Disclaimer: (sighs) I do not own Alvin and the Chipmunks, or Inception, or Transformers, or Jimmy Neutron, or anything else in this story I may have missed...
Simon: Welcome to another installment of "Ask Simon"! That's right, not "Simon's Midnight Party House!" You will be happy to know that Alvin got himself kicked out of the studio, so he won't be here today!
Jeanette: Hello everybody!
Simon: And may I introduce you all to my girlfriend Jeanette Miller! As I told you last time, she will be here to answer your questions as well! Jeanette, would you do me the honor of reading the first question?
Jeanette: With pleasure!
Awesomo3000 asks:
HEY, SI-MO-ON! Wazzup, bro? Awesomo3000 here! I have a hell of a lot of questions to ask you & Jeanette:
(ladies first) JEANETTE:
Have you asked Simon out on a date yet?
What was it like playing a mermaid in Sploosh?
SIMON:
Most people say that in a trio, such as you, Theodore and Alvin, the smart one is always the boring one. How do you respond to this?
Have you ever sung a song solo before?
BOTH:
Do you like sci-fi movies such as Transformers? If so, are you looking forward to Transformers: Dark of the Moon coming out? And who's your favourite Autobot/Decepticon? (Mine's Sideswipe!)
What is your favourite song that you have performed?
Please answer my questions! Thanks!
P.S. Alvin, even though I'm a fan of yours, please... JUST SHUT THE HELL UP AND STOP INTERRUPTING SIMON'S SHOW!
Jeanette: (blushes) Um, well, I've never personally asked Simon out on a date before… Simon's asked me a few times, and Brittany's set me up on a few double-dates… Oh, and I loved being a mermaid on Sploosh! Brittany was so jealous that I got to be the mermaid! The tail was difficult to work with though; it required some movie magic to move the way it does on TV.
Simon: BORING? People only think that because Alvin is using his pop-culture icon power to brainwash the masses into thinking so. But people of superior intelligence, who have minds of their own, find me to be quite the opposite.
Jeanette: I don't think you're boring. If you ask me, Alvin is boring. Well, not boring; just vapid, like my sister. Theodore, I'm sorry to say, is the boring one. But he's cute, sweet, and he bakes good treats!
Simon: Solo… This will irritate Alvin to no end, but I was chosen to perform solo at a Mensa convention. I sang, "She Blinded Me With Science"! I did both voices!
Jeanette: I remember. That was funny! Alvin isn't allowed at Mensa conventions anyway.
Simon: Transformers… I'm sorry, while I do enjoy science fiction movies, I'm afraid Alvin is the Transformers fan in the family. I fell asleep while the movie was on. Alvin has a lot of those action figures.
Jeanette: Brittany would throw a fit if I tried to watch that anyway. Simon, didn't you build a robot that looks like one of the Transformers?
Simon: Yeah, I used Alvin's toy as a model for it.
Jeanette: My favorite song that I've performed is probably-
Both: The Boys and Girls of Rock and Roll! (laugh)
Simon: Dave wrote that. It was just The Boys of Rock and Roll at first…
Jeanette: But I wrote new lyrics to it for us girls!
Simon: Next question!
ChipetteGirl10 asks:
It's meeeeee!
Okay, more questions.
First, though, a suggestion. Tie Alvin up and shove him in a dang closet till the end of a show.
Okay, questions:
What is the stupidest life-or-death situation Alvin has gotten you guys into?
- ChipeteGirl10
Simon: Already done! Alvin's in a closet with a sock shoved in his mouth being forced to view us on TV!
Jeanette: But wouldn't Dave get mad at you if he found out you did that to your brother?
Simon: Alvin wouldn't dare tell! After all, he doesn't want Dave to hear about his dirty little exploits with Brittany…
Jeanette: Dave's watching, you know…
Simon: And Dave is also under the effects of the same pill I have been using to make Alvin think that a lot of what has happened was only in his dreams. I can stop the pill at any time I want… Stupidest life-or-death situation: The around the world balloon race, no doubt about it!
Jeanette: A lot of people don't know this, but those crystals inside the dolls weren't diamonds. It was crystal meth.
Simon: Yes, we were almost fed to crocodiles, you almost became a Saudi prince's concubine, and to top it all off… WE WERE EXPOSED TO ILLEGAL DRUGS!
