Chapter 3: Truths
"Come on, Merlin, you know this!" said Hunith, getting rather frustrated. For the last few weeks since they had arrived in Deira, she and Matthias had been tutoring Merlin in the things he would need to know to be King. Matthias taught the warlock history, politics and economics, while Hunith took care of diplomacy, etiquette and Latin. Her son was also studying the fighting arts with one of the knights, and although he would never be near the standard of Prince Arthur, he was definitely improving.
Upon hearing that his nephew was a warlock, the King had ordered that Merlin also be taught sorcery. Hunith knew that her son knew far more that any of the sorcerers here, and so was always bored in those lessons. In most of his other classes, though, he was attentive and determined to learn.
But today was different. All morning Hunith had been testing her son on the proper greetings required for different nobles in different situations. It was a complicated subject, but this was just supposed to be a review lesson. Yesterday, Merlin had been perfect, but today he seemed to have no idea.
"Are you sure you don't need a bit of time off, Merlin?" she asked softly, laying her hand on her son's arm. "You've not had a break for days."
"I'm fine, mother," replied Merlin, shaking her hand off.
"I don't think you are," she said. In truth, Hunith had been sensing something strange about Merlin for days. He had been very quiet, and when he wasn't concentrating on his lessons his face fell into a depressed expression.
"I said I'm fine, Mother. But I might take that break now," he said, standing up to leave.
"Okay, I'll let you have a few hours rest, but then we need to talk," said Hunith, realising she wasn't going to get anything out of Merlin. As her son left Hunith wondered what was wrong. She had originally thought that he was just missing his friends in Camelot, but now she wasn't so sure. Something, perhaps a mother's instinct, told her that Merlin's problem was much more serious and had been going on much longer. She only hoped that whatever it was, her son didn't do anything stupid because of it.
It was getting harder and harder for Merlin to keep everything together. Back in Camelot he'd only managed because of the time he got to spend with Arthur. Here, he struggled to find a reason to want to live. He had tried to keep going for his mother, his uncle and all the other people who were depending on him, and he could probably stay alive like that, but to live he needed Arthur.
It wasn't good for him to feel this strongly about anybody, but Merlin couldn't help it; Arthur was addictive. He needed the other man like he needed air to breathe, and the separation was destroying him. Even worse, Merlin knew that that separation would never end. Arthur would have forgotten about him by now.
The conflict in his mind wasn't helping either. He knew he had a duty to become King and rule Deira, but all he wanted to do was go to sleep and never wake up again.
Suddenly feeling very tired, Merlin fell into his bed, not even bothering to get under the covers. As he closed his eyes he wished, just like every night for the past few weeks, that he wouldn't wake up again.
It was late afternoon by the time Hunith finally went in to see Merlin. She had looked in a few hours before, but seeing her son sleeping peacefully she had quickly left. A bit of sleep would do him good. But Merlin also needed to eat, and she wanted to get this over with before dinner.
She walked over to her son's bed to wake him up, but then she noticed the mess of papers on his desk. Thinking there might be some hint to the reason for her son's condition there, and realising it would be easier and more effective than talking to Merlin, she moved over and started rummaging through the mess.
About halfway through, between an essay on politics and a copied diagram of some herbs, she found a letter addressed to her and Gaius. As she read it through, her eyes widened and tears formed in them.
Merlin, her little boy, had wanted to die? And probably still did if his behaviour was anything to go by. And it was all Arthur's fault. How dare that boy not realise what Merlin was feeling? It didn't matter that he was a Prince – he had acted like Merlin's friend and then betrayed him.
If Hunith had her way, Arthur would never see, never hurt, her son again, but she was wise enough to realise that he was the only one who could help Merlin right now. She sat down at the desk, pulled out a piece of parchment and began penning a letter to the Prince of Camelot.
To Arthur Pendragon, Crown Prince of Camelot,
After what you did to Merlin, I would rather that you never see him again but unfortunately you are essential to his recovery. You see, shortly after the argument between you and Merlin, my son attempted to kill himself. He did not succeed and I do not believe he has tried since, but it is only a matter of time. You will come to Deira immediately and remain here until Merlin is fully recovered. Your father will be receiving a different reason for you to travel, as I fear he would not let you if he knew the truth.
