She checked her clothes in the mirror and sighed, "Guess the dress'll have to do, won't it Gwen?"
"I can take it in here if you like milady." Gwen pulled at a section of fabric. "It's a riding habit so I thought you'd want some extra room but if I need-"
"No," Anna held up a hand, "I think we'll test it. If it's too loose I'll just have you pull it in later."
"Very good milady." Gwen stepped back as Anna pulled on her riding gloves, "Milady, could I ask something?"
"Of course," Anna flexed her fingers in the leather, "What is it?"
"It's about the clockmaker, Mr. Bates."
"Oh?" Anna tried to keep her composure, "What about him?"
"If it's not too impertinent to say," Gwen bit her lip, "Are you sweet on him?"
"Whatever gave you that impression?" Anna checked herself in the mirror, turning slightly while wishing she could wear riding trousers.
"You're always chatting with him in the village and," Gwen wrung her hands, "People've seen… and they've talked."
"Who?"
"Some of the villagers and it's gotten to the servants."
Anna stopped, "Has it gotten to Shaw? Or my mother?"
"I think Shaw may've mentioned something about it to her ladyship."
Anna sighed, "It's nothing, Gwen. I find him interesting and, given that my father's clocks are constantly only a minute away from breaking, I find it valuable to keep someone as skilled as Mr. Bates close enough to get them fixed quickly. My father would be gutted if anything happened to those clocks."
"I know that milady but," Gwen risked it, "But it's not right that a lady, like yourself, should be so taken with him."
"Anyone would find themselves lucky to be taken with Mr. Bates, Gwen."
"I know that." Gwen lowered her voice, "I just worry for you milady. What they say about you could turn from giggling rumors to nasty comments. I couldn't have that for you."
Anna put a hand on Gwen's arm, "You're one of my truest friends, Gwen, but trust me when I say that my relationship with Mr. Bates is nothing but professional. And, if you must, tell the others that. Dispel their fears and their gossip with the truth. I'm not sweet on Mr. Bates."
"I will milady." Gwen gathered the other things, "I'll have your evening clothes ready for when you get back."
"Thank you Gwen." Anna watched Gwen leave and took a deep breath.
Anna was barely out of her room when her mother's shrill voice called to her. "Anna, I need to speak with you right now."
"I'm going riding Mother." Anna tried to make for the stairs, not turning around.
Faster than she could comprehend her mother was on her, grabbing her wrist and jerking her to a halt, "You'll come now."
Anna tried to fight the grip but her mother pulled her into her dressing room. With a shove Anna tripped away from her mother as the other woman locked the door. Anna gathered herself, straightening her riding coat as her mother practically fumed at her.
"What's this I've heard about you gallivanting around the estate and the village with that clockmaker?"
"I don't know because I've more dignity than to gallivant anywhere." Anna clasped her hands together. "I've honestly no idea what you're talking about."
"Shaw tells me you go down to the village and speak with him. That he follows you about like a feral dog. Or that you've been seen, without a groom, riding the estate with him."
"I've been riding around the estate, yes, but not with Mr. Bates. I ride within sight of the grooms."
"That's not what they say."
Anna bit her cheek, wishing she kept the details as sparse as possible. "I don't know what lies Shaw's been telling you now but I assure you I haven't done anything that would reflect poorly on me or this house."
"Then the rumors that you've shameless flirted with this man are false?"
"Completely. I'm neither shameless nor a flirt."
"You're dodging the point, Anna."
"Then make one, Mother, because I'm failing to see what I've done that would put you in such a state." Anna huffed, "Unless you're just looking to make trouble because there's not enough real gossip for it."
The slap rung out across the room and Anna immediately put a hand to her face, pain sparking through her nerves there. Her mother's nostrils flared, "I've had enough of your attitude, Anna."
"I didn't deserve that."
"You deserve more for giving the village anything to gossip about." Her mother threw her hands up, "You're the future Lady of Ravensworth. You're supposed to be making matches and attending balls. Not wasting your time befriending vagrants and tradesmen."
"Mr. Bates is not a vagrant and he has every right to be proud of his trade." Anna groaned, "He's skilled Mother, educated, and intelligent. He could beat half the men, in any of the ballrooms you've stuffed me into in the last year, in a minute at any game of wits."
"I don't care if he speaks five languages or read at Oxford. He's beneath you Anna. He's beneath us all." Her mother's voice shrieked.
"Perhaps we're the ones beneath him." Anna shouted back, "If the world crumbled around us he could make something of himself while we'd just be glass hammers."
"How dare you insult your class! This is your birthright Anna."
"Then I pray God forgives me when I say it should've gone to someone else. Someone who actually gives a damn about any of this." Anna took a deep breath to steady herself. "This life suffocates me."
"This is your father's fault," Her mother leveled a finger at her, "He filled your head with all those dreams and stories of little people being great, allowed you to read at Oxford, and trained you on the workings of the estate. Don't think I don't know that you both disregarded my express wishes about that."
"He wants me to love the land he does. I'll be responsible for it and I need to act accordingly."
"Then we marry you to someone who can manage it for you."
