A/N: Tissue Alert!

A POV

I tuck a hair behind my ear and pull the black wide brimmed hat on my head. I look in the mirror and stare at the person staring back. My eyes have bags under them, they're bright red and still brimming with unshed tears, the same way they have been the past twenty four hours as I've tried to mentally prepare myself for today. Is anyone really ready to bury a loved one? Ready for the final goodbye? Christian and I met with a shrink a few days ago in regards to Emma and what he thought in regard to the funeral and going forward how we should field the "mommy and daddy" questions. He seemed to agree with Christian that although she won't understand the magnitude of what is going on, she should be there. And as far as "mommy and daddy" the best thing for her is to try and divert her attention when she asks and soon she will begin to ask less and less as she begins to associate "Ana and C-C" as mommy and daddy. We both agreed that we weren't going to teach her to call us that; we don't want to erase Alli and Michael from her life. So she'll just grow up thinking she doesn't have a mommy or daddy? I shake my head ridding my mind from the thoughts that Christian and I may end up doing more harm than good if we do that. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt Emma. Okay one day at a time, Ana. Let's just get through today.

"You look nice" I hear from the doorway. I raise my head bringing my hidden eyes into view as I lock with sad grey ones staring back at me.

"Thank you" I say giving Christian a small smile. "I used to think people that wore these hats to funerals were trying to be overly dramatic or I don't know, trying to make a fashion statement" I say, my pathetic attempt at making a joke today. He takes a step closer to me and I'm immediately met with his clean, masculine scent. His hand reaches for mine and squeezes.

"Hey." He says pulling me out of my head. "It's okay. Remember what the shrink said. No one expects you to be strong. No one expects you to make jokes or.. talk to anyone. Do what you need to do today."

"I want Emma." I say. "With me" I shake my head slightly when I see him leaving the room to get her. "With us" I correct myself. My words stop him in his tracks and he turns to look at me. He gives me a small smile before nodding. "You got it Steele" he realizes his mistake and chuckles. "Old habits. Ana" he says.

"A boring name for a boring girl, right?" I tease and he narrows his eyes at me before coming back into my room.

"I was an asshole. I shouldn't have said that"

"You surely were" I say giving him a smile and I'm actually surprised I have the mental capacity to force my mouth upwards.

"I'm serious" he says, his eyes piercing mine. "There's nothing boring about you"

We hold each other's gaze a beat too long and when I look away I know my cheeks are turning pink. I need to diffuse the tension between us so I do the only thing I can think of- make a joke. "Come on Grey, don't go soft on me. I need you to be the strong one." He nods once before he's gone. I sigh and shake the thoughts about Christian from my head. Surprisingly we've gotten along fine the past week. He's actually been agreeable and dare I say- sweet. A few days ago, I broke down. We had just left the shrink and everything hit me at once. I sobbed in my Range Rover for two hours, and Christian sat there quietly, his hand in mine before pulling me out of my drivers seat, guiding me to the passengers seat so he could drive us home. As soon as we got home, he ordered me to take a bath and a nap and when I woke up he'd ordered food from my- not his favorite Chinese restaurant and poured me a significant glass of wine. He was the strong one. Maybe I needed to return the favor.

"Look Em!" I hear his voice in the animated voice he uses for Emma and I look up to see Christian pointing at me. "There she is!"

"Ana Ana Ana!" She bounces in his arms and tries to lunge for me.

I swallow the tears down and pull her into my arms. "Pumpkin! How did you sleep?"

She pushes my cheeks together and plants a kiss on my lips and I smile at this new thing she started doing a few days ago. She rests her head on my shoulder and I look up at Christian who's eyeing us both. "She worships you"

"You too, Christian. When you're at work it's always C-C this and C-C that" I smile.

"Probably because she knows I'll let her watch Ryder all day" he laughs as he kisses her temple.

"Ry-er?!" Her eyes widen and her eyebrows shoot up. "Ry-er!"

I groan. "Christiannnn" I whine.

He smacks his forehead. "Sorry. Wasn't even thinking"

"No Ry-er?" Her lip juts out and the tears flood her eyes. "Peeease C-C?" Her lip trembles.

"Oh man she's good" I say as I raise an eyebrow at the baby in my arms that clearly has Christian wrapped around her very tiny finger.

