A/N: thanks for all your reviews. This chapter is more of a filler, but it was fun to write and provides some more backstory to what's their circumstance is and how they feel about it. Next chapter is going to be MAJOR. But please let me know what you think about this one so I can get even more motivated. Enjoy!


CHAPTER 4: My dreams look like a porn movie

Kaylie reluctantly stepped out of the limousine that had delivered her back to her doorstep, and surveyed her house, deep in thought.

All the shock about being married to Nicky and having retired from gymnastics only to become an actress—all of it had now worn off, and she felt as though she now had a clear enough head to examine this life of hers.

Was this really what she'd chosen for herself? Surely there had been forks in the road; instances in which she had stumbled upon two paths, and had to decide between them. Now, looking at her house, and thinking about Nicky, the trophies, and the awards inside (she'd won last year's Emmy award for best actress in a comedy series, or something like that), she wished she could remember what made her pick all this over her other options. And what had been the other options? Did she regret anything? For all she knew, Nicky and her were on the verge of a divorce, she hated this acting gig, and she had some other best friend besides Payson who she hadn't contacted in days.

But then again—and this was the part that was actually harder to contemplate, for some reason—then again this could have been everything she dreamed about. For all she knew, she was in fact in love with Nicky, and felt fulfilled by her new career, and things were a lot more similar to the old days than she thought.

Not that she was comfortable. No, she's having sex dreams about Nicky, is getting lost in the set of her show—amazingly though, she can remember all the lines she memorized—and is calling everyone "hey you." She wasn't sure she could ever adapt to this, and it seemed like the only person who understood her was, of course, Nicky—the person she'd normally be running away from.

And then there'd been her mother's phone call earlier in the day—apparently she's in a cruise, and in 2014, cellular reception is still terrible so all she heard was a crackle, a "how are you, honey?" followed by more crackles, an "I'll call you when I get back," a dial tone, and then a sound that made her think of a horror movie dying scene.

She nudged the door open and felt a memory coming again, causing her to wince in pain and raise a hand to her temple, door half-open while she grips the knob.

"You're still an eighteen-year-old virgin, even if he isn't; how can you be getting married?" Lauren asked with irritated indignation. "I don't think you're ready."

"I honestly think I am," Kaylie replied, struggling to maintain her cool. Lauren had a point.

"Lo, she's made her decision. Sometimes you just know. And with her and Nicky, she knows." Payson was attempting to settle down the arguing, but ended up taking a step back when Lauren took an aggressive step forward.

"They're both too young. You know it. At least when she was dating Austin she didn't want to marry him."

"You're ruining her bachelorette party."

Kaylie walked to her two friends and stepped in between them. "I love him. I didn't love Austin. That's why I broke up with him and am going to marry Nicky tomorrow. Please, Lo. Be happy for me. Everything was going okay and you've shoved more twenty-dollar bills in men's underwear than I thought you would, and I'd probably die if I couldn't be with Nicky, so... can't we just go back? To the way it was before?"

What the hell... so Lauren didn't approve of her marriage? Was that why Payson was so present in her life and Lauren wasn't?

Still pondering, Kaylie entered her house and absent-mindedly headed to her room upstairs. On the way, she saw some movement out of the corner of her eye and stepped into a room to investigate. It was Nicky, shirtless and sweaty, completing what she was sure were many hundreds of push-ups. She wanted to laugh at how intensely absorbed he seemed by the activity, but instead, his heavy breathing and the image of his bulging muscles contracting with effort caused her to remember the dream she'd had the night before, which itself she had guessed was probably a memory.

She involuntarily closed her eyes, because the flash of remembrance made her wince. There it was again—the two of them on that same bed on their bedroom, and there's a whole lot of moving and panting and moaning and kissing and Jesus Christ, why can't she just bury this memory? She's had to push it aside from her mind several times during that day.

"Enjoying the view?" It was Nicky, of course, interrupting her lusty flashback. She felt her face burn because she couldn't help looking at his body, and it was driving her crazy.

"What view?" she replied easily, and traded a smile with him.

She felt his eyes on her leotard—the costume she hadn't bothered changing out of when she left the set because she missed being clothed like this. And for some reason, Nicky looked sort of stunned. "Wow. You look really good."

"Thanks. That's nice of y—"

He smiled before cutting her off. "For, you know, someone who's retired."

