at this joke, but it sounded as if she had brought it too far.

"I mean, there are so many assignments to do, so there isn't the time for me to date...anyone," Kanda said, using a softer tone this time to avoid misunderstandings. Hearing no reply from the girl, he excused himself quietly as he stood up and walked to the counter, deciding to buy himself another cup of warm coffee. He took out his wallet and as he opened it, he saw a picture of him and the others taken in the Order. Starting from the left was Lavi with his disgusting grin, himself with a dark scowl, Lenalee with her gentle smile and...

Allen with his usual cheerful smile on his pale face.

"What do you like, sir?" Kanda looked up abruptly, realising that it was his turn, which was a little unusually fast, he thought. He read the choices they had, before ordering himself a cup of hot chocolate instead. He had had enough of coffee for today, which was making him slightly sick. After the hot beverage was made, he took it and went back to his seat.

"I'm sorry for saying that, Kanda," Mandy murmured, looking at him with guilty eyes. He had forgotten that she took comments more seriously than the others. Kanda put down his hot chocolate as he sighed.

"It's my fault for shouting at you, so there is no need to apologise for that."

"Really?" He nodded his head. She smiled again, to his relief.

"Hey, what's this?" She asked. Kanda peered down, realising that she was reaching for the photo slotted inside his wallet. Before he could get it back, she had already taken it out and looked at it curiously.

"You didn't show us this before, Kanda. What's this?"

"A photo?"

"Yeah, but who are these people inside?" She asked, sighing. Kanda stayed silent, wondering whether he should answer. It was a past which he did not want to mention to anyone again, and it was a secret which he wanted to keep inside his heart forever. He sighed as he took a sip again. What did it matter if he brought this out again? It wasn't as if they were going to spend the times together again. The time for that particular period had already stopped. It would no longer...continue.

"My friends from the past." She blinked, before looking at him with widened eyes.

"Kanda, I...I am surprised that you still have friends."

"And is there a problem with that?" He asked, frowning. She just laughed softly, shaking her head.

"So...what are their names? I want to know." Mandy asked. Kanda grunted as he pulled his chair closer to the table to have a clearer view of the photo. Their four faces appeared in front of his eyes once again. Kanda took in a deep breath slowly as he pointed.

"This is Lavi, and beside him is Lenalee. This is obviously me, and this person is..." His voice trailed off, his finger still pointing at the cheerful silver-haired teen standing beside him. He stared at his face, his lips moving a little as he was about to start speaking.

"...Allen." Kanda finished, closing his lips. That name still lingered at his ears, ringing so clearly inside his mind. It had been three years since he spoke that name, and when it was brought up to his lips, it felt a little...strange, like he was saying it for the first time. He was supposed to hate that young silver-haired teen, but now, what remained inside him was emptiness and slight guilt towards Allen. For the whole time when he was present, he hadn't thanked him and acknowledged his presence as a qualified Exorcist. Somehow, on the way, he even felt awkward towards him. He knew Allen felt the same as well, and wanted to confront him, but he just walked away.

Sorry.

That annoying word rang deeply in his mind. He had no idea why he apologised to him. He couldn't forget the weak and drained tone in his voice when he spoke that night. What made Allen say that on that night?

"Nice. So are you still contacting them?" Mandy asked, putting the small photo back into the wallet nicely, pushing it back to its rightful owner across her. Kanda got hold of his black leather wallet, staring at the tiny exposed edge of the photo silently. Was the sudden meeting with Lavi counted as being contacting with him? He had never thought of being able to meet Lavi at this moment at all.

"I...don't know." Kanda took his wallet and put it into his bag, zipping it. He looked up, staring outside. It had started snowing again, the white flakes descending down from the white sky above slowly. He had finished up his hot chocolate, leaving an empty cup behind. His body had warmed up to the temperature that he was comfortable with, but once he stepped outside, the cold would start invading him and take away his warmth again.

