AUTHOR'S NOTE (gotta B writin): Welcome back! Sorry for the delay in this getting out. I'm pretty sure I meant to upload this a while ago, but life once again decided to intervene in both my life and my lovely co-author's (she had a baby, you guys! I expect congratulations for the accomplishment of her nether regions in your reviews! lol). So in summation, sorry for taking a bajillion years and on with the chapter!

AUTHOR'S NOTE (TheFauxMe): Hi all! Once again, I love that you love us like we love us. It makes this relationship work pretty damn well from where I'm sitting. Lol. gBw handles all the shout outs, but I am so excited to see all your reviews each time we post... You are all wonderful. Don't ever change. Apologies for any delays: this chapter might have been out sooner if I hadn't decided to have a baby a month before his due date. But I promise, the wait is totally worth it. This chapter is where the real fun starts, so buckle up, kiddies, and prepare for a ride and a half. Warning—If you hadn't picked it by now, our sense of humor can be a little...twisted. If you're looking for something less than farcical, you're in the wrong spot.

DISCLAIMER: We own nothing but the hilarity below.

Glee —

A Matchless Match

Chapter Four: Looking For Mr. Good Enough

"Say it again," Elizabeth sang as her smirk grew even wider. She girlishly played with the ends of her hair, unable to, and not caring about hiding her ecstatic state of mind.

"No, you've already made me say it three times," Sebastian growled, masking his large levels of annoyance and allowing himself to only appear mildly annoyed. He refused to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she was actually getting to him.

"Come on! This is history in the making. Just one more time. I won't ask you again, I swear!"

"Slut's honor?" he asked, looking much more innocent than his question actually was.

"Sebastian!"

He laughed quietly, thankful to at least get in one small jab before sighing and looking to his left, and away from his friend, before muttering his repeated statement.

"You might've been right about the whole dating site thing."

Elizabeth let out another deep sigh, though hers sounded much more pleasurable than the one her best friend had released. She leaned back in her seat and basked in the glory of being correct. Being the best friend of Sebastian Smythe meant that one was seldom ever declared correct when in opposition to his opinion. Not that she was any better, but this specific moment wasn't about her (like most of life, in her opinion). There had been numerous moments in their relationship where Sebastian was glaringly in the wrong, yet he refused to admit so. She could only remember one other time where Sebastian had uttered those beautiful three words to her, "you were right", and this time didn't even require Elizabeth to literally grab her friend by the balls and threaten to squeeze harder and twist her hand if he didn't admit defeat.

"So what happened?" she asked nonchalantly, basking in the glow of her victory, "Did you accidentally screw a tranny again? Did he try to introduce you to his friend named Jesus and join his cult? Because knowing you, something horrible had to have happened for you to even consider using a normal dating site where nudity isn't allowed."

"No nudes? Wait, what?" Sebastian's eyes snapped back to her, the beginnings of his mental backtracking written all over his symmetrical features.

"Just spit it out, Lady!" Elizabeth quickly added, mentally scolding herself for giving him any reason to change his mind.

It's not like he needs any help talking himself out of this. He needs to meet someone that'll be good for him, not blow him in some club's back room and let him do it again five minutes later.

Sebastian rolled his eyes, slowly letting out his breath, as he considered how to start the horrific tale. Had it been anyone else, he never would have even dreamed of sharing his humiliating experience, but Elizabeth wasn't some random person. Despite their strong friendship, and even stronger rivalry, they had always been a confidant for the other. Even though he knew that she would tease him mercilessly, she was the only person with whom he'd allow himself to share his pitfalls. It was an ironic admission, but it somehow made sense to him.

He leaned back in his seat and mentally prepared himself for the laughing that would ensue once he started his story.

"So I woke up..."

"Fucking...what..." Sebastian muttered as he pressed the palm of his hand against right temple.

He squinted his eyes, being blinded by the sun's rays as they streamed through the sheer curtains that hung, covering the window in the room. He breathed out in annoyance as he tried to sit himself up before falling back into the uncomfortable pillow as a massive pain invaded his head like the army spewing out of a Trojan horse, hiding in a seemly innocent action.

"Son of a bitch..." Sebastian hissed, bringing his other palm up and squeezing his head, trying to physically force his hangover out.