"You really have a way with words, Russo," she said, rolling her eyes. "When did your training end?"

"At six, so... about two hours ago?" Jesus. The boy was still training six or seven hours per day. Nicky grabbed a towel nearby and began to dry himself off, a vision which Kaylie knew she should not see, unless she planned on having another porn dream that night. "How was work?"

"Interesting..." she murmured, pretending to look at a framed picture of them hanging low on the wall, but instead catching his nicely-defined chest reflected on the glass. Yes, she was ashamed of this, but this was her husband after all. She could at least look.

"I made you something."

Slowly, she turned from the picture to face him. "What kind of something?"

Nicky grinned, and walked over to her until they were close enough that she could see the beads of sweat on his forehead, although not so close that he was invading her personal space. "Dinner."

"Should I take some TUMS beforehand?"

"Come to think of it, I should have given you some raw chicken with salmonella and told you it was sushi or something." He continued to grin while she laughed, then walked to the bathroom nearby, saying, "give me a couple of minutes; I'll be right down so we can eat."

Twenty minutes later they had both showered and sat down to eat, while Kaylie laughingly explained how she found out she was great at memorizing lines, and how often she had gotten lost in the enormous studio lot. After he made fun of her and told her he would order the first season of her show right away, Kaylie saw their maid pass by inconspicuously and decided to tell him about what was possibly the most interesting part of her day.

"Hey, I think that maid is spying on us, for Payson," she told him in a low voice.

"How do you mean?"

"Well," and this, of course, was an uncomfortable subject, but she plowed on, "she told Payson that we didn't sleep in the same room last night, and Payson was concerned."

Nicky narrowed his eyes with indignation. "She is a spy!"

"Payson asked me whether we were having any problems."

"What did you tell her?"

Kaylie tried to remember exactly what she had told Payson, and it took her a few seconds before it finally came back to her. "I told her we had a little fight, but that when you called me, you apologized, and now we're good."

"Why would I be the one to apologize?" That, she was not expecting.

"Nicky, I'm not a great spontaneous liar; that was the best story I could come up with."

"What did we fight about?" Nicky was apparently a lot more curious about this than she'd imagined.

"I didn't tell her what it had been about."

"Well, what if she asks?"

"Then... I don't know," she sighed with frustration. "What do married couples fight about?"

"I don't know."

Kaylie felt as though she'd just been interrogated, for no discernible reason, so she decided to at least find out why. "Why are you asking all of this?"

She heard Nicky clear his throat, then blush, then fidget with his fork and knife, before finally turning to her. "My back was a little sore, and... Sasha asked me... whether..."

"Whether?"

"Whether we were being a bit... rough." His voice might have actually risen an octave at the end of that sentence.

"Rough."

"Yes."

"As in, rough sex."

"Yes."

"He asked you that, with a straight face and everything."

"Yes, we're both men now, and…" He sighs, obviously embarrassed. "Well, when Payson asked you why we didn't sleep together that night, did she mention our sex life?"

Kaylie was taken aback. How did he know? "She might have."

"Well, then. Everyone thinks everything is about sex." Nicky was clearly irritated, and followed that with an impatient telling of what had transpired between he and Sasha that day. "So anyway, after I called you he asked me whether everything was okay, and I told him it was, and he asked me whether we had any fights or anything, since apparently I look like I'm under stress and like I'm not sleeping well. I told him we had one, just to shut him up, but that we were okay, but I didn't tell him what the fight had been about because I don't know what we could have to fight about. So that's why I wanted to know about the conversation you had with Payson, all right?"

The silence that followed his outburst gave her time to think about a good solution to this.

"Nicky, we should at least sleep in the same room, just to avoid all of this. One more night of sleeping separately, and some tabloid will run a story about how we're getting divorced. Would it be okay or would it bother you?"

"Bother me? You're the one dreaming about us having sex," he mumbled.

"It won't bother me. Maybe we'll even remember some other things. You know, hopefully not sex-related." She smiled with what she was hoped was confidence, although she was actually terrified that she'd have another dream, or God forbid, would try something on him while he was sleeping. Gosh, the mere idea...

"All right. Whatever will make our life easier." They were finishing their meals then, and as he rose and began to serve her some diced fruit, he announced, "some package arrived for you today. It's kind of big... it's in the living room."