He pulls out his phone. "Don't cry, Princess. Here you go" he says pulling out his phone and an old episode of the show she loves. I'm so moved that he saved the show on his phone for her. He loves her so deeply. Don't drop it"

"Drop it" she repeats.

"No" he mouths at her giving her a stern look. She furrows her brows and stares at the screen holding it tightly as if she's heeding Christians instructions.

I put my hand under hers and I shoot him a wink. "I got you."

XXXXXXXXXX

I watch the windshield wipers go back and forth as we sit in Elliott's car outside of the church where the service will be held. Elliott offered to drive us, as he didn't think either of us would be in any place to drive. But he left the car when we got here to give the three of us a moment to get ourselves together. Christian turns around from the front to look at me. "You ready?"

I bite my lip as my eyes are drawn to the church. The sky is gloomy and it's begun to drizzle. When I was younger, my father would tell me that rain signified the tears of those we've lost. Were these Alli and Michael's tears? I hear Emma babbling next to me as she continues to hold Christian's phone. "Pumpkin can I have C-C's phone? You can watch Ryder later?"

"No now!" She whines and Christian turns around.

"Emerson, no. Give the phone to Ana"

She furrows her brows together and turns to me. "Ana" her eyes water and I pull her out of her car seat. I cradle her to my chest and rub her back.

"Later okay?" I pull the phone gently from her and hand it to Christian before slipping her pacifier into her mouth. I see Christian exit the car and soon my door is open and a hand is being held out for me to grab. I hand Emma to him instead and pull myself out of the car. He's holding the umbrella with one hand and Emma in the other so I reach for Emma. She tightens her grip on Christian to keep me from taking her as she sees all of the people standing outside of the church and probably feels he can protect her more than I can from all the strange people. "Don't let them pass her around. It will just upset her" I say as we start walking towards them. We reach the crowd and I've only met her a few times but I recognize Christians mother who approaches us immediately.

"Darling" she kisses his cheek and turns to me. "Ana." She hugs me and rubs my back gently. How are you holding up?"

"Okay" I say quietly. "Thank you"

She dabs at the tears forming in her eyes. "Michael was like my third son... I have no words... he was so good to Christian when the kids were so cruel." She sniffles. "And Alli was just a doll. This is all so tragic." She reaches for Emma when Christian steps back slightly.

"Mom not now. We want to keep her settled"

"Oh, I see. Yes of course" she places a kiss on Emma's cheek and moves into her line of sight. "Hi angel, do you remember me? Grandma Grace?" My brows furrow slightly wondering why she would call herself that when I remember Michael never met his mother. And boy did he have a slew of mommy issues because of it. Grace was the closest thing Michael had to a mother.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We walk down the aisle as the procession music plays and I feel my legs start to wobble as I see two caskets at the front of the church. Left foot, right foot, left foot. I chant in my head to keep myself moving forward. I'm so thankful Christian has Emma as I'm not sure I have the energy to keep myself upright let alone while carrying a squirming infant. We move to the front and I wonder who's going to sit in the front row which says "Reserved" when we are ushered past the velvet ropes and sat in those very seats. We were Michael and Alli's family... We sit down and I look to the right making eye contact with Alli's mother who reeks of alcohol and her father. They both have stoic, impassive looks on their faces. When the alcoholism took its toll on Alli's mother and their entire family, her and Alli's father divorced but remained somewhat amicable.

"Ms. Stone?" I say referring to her by Alli's maiden name. It's almost as if she doesn't hear me or realize I'm even speaking. I touch her hand gently and rub it. "Ms. Stone?"

She finally turns to look at me and I see the realization cross her face when she recognizes me. "Ana... hi sweetheart." She pauses for a moment. "Oh Emma..." she says looking past me and seeing Emma who's playing with Christian's tie at the moment.

I look at Emma and hold my arms out for her to see if she will come willingly and she does climbing into my lap in an instant. Such a carefree, lovable, happy baby. I kiss her head and turn her attention to Alli's mother, her grandmother. "Pumpkin, can you say hi for me" I gently pull her pacifier out and she calls out.

" Hi!" Christian and I share a chuckle when I feel Christians breath close to my face as he leans in to tell Emma to "shhh." If she even knows what that means. I bite the inside of my jaw as I try and calm the sensation of Christian so close. Ana you've got to snap out of this. You can't use Christian to grieve. I roll my eyes to the heavens when I think about Will Ferrell's character in "Wedding Crashers" who said death was the most powerful aphrodisiac. Was there some truth to that? Was it my grief and sadness that has me thinking about mounting Christian in our kitchen? Or was it more? I'm pulled from my wicked thoughts about Christian by Alli's mother.

