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One-shot #4

Sam woke with a start, sweat sticking to his skin like the memories of the nightmare he'd just woken up from stuck to his mind. This wasn't the first time he'd been woken up because of memories of his time in the war. It wouldn't be the last time he'd be haunted by the memory of his failure to save his best friend. Sam sighed and moved from the bed, he figured there was no way he was sleeping anymore that night. He made his way to the communal kitchen not expecting to see anyone else but was surprised when he saw Maria sitting at the breakfast bar.

"What are you doing up?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Maria said.

" it was a better idea if I just…"

"Gotcha. Wanna talk about it?"

"Not right now. I'm more interested in knowing what's up with you."

Maria sighed, "Nothing, just," she shrugged, "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do anymore."

"With what?"

"My life. I mean, there's no SHIELD, no more Avengers, working at Stark Industries was just a way for me to still help you guys do what you needed to do and now… Now I'm here, in hiding with all of you."

"I figured this wouldn't be easy for you."

Maria laughed, "That's an understatement."

"You and Natasha are so much alike it's scary."

"I'll take that as a compliment although you probably didn't mean it that way."

Sam chuckled, "Oh I didn't mean it in a bad way."

"I know, I was messing with you. Speaking of, ready to tell me about the nightmare?"

Sam sighed, "It was the same as always."

"Riley?" She asked softly.

"Right on one," Sam confirmed as he took two beers out of the fridge and passed her one.

"Thanks."

"Riley was my friend and I let him down when it mattered the most."

"Sam," Maria said placing a hand on his shoulder, "somethings we can't stop, no matter how much we want to."

"I know, but it doesn't really help with the guilt. The nightmares were getting easier to deal with, but what happened with Rhodey…"

"Brought it all back?"

"Yeah," he said, taking a long swig of his beer, "it was the same scenario, I was up there and I could see him falling but I couldn't get there in time. I mean, what good am I if I couldn't even save my teammates? Should I really be out there trying to save the world?"

"Sam…"

"No, Maria," he said and shrugged her hand off his arm, "there's nothing that can fix this. I screwed up, I moved out of the way and now Rhodey is suffering for it."

Maria moved after him and hugged Sam where he was slumping against the wall, "I know there's nothing I can say that'll fix this," she said softy. "But what happened wasn't your fault, it was fight and people get hurt in fights and that's something we all have learned to accept. Rhodey isn't well now, but he will be in time. And you can't blame yourself for Riley, the way I understand it nothing that you could've done would have saved him. It was his time. We do what we do to save people, but we have to accept it when some of them die because if not… If we don't accept that, our lives are gonna go to hell."

Sam relaxed in her arms as she finished talking, but she could feel him shaking and his tears were soaking her shirt, "I should have saved them."

"Shhh," Maria shushed him gently. "You did your best and with time Rhodey will get better."

After some more tears, Sam took a deep breath and pushed her away gently, "Thanks and I'm sorry for dumping all of this on you."

Maria smiled, "Don't be. We're friends, I'm here for you particularly while Steve is away with Nat and Clint."

"Shit, I forgot, did they get Barton's family out?"

"Yeah, got a text about twenty minutes before you came out here. They're on their way, Laura and the kids were fine."

"That's good."

Maria grinned, "Yeah, it is."

"Think any of us will be able to have something like that one day?"

"Maybe, maybe one day when the world doesn't need us anymore."

"You think it still needs us?"

Maria nodded, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure the world still needs the Avengers and once Tony gets his head out of his ass, he'll see that. Until then, I guess we'll continue saving the world from here."

"Well, here doesn't sound so bad, as long as you stay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Sam confirmed putting his arm around her shoulders and looking out the window at the rising sun. Sure life was confusing, but it was a little less confusing when you had friends there with you.

AN:

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