Yours Sincerely
Hunith, Princess Royal of Deira.
Hunith knew that she would have to run the visit by her brother and send an official invitation to Camelot, but this letter would be going straight to Arthur. She wouldn't let this destroy her son.
One week later, Arthur got the letter. For the past month he'd been missing Merlin more than he'd ever thought was possible. It wasn't as a servant – Arthur would be the first to admit Merlin was the worst manservant in history – but as a friend, and the possibility of something more.
Arthur had never realised how much he needed Merlin until the other man was gone. He'd though it would be easier if Merlin was not around him all the time, but having experienced the reality he knew he was wrong. Merlin's absence was unbelievably painful, and Arthur knew he would give up almost everything just to have his former servant back in his life.
What made the pain even worse, if that was possible, was the knowledge that his actions had hurt Merlin as well. The pain in the younger man's eyes had been obvious, but Arthur hadn't even considered that Merlin would attempt suicide until he'd received the letter from Hunith.
He would go, of course, to Deira and stay with Merlin until he was happy again. And maybe, while he was there, he'd find the courage to tell Merlin why he'd done what he had. If Merlin knew the truth, maybe he'd realise what a stupid idea dying was. And if he was disgusted by Arthur, then the Prince could just leave and everything would be okay.
Arthur would go with or without his father's permission, but it would be an awful lot simpler if he had it. He hoped Hunith had come up with a good reason to travel, but that might not be enough. Uther had been even more unreasonable than normal lately, particularly in regards to Merlin. Arthur remembered the conversation he'd had with his father directly after Merlin had left Camelot.
Arthur still had tears on his face when he entered the throne room, but he didn't care. Uther, however, did. When he saw his son he started yelling.
"What have I told you, Arthur? No man is worth your tears!"
"You're wrong, father. Losing a friend as good as Merlin is certainly worth my tears," replied Arthur.
Uther grew even more angry at that comment, "He is a servant, Arthur, not a friend! You are a Prince and having friends is dangerous. If you put too much trust in a person they will betray you and destroy Camelot! You need advisors, servants and subjects. Nothing more."
At first Arthur was angry, but then his expression grew into one of disgusted understanding. "So because you got betrayed once, you're taking it out on me and forbidding me from being happy?"
"I'm trying to stop you from making the same mistakes I did. Servants are not to be trusted," lectured Uther.
"He's a Prince, not a servant," replied Arthur.
"Then there's even less reason to trust him," retorted Uther.
"So who should I trust, then?" asked Arthur sarcastically, "Oh, don't answer that, I know already. Nobody. Well I'm not going to listen to you on this one. I want to be a King that the people can trust, but how can I do that if I refuse to trust in return?"
Uther was silent at that, it was obvious he had no answer.
"I don't want to turn into a merciless tyrant, father. Not like you," finished Arthur.
At this Uther rose from the throne and yelled, "How dare you say that? I have brought peace and prosperity to Camelot!"
Arthur stepped forward and also began yelling, "Your mistrust of magic has turned into mistrust of everything! You condemn people without trials and refuse to see sense even when the evidence is right in front of you!"
He lowered his voice for the next bit, a saddened expression creeping onto his face, "I used to want to be thee sort of King you were, but something's changed. I don't know if it's you or me, but I don't want that anymore."
Son stared at father, and father at son, the silence only broken when Uther looked away and said, "I can't talk to you now. You are dismissed."
That had been a month ago and Arthur had not had a proper conversation with his father since. They had spoken, of course, about strategy and politics and the like, but there had always been other advisors in the room.
So unless Hunith had come up with a very good reason, Arthur was going to had to do a lot of grovelling, or at least apologise, to be allowed to go. He was just wondering how to best bring up the topic with his father when there was a knock on his door and a guard entered.
"You Highness?" he asked, "His Majesty has summoned you to the throne room."