Curious, she retrieved the package and unwrapped it in the kitchen. "Oh my God... it's a dress." The vivid, rich color and intricate sewing made her guess that there was some event she was supposed to attend, wearing this particular dress. She checked the cellphone she didn't know she had until her assistant, Alice, had fished out of her purse that afternoon. There it was. September 17th: she had the season premiere party to go to. And there was a note in the bottom, "+N" so perhaps that meant she was supposed to take Nicky?

"It's a nice dress. I got a tuxedo delivered, so we must have a party to go to, eh?" He offered her a cube of watermelon and she smiled warmly.

"Yeah, that's exactly it. It's my season premiere party. 'Be ready for pickup by 6,'" Kaylie read, somewhat more excited about this than she thought was appropriate. A party was just what she needed to relieve some stress. It was going to be fun. She glanced at the time indicator in the cellphone and smiled. "Hey, it's still early and I have to watch the entire last season—or at least some key episodes—of the series that I work in so I'll know what they're talking about when they mention my storylines. So…"

"So…?" He knew what she wanted to get at, but of course he was going to make her ask him. And as she watched his smile, she felt a sudden rush of gratitude that she was stuck in this whole memory loss situation with him, instead of some unknown guy she'd have to get to know from scratch.

"That's my way of asking you to watch it with me."

His smile widened into a laugh. "Oh was that it? I'm sorry; I guess you were too subtle."

"Or, you wanted to see me beg."

"I was up for a little coaxing."

Yes. Definitely better than some unknown guy.

The series was interesting, but it was an unsettling, almost eerie experience, watching herself on a television screen. Her character, Josie Laurent, was a complete bitch, but her trek through the world of gymnastics, love, and family was fascinating.

"Why do you think she's sleeping with Andrew?" she found herself discussing with Nicky, while he was so engrossed in the scene taking place that his hand was grasping for and missing the popcorn bowl.

"Maybe she's not over John. But I don't know why she did that to Carol."

"I think it was because of Cameron."

"You think? But do girls really do that?"

"Yeah, actually, they do. Have you met Lauren Tanner?"

While they watched the fourth episode and had already gone through the whole bag of popcorn, their conversation took a stranger turn than expected.

"Okay, why is Josie hot and I'm not?" she heard herself ask with way more indignation that she'd intended to put in her tone.

Nicky laughed with disbelief. "If I knew you were going to react like this, then I wouldn't have said anything."

"But you did say it, so explain it."

"You sound jealous. Of yourself. Which is ridiculous."

"Wanna know what else is ridiculous? You thinking that my character on TV is hot, while not finding me hot." There were worse things than disliking her own character over a boy, right? Right?

"You're not..." Nicky sighed, obviously still struggling to hold back laughter. "You're pretty decent, Cruz."

Kaylie couldn't help the squeak that left her throat. She was not just decent. Goddammit, she was pretty! Or at least, with some make-up on. And well, hair that she'd done more to than just brush. Crap. That would turn her into Josie.

She really was losing her mind.

He mistook her stunned silence for a reason to be alarmed, because he quickly added, "you know I was kidding, right? You're definitely hot. Come on. The whole gym thought you were hot. Even when you were sweaty and smelled like locker room and chalk."

Kaylie sighed, watching him with annoyance. "Can you ever just compliment me? And you know, not add an insult afterwards?"

She can see the lines of worry and remorse on his face and suddenly it becomes hard to keep in the smile tugging at the corner of her lips. He looks so, so guilty—it's hilarious. "But you know I was kidding right? I don't want you to... go around thinking you're ugly. You look even better than Josie, because that's too much make-up on you and you already look good. That stuff they put on your lips is taking away from your smile, which is sort of perfect, and you know already what kind of body you have, because you always look great, and I'm embarrassing myself at this point, aren't I?"

Finally, she releases a long-pent-up chortle and he laughs too, albeit uneasily. "No, please go on. That was... riveting."

"You're an evil girl."

Another half hour later and they're debating why Josie and John (played by Austin) are always fighting and can't see how perfect they are for each other. Well, she thinks they're perfect together; Nicky is rooting for the underdog couple, Josie and Andrew.

"She slept with Andrew, so maybe she likes him?" he ventures, and Kaylie immediately sits up to voice her disagreement.

"Of course not. She's using Andrew. It's obvious."