"Since..." Kanda looked up at Mandy as she started to speak. She cleared her throat before she continued.

"Since...we are here, would you mind showing me around the city? Actually I'm...slightly not familiar with the places here," She finished her sentence as she laughed sheepishly, staring at the raven-haired teen with pleading eyes. Kanda stared at her with slight amazement, before he sighed and stood up.

"Let's go then." Mandy hopped up to her feet immediately as she thanked him repeatedly, to his slight annoyance. Kanda grunted as he exited the cafe, with her following behind. The slow, melodious music slowly left their ears as it was replaced by the noises from the vehicles driving on the roads.


"I'm sorry for being late, Gramps!" Lavi went to Bookman who was standing at the railing for almost an hour, and the old man hated people to be late. The redhead ran all the way up to where he was, stopping as he was catching his breath.

"Why are you late?"

"Um, because I met Yuu on the way just now? We stayed and chatted for a while."

"Yuu? Yuu Kanda?" Bookman asked, his eyebrow raised. Lavi nodded his head, but seeing Bookman's doubted look written all over his face, he was slightly not pleased as he made a face.

"I did not lie to you! I did saw Yuu just now, Gramps!" He protested. Bookman just slapped that head of his in reply, grunting. Lavi whined in pain, demanding on why he was hitting him for no reason. Bookman hit his head again, shutting him up.

"Did I say anything?"

"You don't need to hit me like that!"

"You are embarrassing me with that behaviour of yours."

"What have I done again, Panda Gramps? We are not part of the Bookman clan anymore! Everything is over! Everything!" Lavi exclaimed as he slammed his hands on the railings hardly, hissing angrily to himself. The shorter man just stared at him silently, not saying a word. The redhead realised that he had lost it in public and muttered an apology to the other, his long fringe covering his face from view.

"Are you still blaming yourself?" Bookman asked. Lavi remained silent. He sighed as he stared at the sky, seeing the sun and the white clouds sailing in front of it, casting away most of the light.

How could he not blame himself for leaving his friends behind in the middle of the battle? No matter how he thought about it, that heavy pang of guilt could never be washed away.

"It sounds like you regret taking up this job, Lavi. I had already told you, and reminded you countless times. It would not do you good to be too close with the Exorcists working for us. We are just audience, writing down the histories of the wars happening around us. You can blame no one for leaving them behind." Lavi clenched his hands as he forced a smile towards the elder. It was true that they were only onlookers, and they could only see everything in an objective way. The cruel thing was, he abandoned them, and he couldn't help them because they weren't Exorcists anymore, but a member of the Bookman clan. He could only see how everything ended, and write their tragedies down in books. How honourable was that? He was just that powerless.

He knew that he couldn't put too much feelings onto the job being an Exorcist. That wasn't his real job after all. It was just something which could make his own job easier; by observing the Exorcists and see how they fought. However, because he threw those emotions away, because he abandoned them all, he hurt people whom he cared so much. He thought everything would work well, only to realise that he was wrong all along.

He couldn't cast away his own feelings. He couldn't, because he was human.

"It doesn't matter whether we remember or not. It's already over," Lavi murmured. Bookman just peered at him silently. Lavi laughed to himself, pulling his coat closer to his cold body. It did not matter whether he remembered or not.

"But you saved them in the end, Lavi. You fought the final battle together with them, wasn't it?" The redhead slipped his hands into the pockets, staring at the people walking on the street. The streetlights slowly flickered, as it lit and brightened the place. The snow was still falling, decorating the area with its whiteness. He could hear the bells jingling faintly from a distance.

Thank you for standing with us in the end, Lavi.

He could still recall Allen's words and his smile at the end of the sentence. Whether it was Lenalee, Kanda, Allen or the rest of the people in the Order, they did not blame him for what he did in the past. He wondered whether it was a good thing or not, but he just knew that he made the right decision in the end, even if he was a Bookman.