He registered the bitter taste of drunken debauchery on his lips and tongue as he grimaced and felt the slightly rough sheets move over his naked body. The lawyer turned his head when he registered the feeling of another's skin next to his. Sebastian was annoyed with himself as he turned his head back and slowly eased his body up from the mattress. He spotted his clothes lying mockingly on the floor, taunting him as if he were some inexperienced college coed. He quickly dressed himself, only swearing once as his knee knocked into the wall ("Fucking fuck!"), and was about to let himself out of the tiny room when he noticed something peculiar in the corner.

"What the hell...?" Sebastian let out louder than he had meant.

"Oh hey," came the sleepy voice, belonging to the room's apparently handsome owner.

"Why do you have all those cleaning supplies?"

The handsome stranger frowned in confusion before turning his head, following the direction of Sebastian's gaze. Once he spotted what Sebastian was referring to, it was as if his memory had been refreshed. He chuckled lightly, sitting up and allowing the white bed sheet to fall to his waist, exposing a well-defined chest and set of abs straight (no irony intended) from a Calvin Klein billboard.

"Oh those," he smiled as he shrugged, yawned, and stretched his arms out, effectively capturing Sebastian's attention with the inadvertent flexing of his muscles, "those are from work. I grab some extra cleaning supplies for my place when I run low here."

Sebastian frowned, still experiencing the pains of an alcohol-fueled night. His brain was pounding inside his head, and not the good kind of pounding either. The last thing he needed was to be forced to think and process ambiguous information. He was way too hung over for the conversation that was attempting to infringe on his life.

"Please tell me you own a cleaning supply factory or something..."

The man laughed and shook his head, clearly not having had as much to drink the previous night as Sebastian. He grinned up at a very hungover Sebastian, showing a perfect set of pearly white teeth.

"Nah! I wish! I'm just a—"

"A Janitor? You fucked a JANITOR!?"

Sebastian swore that Elizabeth's laughter could be heard across the river and on the other side of town. Cackling may have been a better descriptor for her actions. It was almost as if his best friend had swallowed a pack of hyenas or was auditioning for the role of Ed in The Lion King. Instead of playing into her taunting and trying to defend himself, Sebastian instead chose to simply sit in his chair and remain composed, keeping as much dignity as one could muster after admitting such a horrible truth.

"Who's next? I think the valet at the restaurant across the street was kinda cute."

Sebastian rolled his eyes, "Clearly, it was a—"

"Or you know, my doorman is single and I've gotten gay vibes from him in the past. He likes Kathy Griffin."

"I'm not even go—"

"Have you checked to see who's your nightly cleaning crew at the firm? What am I saying, of course you know. I'm sure you've already slept your way that Guatemalan staff and even get free burritos at their family restaurant."

"Eliz—"

"I didn't know your tastes took such a dive, Sebastian. Maybe we could go out to the suburbs and find you a nice substitute teacher to fu—"

"Clearly, telling you was a mistake and I should be flogged for my oversight," Sebastian glared as he crossed his legs. His actions only served to cause his friend to roll her eyes.

"Don't get your food stamps all bunched up, I'm only teasing," Elizabeth smiled, still enjoying the moment more than a friend should.

"Feel free to tease from the inside of a cab as it drives away...into an oncoming train."

"God, someone needs to change her maxi pad. What's important is that you've finally realized that looking Chlamydia in the eye on a weekly basis is a bad thing. I'm done. No more jokes," she said, wearing a straight face and holding up her hands.

Sebastian studied his friend and rolled his eyes: "I know you. You still have one more joke. Let it out."

"Did he smell like Pine Sol? Bleach? Did he try to involve sponges at all or shove a broomstick up your a—"

"And your time is up!" Sebastian loudly interrupted her, crossing his arms as a sign of finality.

"Fair enough."

The two sat in a comfortable silence despite having just had the exchange they did. That was one of the things about their friendship that both enjoyed so much: they were able to have fights or stretches of teasing without letting it affect their relationship. They never walked away feeling angry or bitter because both knew that the other was never being malicious.