"None of those men can." Anna flailed a hand, "They haven't got the brains or the talent. I don't need them."
"You need someone."
"I don't need a nursemaid or a guard dog, Mother."
"No, you need a husband and I've found you one."
Anna shook her head, "I don't want one."
"You need one Anna."
"Then I'll have you know I'd choose Mr. Bates before I'd choose any of the empty-headed, sniveling, sycophantic toe rags with titles bigger than their brains or skill sets." Anna stood strong, "I won't marry beneath myself."
"Mr. Bates is beneath you."
"I wasn't talking about class mother. I was talking about character. In that I believe he stands far above me."
Her mother snorted, "And what would people say, if you showed up to a ballroom with a meanly dressed Mr. Bates on your arm?"
"I wouldn't care because I wouldn't be in one."
"Anna," Her mother moaned, "Why did God curse me with such a child?"
"Perhaps because He hoped you'd see how wrong you are."
"It's all semantics anyway," Her mother shrugged, "We've already arranged for you to marry Nigel."
Anna paled, "No."
"He's the future Duke of Greypoole and it's a perfect match, Anna."
"I won't marry him."
"Yes, you will."
"You can't make me." Anna shouted, "Even if you tied me up and dragged me to the altar next to him you can't make me say the words and marry him."
"He's a future Duke, Anna."
"I wouldn't care if he were the Prince of Wales. I won't marry Nigel Green. He's horrible mother."
"He's charming."
"He's a beast. Didn't you watch how he beat his man when there was a misunderstanding about dinner orders?"
Her mother sighed, "You exaggerate."
"And you only see what's convenient." Anna gestured to the room around them, "He would gamble all this away in a minute. He's a liar and a cheat. I also know he'd never be true to me Mother. Is that what you want?"
"We all make sacrifices Anna."
"I won't sacrifice my future or my happiness," Anna shook her head. "I won't walk blindly into this the way you have, glossing over all the flaws in his character you've conveniently failed to mention because you think he's perfect."
"He is, Anna."
"He's a lie Mother. Just like all this is a lie," Anna gathered her things and escaped her mother's grip to unlock the door, "And I won't tell it like you do."
She did not wait to hear her mother's response. Instead she bolted down the stairs and out to the stables. With barely a word she mounted her horse and kicked him to go. The groom called after her but Anna ignored him too. Wind whipping past her ears drown out everything but her heartbeat.
The castle was far in the distance when Anna finally pulled her horse to a halt and dismounted, breathing hard. She tied the lead loosely on a branch and walked a pace to lean on the tree. Her hand shook and Anna took it back struggling to suppress her tears.
Sniffing Anna sat on the ground, leaning back against the tree. Tears clouded her vision and she wiped furiously at them, practically tearing her gloves from her hands. Her chest racked with the sobs and the sorrow raked its nails down her throat.
A branch snapping had Anna on her feet in a moment, trying to hide her face. But a hand on her shoulder turned her to see Mr. Bates. Anna flung herself into his arms, clutching at his shirt to muffle her cries. His hand moved over her back, holding her close while trying to soothe her.
In a few moments Anna calmed and Mr. Bates helped her to the ground. She held onto his arm, resting her head on his shoulder as if trying to assure herself he was real. He kissed at her head, resting his chin on her crown a moment before pulling back.
"May I ask what's troubling you?"
Anna swallowed, trying to clear the tears from her throat, "My mother had some very nasty things to say about you, among other things."
"If they're anything like what she told her maid to tell me then I've an idea."
Anna's hand flew to her mouth, "What did she tell you?"
"She told me to stay away from you, that I would bring down your reputation, and that she'd drive me from the village if I even thought about speaking to you in public again."
Anna shook her head, "Don't give in to her. Please don't. I couldn't bear it if-"
"Ms. Smith," Mr. Bates put a hand on her shoulder as she half-turned toward him, "I'm not afraid of your mother or her maid."
"I sometimes am."
"Did she give you this?" His fingers stroked at her cheek, the pulsing sensation already faded to a dull throb. Anna only nodded and he sighed, "I'm sorry for causing you trouble."
"What?"
"I-" Mr. Bates shook his head, "I encouraged a relationship between us that might ruin you, Ms. Smith. As much as I had selfish motives in it I can't, in good conscience, allow this to continue to your detriment."
"To my-" Anna stood, staring down at him, "You're my friend, Mr. Bates."
"Is that all I am?" He stood as well and Anna lost her breath standing in his shadow. "Because I don't think you're truthful to yourself if you believe that."
Anna clenched her jaw and then shook her head, "I'm not."
"For that reason I can't possibly allow this to continue."
"Why not?"
"Because the village is already rife with rumors and if there's any truth, even the tiniest sliver, it'll bring down the sky on you and your family." Mr. Bates took a deep breath, "There's nothing worth suffering that kind of-"
"I love you, Mr. Bates." He stiffened, his eyes wide as she looked at him without wavering. "I know it's not ladylike to say it but I don't fee like a lady now and I'm barely one when I have to pretend to be."
