AN: Okay, here we go againz! Whee! I'm having a lot of fun with this fic! Maybe it's all of the encouragement, or just because I have yet to see a plot like this one! Or I'm just morbidly obsessed with a hollow-based Ichigo who no longer holds himself back because of what others might think of him OR because his powers will totally annihilate everything he cares about! (Pleasant thought, that.) AND there is also the fact that it's ICHIGO X HALIBEL! We needs more of themses.

In fact, there need to be more fics with Ichigo X Obscure Female Arrancar/Female Arrancar since many of the best female characters are arrancars… I mean, I like Rukia and Orihime, but… It's too much after so many of them… With the same plot lines… Or the drabbles… Ugh… I also like Yoruichi and Soifon… Yoruichi cuz she's a sexy tan goddess, and Soifon because I like the extremely small girls like that. Not Yachiru small, mind you.

Also, a big thanks to those who told me Dordonii's full name! Now, I need the name of his, Cirucci's, Luppi's, and Gambantein's resurrecion forms, along with the incantation. I like them, so they'll have an active part of the story. Also, what's Luppi's last name again…?

Ah… If only I could crank out epic-length chapters on a daily basis like my man Bruuz… 10K+ words a day for like a week, man! Christ on crutches!

Also, would anyone like to contribute possible names for Ichigo's Resurrecion and his incantation to bring it out? (Grimmjow's incantation is 'Grind', Ulquiorra's 'Bind', Stark's 'Kick About', blah blah blah, you get the point.) In Spanish, with an English translation if possible. I already have a few things in mind, but if you make a convincing enough argument, well… Maybe.

Anyone who can correctly guess the exact amount and names of Ichigo's Fracciones will get a shout out from me in the next chapter. BUT! It will need to be a PM, or when I DO shout out, you punks will just check the reviews and kill the surprise!

Okay, enough of this massive AN, I'll make this chapter longer to compensate.

Bleach: Rise of the Fallen Emperor Chapter 4: Everyone's a Critic

Inside Los Noches, the same place as before, after Szayel's arrival:

"Alright Ichigo, I shall teach you about Sonido." Szayel said. "Sonido is the form of fast travel that hollows use, similar to the Shinigami Shunpo. The theory and application is the same, but what reiatsu is used will determine your result. Since we Arrancar have a higher concentration of hollow reiatsu, we naturally use sonido. Shinigami will naturally use shunpo."

"So… Could we technically use shunpo?" Ichigo asked.

"Theoretically, yes." Szayel answered, pushing up his glasses and brushing a lock of pink hair from his face. "But why would you? It is much more efficient to use what naturally comes to you."

"Hm… Thanks, Szayel." Ichigo smiled. He went to shake Szayel's hand, which the pinkette scientist espada did with a smile on his face.

"It's not a problem at all! Knowledge is useless if it isn't shared!" Szayel exclaimed. "Anytime you have a question about something, you can just ask. However, please don't interrupt any experiments I might be performing or keep me from my research for too long. Do that and we'll get along just fine."

Shortly after the Septima Espada was out of earshot, Ichigo let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Um… He seems… Nice?" Ichigo said. "A bit… Off… But nice."

"He knows how much potential you possess, as well as how much reiatsu you currently have. He will likely want to study you more in depth at some point, and is trying to get on your good side early on to save himself some trouble later." Halibel explained. "He didn't really want to come until I told him it was you that needed some help."

"That's good to know…" Ichigo muttered. "What now?"

"I would suggest that you find Luppi. He will guide you to your quarters. It's likely that Aizen will try to devise some test for you tomorrow, so it would be wise to get some rest." Halibel said.

"A-and you?" Ichigo stuttered out, once again noticing the exemplary art form that was Halibel's body.

"I will be visiting the library, to locate more of Shakespeare's works." She answered, not noticing Ichigo's discomfort. "I must say, his works piqued my interest… Have a pleasant rest, Ichigo-san."

Halibel walked towards her fraccion, Ichigo's eyes lingering on her swaying hips longer than the old Ichigo would. Actually, the old Ichigo would be averting his eyes, but the new one just didn't seem to really care at this point and let the hormones enjoy the view.

"You are Ichigo Kurosaki, correct?" A feminine yet male voice said from his side. "I am Luppi. I was asked to guide you to your room. If you'll follow me."

Ichigo shook himself from his reverie, shrugged, and followed the effeminate Arrancar back inside. White, white, white. No wonder he was given a guide… The place was A) white white white crackah white, and B) every hallway looked like the last.

"Oh, I am so going to get lost here…" Ichigo groaned. Luppi chuckled.

"Oh I don't doubt it. The only reason I know where your room is located is due to the fact that I live in the same general block of the palace." Luppi said. "I noticed you admiring Halibel-sama…"

If Ichigo had been drinking something, a spit take would have been a proper procedure, but alas, 'twas not the case. So he settled for tripping over non-existent shoelaces and spluttering nonsensical denials of said admiring.

