Reid sat up in bed , his naked body covered by only a duvet. Reid always hated pyjamas and always slept in his birthday suit. He had gotten very little sleep, he kept dreaming that he found H's body, only his face kept changing between H's and Hotch's. Both terrified Reid, he hated seeing either man lying there dead and when he woke the only comfort he found was that at least one of them was alive. In truth it still hurt to remember that H being dead was not a nightmare, it was reality.
Down stairs Morgan also had trouble sleeping. Every time he closed his eyes he saw different versions of the same fantasy, him with Reid. He kept questioning himself, how could he feel like that? He liked woman, he only ever felt attracted to women, only ever had sex with women, he liked breasts, big or small. He had never had any interest in men, well until now.
Morgan got up off the couch and saw his refection in the mirror that hung over the small desk. Morgan's eyes were blood shot and the skin under his eyes had turned an ashy colour.
"I hope it wasn't the sofa that kept you awake." Said Reid as he closed his watch over the cuff of his cardigan.
"Oh you know what it's like so many baby girls so little time. Got to keep them happy." Said Morgan faking a smirk as he checked his phone.
"Actually I don't." Reid replied honestly.
"Right." Muttered Morgan.
Morgen took his bag up off the floor. "I just need five."
"Ok, you'll have to use my unsuite."
"Sure thing."
Morgan walked up the stairs and stopped in the door way of the bedroom. As he approached the bathroom the image of Reid's naked wet body entered his mind. He wished he could say it was unwelcome but he couldn't convince himself that was the truth.
Morgan held on to the hand basin, little did he know Reid had done the very something only hours ago, all be it for different reasons.
Morgan had to stop this, he couldn't fancy the kid. So ok there wasn't much of an age gap between them, but hadn't the situation Reid found himself in, started with a crush on a colleague? Ok so Hotch was the boss which was a bit different.
"You're a bunch of help." Morgan told himself looking in the mirror at his reflection.
He splashed his face with water, for the split second that he closed his eyes, the sound of the water burned the image of a naked Reid into the back of his eye lids. Suddenly Morgan's eyes flew open, he looked down at his lower half, this could not be happening.
Reid had just decided to go upstairs to get Morgan when he appeared.
"Let's go pretty boy." Morgan ordered as he strolled past Reid to the front door.
The words that had once passed Morgan's lips so naturally and without hidden meaning now made Morgan's cheeks glow. He walked faster to cover this, hoping Reid wouldn't notice the colour in his face.
Reid had missed Morgan's blush but Morgan's change in attitude did not go unnoticed, however Reid put this down to the same type of awkwardness that Penelope seemed to have. Perhaps Morgan also struggled to look Reid in the face after seeing those video's. Would anyone in the team ever be able to look at him or act natural around him ever again?
The duo drove to HQ in complete silence. Then Reid remembered how Morgan had been himself on the way to Reid's, so what changed? Maybe Morgan had managed to cover his disgust for the drive there but lost the ability overnight.
As soon as they reached to bull pit several things became apparent. Firstly the team still found talking about Reid fascinating. As he closed in on the team they suddenly stopped talking. They were not the only ones looking at him, in fact everyone in the bull pit stared as he walked into the room. Reid took from this that what had taken place was now common knowledge. More importantly Hotch walked out of his office the moment he saw Reid.
Team members had tried to give Reid a friendly welcome and express their awkward condolences. However they became completely silent once Hotch motioned for Reid to come upstairs.
Reid complied, feeling the shame and stares as if he were a naughty school boy on his way to the principal's office. Only this was so much more serious, Reid almost wished it was the principal's office.
Hotch held the door open and when Reid walked in Hotch made sure to close it firmly.
"I know you must be disappointed or angry or-" Began Reid apologetically.
Hotch made a hand signal to quieten Reid.
"Of course I regret the current situation we find ourselves in but that isn't why you are here Reid." Hotch gestured for Reid to sit in front of his desk.
"IA have finished their investigation into your conduct you might have to do a few retraining exercises but it won't be anything you can't handle."
As Hotch spoke Reid kept his eyes on his watch but suddenly he looked up.
"You mean they aren't arresting me for …for solicitation?"
Hotch couldn't help but allow a small smile waver over his face.
"No IA have dropped the investigation, after all they were trying to get you for murder. The only evidence that they had was your confection."
"But didn't they record it, they must-"
"Reid, it has been taken care of."
This didn't sit well with Reid but he realised he couldn't even tell himself that he favoured truth not after what he had done.
For a moment both sat there in silence.
