Breaking Down

All human. Slash.

Not sure how I did with the arrangement, so any feedback will be greatly appreciated.


I heard the door slam before Jasper's voice rang out through the house. I braced myself. He was angry, I could feel it. His rage was palpable and I didn't even need to share the room with him. I was in for it tonight.

"Get over here, you bastard!" he yelled. Tensed for his wrath, I stood from my laptop and slowly trudged down the stairs. I kept my eyes low, so all I could see where his shoes. I didn't dare meet his eyes.

I felt it coming before it hit, his fist connecting hard with my jaw. Pain shot through my head as I heard a slight crack. Crap, I was going to need to have that checked out. Jasper never held out on me, never held back in his anger. I would feel every trace of every emotion he would feel tonight.

The blow had enough force to knock me to my knees. When I had recovered enough to feel I was able to move, I looked up.

And there he was, the most beautiful man I had ever seen, his dark brown eyes almost black with rage and his hair falling messily in front of his face. He was shaking, his hands clenched to fists at his sides. I bowed my head again, looking at the floor while I tested my jaw, to see if I could speak. It hurt to move it but at least I still could.

"What did I do?" I asked in a pitifully small voice. Again, my mind added. Every day there was something new. Something else to break me over.

Jasper, for all his merits, was possibly the most insecure person I've ever met. He was possessive and feral when it came to me interacting with others. Jealous. At first, it was in a sweet way. He would confess his envy to me when we were in bed together, the heat of the moment kind of thing. But then…then it got worse. He started following me, began to question my closer friends. He would start insisting I never leave the house without him. He was insecure because I was a target to him. A target to any other man and woman, and he thought that I would leave him one day.

But if only he could read my mind. I loved him. Even at times like this, beaten on the floor, I still loved him, because I knew he would never stop loving me. In a sick way, this was him showing his devotion to me.

"Don't act like you don't fucking know! I know you've been sleeping with that slut friend of yours! Swan!" Bella? Don't be foolish, Jasper. She means nothing to me. You are the only one in my heart. "I've seen the way she looks at you, like you're what's for dinner, and I know you've been fucking the bitch."

"I haven't Jasper, I swear -" My denial was cut short by another blow, this time knocking me onto my shoulder. Jasper knelt beside me, his face inches from mine.

"Don't lie to me, Edward. I know you have." I braced myself for another blow, closing my eyes and tense. "I'm going to make you remember why you're mine and mine alone."

He pulled me to my feet with force, backing me against a wall. Jasper was a good two inches taller than me and far stronger, with more muscles and a deadly sort of aura about him. He was a fighter, still a soldier from his time in the army. And I was the weak one, content with being beaten and forced. I'm a fucking masochist and I know it, but I go well with Jasper's sadism.

When his lips met mine, the familiar electricity flowed through me. My jaw was unbearably painful, but it was so worth it to taste a sweet part of Jasper. When he kissed me, I could forget what else he does to me. I could just let go of the painful parts and revel in his scent, his touch, the power he had over me. It was one of the best feelings in the world.

He broke away, leaving me feeling the chill of his absence. I was about to open my mouth to beg, but his eyes no longer had anger dancing in them. Well, it was still there, but lust accompanied it.

Lust, never love. Jasper didn't love me.

Well, I suppose he did, but only like a child with a toy. Jasper enjoyed breaking me, but he also loved fixing me back up. It was like a personal game of his; see how many times Edward can shatter before he is no more than a pile of dust.

"Get up to our room, Edward," he ordered, his voice already lowering, as it did when he was feeling this way. He was still very close. I could feel the heat of his arousal against my own. His scent was almost dizzying. Obey or Defy? Either way it tended to work out for me. Obey and let Jasper take his anger out on me. Defy…and get him angrier, to have more to take out on me. How much more could I handle tonight? Jasper was probably feeling particularly neglected; I had refused him several times in the past week due to an infection. He was probably already high-strung, and he may think that I refused him because…I didn't want him anymore? That may explain a few things. But of course it was ludicrous; no matter how much of a monster he was, I still loved him.