"Yeah, I did," Lavi sighed, warm air escaped out from his lips as it slowly dissipated. He was glad that he had made the right choice in his whole life. They were people he cherished more than himself. Without them, the world would probably fallen into the evil hands of the Millennium Earl. They were everyone's saviours.

"But Yuu really change a lot through the years! I have not expected him to become a renowned international designer!" Lavi exclaimed excitedly to Bookman.

"He's certainly better than you."

"How can you say that, Gramps? I have been working hard for the past three years too!" Lavi pointed out his own opinion, slightly displeased with his remark. Bookman slapped his head downwards again, sending him yelling in pain. He ignored the redhead's irritating cries of protest, observing a toddler who was slowly pacing his way towards his parents. His little steps were wobbly, but he managed to reach to them in the end. At this, he smiled.

"Why are you smiling, Gramps?" Lavi leaned slightly closer to his face, asking. Bookman just grunted in reply.

"Are you going to the Christmas party?" Lavi was stunned for a moment.

"Um, maybe?" Bookman raised his eyebrow in slight curiosity.

"Have I heard wrongly? You seldom reject such events. I thought you miss them?"

"Well, maybe...not as much?" He laughed softly, looking elsewhere. It was really weird of him to behave like this. He thought he was a cheerful person, and when he smiled or laughed, everything would be thrown out of his head. It was only happiness he was seeing right now. He really loved parties a lot, but the more he thought of it, the more he dreaded it. For some reasons, he started to hate it, because it kept reminding him of someone; someone whom he couldn't forget for the past three years.

To his relief, Bookman did not probe him much about his reaction. They entered the shopping mall, going down the escalator to the supermarket to buy groceries which would last till Christmas. It was best to purchase before the festive season, when everything would be sold out soon. They would be staying in England for some matters, before they would fly to America. Right now, Bookman was managing his business, and Lavi was helping him.

As they saw the entrance of the supermarket, Lavi just blinked, slightly stunned at what he was seeing. Everywhere was congested with people holding on to their baskets fully filled with many ingredients, probably for the preparation of their Christmas parties. Everyone was busy, doing what they were supposed to do.

"So...many..."

"What are you doing?" Lavi saw Bookman standing at the doors, waiting for him. His face slowly brightened, filled with excitement again as he nodded his head and went in. They looked all over the shelves and grabbed what they could. Bookman was checking the shopping list repeatedly while Lavi helped to take what they needed. They bumped into people sometimes, and Lavi never failed to stop and apologise nicely to them. His smile never left his face, as he skipped from place to place, enjoying this shopping trip.

At least it helped him to forget his frustrations in his mind.

For now.

"What else do we need?"

"I think that's all. We can queue up at the cashier counters now," Bookman replied. Lavi nodded his head as he rushed towards the counters which were filled with people who were doing the same thing as well. As he waited, he felt vibration from his pocket of his coat. He put the basket on the floor as he took it out and flipped it open, seeing a message inside.

"Santa Claus!" A scream was heard. Shouts and shrieks filled the air, making the whole place even noiser. Lavi turned around, seeing many children crowding around the plump person dressing as Santa Claus, putting sweets onto each of their small palms stretching out towards him. They looked so happy just by seeing Santa Claus, because it was a character which would grant their wishes at midnight of Christmas Day. Lavi couldn't help but chuckle lightly. Did he ever get a present from Santa when he was still young? He couldn't remember anymore.

They were already contented at the little presents they received from Santa. They looked like the happiest children living on this earth. He wished he could be like them, smiling so radiantly and expressing their happiness boldly to everyone. He was slightly jealous of them. When was the last time he could really smile?

Santa Claus were taking photos together with the children now. Lavi sighed as he turned back, pushing the basket forward as the queue was moving. He read the text message in his phone which was sent from his friend. Apparently, he was inviting him to a particular pub for a drink. Lavi slipped the phone in his pocket, wondering what he should do. He had even thought of going out with Kanda tonight to catch up. He had many things that he wanted to share with him.