Reid trying to come to terms with the news, and Hotch allowing him the time to.
After a few moments Reid spoke.
"So they haven't fired me?"
"No."
"Why?"
"They must see how good you are at your job." Smiled Hotch.
Reid did not smile back.
There it was again the atmosphere caused by the truth. Reid had allowed himself to get into this situation because of his feelings for Hotch.
Reid wished he could express to Hotch just how sorry he was, for everything.
Hotch stood up.
"We still have a killer to catch."
Reid fallowed Hotch's lead and stood up.
"Hotch if I hadn't…"
"He would have found someone else to kill."
Reid wanted to argue with this but he knew it was the truth.
"Even so if I thought-"
"You couldn't have seen this coming." Interrupted Hotch.
"I know but if I hadn't given in to …. To my feelings, if I hadn't let myself feel for someone I knew I shouldn't have those feelings for." As he spoke Reid's cheeks burned so hot he wondered if they were visible from the space station.
"Reid I know what it is to have feelings for someone that is unobtainable."
Reid knew Hotch was trying to comfort him but his heart only fell further.
Hotch walked closer, "Reid I do think you are an amazing young man but even if I was not you section chief…" Hotch paused he wanted to find the right words. "I do not see you the same way. I have always dated women."
Reid had always known that if the truth ever came out this was the response he expected, though he had expected it to hurt more. Perhaps it was the loss of "H" that numbed Reid's feelings to this rejection.
Reid nodded.
"I understand." He replied still not lifting his head and leaving the room.
"Hotch!" Called JJ.
Hotch walked over to her as Reid moved towards his own desk.
JJ looked over in Reid's direction.
"We found a relative of "H" - I mean Misha Owens."
Hotch glanced over at Reid.
"Where are they now?"
"His sister, Mary is arriving at the airport."
"Have Blake collect her. Does anyone else know?"
"Just Penelope."
"Ok try to keep it in house at the minute the last thing we need is for the press to get wind. Also I don't want Reid to know just yet."
O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
"Hey baby momma." Morgan said walking into Penelope's office.
"Hi… my chocolate thunder. Not that I'm complaining but why are you in my office right now?" Asked Penelope shocked that Morgan was there in person.
"The way I'm feeling, baby girl not even you sexy phone voice would do. I needed to lay my eyes on the genuine article." Morgan smiled his sexy one sided smile.
"Right back at you Casanova." Smiled Garcia. "Tell your sexy baby girl all about it."
Morgan took a deep breath, he knew if he voiced it there would be no going back, it would become real.
"Ok so Hotch said to get Blake to pick her up." JJ said walking into the room as she read over a file. She looked up.
"Oh hi Morgan." JJ said instantly shocked.
Morgan could tell at once she had said something she shouldn't have.
"Who is Blake going to collect?" Demanded Morgan.
"A witness!" JJ tried, and failed, so sound casual.
"What witness?"
No one spoke.
"Now I know Hotch isn't putting us on any other cases until we have caught whoever is framing Reid so I'm going to ask again. Who is the witness?"
JJ explained who the witness was and that Hotch had given her orders not to tell Reid.
Morgan stormed out.
"You can't tell him!" JJ shouted after Morgan.
O0o0o0o0o00
Morgan paced up and down in front of the mirrors in the men's toilets.
Should he tell Reid, he wanted to, but why? Would it really help Reid to know she was there? Morgan tried to question why it bothered him so much, the team have had to keep stuff from each other before. Prentice had pretended to be dead to get away from Doyle. The truth was Morgan knew why he felt the way he did, he just couldn't admit it to himself.
When he felt he had himself as composed as possible Morgan returned upstairs.
Morgan looked around and saw that most faces in the room were honed in on Reid.
"Have none of you got any crimes to solve?"
People shuffled off in all directions.
"Let them stare. Maybe it would prevent them from finding themselves in the same predicament."
Morgan wanted to say something comforting but he couldn't trust his mouth, it might betray his own secret or JJ's. That even just then looking into the guilt and shamed riddled face of his friend all he could think about was placing his lips, none too gently, on Reid's.
Morgan looked away and blushed at his own thoughts, he was not usually the type to blush but the feelings he had for Reid were not the type he usually had.
Reid noticed the slight rosiness to Morgan's usually perfect mocha skin. He wrongly assumed that it must be due to Reid's current situation.
"You can go back to your office if you don't want to be seen with me?!"
Morgan looked shocked.
"It's ok I promise I won't be offended."
"You got Joke son."
"I'm serious Morgan if-"
Morgan bent low so that he couldn't be over heard.