"Oh, don't deny it…" Luppi smirked. "I joined you there for a few moments. I doubt she'd be interested in either of us though. So, we're just better off admiring the glory from afar…"

"Pervert." Ichigo deadpanned.

"Hey, I call it like I see it! That's grade A gold we were staring at, and if you keep denying it, I'll say that you're gay!" Luppi exclaimed. Ichigo flinched. The 'heyyyyyyy, girlfriend!' looking arrancar had him there.

"F-fine." Ichigo admitted. "She's stacked! I admit it! I. Was. STARING!"

"Good. As long as were on the same page." Luppi crowed victoriously.

"Did I mention you look like a fag?" Ichigo deadpanned off handedly. Luppi's eye twitched, and a vein started to make itself known above his… whatever the hell it is. (those diamond thingies above his eye.)

"HEY! I'M NOT GAY, STRAWBERRY!" He yelled up to Ichigo's face. Ichigo smirked. Ah, the tide she has turned, no?

"Well, coulda fooled me." Ichigo shrugged. "And I'm used to being called a strawberry. So that one doesn't work anymore. Try again, fruitbasket."

"Oooh… You'll pay for that…" Luppi seethed. "But not today! First I have to show you where your room is… And a technique for finding it."

"Eh? Giving up?" Ichigo asked.

"For now, at least." He waved it off. "Like I said, this is more important."

True to his word, Luppi took him to his room, and revealed a device that allowed the user to mark a location by placing a small amount of their reiatsu inside of it so they can detect it and go to the general area. After showing him how to use it, Luppi bowed and took his leave, but not before promising some form of revenge to the carrot-top arrancar.

"Is everyone off their rocker here?" Ichigo thought in a deadpan.

"Oh well, let's see what the closet has for new clothes…" Ichigo shrugged his conspiracy theories off for later to see what the wardrobe contained. And when he opened it… "White. What a surprise. I'll bet that dentists would love it here."

His closet was filled with matching hakama that resembled his bankai outfit, only white and embroidered like the uniforms the inhabitants of Los Noches wore. Shrugging, he stripped off his ruined shinigami uniform and put a random one on from the stock.

"Why does this place remind me of an insane asylum…?" He asked rhetorically. Of course we all know it was due to the fact it looked like the result of several wet dreams gone HORRIBLY HORRIBLY wrong… Genetic material aside, it wouldn't be a very good hospital for the mentally insane since the walls are too hard.

"Needs some pillows taped to the wall." Ichigo pointed out randomly. Seeing as the walls were not going to answer, he placed Zangetsu on a table before laying down on the surprisingly comfy bed. He noticed a while ago, but never took the time to dwell on it, but Zangetsu remained in the daito shape that it took in Bankai form.

"Maybe it's for the better that he's like that. Tensa Zangetsu was always an easier blade to manipulate." He said to himself. "He's more well balanced. I'll have to ask him about that later. In the meantime… I think I'll take Halibel-chan's advice…"

"Morning" in Los Noches

Lilinette was asked by Halibel to wake up Ichigo. She had finally tracked down Ichigo's room, and planned to wake him up the most efficient way she knew how: El Arranque Poderoso (The Mighty Boot).

"RISE AND SHINE, ICHIGO!" She screamed, and to her horror, Ichigo blocked the kick, and performed an uppercut to her chin while sitting up; all in one fluid motion and with closed eyes.

"Dammit, dad… Why can't I wake up like a normal person for a change…?" He mumbled sleepily. Wiping the sleepiness from his eyes, he realized that what he socked two weeks to Tuesday was not, in fact, his goofy father. Instead, when he looked to the floor, he saw a Lilinette with little swirly eyes.

"Thursday's… Applesauce day…" She croaked.

"Oh shit!" Ichigo said in panic. "I'm sorry about that!"

Lilinette sat up and nodded dumbly, clearly having forgotten why she ended up on the floor in the first place. Feeling really sorry for her, Ichigo picked her up and put her on his bed while he went to fetch an ice pack from the small kitchenette that was in his room.

Los Noches' main hall

"What the hell happened to you?"

"sut uff, Ftark. I dum wah' heew iff." Lilinette growled, holding an icepack to her cheek. Stark and the other Espada looked at Ichigo with raised eyebrows (If said eyebrows were available). Ichigo had the decency to look sheepish and scratch the back of his head.

"Eheh… My dad has peculiar habits in the morning, and I guess those defences are still in place..." Ichigo explained. "Anyway, where's Aizen?"

"Just arriving now, Ichigo-kun." Aizen's smooth voice filled the room. "Today, we'll be determining your placement in the Espada…"

"How are we going to do that? I'm not that great right now… I'm still getting used to my hollow powers and body." Ichigo asked.

"No matter. I know where your power sits right now. I believe you'll fit just fine as the Fifth Espada for now." Aizen said deliberately.

