A/N: Sorry for the long wait, and thanks for sticking with me! Credit to Angie ( dtrekker) for awesome cover art! :)


Kate had never been one to go back on her decisions. Ever. She was, and always had been, the kind of person who was so inherently stubborn that going back and changing her mind once she'd put her foot down was like suddenly being able to speak fluent Latin.

Right now, she had to admit that Latin was sounding really nice.

With Castle holding her hand and murmuring reassuring nonsense to her every time she woke up, Latin was sounding less and less unsettling by the second. She'd left, of course. She'd run from the best thing that had ever happened to her. Sure, she had her reasons. Reasons which nagged at her now. He shouldn't be here. He couldn't stay here. He had to go home.

But...he was here. He was here with her, this beautiful, wonderful man. Even after she'd abandoned everything they were, he'd come when she needed him. It was such a bold and clear display of his character, so very Castle of him. It was one of the things she loved most about him. And his presence served as a reminder of that, along with all the other things she loved about him.

The way his skin felt on hers.

The way he always had the words to say whatever she needed to hear.

His instinctual protectiveness of her.

His ability to laugh.

His smile.

So many factors all coming together to form the man he was. The man she'd fallen in love with. She wanted to hear his voice again. Maybe it would distract her from the pain. The pain...it was bad. She could barely breathe without it hurting. But somehow, he managed to make it just a little bit better.

She opened her eyes and found him watching her again.

"Hey," Rick murmured.

"Hey."

"Need anything?" he asked. Kate shook her head.

"No. You should probably get some sleep, though." He was pale and his eyes were dark. There was a layer of stubble shadowing his features, giving him a rugged, unkempt look that she knew some women liked. She wasn't one of them. She found that it was nothing but disconcerting to see him like that; a clear opposite of the light man he was, really. He shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm good." Kate studied him. She wondered how much of that darkness in his eyes had already been there before he'd come to DC. She wondered how bad it had been since she'd left. And then a thought struck her suddenly. What if it hadn't been bad at all? What if it had been good since she left? There was a certain level of panic that came with that thought, and Kate momentarily forgot whom she was with. She forgot about the fact that he could take one glance at her and know how she was feeling. That is, until he squeezed her hand lightly to get her attention.

"Beckett." She met his eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked. She held his gaze. Those blue eyes of his, the ones she'd loved since before she knew him, were different now. They were darker and more serious, and suddenly Kate wondered if she even knew this man. Or if, perhaps, she was kidding herself. He probably didn't love her at all anymore. He was probably so fed up with her, he was just waiting to get out of here. In fact, he had probably already called her dad and was just waiting for Jim to arrive before he left.

"You should go," she said. In the space of two minutes, she had convinced herself that he didn't love her and it would be better for everyone if he left. But at her words, his eyes suddenly narrowed and he pulled his hand back.

"No." His tone bled with finality, that innate stubbornness that she had forgotten he possessed.

"What?" she asked.

"I am not, under any circumstances, going anywhere," he declared.

"Why?"

He sighed in apparent exasperation for her density, scrubbing his palm over his face before raising his gaze to hers.

"Because you are so stupid. You're a total idiot, Kate." She stared at him, confused.

"I am?"

"Yes! You are. You're so stupid. You left. You walked away from everything before I had a chance to even tell you why we were on the swings in the first place!" Kate stared at him.

'Why we were on the swings in the first place'? She wondered what he meant by that, and allowed her mind to wander back to that day in mid-May, when she had given up her whole world.

She was burning up in her leather jacket. A heat wave had hit New York City that week, and Kate was cursing herself for wearing the stupid thing. She got out of her car, and immediately spotted him, sitting right where she'd expected, on the swing. Waiting for her. He always seemed to be waiting for her. She knew what she should do, and even though her heart was shattering at the thought, she steeled herself mentally for what she was about to do to him. No matter how much she wished she didn't have to, she told herself over and over that it had to be done.

"You just have to do it, Kate," she told herself. So, with a heavy heart, she approached the swings. He started to say something, but she couldn't listen to it. She knew that if she let him go on, it would be too hard. She would never get through it if she let him talk. If she let him tell her whatever he was saying, it would be too much. She couldn't do that. So she cut him off.

"Castle," she began, "I'm sorry, but I need you to stop." He paused, glancing at her. She avoided his eyes, knowing it would only make it harder. "I have to stop you. Whatever you're about to say, don't. It's not quite worth it."