He was growing impatient during my inner monologue; I could tell. He let out a sound almost like a growl, pushing me harder into the wall.

"Do you want me to fuck you against the wall right here? Go upstairs right now before you regret it. Don't disobey me, Edward."

Obey, definitely obey.

I heard him kicking off his shoes as I climbed the stairs, torn between running and going extra slowing. My own way of defiance. It never worked, but I needed some part of me to still think that…I could walk away, if I wanted to. It's like people who claim they have no addiction. They can stop any time they wish…they just don't wish to.

Jasper was like that.

My own personal addiction.

I heard him climbing the stairs as I entered our bedroom. It was the largest room in the house, with one wall lined with built-in wardrobes and storage areas, the other made entirely of glass. In the middle of the room was a large bed - of course - and there was also a futon in the corner that could be pulled out; sometimes he made me sleep there. I never figured out why but, submissive bastard that I am, I do what he asks.

I heard his footsteps, muffled without the presence of shoes, approaching the room, and I sat on the bed, elbows resting on my knees and my head bent. He would take the lead, he always did. I remembered once being dominant and…well let's just say I prefer Jasper dominating me. And he liked being in control. I could let him control this part of our lives.

Because I love him.

Playing over and over like a broken record; I love him, I love him, I love him.

But he doesn't love you, Edward.

Do I care?

Yes, a little. It would be nice to feel loved for once.

He had halted in the doorway. I could sense his eyes on me, dark and mesmerizing. I was still, like a prey animal who knows a predator is near, the hunt and kill imminent.

"Jasper, I didn't sleep with her."

"Save it, Edward. It doesn't matter. I'm going to remind you why you love me, and no one else."

Do I need reminding, Jasper? I know I love you. You need to reaffirm that I am yours. Stake your claim over me once again. Go on, do it.

He walked closer, kneeling behind me on the bed. His body heat was incredible as his hands slowly traced the lines of my back, starting with my shoulders. He knew where all the sensitive spots where, knew which scars still hurt and which ones did other things to me. There was one, a bite mark from when he had been over-zealous, above my right shoulder blade. That one was very sensitive that way.

When he reached my hips, his fingers dipped under the hem of my shirt and started pulling it up and off me. I raised my arms to aid him as he brushed his hand over that mark. I hissed, closing my eyes as I tensed. It hurt, but it was a good pain. My clenched jaw was killing me; I may need it X-rayed. The bone might be chipped or something. I didn't like the hospital. When Jasper's more violent nature had come out when we were dating, I would come into the place with bruises and bites, and sometimes more serious things like broken fingers or a chipped bone. My father was attending physician there; I had hoped for some privacy and understanding from him but…he had never approved of my…choices. Instead of becoming a doctor like him, I was a musician, working from home. Instead of liking any of the girls that he and Mom had set me up with, I choose to be with a violent guy. Long story short, all I got from him were callous treatments and cold glares. I almost never check out my wounds now, unless it is very serious.

Jasper threw off his shirt after mine, both garments lying somewhere on the floor. His warmth was so tempting…I tried to remain impassive, accepting of everything he would do to me tonight. It was like he had some multiple personality disorder. Sweet Jasper was out right now, gentle, making sure that I was feeling pleasure too, but then…sooner or later it would be Selfish, Dominating Jasper. Jasper who didn't care if I hurt or not, didn't care if I was feeling good too.

His hands were back up around my shoulders. They traveled around under my arms to my chest. Every muscle that Jasper touched twitched in response to his warmth.

Laying next to Jasper was like laying next to a fucking space heater. He was always so warm and it did wonders on cold nights. I, however, hardly ever felt warm to the rest of the population. And I was pale, he was tanned. But we were both scarred. Jasper from war wounds, and I from a different kind of war. The war between us both, where he would claim me, over and over again, and I could lie submissive in his arms while he dealt me his anger, his rage, his possessive jealousy. Sometimes, I think he wants me to be as scarred as him. Maybe he felt jealous when he first saw my skin, unmarked by bruise or scar or wound. I had told him he was perfect the way he way anyway, but I don't know, maybe he has a God complex or something. Maybe he needs to feel as if we are equals, if not that I am lower than him.