The supermarket was extremely packed. Lenalee sighed as she stared at the queue which seemed to be not moving at all. She stared at her watch. It was six in the evening. Allen had probably gone to his workplace for his night shift by then. The olive-haired girl gripped onto the heavy basket tightly, looking around.

"Santa Claus!" She slowly turned around, seeing many children running towards a plump figure dressed in red, who was greeting them with a wide smile on his face. Some were pulling his arms, while a few were even trying to pull his long white beard. At this, Lenalee couldn't help but giggle. It seemed that Santa was having a hard time pursuading these playful children, but with the help of their parents, the small children were queuing up orderly to get their sweets. He was handling out the candy cane, which was one of Allen's favourite sweet. She wanted to get one as well, but it would be slightly embarrassing for a young adult to join the kids' fun.

After shopping for a few hours, she had finally bought the stuffs that she wanted. It was lucky that she reached here early, because at this time, most of the materials were already sold out in a flash. This type of situation was rather common, especially when it was very near festive seasons.

Lenalee continued to stare at those children who stretched out their little palms towards Santa, their crystal eyes twinkled as they anticipated. When Santa put the sweets in their hands, they thanked him loudly as they skipped happily to their fathers and mothers, showing them proudly. Somehow, she felt a little envy towards them. They had grown up in a very nice environment, showered with the love of their parents staying with them. Whenever they needed them, they just needed to call them before they rushed to them right away.

Her parents died long ago. She only had her older brother, and the hard life continued for a few years. In the past, she couldn't count how many times she had wanted to die, only to find herself living again. No matter how many times she called out and cried out to her parents, she knew that they wouldn't come. She was just merely giving herself excuses. She was angry at others who had parents, and wondered why she had to be the one who had to lose her beloved father and mother. She just couldn't comprehend.

But when she saw worried faces from Reever and Johnny, the tears flowing from Allen's eyes and the extreme pale face from Komui due to the lack of rest, she realised that she couldn't go on like this. She only thought of her own sadness and failed to notice other people who was concerned about her. Life still had to go on, and she was just running away from reality.

As she was taking out the cash to pay for her things, she felt a brush against her shoulder. She did not know who that person was, because there was simply too many people.


After a few minutes, it was finally his turn. Lavi put the things on the counter as the person started scanning. As he was about to take out his wallet, he felt a slight bump from someone. He turned around, seeing a girl wearing a black coat with a red scarf worn around her neck. She seemed to be in a hurry, as she just mumbled an apology and walked away with bags of stuff. Lavi just accepted it as he smiled and turned to pay for his things. As he stepped outside, Bookman was standing there, waiting for him.


"Sorry."

She mumbled an apology as she squeezed along the crowd, hoping the other would understand. After checking whether she had taken everything, she stepped out and breathed deeply.

The first thing that greeted her eyes was snowflakes falling from the sky. She then felt vibration from her bag as she took out her phone and answered.

"Hello?"

"It's me, Lenalee." Lenalee blinked at that voice.

"Allen?" It was rare of him to call during working hours.

"Are you free now?"


"Gramps, why are you standing here? You know you can help me carry them. It's so heavy!"

"Don't complain. You should be capable of carrying them, Lavi," Bookman said as he helped to take some bags. Lavi made a face in reply. As he turned to the exit, he saw the same girl standing outside, talking on her phone. Her stuffs were beside her, and it seemed a lot. He wondered whether she needed help.

"What are you staring at?" Bookman asked, facing the other direction.

"Hey, do you think she needs help? She has so many bags to carry, yet no one is accompanying her. Should I help her?" Bookman blinked, before he looked at where Lavi was pointing at.

"I don't know. We need to go home now, Lavi. I still need to go somewhere after this." Lavi stared at Bookman for a few seconds, before he turned towards the girl who was still standing at the doors, talking in the phone. Seeing Bookman's stern look on his face, Lavi sighed as he nodded his head and the two of them headed towards the lift.