Jeanette: Whew! Anyway…
madeline2011 asks:
hey Simon what happen to your chipmunks dad? I have;t seen hime at all with your mother? and ps how did dave piano mysteriously crashes to the floor from the top of the staircase
and Jeanette did you and your sister like seen you best friend ffrom Australian Oliviaid right?
and in "I Love the Chipmunks Valentine Special
hoh did you get glue on yourself? and how long did it take for you and Eleanor along with Simon and Theodore to learn
Tell Him Right Now?
Simon: Well, my mother never told me about what happened to my father. It could be a number of different reasons. Perhaps she had been raped; perhaps he's a deadbeat who doesn't want to support his kids; perhaps he died, most likely during the winter that we were given away; perhaps he was tired of a country life and went to college to become an Ivy League scholar…
Jeanette: Now you're just dreaming.
Simon: I had to have gotten it from somewhere. Perhaps he went to Australia, met your mother, and had you and your sisters; which would make you and I…
Both: Half-siblings!
Simon: Don't worry about it; I'll do a blood test on us to confirm whether or not marriage between us would be incest. Of course, I think that it's very likely that mom, ahem, slutted around and wound up having a litter born to two or three different fathers. That is the only way I could explain being related to Alvin.
Jeanette: I could easily imagine that you and Theodore are half-brothers, but you have more in common with Alvin than you think.
Simon: Jeanette, answer your questions, if you don't mind.
Jeanette: All right! (giggles) Yes, I do get to see Olivia regularly, if that's what you're asking – please take care with your grammar next time, if you don't mind. Oh, um, I don't know how I got glue all over myself. I guess I forgot to close the glue bottle well enough… Dave wrote the song "Tell Him Right Now" for me and my sisters. We rehearsed it with the boys a few weeks prior to the Valentine's Day Ball, and since Alvin and Brittany got to be Valentine King and Queen it was only me and Simon and Eleanor and Theodore who got to sing it.
Simon: As for the piano, well, I miscalculated the tensile strength of the rope that I was using to carry the piano upstairs. It turned out that it was made of a cheap synthetic material. Next questions:
TheDCStar asks:
Hey again Simon! Tell Alvin to give his ego a rest and let you do your show! :P
Anyway, I don't really have a question for you, but I do have one for Jeanette.
Hey Jeanette! I think you are AMAZING! My question for you is: Under all that math and science, is Simon truly a romantic at heart?
Oh, and Simon, I hope you know that you are very lucky to have Jeanette :)
Simon: TAKE THAT ALVIN!
Jeanette: Yes, Simon is the most romantic person I know. People see him and think he's a total left-brained nerd and doesn't have an artistic bone in his body, but they couldn't be more wrong. He sculpts and paints and writes classical music and romantic poetry… and he's far more sophisticated than Alvin.
Simon: (blushes) Yes, I know how truly lucky I am to have Jeanette. Not too many girls have her brains, or her heart, and not too many girls notice me the way she does.
Jeanette: (blushes) Aww… Next questions!
Winddragon Eternal asks:
Hey Simon, it's nice to see that you're having a talk show of your own. :)
I just want to say that you're doing an absolutely splendid job, and for that, I have a few questions for you.
Science is most definitely your favourite subject in school, am I right? But which field are you more interested in: Biology, Chemistry or Physics?
What do you think of the movie Inception, and the possibilities of multiple dream levels at the same time?
What's your favourite book of all time?
How do you feel about all those fanfics where you have an extra member of the family, and which OC would you really love to have as a brother of your own?
I look forward to your answers really soon! :)
~ Wind
Simon: Thank you. Yes, science is indeed my favorite subject, closely tied with mathematics, of course. As for my favorite field of science, I would have to say Physics. I do win a Nobel Prize for Physics in the future, after all. My favorite fields are probably quantum physics, astrophysics, and mathematical physics. Although I'm quite fond of Chemistry as well… Inception? Hmm… (Googles the movie Inception) Very interesting. Very much in line with what I have been studying in order to create that pill I used on Alvin. Perhaps I should create an experimental lucid dreaming pill to test on him next, what do you think, Jeanette?
Jeanette: And a machine to peek inside his dreams too! But make sure that you don't hurt him. If you're going to use Alvin as your guinea pig, you need to treat him humanely.
Simon: Hurt him? I would never! (snickers) Luckily, it's not illegal to test on chipmunks!
Jeanette: Inception sounds like a good date movie. Do you agree?
Simon: Yes, I do. As for my favorite book… well, I always say that it's whatever book I'm reading at the moment. But the one I enjoyed most during the process of reading it is probably Principia Mathematica by Sir Isaac Newton. I read it when I was six years old!