I would give him all of this, if he asked. Instead, he took it. He took me away from my friends, my family, my life. And I was happy with that, because I had him.

I probably sound like some sort of crazy Stockholm Syndrome sufferer.

He kissed me, then, his hands traveling lower on my stomach as his lips grazed the bite on my shoulder. I shuddered, feeling heat going straight to my growing arousal. I could feel him smirk against my skin. Enjoying his effect on me. If only he could believe that he was the only one that affected me this way.

His lips traveled up, so he could whisper in my ear, his voice an octave lower than normal, with a huskiness that sent shivers down my spine.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard, Edward. I'm going to make sure that you can't even think about anyone else. By the time I'm through with you, you'll only remember me. I'll make sure you remember who you really love."

Why should I love you, when you don't even love me, Jasper?

One of his hands knotted in my hair and he pulled me around harshly, so I had to slide off the bed onto my knees. The hardwood floor was a harsh jolt to me, and I think Jasper had these put in for this exact reason; more pain for Edward. He shifted so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed, his legs spread before me.

"Suck me off, you whore. I want to come in your mouth. I want you to taste me and know that you will only taste me this way."

With shaking hands I complied, almost tearing the clothes off of him that separated his erection and my waiting mouth. He let out a low snarl of pleasure as my lips closed around his shaft, the hand in my hair clutching tighter. It hurt but it was so worth it. I loved having Jasper this way, feeling everything that I do, and the way he reacts to it all. I lowered my mouth further, taking all of him in though it made me fight the urge to gag. He was just the right size for me. I swirled my tongue around him as I pulled back up to the head, sucking with all I had. I could gauge how close he was by how tightly his hand gripped my hair.

From the pain, he was very, very close.

When he finally came, he pulled me down on his shaft, so that I would be forced to swallow. His strong grip kept me there until I had taken in every last bit of his essence. When I was finally released, I was breathing heavily, as was he. Giving Jasper pleasure, seeing him after he came, was one of the best sights in the world. One look had me about to burst. The confines of my jeans were becoming painful, but I didn't dare release myself, because it probably wouldn't end well for me. Jasper liked to control everything I did during sex.

Screw that, he just liked to control everything.

His body was covered in a fine sheen of sweat, his blonde hair plastered to his face, which he quickly swiped away, and his eyes - once black with anger and lust - were lighter now. He was getting over his anger. The usually brown I was used to was slowly coming back.

Too slowly. He was still angry.

"Good job, Edward," he said, his lips turning up in a smirk. I remained silent. "On your hands and knees on the bed. Now." He loosened his hand from my hair, and I took a moment to rub my scalp. I climbed gingerly onto the bed, my limbs screaming in protest and my jaw aching from taking in Jasper. I did as he asked, facing the headboard on my hands and knees.

Jasper positioned himself behind me. He was already hard again, I could feel his erection against my ass. That was another thing about Jasper; the man had amazing stamina. He hardly ever needed rest after coming. Sometimes, I resented that. Sometimes, I hurt so much, I just want a break.

But no, it will probably be a long time before I get rest tonight.

Jasper reached around to the front of my jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them quickly. He pulled them off, along with my underwear, so that I was completely exposed, like him. I breathed silent relief when my arousal was finally freed, so that it was no longer quite so painful.

The only warning I had was Jasper's grip on my hips tightening slightly, before he shoved in. His member was slightly wet from my ministrations, but still it wasn't nearly enough to prevent the pain. I let out a startled cry of pain as he sheathed himself in me. Jesus, it hurt so much. Jasper's fingers were digging into my skin. They would draw blood soon, and I would have nail marks even if they didn't.