Elizabeth pulled out her phone after receiving a text message and Sebastian simply sat in his seat, allowing his mind to turn over the thought that had been in his head ever since he'd left the janitor's poor excuse for an apartment that morning: Perhaps Elizabeth had been right? Maybe sleeping with random strangers wasn't such a good idea? Who knew who else Sebastian had inadvertently shared a bed with? A clown? A fast food worker? A natural red head? A Republican? He shivered at the possibilities.

Maybe it was time to give Elizabeth's idea a chance? Sure, he had signed up on the Grindr app, but that was more of a mocking acceptance of his friend's suggestion than a real effort to find someone. As much as he was opposed to the idea, maybe there was some truth to Elizabeth and Annie's arguments of finding someone?

At the very least, I can still bend these losers over and get a decent time out of them.

Sebastian nodded his head, having made up his mind. He leaned forward and smacked the phone out of his friend's hand, ignoring her cry of annoyance as the device crashed against the floor.

"So this dating website thing you've been talking about...is there a way to set a minimum for their salary? And I don't wanna date any fatties!"

Glee —

Blaine checked his appearance in the mirror for what seemed like the millionth time. He busied himself, smoothing out any creases in his shirt and double-checking that he was putting his best foot forward with his decision of outfits.

"Dude, stop freaking out, you look fine!" Sam chided as he rolled his eyes and took another bite out of his apple.

"I don't want to look fine Sam," Blaine glared at the blond's reflection in the mirror, "I need to look good! What if he looks at me and walks away? What if I'm wearing a color he hates or my pants make me look fat?"

"Dude," Sam said as he set down his apple, hopped off the bed, and walked up behind his roommate, rubbing his tense shoulders, "calm down. You look good, OK? Good. I mean, I dunno...seeing you in these clothes...it's just...I've never thought about it before...but you look real sexy, Bro...I kinda wanna...you know..."

Blaine slapped away Sam's hands that had begun traveling lower, down his body. He glared at the mirror, focusing on the laughing face over his shoulder.

"Be serious!"

Blaine hated it when Sam patronized him like that. Not only did it make Blaine feel like a ridiculous child, but it also affected him in a physical way that brought on a level of confusion that the curly-haired brunette swore he'd left behind in high school. They were roommates, damnit!

"You really need to just calm down, B. You look fine. He'll look fine. You'll have fun. Maybe you'll go back to his place tonight? Maybe you'll call him tomorrow? Or maybe you won't even like him and this'll be it? I don't know and neither do you, Dude. Just stop flipping out. You sound like my little sister!"

The accusation felt like a bucket of cold water…poured down the front of his pants. Blaine turned back to his reflection again, evaluating his decision. Sam was right, he looked good. If Blaine saw himself walk into the restaurant, he'd be attracted. What was there to worry about?

"You're right, sorry," he apologized as he turned around and sat down next to Sam on his bed.

"Say it again," the blond beamed, taking another bite from his apple.

"You're right, Sam. I was acting like a little girl. Happy?"

"Definitely!" Sam said as he put his arm around Blaine's shoulders. He allowed the smaller man to lean against him, probably drawing strength to head out on his first date in months. Sam silently prayed that things went well on the date. It had taken forever to get Blaine to agree to start dating. He didn't want one bad experience to ruin all of that.

He squeezed his friend's shoulder before removing his arm and pressing his hand against Blaine's back, pushing him off the bed and nodding to the door. The dressed up man nodded reluctantly as he grabbed the leather jacket hanging over the back of his desk's chair.

"Come on, Bro! Cheer up! What's the worst that could happen?"

Glee —

The music pumping through the club's loud speakers pounded against Blaine's eardrums. He winced as he looked around, taking in his surroundings of gyrating dancers and a ridiculous amount of laser lights in the dark space. He turned his eyes back to his date for the evening, Tyler: a manager at one of the city's numerous stock broker firms. Blaine had forgotten which one, due to his attempts to block out all the words that came out of the creep's mouth.

"Did I tell you about the time I went rock climbing in China?" Tyler yelled out, trying to be heard over the booming music as he took another sip from his drink.

"Yeah," Blaine called back, "you went with your friend Brad."

Tyler laughed as he set his drink down and leaned back into his seat, continuing to speak as if Blaine hadn't replied, "Man, that was a crazy trip. We had the craziest night with those hookers that we bought!"