Jeanette: I like the collected works of William Shakespeare!
Simon: Fanfics, huh? I don't read a lot of those… Whichever fanfic OC is like me and not like Alvin is the one I would like for a brother! Next questions!
NerdInAWord asks:
Hey Simon! I've got a few questions to ask you...
First: WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO SPLOOSH? Were you and Jeanette just too shy to let them air that episode after you kissed or what?
Second: What's your opinion on Brimon, Alvon, and Dave X Miss Miller? (Personally, that last one makes me shudder...)
Third: Don't you find it a bit of a coincidence that the Chipmunks and Chipettes have almost the same favorite colors, looks, and everything? Perhaps the Chipettes were actually different versions of you guys from another dimension... *strokes beard*
Simon: Well, as for Sploosh, they failed to syndicate that one, and it sort of got lost at the studios, I guess… (blushes) Brimon… I believe I have already mentioned on this show how I feel about Brittany as a (gulps) girlfriend. As for Alvon… That is sick and wrong! Not that I'm a homophobe, but for crying out loud… Alvin is my brother! And I don't even like him as a brother, let alone a boyfriend! Dave and Miss Miller… Ugh. Dave would never…
Jeanette: It would never happen anyway. Miss Miller passed away some years ago. (sniffs) My sisters and I were soon after emancipated, and we went to live at our old treehouse again.
Simon: Yes, I do find it strange how much we resemble the Chipettes. A trio of singing male chipmunks crosses paths with a trio of singing female chipmunks of the same age and with similar personalities and looks and interests… Serendipitous, no? It is almost as if there is a Creator up above who has been scripting our lives and has created us especially for each other…
Both: Hmmmm…..
Simon: Anyway…
Simon Seville asks:
Alvin you and Brittany "did it". Tusk, tusk. Now for my questions...
Simon, if you could be a guest star on any cartoon, which would it be.
Alvin... if you could stalk any celebrity, who would it be?
Jeanette, would you rather die single and rich, or married and homeless?
For all of you...
What is the most embarrassing thing that you guys have done to yourself on TV?
Simon: Yep, they sure did do it. Well, if I could guess star on any cartoon, it would be Jimmy Neutron. I would love to show that obnoxious little protozoan exactly who is the king of science!
Jeanette: Yes, such an ego… like Alvin if Alvin had a big brain!
Simon: Well, Alvin isn't here to answer his question, so I'm just going to do as he does and answer it for him! (snickers) If Alvin could stalk any celebrity, it would most likely be a sexy female celebrity, like Madonna if it were the eighties, or Britney Spears if it were 1999, or today, it would probably be… Lady Gaga, I guess.
Jeanette: I would say Ke$ha.
Simon: Indeed.
Jeanette: If I were married to Simon, I would rather die married and homeless. However, if I had to be married to Alvin, then I'd rather die single and rich!
Simon: Ugh! All the embarrassing things… Waaay too many to count! Like the time Alvin made a fool of himself on "Genius in the House"…
Jeanette: And they always make sure to include all of my clumsy mishaps! I wish they would show fewer of those and more of my intelligence!
Simon: And my baby video! I was such a stupid baby, I couldn't even build a decently structured tower, and I cried like a baby when it toppled!
Jeanette: Of course you cried like a baby, you were a baby!
Simon: A baby prodigy!
Jeanette: Don't feel too bad. You're still emotionally mature for your age. Especially compared to Alvin. Next question:
Sonnygirl09 asks:
Hey Simon!
I love your show and I've got a few questions of my own!
1). What was you and Jeanette's 1st kiss like? Spill all details!
2). Jeanette how romantic is Simon really? Simon same question.
3). What's it like living with Alvin and Theodore? Brittany and Eleanor?
Simon: I believe there is going to be a fanfic coming up that will answer your number 1. As for number 2, Jeanette already answered about me, and as for Jeanette, well… she's a very sophisticated, well-rounded young woman, and she rates very high, even objectively speaking, on the scale of romance.
Jeanette: Thank you.
Simon: As for 3, it's nice to live with Theodore, even though he requires extensive tutoring, because he is an excellent chef. I believe I have already made it clear what a headache Alvin is to live with.
Jeanette: Eleanor is a good cook too. She sticks up for me, and so does Brittany, but Brittany seems to think that it's OK for her to pick on me even if it isn't for anyone else. Next question!
Tiana Koopa asks:
Hi Simon. Do you play any video games? Do you like Science? I do!