Mr. Bates reached forward and took her hand, "But you're always a lady to me, Ms. Smith, and I've never known a finer one."
Anna smiled at him, "Then we'll keep it our secret and-"
"No, Ms. Smith," Mr. Bates clasped her hand in both of his, "I won't have you ruined by me. No matter if the rumors are true or not, people will listen to them and your name will suffer for it. I couldn't do that to you."
"Isn't it my choice?" Anna took her hand back, jabbing her fingers at her chest, "Shouldn't I decide if I want to risk it all to be with you?"
"Not when you've people looking to you for help." Mr. Bates swept his arm toward their surroundings, "All of these people depend on you. They'll need you to support them. Your tenants, the village, and the industry here depend on you Ms. Smith. If your reputation sullies or shatters who cares for them?"
Anna tried to stop her chin quivering but could barely get her voice out without breaking, "But what about you? I can't bear to live my life pretending it makes me happy. Not now that I know someone as wonderful as you exists."
"Then live knowing I only ever want what's best for you." Mr. Bates took her hand, lifting it to his mouth to kiss. "Whatever happens, Ms. Smith, that'll never change."
He went to walk away when she called to him, "They're trying to arrange a marriage for me."
Mr. Bates turned slightly, "Then I envy the man who can have you."
"You should pity me instead." Anna grabbed at his arm, "He's horrible and I can't marry him. I couldn't subject myself to that. Please don't make me."
"What would you have me do, Ms. Smith?"
"Marry me instead."
"They'd disinherit you in a second."
"I don't care about the bloody money or the title or the castle or anything associated with the life that has me chained here." Anna could not more stop the pleading to her voice than she could the tears. "I only care about you. About the life we could build together."
"There's no life for us together, Ms. Smith." He pulled from her grip. "There can never be."
Anna stepped toward him faster than he could move away and captured his lips with hers. He froze in place but a moment later his hands wrapped at her waist while her arms looped over his shoulders. With a pivot he had her backed against the tree, pressing into her to deepen the kiss.
His tongue stroked her bottom lip and Anna opened her mouth. She groaned into the motion as Mr. Bates ran his tongue around hers. If there was heaven, Anna was sure this was it.
The scratch of the bark at her back was nothing compared to the fire raging inside her now that she knew how he tasted. The slide of his hands at her sides, the dig of his fingers through the fabric to her skin had her shifting in his grip to gain more from him. The pull of his muscles under her hands in time with his movements and his breathing gave Anna all the courage she needed to continue.
But, just as she went to kiss back with more force, he pulled away. Breathing hard he stared at her, his finger trembling slightly as it traced her lower lip. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and stepped away from her.
"We can't."
"Why not?"
"Because I won't be your ruin, Ms. Smith. I won't let you regret this decision."
"That's not your choice!"
"Isn't it?" He pointed to himself, "Don't I have a say in what happens to my heart as well?"
Anna's eyes went wide, "What?"
"I'd be lying, Ms. Smith, if I didn't admit what I feel for you is more than friendship." He put his hands on his hips and looked at the ground, "And it pains me to say it has been for some time and I never had the courage to tell you."
"Why not?"
"Because what you needed was a friend. You didn't need some man telling you every minute he saw you was the best moment of his life. That each encounter topped the last. That he dreamed about you at night if only to say a kind word to you or help you with something as simple as putting a letter in the post." Mr. Bates ran a hand through his hair, "You needed a friend and that was what I could be."
"But I needed more than that. I just didn't know how-"
"I'm not here to place blame, Ms. Smith," He put up a hand to stop her arguments, "I'm just telling you that I can't watch your heart break without confessing that my heart is breaking too. That every moment I'm in your company I want nothing more than to take your hand but can't. That every time you smile I want to kiss you but can't. Or even how I wish I could hold you close and tell you I love you but can't. Those moment are pure torture for me."
"Then why-"
"Because they'll always be torture for me but it's the sweetest pain any man can know. To love a woman as I love you. No matter the pain, I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world if it means I can love you one more minute."
"Then don't," Anna grabbed at his shirt, "We'll run away and be happy somewhere else."
"You can't, Ms. Smith." He removed her hands, holding them ever-so-gently in his grip. "You've got to live your life here because there are people who need you."
"More than I need you?"
"I hope not," He kissed both her hands, "But I know they need you enough to say we'd be selfish to leave them to fend for themselves."
Anna bit her lip, nodding. "I see."
"If things were even the least bit different," Mr. Bates forced her to look at him, "I'd mount your horse and ride away with you in a heartbeat."
She put a hand to his cheek, "I know you would. That's why it hurts so much."
They stood that way for a minute more before he separated, finding her gloves and handing them to her. "I suggest, Ms. Smith, in future we only meet if circumstances cannot prevent it."
"I agree." Anna untied her horse's lead. She ran her hand over it, looking back over her shoulder at Mr. Bates, "I don't regret a moment I've spent in your company. I never could."
"Neither could I. Each one has been the best of my life." He nodded to her, "Good day, Lady Anna."
"Good day, Mr. Bates."
She watched him walk away over the hills before mounting her horse and kicking him back in the direction of the stables.
