Chapter 4:

"Alright, we have gathered here today, on the twenty-eight thousand, six hundred and tenth iteration of summer vacation to discuss options to escape, jolt or otherwise return this time-plane to its natural order."

Oh jeeze, stop with the theatrics, Koizumi.

"Heh. My apologies. We are just gathered here so formally. I felt something needed to be said."

We were arranged around the square kotatsu in Yuki's apartment. "We should probably focus on trying to escape this time loop, not jokes."

"You are right, of course. Where do you suggest we begin?"

"Well… um…"

Asahina spoke up, asking, "What have we tried before?"

We all looked to Yuki. She took in a deep breath and began, speaking, generally towards me. "We have tried completing summer homework on the final day one thousand times. You have expressed your love for Haruhi Suzumiya eighty times. Itsuki Koizumi has declared his love for Haruhi Suzumiya one hundred twelve times. Mikuru Asahina has declared her love for Haruhi Suzumiya twelve times. You have told Haruhi Suzumiya that you are John Smith two hundred seventy-two times. You have had all of us explain to Haruhi Suzumiya what we are sixty times. Itsuki Koizumi has attempted to tell her stories in the style of Shahrazad seventeen times." Koizumi snapped his fingers in disappointment, "You have burst into anger and called Haruhi Suzumiya various derogatory names five times."

I'm surprised it is only five times.

Yuki nodded, "Yes." Wait, was she agreeing with me? She was still nodding too.

Mikuru Asahina made a small noise and we looked at her, "Um…" she looked very nervous but seemed to have something on her mind, "… we could… could we kill her?"

We were all dead silent for a second, before Yuki continued, "You have killed Haruhi Suzumiya once. Itsuki Koizumi has not killed Haruhi Suzumiya and has refused to do so in previous iterations. Mikuru Asahina has killed Haruhi Suzumiya fifteen times." Koizumi and I stared at Asahina, who looked appropriately mortified. "Each time results in a catastrophic failure in this fold of space-time, creating a void that lasts for precisely as long as the remainder of summer would have lasted, before returning to the normal loop."

Koizumi nodded, "So what you are saying is that this loop is not only caused by Haruhi, but she is also the main force keeping our current space time from collapsing?"

Yuki nodded. "Itsuki Koizumi has tried confessing his love for you three times. Mikuru Asahina has suggested volun-"

"Sorry, Yuki. I think we need to pause this for a moment. How many different attempts have we made since we started this gathering?"

She continued, "Every time you start this gathering on the first day of the time loop, we have endeavored to not repeat previously multiple failed attempts since the discovery of the time-plane loop has begun on the first day. This has occurred nine hundred and five times."

Koizumi shook his head, "We might do better just to throw out ideas… Or maybe Miss Nagato could give us a list of the different things we have attempted on paper. It might save us some time, instead of listening to the entire list."

I shook my head, "We can do that, but I'm not sure I want all our misdeeds spelled out on paper. Homework assignments, on top of my current load, are not appealing…" Not only that, but I hated reading tragedies. I always get melancholic after reading sad endings. Our failures would definitely be a tragedy.

Miss Asahina looked between us both, "Um… should we just blurt out suggestions?"

I shrugged, "Sure, and Yuki can tell us if we have tried it.

And thus we started the nine hundred and sixth bi-weekly "escape from Haruhi Suzumiya's twisted endless summer" meeting. May it be the last.