"If you think that im leaving you here on your own to be feed to the lions you have another thing coming. Now put that beautiful brain to work and catch us a killer." Morgan gave Reid a firm slap on the back which was meant to make Reid think everything was normal but Morgan found himself thinking about the part of Reid's body he had made contact with and the heat from Reid's body.
"Ok." Morgan said walking over to Blake's desk.
He only did this to give himself a few seconds to take a deep breath and clear his mind.
Morgan grabbed Blake's chair and brought it over to where Reid was sitting.
"So go everything from the begging maybe there is something we are missing."
Reid began to talk about meeting places and everything he could remember about the victim.
Parts were hard for Morgan to listen to and even though Reid could sense Morgan's unease he still miss read the reasons.
O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
"So let me get this straight. Your brother left home to become an actor?" Rossi asked sitting on the edge of the table.
"Yeah Misha loved acting but I guess he really left coz pops, well he found out Misha was gay. He's not a bad father it's just he's old fashioned you know. He was brought up in a strict protestant home, but dad was never like that with us. He was loving and kind, he just couldn't deal with Misha being gay."
"Is that why you came to us and not your dad?" JJ asked giving Miss Owens a paper cup of tea.
"No, after he heard about what happened." Her she took a pause. "When dad heard that Misha was….dead, he changed. I mean he won't talk, he won't eat. The last thing he said was "how could I be so stupid? It was the same for me and your mother.""
"What did he mean by that?" Asked Rossi.
"Well my father met my mother but she was Orthodox Catholic so his father wouldn't let them get married so the moved to the states." Mary explained.
"Would your brother ware these?" Asked JJ carefully placing a bag of evidence on the table.
Mary picked the bag up.
"For a role maybe. I don't know where he would have gotten the money, I mean he would hardly have lived with pops till he was thirty if he wasn't saving for acting lessons. He was usually a hoody and sweatpants guy."
JJ looked at Rossi, they glanced at each other for a second and then back to Mary.
"Thanks you've been a great help." Smiled JJ.
"There's something else." Began Mary. "It took me a while to realise that it was our Misha, because well he looked a little different in the picture on the news."
JJ smiled politely and was about to explain that a computer generated picture can look a little different but then Mary handed her a picture of Misha taken only two years before his death.
Though Misha was in his thirties', thirty six to be precise, somehow he had looked much younger for his age in the picture Mary had given.
JJ had asked Mary to take a seat. JJ needed Hotch to see this.
O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0
"Who would purposefully resided their hairline or want to get wrinkles?" JJ asked.
"Someone trying to look like me."
JJ blushed "I wasn't saying-"
"I know. "
Suddenly both looked over at Reid who had stopped taking notice of the comings and goings of his colleagues, as none of them seemed to want to share information.
He seemed to be a way in his own little world, rereading his diary to see if there was something he had over looked, not likely but it made him feel useful.
Suddenly JJ saw Rossi leading Mary into the room. She worried that Reid might see, she hurried to join Rossi hoping Reid wouldn't notice.
"What are you doing? She was supposed to stay in interview." Demanded JJ in her usual pleasant tone.
"She said she knew something else and that she would only tell Hotch." Explained Rossi.
They had been so absorbed in their argument that they hadn't noticed where Mary Owens was stood.
"Hello!" Mary said politely.
The two agents turned and saw that Mary was talking to Reid.
"I think you should come this way." Suddenly Hotch was there trying to direct Mary to his office.
"You're Doctor Reid aren't you?" she asked with a small smile.
Reid turned around.
"Yes." He answered blankly.
Hotch let go of Mary's elbow, which he had been holding gently.
"You knew my brother Misha?" Mary's eyes though full of tears, seemed to brighten.
"Eh yes though-"
"I didn't get to talk to him much this past year but anytime that I did he always mentioned you." She beamed.
"He did?!"
"Of course."
"A few months before…well before now he sent me some of his things for safe keeping. None of them seemed very important but he also gave me this." Mary took a letter out of her handbag.
"I didn't understand it at the time but he said if anything ever happened to him to give this to you. It was odd, Misha was never the one to worry about… bad stuff he was the life and soul of the party. I just figured it meant you two were getting serious." She added.
Reid took the letter gently surely there was a mistake?! Why would Misha, "H" whatever you wanted to call him, why would he leave Reid a letter?
Reid was sure he and the others were thinking the same thing, maybe Misha had left a clue to the identity of the unsub. Even still this was not something Reid wanted to read in front of the team.
Hotch thought about asking for the letter, if Reid took it somewhere and returned with it IA could try to say that Reid had tampered with evidence and try to reopen the case against him.