"Yeah, but I'm worried about the weather." Lenalee stared at the evening sky which was slowly darkening. It would be better to go home before it snowed more heavily. Many people were walking in and out of the shopping mall, opening their umbrellas as they were rushing back home.

"Is it? Then...I tell you when I reach home. I'm hanging up." The call ended before Lenalee could even say a goodbye to him. She took down the phone and just stared at it in bewilderment. Allen's voice sounded rather weak and without energy. Was he sick? She sighed as she opened her umbrella and took her bags, walking out of the doors.

When she reached home, she was going to cook herself dinner quickly, before starting on her knitting work. Somehow, this got her excited on the way. It was the first time she was going to knit for someone. She also got slightly nervous, wondering whether she would knit the wrong size. Her efforts would all go down to waste.

Lenalee shook her head and slapped her face lightly. She should be confident in herself and her skills. For the size, she could get Allen as reference, though Allen wasn't a very good example to take. If it was her older brother's size, Lavi's size should be more suitable...

Her eyes slightly widened in astonishment. What exactly was she thinking?

She kept a lookout for her bus which would be approaching soon. The traffic was slowing down, as the red light could be seen ahead. A particular red-coloured sports car drove on the furthest lane which was the closest to the location of the bus stop. As it stopped in front, water splashed out towards them, wetting their clothes. People were wailing, some were grumbling, while others did not say a word. Lenalee just stared at her wet stockings in slight frustration, before staring at the people inside the car.

Her heart pounded hardly on her chest. As seconds slipped by, her eyes widened in shock at the familiar scarf which was always worn by someone she knew. Lenalee slowly looked closer, seeing a familiar face inside.

He was having a cheeky grin, chatting happily to whoever was inside as well. He looked different. His hairstyle had changed. He was keeping his hair long, and he led his fringe down instead of putting his hairband. That black eyepatch was still there, adding on to his charming looks.

She opened her lips slightly, wanting to call out, but she did not say anything.

The traffic light had turned green. As the queue was slowly moving forward, the car was slowly driving forward too, away from her location. She wanted to walk up and knock on the window, telling him that she was here. She wanted to make sure that she did not recognise the wrong person. She wanted to stomp up front and scold him for dirtying her stockings, yet her body did not even budge. The excuses in her head could not be compared to her heart pining so much for his presence.

She missed him so much.

"La.."

The car was moving away from the bus stop in a few seconds.

"La.."

She did not want him to leave.

"La..vi."

He suddenly turned his head around at her direction, to her astonishment. Her breath hitched for seconds, and she thought at that moment, her heart would stop beating and she would die on the spot. But she did not. Their eyes met, only for seconds. Somehow, she got her breath back as she turned away immediately, pulling her red scarf over to hide her face.

The red sports car slowly drove off, and after a few minutes, she slowly looked up, seeing him getting further away from her. As she stared at the ground, hot tears started welling up her eyes. She felt so stupid and so foolish. She thought she would feel contented just by seeing his face, but when she saw it, she realised it was only making her heart even emptier than before. She even wondered why she made that absurd movement at that last moment when it was obvious that she wanted him to notice her all along.

At that instant, she felt like she was the loneliest person in the world.


I know. I'm supposed to finish this story by the end of last Christmas, yet I didn't. T_T I'm sorry!*slaps and hits myself*

I was busy with studies, exams and work right after the holidays, so I couldn't seem to bring myself to upload the chapters (due to no time and a little laziness -.-), but I have almost planned out the chapters for this story, so please bear with me for a while more!

CHAPTER 4 finally up! Mostly on LaviLena this time. I have already checked for spelling and grammar mistakes, but if you reviewers/readers spot more, please inform me! I will not be updating frequently because of school, but I will definitely finish this story!

Lastly, reviews! It's always good to tell me your impression on the story so that I can improve it. In addition, reviews really make writers (me) happy and accomplished, so please leave one after you read the chapter, ne? :)

Other than that, see you~

Singingblues