Simon: Yes, we have already confirmed that I like Science. Good to see that somebody else does. As for video games, well, I do play them, although I am not as crazy about them as Alvin is. I am better at RPGs such as Pokemon, whereas Alvin is better at video games that require quick reflexes such as New Super Mario Bros. Wii.
xAllyAnneSevillex asks:
I have quite a few questions:
1) What was it like playing Brice Wayne/Batmunk?
2) Is there anything you wish you could have spoofed? (Personally, I think a James Bond spoof would've been cool, especially if you were Bond, Simon.)
3) Have any of you ever hoped for solo careers in music?
4) Are you allowing OC guest stars at this time? I'd love to come on the show!
Simon: Haha, Alvin was so jealous when I got to be Batmunk! It felt superlative to be a superhero, yet the role still fit because Brice Wayne is an inventor! Although I wish they had cast Jeanette as the female lead…
Jeanette: Yeah, Brittany is such a bimbo.
Simon: As for spoofs, yes, there are a number of movies from back in the day I would have liked to spoof… Alvin wanted to spoof Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure… but I agree that I would have made an excellent Bond. As for modern movies, well, we could have made a Twilight spoof called Nightlight…
Jeanette: They already made a spoof of the Twilight book called Nightlight.
Simon: Oh. Well, Dusklight, then. I would be great as Edward, you would be very fitting as Bella, Alvin and Brittany could be Emmett and Rosalie, and Eleanor and Theodore could be Alice and Jasper.
Jeanette: Yes! We'd be so perfect for the parts!
Simon: Well, since I'm going to be a physicist, and Theodore's going into cooking, I guess Alvin's going to end up with the solo career. As for guess stars on my show… Well, I think it's a good idea, but I would have to discuss it with the studio director. I can't do it next week, I've got something planned already, but I'll see about having you on for the week after.
Jeanette: One more question!
Kaylie asks:
Simon, how does it make you feel when the movie makers don't put any simonette in any of the episodes? And were you horribly emberassed when you and jeanette kissed in sploosh?
how did you feel in "Alvin and the chipmunks go washington" when jeanette hugged you?
And do you plan on popping the question to jeanette anytime soon? ;)
Simon: Well, it's understandable that they would cut out all the Simonette scenes; we were, after all, 8-year-old third graders, our show being intended for that age group, and the producers didn't want to encourage romantic behavior among that age group. But many don't realize that chipmunks hit puberty sooner than humans do, which explains why so many of Alvin's crushes are unrequited…
Jeanette: While it was kind of embarrassing to kiss Simon on TV, it's still not right for them to keep Sploosh in the vault, considering how many fans want to see that kiss.
Simon: Ahh, that time when Jeanette hugged me was one of those Simonette scenes that slipped past the radar! That was a boyfriend/girlfriend sort of hug!
Jeanette: And also the way Simon comforted me after we got scammed by Uncle Harry in New York – rubbing and patting me on the shoulders – that's a boyfriend/girlfriend gesture too!
Simon: Popped the question?
Jeanette: What question?
Simon: Please clarify. Um, Jeanette?
Jeanette: Is there a question of your own that you want to pop?
Simon: Well, since our fans have been deprived from Sploosh…
Jeanette: Perhaps it was censored because of our kiss?
Simon: No, they could easily have cut that out. The dumb fucks – pardon my language – just lost it. Well, you know that they can't censor live television…
Jeanette: The answer to that question is yes! (throws herself into Simon's arms and gives him a looong kiss)
(Both are blushing)
Jeanette: Oh, look, we got an answer to our question!
UniqueRosa Damascena answers:
I think Simon should host the show since it is called "Ask Simon" but Alvin can still be a part.
Simon: Well, as a matter of fact, Alvin is going to be on the show next week. In fact, all of us are! So be prepared, viewers, with questions for me and Jeanette, Eleanor and Theodore, Alvin and Brittany.
Jeanette: But how are you going to control Alvin?
Simon: Using electroshock behavioral management, of course!
Jeanette: But isn't that a little cruel?
Simon: Cruel? Not at all! It's not nearly enough voltage to kill him… (evil look in eyes) In fact, it's no more shocking than Dave's voice when he screams ALLLVIIIN!
Jeanette: Well, that's it for out show! Hope you enjoyed it! Come up with more questions next time for all of us! And come up with really good questions too!
Simon: Like my research in temporal dynamics!
BTW, speaking of Jimmy Neutron... there's a poll on my profile on the subject. Please vote! Also, tell me what you would think of a AATC/Jimmy Neutron crossover, and what you would like to see in it!