"But John cheated on her. Maybe she's had enough of the asshole and wants a nice guy."

"She loves John, even if he cheated. It's hard to get over your first boyfriend, especially when you train in the same gym, and the girl he replaced you with is in the same gym, too. And maybe is even your best friend." Wow. Things got personal so quickly that the road to this outburst was a blur.

"Where are you getting that? Is John really Josie's first boyfriend? Are Carol and Josie best friends? What episode—"

"You know what? Let's skip this scene."

Two hours later, they had slid closer to each other in order to share a bag of apple chips and were watching, horrified, as one of the characters made out with a married coach.

"Oh my God. This is so awful," Kaylie murmured, swept by horror and disgust.

Nicky grabbed another apple chip, and without taking his eyes off the television, inquired, "why? I mean, why is she doing this? He's married."

Something tugged at Kaylie's gut—the feeling that his statement was leading this conversation into places that would cause her pain. "You know, that doesn't necessarily mean anything."

"I thought they were happy."

"Thing aren't always the way they seem in a marriage."

Nicky shrugged, and turned to her. "This is about us, isn't it? You're not happy that we ended up getting married—"

She interrupted him before he could expand that theory—whatever it was, it had nothing to do with them. "Nicky. I didn't tell you, but my mother called me today. It was a short call because she's in a place with horrible reception. Anyway..." It felt strange to voice reservations she's had about all of this ever since they woke up in 2014. "Four years ago, my parents were... going through a rough time. Really rough. And I just got this feeling—I was sick to my stomach—that they got divorced." She sighed, and noticed, frowning, that she was squeezing her fingers together and cutting off their blood circulation. "I don't want to find out that they got divorced. I want to know they stuck together."

When she was done with this embarrassingly heartfelt admission, she felt a different sort of awkwardness dominate the air between them. It wasn't their usual "oh my God we used to like each other and now we're married and sleep together, and wonder what the sex is like." It was something more understated, like he understood her but didn't know how to convey it. His earnest, tight smile somehow relaxed her, and her fingers got their circulation back.

"Kaylie, my mom died when I was 12."

That managed to jar her away from her self-pity. "Oh wow. I'm so sorry."

He waves her concern away, somewhat tensely. "It's been a long time. It's fine. But I'm just saying that so you'll know that... this marriage thing scares the hell out of me, too."

"I guess neither of our parents' marriages ended on the best terms."

"Hey," he called, and took her hand, causing a thousand flutters inside her stomach, "we don't know yet whether your parents divorced." Slowly, a cool calmness overtook her, expanding into a content drowsiness that was whispering sleep in her ear. It was late, wasn't it?

Wordlessly, he reached for the remote control and turned off the television while she stood and gathered the blankets and bags of food they'd gathered in their living room (well, one of them). Once they'd reached their room, neither seemed willing to step inside, and they must have looked strange, poised at the doorway like that. She probably would have stayed there for a while if he hadn't silently made his way to the bed and begun to rearrange their pillows.

"How about a pillow fort, to make sure you don't try anything on me while we sleep?" He threw her a pillow and effectively convinced her worries to evaporate.

Kaylie hurled the pillow at his face but he ducked, laughing. "I can't wait till you're the one who can't look me in the eye for a whole day without getting flashbacks."

Nicky was silent for a moment, then cleared his throat again, and she was startled that she could tell now when he was faking confidence. "So... how were they? The flashbacks, I mean?"

Oh course. Classic male behavior—anxiety over performance. This was going to be fun.

"Eh. I guess you were fine." She shrugged indifferently for heightened effect, and knew he was holding his breath.

"Oh. Really."

"Let's just say it was a very short dream." No, it wasn't—it was very long and even looking at this bed, with him so close to it made her want to throw him down on it and experience things while conscious of them.

"Oh..."

Was she being too mean? "But you know... you were decent."

"Yeah?" He sounded hopeful, sad even, so she touched his arm and ignored the fluttering inside her once again, because this wasn't the time to pay attention to them. And because she was sort of getting used to them, and although they were awkward, these butterflies were a good feeling. Being with Nicky was a good feeling.

"I'm kidding, Nicky. It looked like a porn movie." There. The wide, boyish smile was back on his handsome face and the butterflies were beating their wings so furiously inside her that she almost felt sick and queasy.

"Night, Kaylie."

"Good night, Nicky."