Glee —

Sebastian looked around the quiet coffee shop, desperate for any reason to leave his table. Across from him was possibly the most boring person on the face of the Earth. It was taking every ounce of self-discipline not to flip the table over, grab the idiot by the collar, and scream "You're boring! Go kill yourself!" in his face repeatedly.

The first five minutes of their conversation had Sebastian explaining his job at the firm. The rest of their time together—twenty-seven minutes and thirty-eight seconds, not that anyone was keeping track—was filled with The Bore, because Sebastian had already forgotten his name, droning on and on about his ongoing project of trying to isolate a mutant gene or something or other. After his failed X-Men joke, which The Bore had not found funny in the least, Sebastian had accepted the fact that he might literally die of boredom while listening to The Bore's boring stories.

"Oh. And I have to tell you about my work with a group of fungi that my lab is..."

A nearby waitress gasped in shock as Sebastian's head slammed against the table.

Glee —

"So you having fun?" Blaine's date asked as he looked over, smiling like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Uhh...yeah. This is a lot of...umm..." Blaine's voice sounded strained as he forced the smile on his face and looked back at the sight in front of him, trying to keep the disapproval from his features. "Well...it's definitely...different."

"I didn't know if you'd like this or not, but I'm glad I went with my gut and took you here!" his date shouted as he grinned even more. He leaned over and spoke into Blaine's ear, "I know a lot of guys probably wouldn't be into this, but it's awesome that you're not all freaked out and stuff."

Blaine nodded quickly. Trying to keep the disgust out of his expression.

"Actually, it's kind of hot how cool you are. I've never met a guy like you before," the date said, tracing Blaine's body with a very specific type of hunger in his eyes. He sent Blaine a smirk that would have made the man blush in any other setting.

"Oh...I can honestly say that I've never met a guy like you before either, Tim." Blaine replied, keeping the forced smile on his face. He nodded again before adding, "And I didn't even know that stuff like this existed. This is such a...uh...a unique first date!"

"Yeah! Not a lot of people know about it, but there are actually a lotta underground midget fights all over the city! If you want, I know a place we could go next time where they actually oil them up before they fight! Sometimes they even dress them up in animal costumes!"

Glee —

"So you're on track to be CEO in a few years?" Sebastian asked, impressed despite his best efforts.

"Well," Eduardo replied humbly as he averted his eyes and flashed a shy smile, "I mean nothing is set in stone, but my mentor told me that's his plan for when he retires in a couple years. I've been really blessed to have the CEO take me on as a mentee. I don't know why, but I just count myself lucky for having that opportunity."

The man's humility was bordering on annoying, it was as if the guy was trying to win a Miss America pageant, but Sebastian just tried to remind himself that there were actually genuinely humble people in the world. Annie was a perfect example of that, and he liked Annie!

"So what do you do in your spare time?" Sebastian asked as he took a sip from his glass of wine.

"Oh, I like to work with a few different organizations that's our company has partnered with over the years. I've found that I really like working with people. I have a young boy that I mentor and there's a soup kitchen that I volunteer at on the weekends," Eduardo answered as he took a sip from his glass of water and smiled at Sebastian.

"Oh..." Sebastian said, suddenly realizing that he had very few things in common with the gorgeous man sitting across from him. It was like the guy had Mother Teresa up his ass or something.

"Sometimes I like to go help out at an animal shelter that's close to my place. But I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Your profile said you like to do some charity work too?"

Sebastian smiled as he took another sip from his glass, trying to think of something to say. The charity work that he had referred to in his profile was actually him deciding to finally acknowledge Fred, the pimply intern at his firm and the fact that he had stopped hiding Marshall's desk chair (both per Annie's request).

"Yeah, I like working with poor people, too. I like feeling like I'm making a difference in their lives. The poorer the better," he laughed uncertainly, desperate to change the subject at the confused look on his date's face, though the man laughed politely anyway.

"You sure you don't want something to drink?" Sebastian asked, gesturing to the glass of water sitting on the table.

"Oh no, I'm fine. I don't drink," Eduardo answered with a smile and a small shake of his head.

"You mean on the first date?" Sebastian asked, confused.

"No, at all. I don't drink alcohol."

"Oh."

Glee —

"I'm having a lot of fun, Blaine," Frank smiled across the table, his face lighting up with sincerity.

