Chapter Three
Blue Ranch Memories
Dear Lacey,
I can't believe you remembered! I got the card yesterday. The singing cats were a nice touch. Thanks! It really means a lot especially, since I haven't heard anything from my mother in weeks. Not that I expected to hear much from her, but you'd think she'd remember her own son's birthday, right? Well, it's an awesome card. And it's really nice to know that you don't hate me. Thanks for being such a good friend to me, Lacey.
How's Jo? I still write to her, but haven't heard from her in three months. She's probably real busy with school, huh? I know how that can be. I'm even taking classes now, too. I got so caught up in a book the other day that I almost missed dinner. So, yeah, I get that sometimes you guys don't have time to write me back. It's totally okay.
Fall Fest is next week, right? If you or Jo win the apple toss it would be so cool. I don't think a girl has ever won that. Do you? Anyway, if you see my mother there, let her know that I'm all right, okay? I don't want her to cry, so tell her I had a good birthday with a huge cake.
Your friend,
Danny
.
During the silent drive to Danny's I wonder about his life in juvenile detention. I wonder how truthful he was in his letters to Jo and me. They weren't that long, but it never seemed like his life there was all that terrible. It must have been though; otherwise it wouldn't be called detention. I'm pretty sure "awful" is synonymous with imprisonment in a detention center, right? But I guess he's had time to perfect the art of understatement. I wonder why he never told me about any of the bad stuff. Will he ever tell me? Did he tell Jo?
I pull up to Danny's house, the scene of the crime. Although I live relatively close by, I haven't seen the place in over three years. I'm immediately transported back to that day five years ago and find myself short of breath.
"Thanks," he murmurs. Instantly pulling me back in the car and breathing normally. I glance at him and see that he's shifted to face me. "You saved me an hour of tedious drunk walking." It's a blatant lie since he's clearly as sober as I am. Looks like he's also perfected hyperbole. I don't call him on it.
I look at the windshield and shrug, "Don't mention it." I quickly realize what I mean and make eye contact as I say, "Seriously. To anyone. Ever."
He nods. "Got it." Then proceeds to invite me inside with, "So, since all of this apparently never happened, do you want to come in, hang out?" I laugh and a moment later, realize he's serious when he says, "We haven't really gotten a chance to talk."
My bitch face takes over and responds, "You realize that's intentional, right?"
In a less serious tone he adds, "I have blue ranch potato chips," as if I haven't just shut down his earlier suggestion. Classic persistent Danny.
I try not to smile. I really do, but I can hardly contain it when he includes, "Sweet cheddar?" His baiting tactics are effective and curiosity gets the best of me.
The next thing I know Danny and I are in his room—which looks exactly the same—eating chips and reminiscing about our childhood BTI (Before The Incident). I actually laugh a couple of times, which prompts me to say, "You always knew how to make us laugh."
"I'm still the same kid, Lace. Just a little taller with cooler hair."
"I like your hair," I say without thinking. "I mean it fits your face." I'm shutting up now.
He brushes a lock of it behind his left ear and softly replies, "Thanks. It was actually a lot longer in juvie. Mother strongly suggested I get it cut before school started."
I'm enjoying his company and tell myself he's just BTI Danny in New Danny's body. I can almost forget about the past. "Cool," I lamely reply and busy myself by grabbing a handful of chips.
Unfortunately, the enjoyment doesn't last as long as I'd like. And this time it's my fault. "So what was it like? You never talked about the bad stuff. In your letters, I mean."
His eyes light up. "You read them? I wasn't sure you even got them after I didn't hear…" he trails off.
I feel guilty and uncomfortable, then upset that I feel guilty.
We've been avoiding the real questions all night and I want answers that only he can give me.
"I didn't want you to worry about me," he finally whispers.
"Well, you should have thought about that before you did what you did. You hurt somebody, Danny."
I watch as he absorbs my words. He's so still and pensive, I'm not sure how he'll respond. I resolve to wait him out.
Eventually he looks up and simply states, "I never meant to hurt you and Jo."
I can't let him off that easily. I'm looking for closure and he tells me something I already know. I want peace. I want truth. Surprisingly, I want him to understand how much I want my friend back. "You meant to hurt someone," I spit out angrily. I wait for an off-color witty remark. I get silence. He looks down. "Do you regret it?" I ask him.
Finally he looks at me and says with conviction, "The past is in the past." I'm only slightly disappointed because I understand what he means. "Do you want to know what I really regret?"
I swallow and will myself to keep eye contact. I want to know, but "Not if it's creepy," I softly reply.
He takes his time; gathers his thoughts. I wait, unconsciously leaning toward him.
"I regret not growing up with you and Jo. Ruining what we had." This time I'm disappointed with the unrevealing answer. "We had some fun, didn't we?" I reluctantly smile. Danny always knew when to turn up the charm, damn him. "I miss that, and I think you miss it, too." His warm breath caresses my cheek as he speaks and I wonder when we got so close to each other. His unwavering gaze holds mine and I have to focus to keep my breathing steady.
"I thought the past was in the past?" I say evasively and continue to look at him. He's so close that I notice his eyes are dilated. I can smell the blue ranch on his breath and a hint of a cinnamon. Maybe we're having a moment and, strangely, I'm not repulsed by it. I have a fleeting thought about what cinnamon, blue ranch and Danny would taste like together but an instant later, I know that I'm not ready to have any moments with Danny Desai! We're not even really friends again yet.
I reach across him and grab the bag of chips off the floor. "Quit hogging all the blue ranch!"
Moment shattered.
I proudly crunch on a potato chip and pretend I don't see the kicked puppy face he's trying to hide while hiding my own kicked puppy face.
Danny watched Lacey as she slept, clutching the bag of chips to her cheek as if she hadn't a care in the world. When he woke up this morning, if anyone had asked him how he expected the night to end, he never would have imagined the bliss of his current situation. Only in his best fantasies did he imagine Lacey and himself spending time together laughing and joking like they were kids again.
He smiled as he replayed the night in his head wondering how he got so lucky. He'd teased and taunted her all day at school, then, tonight, as she slowly started to open up to him, he'd realized he wanted more than to simply rekindle their friendship. Tonight he became aware that she wasn't his eleven-year-old best friend anymore. She was a woman. A beautiful, tempting, sexy woman.
Holy hell, even the way she drooled a bit as she slept was enticing. What do I have to do to get you to trust me, again? He wondered before gathering up a throw blanket and gently settling it over her still form.
He thought about the moment earlier today when he saw her and Jo for the first time in almost five years. A tension in his chest he hadn't realized existed, loosened when he saw his best friends standing together. They'd grown into beautiful young women. Lacey was well-loved, respected and popular. As friendly and cheerful as she'd been as a young girl, Danny never doubted she'd have tons of friends and popularity in high school.
Jo was a bit of a surprise, though. She'd settled herself on the fringes of high school society, drowning herself in academia and solitary activities. She pretended to be happy when it was obvious she wanted so much more. She deserved so much more. It was disheartening for Danny to learn that she and Lacey were no longer friends. And now he knew it was because of him. At least Jo had that awkward kid, Rico, to give her some sense of a teenage normalcy.
That afternoon, Danny decided to make a concerted effort to get Jo to expand her horizons a little more and stop merely existing in the background of her own life. He was also determined to get Lacey to loosen up and let herself have fun like she used to. Paradoxically, he also wanted her to see how much he had matured over the years so he could earn back her trust, and prove that he could still be a great friend to her. Even if he wanted to be more than that.
He'd take whatever he could get as long as he could stay in their lives.
His gaze was pulled from Lacey's sleeping form when his cell phone vibrated.