He pulled out and thrust in again, farther, deeper. It hurt so much. This was his way of revenge. The sex would be wonderful, but it would hurt me so much. But I liked getting hurt. Sick bastard that I am, I get off on Jasper's jealousy, his sadism. It's a huge turn-on for me, in the heat of the moment. During the night, when I lay in sleepless slumber due to every inch of my body crying out in pain, I wonder why I stay with him. Then I remember.

He was being extra rough tonight. He enjoyed hurting me because he knew I would take it. It enhanced the experience for both of us. He would give the pain, I would receive it, and we would both have fantastic orgasms. Jasper would be sated for another night, his envious thoughts temporarily silenced, and I would clean my wounds, make sure they healed properly, and we would begin again the next night.

Jasper, despite his violent qualities, was an amazing lover. At least, he was the best I had ever had. He knew exactly which spots could elicit which reactions. He knew how hard I could take it, knew everything about me. I was an open book to him.

He leaned over me, our bodies flush against each other as he moved. His grip allowed him to pull me back onto him as well. My breathing was ragged as my brain tried to tune out the pain and the pleasure at once. He was hitting that spot inside of me…it felt so good. Only Jasper made me feel this way.

"Jasper…" I moaned after one particularly hard thrust.

"That's right, Edward, say my name. God, you're so fucking tight. I want you to scream my name so fucking loud that that slut will hear it all the way across the city." He ceased his thrusting, beginning to pull out. I wanted to cry out in argument, but I also knew that the only real way to keep him going was to do as he asked.

Jesus, I'm such a freaking subservient partner.

I called his name louder, and he rewarded me with re-entrance. I was prepared for it, though, and it didn't hurt nearly as much. Jasper started increasing his pace. I knew he would be close by now. My own erection was incredibly painful. I needed release, now.

I tried moving my hand to stroke myself, but Jasper snarled angrily. He bit down on my shoulder, reopening the mark already there. My head fell forward as I groaned. So fucking painful…so good…

"Don't you dare, Cullen. Didn't you get enough action from that whore?"

"Jasper…"

"Well?" He thrust harder and I shuddered as I felt his low growling all through his body. So fucking hot.

"I didn't…" Coherent sentences were no longer an option. I was so close to begging Jasper for the release I knew that he wouldn't give me. He liked making me suffer. Sadistic Bastard.

He snarled, his teeth sinking further into my shoulder as his hands gripped my hips. He pulled me back onto himself. Hard. Deeper than I was used to. Fuck.

Finally, he came. I felt his hot seed filling me as he stilled, breathing raggedly by my ear. Each exhale had me shuddering. I waited with anticipation to see what he would do next. Post-coital Jasper was gentle, usually. Sometimes, he was cold and uncaring, but he would mostly hold me close as I tried to fall asleep. He would look over my wounds and help me treat them. He would kiss me, like he used to. Gentle. Loving.

Never love. He didn't love me.

He pulled out, leaving me to collapse on the bed without his support to keep me up. He looked me over, noting my bleeding shoulder and the angry red marks on my hips. Leaning over me, I tensed as he pushed my bronze hair out of my eyes. I didn't look at him.

"Edward," he said gently. Ahh, so it's to be sweet Jasper. My lover, not my master. "Edward, I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't sleep with her."

Oh really, Jasper? What makes you think that? The fact that she has a boyfriend, or maybe the fact that you have me so whipped I'm surprised my organs don't look like cross-hatching. Maybe because every time I even think about leaving you, my heart aches so badly and I can barely breathe? Take your fucking pick.

"Come on Edward, please look at me," he begged, tilting my chin so I had no choice but to meet his eyes.

I hope you see the pain you put me through every day, Jasper. I hope you know how much I'm sacrificing so that you can do this to me every day. Why do I do it? I love you, and I know you don't love me. I'm a toy, something to break and fix and break again.

He sighed, as if reading my thoughts. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." I allowed him to pull me to my feet, and I stepped into the shower, to prepare myself for another night of blankness.


Well...that was not what I wanted to happen. Oh well. Sorry for not updating, well, at all, but I have lost my muse. I think I'm slowly getting it back, though. Hopefully, fingers crossed. Loves to all! x