"Me too," Blaine replied, offering his own smile. The date had been gone really well thus far, a nice surprise compared to his previous dates.

"So you think maybe we can get out of here? I don't want to sound presumptuous, but maybe we don't have to say goodnight just yet?" Frank asked. He held a hopeful look on his face as if he was uncertain of the response he would get.

"Yeah," Blaine decided as they both got up from their chairs and made their way out of the busy restaurant, "I think I'd be OK with tonight lasting a little longer."

Finding someone of Frank's caliber made Blaine question his decision to wait so long before dating again. Sure, he had to subject himself to some truly questionable people to find the man that was now to his right, but it suddenly seemed well worth the effort. Frank was the CEO of a small water bottle company that he had started back when he was in college. Under his direction, the company had grown to a respectable size. What was more, Frank was an avid runner who took pride in staying in shape, something Sam would surely approve of. He had run in numerous marathons around the country, raising money for various non-profit organizations in the process.

He was perfect. How did Blaine get so lucky?

"So what did you have in mind for tonight?" Blaine asked, using his flirty voice as he let his hand casually run along Frank's arm, enjoying the feel of the muscle flexing beneath his fingers once the man realized what Blaine was doing.

"We'll I thought we cou—"

Frank stopped, jumping back onto the sidewalk as a taxi cab came to a screeching halt right in front of him, just barely avoiding impact.

"What the fuck!?" Frank screamed while slamming his fists onto the hood of the car.

The cab driver got out and yelled at him for hitting his car, angrily apologizing and saying it was an accident.

"An accident! You being here is an accident, you FUCKING MORON!"

Blaine's eyes grew wide in shock as he saw his mild-mannered date transform into a raging beast.

"You should be thanking your fucking third-world-gods that we even let you into our country, you idiot! Who the fuck taught you how to drive!? GOD!" He slammed his fists on the hood once again before moving to the side and kicking a small dent into one of the cab's doors, before it sped off. He raised his fists, using his middle fingers to express what he thought about the cab driver that was speeding away.

With a small sigh and an apologetic smile, he turned back to Blaine, all traces of his Mr. Hyde personality gone.

"Sorry about that."

"…It's fine," Blaine replied unsure of what to actually say.

"I just can't wait until the government stops letting all these people into our country. Immigrants," he chuckled, "who needs 'em?"

Glee —

"...and I know it's weird since I'm gay, but it's because of my belief in Jesus Christ that I've decided I don't want to have sex again until I'm married. I also..."

Sebastian simply got up from his seat and walked out of the restaurant, not looking back, leaving behind a very confused date shouting after him.

Glee —

Blaine smiled uncomfortably as he looked down at his still undisturbed drink, looking for any traces of a date-rape drug in it.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you'd look really hot dancing in a cage," his date whispered in his ear.

Blaine excused himself to the bathroom.

Glee —

"Check please!" Sebastian yelled, midway through a story of working with orphans in Africa.

Glee —

"He tried to feed me to his pet snake!"

Blaine was yelling into his phone, waving frantically while he attempted to hail a cab. He continued to jerk his hand desperately, praying that the gods that hated him for whatever reason would finally take pity. He looked over his shoulder, trying to make sure that his date hadn't followed him. And to think, he'd thought agreeing to a lunch date in the park would guarantee his safety.

"Just let me make you a dating profile," Sam said…"There's no way this could possibly be a bad thing," Sam said…I'm going to kill him…I'm going to go home, throw out all his protein shakes, and ki—

Cooper's raucous laughter interrupted Blaine's thoughts, causing his frown to etch itself deeper into his features.

"Is that a euphemism, Little Brother, because as much as I love you, I really don't wanna hear about how some guy made you go down on h—"

"No! Cooper! No, he had a snake. A giant snake! Who brings a snake to a public park!? I don't even thi—stop laughing!" Blaine yelled angrily into his phone, sighing in relief and annoyance as a yellow cab finally pulled up to him. "I'm serious, Cooper! It was an honest-to-God snake! A python or something!...and since when do you not want to hear about my sex life? Aren't you the one that left that male thong on my bed with the note 'For you and your boyfriend and all your gay sex'?"