"We got copies of the will and testament" I nod fearing the worst and all I can do is pray that she at least has the decency to wait until after we bury their daughter to tell us she's contesting it. Not that she'd win. She's an alcoholic and the will is clear on that. No one would grant her custody of an infant. "We aren't going to fight you." I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and she smiles at my relief. "I know how much you love Emma... it's what Alli would want. It's for the best. We wouldn't be able to give her the best life possible. You are young and happy and you and your husband will give her a wonderful life."

"Oh he's not my husband" I say turning to look at Christian before turning back and feeling a spike in my heart rate as I have a flash of kissing him in a gorgeous white dress.

"Oh well boyfriend then, that's okay too"

"I-" I'm interrupted by Christian's voice.

"We are glad you agree Ms Stone. We will take care of Emma. And we do hope you come visit her"

"Of course I will... we both will."

I pull my gaze away from Ms. Stone to look at Christian with a confused expression. "I know being my girlfriend isn't ideal for you" he chuckles "but do you want them to start inquiring about how we will make it work? Not being married.. living in that house.. just like as roommates? If we can keep everyone at bay until we start to proceed with adoption it'll be fine"

"So you're completely on board with adoption then?" I say giving him a small smile.

"I was the moment we left CPS.. I thought that was the deal. According to you"

"It was.. but I wasn't sure if you were going to change my mind. Or what the upcoming months would bring. Maybe you'd grow to hate me even more" I joke.

His eyes narrow. "I'm not going anywhere Ana"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Michael and Alli had hefty life insurance policies that was able to cover the majority of the funeral arrangements and what wasn't covered, Christian's parents took care of. Christian and I offered but Grace and Carrick wouldn't hear of it, ensuring us that we were doing more than enough at the moment and had enough on our plates. I helped with some of the planning, such as the flowers and the food that would be served at the repast but Grace took care of everything for the most part. As we all knew, Michael and Alli didn't have a lot of family between them. A wealth of friends yes but not a ton of family. And Christian and I were the only friends they had that they considered family, obviously. So when the church asked if either of us wanted to say something, Alli's parents and some of her cousins pushed, knowing that we knew them better than anyone. Christian was against it from the start saying he didn't know what to say and that he wasn't going to speak about Michael to a bunch of strangers. Michael knew how he felt and that was enough. But I knew the truth, he knew if he went up there, he'd lose it. He would break down and he didn't want anyone to see that. I hadn't even witnessed it and I've been living with him. So I agreed, I knew I would cry and I was okay with it. I wanted it. I needed it. Needed to hear my voice out loud say the words. So as I hear my name I give a quick kiss to Emma and make my way to the podium preparing myself for this final goodbye to my best friend in the world. As I look out into the sea of people I can hear Alli's voice in my head. Can you believe all these people here? I didn't even like half of them. I can see and hear her as well as I can see and hear Emma calling from me from her seat.

"I won't bore you all on the details of how Alli and I met, college roommates, best friends, sisters. We were it all. We were both only children and when we met it was instant how much we needed each other. I always wanted a sister. But when I met Alli I realized she was the sister I needed. I always say she came to me at a point in my life when I needed her most although I didn't know it at the time. She was my person. The first person I called when things were right.. when things were wrong. She peeled me off my kitchen floor when I hit rock bottom and not with drinks or ice cream or a night out which are all wonderful. But with laying down on the floor next to me. She held my hand and told me it would be okay and that we would get up when I was ready. We would get up. When I finally did, she hugged me for what felt like a full hour and then we played Scrabble. Because she knew even at rock bottom I never played a game of Scrabble and didn't give it my all. Naturally I won." I shrug and the audience chuckles. "She was the first person to push me to open my bakery, offering support in every way possible. Emotional, financial, physical. She even enlisted Michael's help when I was finally moving everything in. For the first weekend I was open, Michael and Alli worked around the clock with me. That's the kind of person Alli was. That's the kind of people they both were." I look at the caskets next to me which are both open but I haven't dared to look inside. "Michael Northington" I smile. "I can't say that name without smiling because for a good four weeks that's all I heard about. She was literally dancing around our apartment, drawing his name on her memos at work in love. I had never seen Alli so happy. Never saw her without a smile on her face. He always always always put Alli- and Emma first. They were his world. You could see the way he looked at them. He would have done anything for them and he treated Alli with the utmost respect. They had the kind of relationship you aspire to have. So much love and devotion and commitment... I'm unbelievably happy I got a front row seat to watch their love grow. Because it's not one you see but once- maybe twice in a lifetime. I could go on for hours about these two people that I was lucky enough to call my friends but I won't. Because they knew. I called, I texted, emailed, showed up at their house on a whim to babysit so they could have spontaneous date nights. I loved them and they knew it. So I urge you all, tell your people you love them while they're here. Call your parents, call your friends. The friends that feel like family? The family you've made for yourself? Love them. Hard. There's a reason they're in your life and they haven't left. Let them know you love them, you miss them. Go get coffee with them, go get drunk with them. Hell send them a funny meme because it reminds you of them. Those are the things that matter. People are what matter. Don't ever take them for granted because in an instant things can change." I look to the two caskets next to me as I feel the tears start to slide down my face. "Alli, Michael, I love you. And don't worry about Emma. See you later" I manage to get myself down the stairs and back to my seat when I feel his eyes on me. I turn my head and meet his watery eyes.