"Reid if you would like to go home I will have Morgan take you." Offered Hotch
Reid nodded, before he know what happened Mary was hugging him.
"I'm so sorry you lost him, but I know you made him happy and that you will catch the person who did this." Mary whispered in Reid's ear.
Slowly Reid closed his arms around her. Usually physical contact with strangers was something Reid hated but this was different. This was as close as he would ever get to hugging Misha.
"Miss Owens we can take you to see Misha now." JJ piped up.
Reid still hadn't been able to bring himself to see the body.
O0o0o0o0oo0o0
Morgan walked Reid to the car in almost complete silence.
Reid was only barely aware that Morgan was being quiet. The only thing Reid could focus on was the letter that he held in his hand. He wished he could rip it open and read the presume words. But what if "H" hated him what if he had blamed Reid for everything.
They pulled up at the flats and for a second Reid didn't move suddenly the idea that "H" might blame him for his, then, eminent death made Reid's stomach fall.
When he got inside Reid skipped all his usual habits of hanging his coat and putting his satchel bag in the right place instead he just left them in an armchair.
Reid turned his back to the door as he heard Morgan walk through the door.
His hand shook as he ripped the lip of the envelop, and unfolded the writing paper.
Dear Spencer
I have thought about writing this letter a million times and I always knew what I wanted to say but now, I have to admit I'm lost for words.
I wish that I could say I wasn't in this mess because of money but I am. He knew how desperate I was.
I hate myself for this, for pretending to be something else. I'm not a bad person Reid, I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
I swear I didn't know he was filming us, I didn't know that he wanted me to blackmail you. I wouldn't have done it if I thought he would do that to you.
By the time I realized what type of man he was, it was too late. He threatened my family, he said that if I warned you or told you who he was he would kill them. You have no idea how many times I wanted to warn you, how many times I wanted to sneak you out of our room, there were times when I lay in your warm arms I wanted nothing more than to protect you from him.
I know he will kill me, I think it will be soon. I'm not afraid, at least not for my own life. I just want my family to be safe and you, I couldn't bare the idea of you getting hurt. I wish I could tell you who he is but I'm taking a risk sending you this letter.
I don't know why he has it in for you but I'm sure it's not money. I'm sorry I can't say more but he is watching my family.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, no matter how it happened I never regretted a moment we spent together. Your touch is, was, the only comfort I have felt in years. I know that your feelings for me really belong to someone else but it still meant something to me. Maybe it is all one sided in a way it won't matter, I'm sure he will have killed me before you get this.
I don't care if you catch him, I only care that my family is safe and that he doesn't get you. I don't know if you have ever dealt with someone like him before but if trying to catch him puts you or your team in danger please don't do it. Please don't put yourself in danger; I couldn't go through this if I thought your life was at risk. I couldn't let go if I thought he would hurt you.
I know I am not the first he has tried this with but I don't know why he has kept me or if he is blackmailing other people. He has only mentioned you.
I know that this must be confusing for you, I can only say how sorry I am for putting you throw this. If only we had met some other way. I miss you so much, I long to be in your arms and to feel you inside me.
I have thought about what I would say a million times and though I may not have been very articulate but I know there is one thing, something I realised the last time I lay in bed with you, I love you Your H xx
Reid felt as if he had been punched in the chested he made a noise a mixture of a yelp and a gasp. The sound made Morgan jump, he had never hear such a wail before. Something similar to the sound a relative of a victim might make but mixed with the sound of resignation.
Morgan put his hands around Reid's ribs, he forced himself to think about what his friend was going through and that right now he needed support, literally.
When Morgan got Reid upstairs Reid began to cry.
"I don't know how you can bare to look at me." Sobbed Reid.
"Why wouldn't I?" asked Morgan.
"After everything I've done?! IA looking into the team, Getting H- Misha killed."
"IA has it out for us if it wasn't this it would have been something else. And you didn't get Misha killed this physio would have killed someone else." Morgan tried to reassure Reid.
"It's such a mess." Wept Reid.
Reid curled into a fetial positon and cried with the letter neatly folded in his hand.
Morgan laid the duvet over Reid who cried himself to sleep.
Morgan sat in the chair in the corner, this was beyond emotionally draining. Here he was trying to help a friend overcome the loss of a love he, Reid, didn't know he loved until he lost him. And after seeing what his friend had been threw with a crush and a lover now he himself, Morgan, has fallen for said friend. Morgan let out a deep sigh.
Had anyone ever found themselves in a love pentagram he wondered.