"I was just trying to help you give Danny Boy a nice Valen—I mean…I have no idea what you're talking about! Sam probably put it there…"

"You literally just confessed to actually putting the—wait, why are we talking about this? I was almost killed today, Cooper! Stop being distracting!"

"You're the one that—"

"Cooper!"

To his credit, there was some semblance of an apologetic tone to his voice when Cooper next spoke, "Are you sure you aren't overreacting? There are plenty of people with weird pets, B. Maybe he just—"

"He brought a snake to the park and asked if I wanted to wear a red hood! I don't think I misinterpreted that!" Blaine yelled into his phone, not noticing the alarmed look that the cabby shot him, in the rear-view mirror.

"Yeah, but…I mean…red hoods are cool, right? Maybe it's some weird gay fashion thing, or—"

"Last time I checked, giant pentagrams painted on a hood aren't really much of a fashion statement, Cooper! Unless the statement you're trying to make is 'I love Satan!'" Blaine felt the car swerve suddenly. He looked forward just in time to catch two eyes quickly look away from his in the mirror.

"Well, that just seems a little unfair to people who—"

"Cooper!"

"Fine, fine. So you dated another creepy possible-killer guy. Just chalk it up to another story for the grandkids. Come on Little Brother, where's your sense of adventure?" Copper responded, all signs of an apology absent from his voice. He annoyingly sounded amused again, as though he didn't full register that Blaine almost became a victim of a horribly cheesy SyFy Original Film monster.

"There's something seriously wrong with the phrase 'another creepy possible-killer guy' being applicable to the guys that I date. I shouldn't be dating future serial killers or sacrificial serpent worshipers…"

"Maybe you have a thing for that whole 'I wanna kill you' type of guy," Cooper forced before bursting into another fit of laughter.

His mocking laugh continued to ring in Blaine's ears as he scrunched his face in annoyance.

"Thank you for being supportive and helpful, Cooper. Let me show you my appreciation for all that you've done by hanging up on you."

"Aw, come on, B…don't…don't be like that. I'm only teasing. Can't an older brother tease his little brother without it being a federal offense?" Cooper asked.

Cooper's words may have eased the tension between the two, but something about his laughter and the fact that he could barely get them out told Blaine that Cooper maybe wasn't being as harmless as he said he was.

"Fine," Blaine said, rolling his eyes and groaning exaggeratedly. "Hey, can you hold on for a minute?"

"Sure, what do you—."

Blaine quickly pressed the end button and shoved his phone into his pocket. He leaned back in the seat and crossed his arms, not caring at all that he looked like a five year old who was just put into Time Out. He turned his scowl away from his lap and looked out the window. The Sun was slowly being blocked as dark clouds began to move in front of it.

Something told him it was not going to be a good day.

Glee —

Sebastian sighed as he stood in line, impatiently waiting for his beloved caffeinated beverage. He allowed his eyes to scan the crowd listlessly, silently deciding the life stories of the people around him, one of his favorite games.

There was the woman who had won a large sum of money on a two-dollar scratch it, only to squander the lot on a poor boob job and anal bleaching; the man who owned a large pet supplies company who had just discovered that his wife was cheating on him with a woman named Janet; and...

Hello handsome.

Sebastian's interest perked up considerably as his eyes landed on what had to be the prettiest man he'd ever seen outside his own mirror. He was tall and slender, with dark hair impeccably coiffed atop his head and eyes, a stunning shade of blue.

As if sensing Sebastian's appraisal, the man caught his gaze and smiled. And the smile just made him prettier, all cheekbones and pearly white teeth set in a perfect line. Yes, the guy had to be at least mid-thirties, but he was hot, and it would be a crime if a man of that physical calibre was straight.

Coffee all but forgotten, Sebastian stalked towards the object of his attraction, his own confident smile in place, a predatory gleam in his eye. With a formed plan of approach in Sebastian's mind, the look was quickly replaced by a feigned look of curiosity mixed with hesitancy.

"This might sound really cheesy," he began, "but I swear I've seen you before…"

The smile broadened, revealing an appealing dimple, and the man shrugged good-naturedly.

"Maybe you've seen me around?"

"Maybe…but I don't think that's it…" the easy smile on Sebastian's lips stretched itself even wider. The poor guy seemed genuinely clueless.

This is gonna be too easy.

"Huh…well, are you into theatre? Maybe you've seen me on stage?"