"That was really good." He clears his throat. "Well said"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We are at the grave site and they are side by side over two open graves. Christian has a vice grip on my hand as someone sings "Hallelujah" in the background. The song always pushes me to tears and before I know it I feel a hand slipping out of mine and pulling me to a broad chest. I'm aware he's still holding Emma and that now his arms are wrapped around us both. I close my eyes feeling safe for the first time in forever. When I open my eyes Emma is slightly under my hat with me and her eyes are staring into mine. She puts her hand on my cheek and whispers. "Ana sad?"

I touch her tiny hand that is still on my cheek and pucker my lips for her to give me a kiss. She does so instantly before reaching for me. Christian is substantially taller than me so he's probably confused at what's going on under my hat as Emma moves into my arms. I begin to walk away from the grave site with just her in my arms. I feel like I've gotten far enough way when I drop to my knees not caring about the mud getting on my pantyhose. "Emma, pumpkin. Do you know how much I love you"

"Love you" she repeats back.

"I love you so much" I kiss her cheek. "And C-C and I will take such good care of you okay?"

"Okay"

"Emma.. do you remember your mommy and daddy?"

She points at me. "Ana"

"Yes I'm Ana.. but.. mommy and daddy?"

She looks at me curiously and I wonder if already she's slowly forgetting them. It's only been a week but I wonder since Christian and I have always been around she associated us as secondary parents as well. I begin to hum the familiar song that Alli used to sing to her before I start singing.

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you where it's strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

Her eyes water and she wraps her tiny arms around my neck. "Mommy" she whispers and I pull back to look at her.

"Mommy... isn't coming back, angel."

"No mommy?"

I shake my head. "No pumpkin"

"Daddy?"

"No daddy... just Ana and C-C"

Her lip trembles and I wonder if she understands what I'm saying. "C-C?"

"I'm here princess" I feel his presence next to me.

"Sorry I know this wasn't the plan-" I say softly when he puts a finger to my lips.

"It's okay. I'm glad you did this."

I nod and I look behind us and see that I hadn't gotten too far after all as people are staring at us. "How much attention did I attract?"

"Who cares. You're doing what you need to do for Emma. She's all that matters right now"

"C-C? No mommy daddy?"

"No princess, I'm sorry" and I see the tears forming his eyes.

I don't know what she's thinking, what she's comprehending or what she needs right now. "Ana C-C no go?"

"No we aren't going anywhere, angel." I say to her as I rub her back.

"Paci?"

I pull the paci that I wrapped in a napkin out of my purse and place it in her mouth. She reaches for Christian again and he pulls her into his arms before standing up. He helps me to my feet as we stay where we are until the burial service is over. Maybe I'm being childish for not wanting to see two of my favorite people get lowered into the ground but I didn't. And I didn't want Emma seeing that either. Some of your first memories as a child shouldn't be seeing your parents caskets get lowered into the ground. Hell, I'm 25 and I don't want that in my memory.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The last of the remaining extended family leave our house after the repast leaving Christian's parents, Elliott, Mia and my parents. I expected Alli's mom to stay but we had plenty of alcohol and she couldn't help herself. So after a few hours, she was hammered. Once we realized she needed to go home, Christian drove her home in my car. She was going to take an Uber but Christian wouldn't hear of it. Maybe I misjudged him. Alli's father left shortly after as it was getting late. We put Emma to bed and now we are seated around the living room with six pairs of eyes on us.