"What do you mean?" He sounded nervous now, and she hated herself for it.

"Castle...Rick," she said. "I'm sorry. I love you, but this job is really important to me, and I have to go." Castle stared at her. She forced herself to meet his eyes, knowing she owed him that. It was a decision she regretted instantly. His eyes were swirling with emotion, and he looked absolutely devastated. "I can go-"

She cut him off. "No, you can't," she argued. "I'm sorry, Rick, you can't."

"Kate-"

She did, then, on that sunny day, what Kate Beckett did best. She ran.

Now, she looked over at him, and she wondered, for the first time in weeks, what he'd wanted to say to her there on the swings. She'd never really allowed herself to wonder, preferring to act as if it had never happened in the hopes that maybe someday it would all be better. Maybe someday Rick Castle would be not a daily ache of regret, but instead merely a distant memory. So far, no luck.

Especially not now.

He was looking at her, and she knew he was angry. She could see it in his eyes and his posture, the way he held his breath and his expression became guarded.

"You know what, Kate?" he said. "I am so much in love with you. I love you more than you will ever know. You have meant the world to me for so long, and you have put me through hell. You have absolutely walked all over me. You have broken my heart so many times I stopped trying to count. You have been purely hellish, and you have made my life so incredibly difficult. And I wish more than anything that I didn't love you the way I do. Because all I want to do is walk out of here. I want to more than anything. I want to get out of here, I want to go back to New York and never look back. But you, you have no idea how much of my heart you have." And with that, he turned and left the room.

Kate wondered if he had actually left. She could only wonder for a moment, because she found herself completely and entirely drained by the encounter. After pushing the button that would allow her more medication for the searing pain making its way through her body, Kate fell asleep once again.

Rick was sitting in the chair beside her bed a couple of hours later, right where he'd been for the majority of the previous two days or so. The hospital staff had been understanding and helpful, and those who weren't in the beginning had come around with a bit of fiscal encouragement. He had all the essentials there, and the permission to use Kate's shower. He had no reason to leave the hospital at all, and, additionally, no plans to. Now, he watched as Kate began to fidget in her sleep. Her lashes fluttered but she didn't wake up, and her fingers moved in her slumber. He observed in silence as she became more and more apparently agitated. Her head turned side to side, and lines appeared on her forehead. He kept quiet, not doing anything. At least, until he saw tears begin to slip down her cheeks and her expression became more tortured than he could bear. He reached out to cradle her cheek in his palm, calling out to her. After a while, her eyes opened and she struggled to catch her breath. She seemed distracted and disoriented, and he gently swiped a tear away with his thumb, causing her to turn and look at him.

"Rick."

He was angry, yes. But every moment with her was like a chip away at his anger. She was a bit of a force over him.

"Hey," he murmured. "Bad dream?" Kate nodded, squeezing her eyes shut. She reached out to him, what she wanted entirely clear to him. Her hospital bed was sitting up at an angle, and Kate was slid over to one side. He gingerly perched next to her, and she hesitantly reached out to him, not sure if she should or was allowed to. He carefully pulled her to him, and she broke down, curling into him as best she could with her injuries.

"I thought you had left," she whimpered.

"No, no," he soothed. "No, Kate, honey, I'm here. I'm right here," he reassured her.

"But you were so angry."

"Yes," he agreed. "I was, and I still am to a point. But I told you that I love you, Kate, and I meant that. I'm not going to leave you, not even if you want me to."

"I dreamed that you were dead, Castle." He felt a pang at her words. He knew that the lucid version of Kate would never admit to these things. But for now, her facade was down and she was vulnerable, relying on him.

"Shh," he whispered. "Shh, Kate. It's okay. I'm here. There's nothing to be afraid of, okay? I'm here." She buried her face in his neck and clung to him in a way she very rarely did.

"I'm so sorry, Rick," she sobbed. "I'm so sorry."

"I know," he murmured, running his hand up and down her back. After a few minutes, he helped her to rest back against the bed, when he felt her begin to get heavy with sleep. She stirred at the movement, and opened her eyes to look at him, reaching out for his hand.

"Stay," she breathed. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to her forehead gently.

"Don't worry, Kate," he whispered. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." She turned her head to the side, forcing her eyes open for just a few more seconds.

"I love you, Rick," she breathed, and then she was asleep again.

"I love you, too, Kate."