Disclaimer: The word 'disclaimer' should be your first clue. I don't own Victorious, I'm not making bank.
Welcome to the Fallout.
IV.
"So girls, how was school?" My dad asked after he finished telling about his crazy, eventful day at work as a cop. I didn't pay attention. His stories did nothing to entertain or interest me anymore. Not like they used to. That's because, I remarked, they were probably all made up and over-exaggerated.
"Oh, it was just great! They're doing another play soon and I'm sure I got the lead!" Trina boasted, and then proceeded to go off about how she had a 'persuasive talk' with the casting director. Translation: she probably threatened his life with one or multiple sharp eating utensils.
My mother and father awkwardly smiled and congratulated her. We mustn't upset the grizzly bear.
They liked to seem to forget I was there nowadays. I sat pushing my food around my plate with my fork.
I briefly registered my dad's voice, but kept my gaze fixed on the plate of my previous favorite meal untouched before me.
"Tori?" My mom asked after I said nothing. "Tori?" She was a little louder this time.
I stared up at them blankly. "Huh?"
She looked concerned. "Your dad asked you a question."
I looked over to him.
"Um… I asked you how your day was." He supplied, staring at me apprehensively.
Terrible. But that was nothing new. "Fine." I answered as I always did.
I hung my head again. It was too hard to look at my parents now.
It was silent for a long while.
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. It was my fault it was like this. They'd all be better off without me.
Before I could go any deeper into that dangerous line of thought, my mother's voice broke though my reverie once more.
"Dessert, Tori?"
I looked up startled, and realized with some surprise that they had all finished off their plates. I looked down. I hadn't even made a dent in mine. I quickly shoveled some noodles and a few leaves of salad in my mouth, washing it all down with my glass of ice water. "No thanks. I'm full," I tried to make my voice sound a little more lighthearted. I failed.
My mother's eyes narrowed at me, but not in a malicious way. More like, she was studying me, trying to see inside my mind. I averted my eyes quickly.
"Can I be excused?" I asked. Meals were always uncomfortable.
"No. Stay and visit with your family some more." My dad said. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. They all knew as well as I that I wouldn't participate in their meaningless conversation.
I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms, tuning Trina's self-centered chatter out successfully. My mother gathered up all the dirty dinner dishes and placed them in the sink, fishing out a few more clean plates for the cheesecake she had bought. She set a plate in front of everyone, and put a spoon and a glass of strawberry milk in front of me. The spoon was in case I wanted to pick off the cheesecake. And the milk was because when I was a kid, I used to drink it every day before and after school, before bed, and when I was upset. My eyes watered a little and I looked up at her.
I didn't know what to say. She just looked at me with a little smile. I didn't even know she bought this milk anymore. She was a good mom. Really good. My heart clenched.
I hesitantly raised the glass to my dry lips and took a small experimental sip. I didn't know how I'd react to it, but I appreciated the small gesture and I wanted to try for her sake. I was mildly surprised when I didn't find it totally repulsive. It was actually… good. That thought made the corners of my mouth turn up as I took a much larger sip. Food had recently lost its taste. Everything was really bland now. This was the first thing that I'd really tasted in a while. It made me feel warm inside.
I set the glass down and realized that I had drunk half of it in one sitting. My mother was still watching me and she smiled at me again.
I returned it as best as I could before having to look away. Eye contact was hard.
Eventually, there was a lull in their conversation.
My mom spoke up again. "So, I was getting my hair done the other day and Lucy heard that Carrie's daughter Emily- you know, her youngest? Well, she heard that she got pregnant." She had said it so casually.
Trina gasped. "No way!"
"How old is this girl?" My father asked, worried.
"Eighteen." My mother said with her face pinched.
"What a s—"
"Trina." My parents reprimanded her in unison before she could finish her insult.
I was frozen in my seat, staring at the shiny spoon that was still before me.
"So anyways, apparently her and her boyfriend are going to get married now. Carrie's pretty upset about it, but she's still going to help out. It's such a shame, though. She was always such a nice girl." My mom said.
Trina snorted.
"Way to young for that kind of thing…" My father grumbled.
They went on judging her and I stopped listening. Every insulting word that they said behind this girl's back felt like a million tiny little stabs inside of me.
I bit the inside of my cheek so I wouldn't say anything. Or scream. Or cry. Whichever was worse.
A thought occurred to me that I should be trying to act normal. I raised my glass with trembling hands to my lips and sipped slowly. Suddenly it didn't taste so good and familiar anymore. I set it down as quickly as I could without dropping it.
I took a deep breath. Big mistake. I could smell the faint whispers of cologne on the borrowed shirt I still wore.
It was just all too much.
"Can I please be excused?" I whispered.
No one heard me.
I tried again, clearing my throat. "Can I be excused?" Please?
I looked up and saw all three of them looking at me. Trina was indifferent, as per usual. My father and mother looked concerned and confused.
"Sure," One of my parents affirmed, I didn't know which. I quickly pushed backwards in my chair and had to catch my balance on the table before I scurried away towards the patio.
I gasped the cold air into my lungs greedily, trying to clear my foggy head. I leaned further back into the lawn chair that I had dropped into. A thousand and one thoughts were racing through my head. That Emily girl… at least she had someone who wanted to be with her, to marry her. At least it was her boyfriend. At least she was legal. At least at least at least.
I looked up into the darkening sky. At least someone wanted her.
At least she wasn't alone.
My phone chimed in my pocket and I fished it out in between measured breaths.
It was a text from Andre. I'm on my way, it read.
Ok, I replied.
I looked at the text. I wasn't completely alone, no. At least I had my best friend.
"Dang…" Andre said from his spot in the chair beside me. I had just finished relaying everything that had happened in the past hour to him and also expressing my fears as well.
I nodded but otherwise said nothing.
"Tori, you need to tell 'em." He said.
I remained silent.
He sighed heavily. "I know it's hard. But I can't be the only one who knows. You're gonna have to tell them. Soon," He paused. "I get why you don't want to tell him. But… they're your family. And I can only do so much for ya, Tor."
My eyes burned. He was right.
"I don't know how…" I admitted.
"I could go with you. To help," He offered.
"Andre… then they'd assume it was you…" I trailed off.
He hesitated. "Would that really be that bad? If you let them think that I—"
"No." I said sharply and then I saw the hurt look on his face. "I mean, that'd be a lie… and I figure I've already lied to them enough already." He still remained unconvinced. "Thank you for being here for me. But this, I don't know…" I trailed off. I didn't know how to explain this to him. This wasn't his problem. It was mine, and mine alone.
"Think about it." He said.
I agreed to give it some thought in spite of myself.
It was quiet for a while and I almost dozed off before I heard him speak quietly again.
"People are gonna start noticing."
I knew that. I tried not to think about it most days, but I knew it.
"I have time," I whispered, despite knowing that that wasn't true.
Time was yet another thing that I really didn't have.
A/N: It really should be pretty obvious now. The only reason I haven't outright said it is because Tori's not really fully accepting it yet. She's in that 'this isn't real' stage. She's also struggling with whatever happened with Beck. You know what she needs? CLOSURE. lolz. I have some more ideas for this, so I might get another chapter out sometime this weekend. Hopefully. Happy readings.
Thank you x10000000000 for all the wonderful reviews. :)
-PP