"So you're going to do this?" Christians father, Carrick speaks up first. "Raise their daughter?"

"At some point she'll become your daughter" Grace interjects.

"Yes mother, I am fully aware of how adoption works." He says rolling his eyes and I have to resist the chuckle that wants to escape.

"I'm serious" Grace says.

"So are we. We love that little baby. We only want what's best for her. And that's me and Ana. We are what's best for her"

"But you're not together.. you'll what.. co-parent?"

"People do it literally everyday. Whether or not we are together has nothing to do with our ability to be good parents to Emma" Christian says.

"I just mean... I don't want you to think there aren't other options"

"There aren't." I speak up. "I would have done anything in the world for Alli. I owe her a lot. I owe her this. But let's say for argument sake that I didn't feel this deep obligation to honor her wishes I would still want to do it. I never felt obligated to love Emma. I fell in love with her the moment I laid eyes on her. I've always had a connection with her. I'm not going to let her go to the system or.. to an alcoholic grandmother? With all due respect, hell no."

"Maybe other options? Carrick and I could-"

"No." Christian says immediately.

"You could see her whenever you want, we are just trying to help!"

"I know you are and that's so sweet, and maybe we will take you up on babysitting but no. Emma... she is ours. And I don't need to sign anything to prove that." I say.

"It is truly admirable what you're doing" my father says. "Its selfless and wonderful but... you're sure you want this? Ana I know you want to get married and have children of your own, do you want this added complication?"

"Emma isn't a complication. I'll have a daughter that I love with all my heart and if he can't accept that then I shouldn't be marrying him anyway. I appreciate everyone's concerns and opinions. But this isn't up for discussion.. we aren't taking a vote. This is a decision we made as adults. We want your support and probably even some guidance but we don't need either. You're with us or you're not"

"I'm with you" Elliott says immediately.

"Me too" Mia perks up. "I'm so excited to have a niece"

My parents speak up next. "Ana we are behind you one hundred percent. You know we are. Always have, always will be. And that's what being a good parent is all about. Call it your first lesson" my father smiles and I'm immediately out of my chair and in his arms.

"Thanks dad" My mom grabs me next.

"I am so proud of you, Ana. Emma is so lucky to have you" she says putting her arms around me and squeezing me tight. "I love you"

"I love you too mom, thank you."

"When you need a lawyer to handle the adoption, you know where to find me" Carrick smiles giving Christian a hug before pulling me into one as well.

"I'm always free to babysit you know that" Grace says holding me tightly before placing a kiss on my forehead. "They're both lucky to have you" she whispers in my ear and my eyes widen at the implication when she pulls back and shoots me a wink.

XXXXXXXXXX

Everyone is gone and I'm trying to clean up the kitchen when I hear a glass shattering. My eyes widen a little before I'm on the move towards the source of the noise. I move towards the small den and see Christian on his knees, his shoulders moving up and down. I see a brown liquid moving down the wall and ice and glass on the ground under it. I drop to the floor next to him and put my arms around him resting my head on his back. "It's okay, just let it out"

"This sucks so fucking much. What the fuck!? They were good people, they would never hurt anyone! They shouldn't be dead, Ana. They shouldn't be"

"I know. It's so unfair" I say the tears flowing freely from my eyes.

"They loved Emma so much. And they're not going to get to see her grow. Oh my God, my little princess"

"She has us... we will take care of her."

"What if I fuck it up?" He finally looks up at me and the tears moving down his face breaks my heart. He's been so strong for me and Emma. Seeing him like this guts me.

"You won't. You'll be a wonderful father, Christian. Emma already loves you so much. You're C-C! You're perfect" I say with a smile trying my best to cheer him up.

He snorts. "I wish"

"Christian, Michael would be so proud of you. He was so proud of you. It's why he wants you to raise his daughter. Why he trusted you to raise his daughter."

"Don't... don't let me mess up"

I smile at his drunken choice of words and I nod. "I won't I promise."

"At any of it"

My brows furrow together as I wonder what he means. There's more he's worried about failing at? "Any of what?"

"Just... promise me"

"Okay, I promise" I say as we sit on the floor of our best friends house wondering what in the world we are going to do without them.