An actor. Not a bottle of Windex in sight. It wasn't an ideal profession, but it definitely beat his last bedfellow. "That must be it." He nodded as the barista called his name. He wanted to smack her for her awful timing.

In that moment, Sebastian decided to do something he'd never done before. Usually he was the pursued, not the pursuer, but something about this man just spoke to him. The desire to see this man spread across a mattress, naked and calling out his name—or maybe dressed up like a ken doll, coming out of a life-size box and stripping down to nothing—was just too great for him to leave it to chance. Besides, the guy didn't seem that bright to begin with. He probably didn't even know that he was being hit on.

"Look, that's me. I've got to go. Can I get your number? Maybe take you to dinner or—"

He stopped and frowned with annoyance when the man started to laugh. Unused to rejection, he scowled and turned away, trying not to flinch when a hand landed on his shoulder.

"Hey, Man, I'm sorry. You just kinda surprised me. I'm flattered, but I'm totally straight. Sorry about that."

Scrambling to collect a little of his dignity, Sebastian arched an eyebrow. The actor's hand was manicured, his cologne designer and divine, and he was clearly blessed with a sense of fashion. 'Totally straight' didn't compute. But then again, the man was turning him, Sebastian Smythe, down. He either had to be straight or retarded.

I suppose he must be straight then.

"Pity," he said, giving his no-longer-prey an appraising once over, then, with his trademark smirk in place, "You wouldn't have a younger, gay brother by any chance?"

The guy grinned and gave him his own once over, which was vaguely unsettling.

"Actually..." He started, but was cut off by the barista.

"Cooper!"

"And that's me. Gotta go. Nice meeting you."

Sebastian watched him disappear towards the counter with a frown, then remembered his own coffee, which would most likely have cooled far too long for his taste. The entire endeavour had been pointless. How frustrating!

Cooper, meanwhile, sipped at his flat white as he made his way towards his latest rehearsal, his own face scrunched in thought. What the hell was Blaine complaining about? There were obviously a number of available, viable gay men his age prowling the city if that interaction was anything to go by. Maybe he should have taken the guy's number as a favor for his little bro? Or would that be construed as meddling? Man, Blaine was harder to read than most women Cooper came across.

Glee —

AUTHOR'S NOTE (TheFauxMe): *Wipes tears of laughter from eyes* Ah, rereading it never fails to entertain me. I'm telling you, my coauthor is divine. I feel a bit like a slacker with this instalment, because gotta B did so much of the work! Everyone, show the man some love! I'd tell you my favorite parts, but I'm more interested in seeing what you thought. You'll earn yourself a sneak peek of the next chapter that way. *exaggerated wink*

AUTHOR'S NOTE (gotta B writin): So there it is. I actually wrote this and the next two chapters during a few days when all my friends decided to enjoy summer and I was stuck at home…but hey, it turned out to be productive lol.

So what'd you think? Please take a minute or two and jot down your thoughts and tell us your favorite parts. Feel free to throw in some suggestions for future scenes. We're always open for input!

Thank you to all of you who reviewed Chapter Three! I definitely owe you guys a response (sorry again for being all MIA). You all rock hardcore. Look for PMs in your inboxes probably tomorrow. I'm planning on responded to you all tomorrow after I get home from work. Thank you to all our reviewers: Loki Firefox, BelaGray, sct33, AgainstAllOds, LaidUp, TVTime, Misgranted, Chrysalyss, and jay.142!

Thanks to our new followers: sooks, lilypond88 (the HP fanboy in me thinks of Mama Potter when I read your name), Never Fly Away, hoesovrbros8 (can I just say…slow, dramatic clap for that name lol)!

And last, but not least, thank you to those who favorited our story: LaidUp, Never Fly Away, KellsieSLA, and prci8!

Again, thanks for reading, take a minute to leave a review (and congratulate my dear friend TheFauxMe on becoming a new mama), look out for review responses from last chapter, AND sneak peeks to chapter four (for those of you who reviewed)! Ciao!

NEXT CHAPTER: "I can't believe it's been almost a year since I've seen you!" Blaine said into the brown hair that had somehow found its way into his mouth during the course of the short embrace.

"I know! Let's not make this a habit. We need to see each other more often!"