"WHAT? FUCK THAT!" Nnoitra yelled. "I'm not letting this piece of shit take my place without a fight!" Aizen smirked at Nnoitra's outburst.

"That could be arranged." Aizen said. "We'll have to go outside of Los Noches though. I don't want the palace to be damaged in the crossfire…"

Nnoitra glared at his opponent and the one who is supposed to be taking his spot.

"Sosuke, what are you planning this time…?" Gin asked slyly.

"Nnoitra was responsible for the loss of Neliel Tu Odershvank, our previous Third Espada, as well as her fraccion." Aizen said off handedly. "I think that fighting Ichigo to keep his rank is suitable punishment for that transgression… Don't you think?"

"Hah. You creep me out, you know that?" Gin chuckled.

"You've told me many times, I believe." Aizen responded.

"True. Just letting you know that you've gone up a couple notches.."

Wastes of Hueco Mundo: Sidelines

The espada and their fraccion were standing watch outside of a large circle, giving a large swathe to the combatants that were awaiting their trials.

"Halibel." Stark said suddenly. "Why is Aizen placing Ichigo only at the fifth? His reiatsu is easily as high as mine."

"Ichigo lacks experience and skill." Halibel answered without moving. "Granted, he has gotten used to his new body quite quickly in comparison to many others, he has no actual experience in battle. He also needs to gain more skill, but time will aid with that."

Stark just shrugged, accepting the answer. He looked lazily down at the two fighters staring each other down before Aizen told them they could begin.

Wastes of Hueco Mundo: Ground Muthahfuckin' Zero

"I'm gonna tear your ass apart, carrot top!" Nnoitra snarled. "You'll just be a splotch of blood on the sand!"

Ichigo was not intimidated. As long as the fight didn't get to where Nnoitra used his ressurrecion, he would be fine. That, and he avoids getting hit by that massive poleax. That might hurt a little bit…

"Are the combatants ready…?" Aizen asked, despite the answer he already knew was coming. The question was more for ceremonial purposes, really. Seeing Ichigo nod in affirmation and Nnoitra scoffing and spitting on Ichigo's shoes. "Begin."

Aizen shunpoed out of the way, not wanting to get hit by any stray whatevers. He may be incredibly strong, but that doesn't mean he can't feel pain! Pain is something he likes to avoid when necessary.

Nnoitra swung his large weapon in the direction of Ichigo, who with a punch of Sonido moved rather quickly out of the way. From his new vantage point, Ichigo flung a weak Getsuga Tenshou at Nnoitra at high speed. Nnoitra backhanded the reddish-black blast of energy to the side, suffering burns on the hand that was used. Seeing that that didn't work, Ichigo decided to stick his finger through the ring attached to the pommel of Zangetsu by a chain and started to spin it.

The motion of spinning the blade seemed to have an effect of gathering reiatsu from the air in the blade. Ichigo felt this, and with a pulse of his own, flung a crescent shaped beam of energy from it from above his head. It resembled a Getsuga Tenshou, only horizontal. Nnoitra was surprised by the attack, and barely had time to raise his weapon to block, the impact sending him sliding across the sands. Ichigo made a mental note to ask Zangetsu what the name of that attack was later.

Cursing, Nnoitra stood back up to find Ichigo gone. He did hear the buzz of a sonido from behind him, and a fist sending season's greetings into his back. When he turned around, Ichigo had disappeared again and reappeared in his blind spot again, this time swinging his blade. Nnoitra improvised and settled with a counter that involved a donkey kick. Ichigo went flying a short distance and landed on his back as gracefully as one could land on their back. Nnoitra smirked and Sonidoed to the prone Ichigo, swinging his massive weapon. Ichigo gasped in surprise and immediately initiated plan 'Oh shit! MOVE, fucktard!' with gusto by rolling out of its path. Ichigo rolled back onto his feet, staring the Fifth down, planning his next move.

AAAAAND Cut.

TO BE CONTINUED!

AN: I realize I've been sorta crackish with this story lately, and, well, I'm just glad some people finally appreciate my sense of humor! The story will be serious at some points, and others, well... I'll let some colorful analogies flood into your heads at your own whimsy. And yes, even though there ARE other espada/arrancar/grandmothers (ignore that last one.) present at the battle, it would be too big of a nuisance to write out every inane response and complaint they have about the whole situation. I like story depth, but if I did that, we'd still be at the point in the story I started at. Especially if I gave the human world too much attention... Aiyah... Don't bitch about that one... I'm a sellout whore sometimes...

Anyway, read and review! And even better yet, WRITE THOSE OBSCURE NON-YAOI PAIRINGS BETWEEN ICHIGO! ICHIGO EEZ MAIN CHARACTER! HE DESERVE POON(bang!)!

"Poonani! It's Poonani!"

(For a comprehensive list of pairings for Ichi X that I wish to see, please PM me about it.)