Hopefully this was about visiting Deira, because Arthur really didn't want to discuss anything else with his father right now.
"I have received a letter from King Alyn of Deira, inviting the two of you to stay with him for the next month," said Uther to his son and his ward.
"I am aware that both of you were close to Alyn's nephew, Merlin. Morgana, you will spend time with him in the hope that he will to consent to a marriage in the future. Such an alliance between Deira and Camelot will be a great asset in the future.
"Arthur, you are to protect the Lady Morgana on her journey and while she is in Deira. You are also to begin discussing and alliance between Camelot and Deira. I will give you the information on the details before you leave. Is that clear?"
"Yes father," replied Arthur, keeping his face neutral but secretly ecstatic that he wouldn't have to beg his father to be allowed to go. He noticed Morgana opening her mouth to argue with Uther, but he quickly should his head at her and mouthed 'I'll explain later'.
Morgana appeared to get the idea, because she nodded her consent to the King before leaving the throne room with Arthur. As soon as they were in an empty part of the hallway she stopped and turned to Arthur.
"Well? Are you going to explain?" she demanded.
Arthur simply kept walking, calling back over his shoulder, "I'll explain when we're back in my rooms. It's not something I want to discuss where other people can hear."
Morgana managed to rein in her curiosity until they both reached Arthur's chambers, but then she exploded. "So? Why do I have to marry Merlin?"
"You don't," replied Arthur, "but I need to get to Deira and this is the only way Father is going to let me go."
"What? Missing Merlin already? I didn't realise you two were that close," asked Morgana in a teasing manner.
"We're a lot closer than you think, Morgana, but that's not the main reason I need to go. I received this letter from Hunith yesterday, and I have to help Merlin," Arthur said as he handed the letter to his half sister.
He watched as her expression turned from shock to sadness to anger, quite obviously at Arthur. "Merlin tried to kill himself? Because of you? You've got an awful lot of explaining to do, Arthur Pendragon," she said in a very dangerous tone.
Arthur looked down at his knees, the guilt he was feeling emanating from him like a cloud. Eventually he gathered himself together, raised his eyes to Morgana and began his tale. He started with his feelings, having long ago realised that Merlin and Merlin's happiness were far more important than his pride and reputation. But there was still no need to overdo it, so once Morgana got the idea he moved onto the morning he'd fired Merlin.
Morgana's eyes were dangerously narrow by the time Arthur had finished that part, and not for the first time the Prince was genuinely scared of his half sister. Despite not being a Pendragon by blood, Morgana shared the same temper as Arthur and Uther, and it was obvious that she was about to unleash it.
And although Arthur knew he probably deserved to be yelled at, he wasn't quite brave enough to face it (not that he'd admit that to anyone, especially Morgana). So he quickly said, "I did apologise, though. I'm not a complete prat anymore," and went on to explain the last time his had seen his former servant.
The pain of recalling that experience was so great that Arthur couldn't look his half sister in the eye any longer, nor stop the tears from rolling town his face. He heard Morgan's footsteps, and as he expected them to be leaving the room in disgust, he was very surprised when he felt the girl sit down next to him and pull him into a hug. The two of them hadn't hugged since Arthur had woken Morgana up after her first nightmare, fourteen years ago.
"I won't pretend that you weren't a complete arse, Arthur Pendragon," said the King's Ward, "but you've got a good heart and we can fix this. We will save Merlin."
"Yes," replied the Prince, "we will."
I am so incredibly sorry for the long lack of update. This chapter gave me a bit of trouble, and I scrapped the first draft and started again. Although it has been ready in my excercise book for about a week, and I've just been to lazy to type it up (or too busy reading fanfiction and chatting to blackteaplease...). But hopefully it was worth it! I hope you liked Arthur - I tried to keep him in character, but still show how he's changed through the story.
The next chapter will be good - you will finally get to see Merlin and Arthur interacting (they've had what, two scenes together?). But it will probably take another three or so weeks for me to write, depending on how busy I am an how much inspiration I get...
So, please review and let me know what you thought!!
