Disclaimer: I know they ain't mine. You know they ain't mine. This ain't makin' me any money and don't aim for it to. 'Nuff said.
A/N: This got a little longer than the previous chapters. But, I think you will appreciate it. This was my favorite chapter to write so far. And, the hardest, too. Lots of angst, a little love, and more angst. But, the good kind.
You know the drill. Please let me know what you think. The reviews are like water in the desert. I love them. Thank you. Now, give me more. :)
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They got to the campsite in the early evening. It wasn't where they had camped last time they were on Brokeback. Actually, it wasn't on the mountain at all. It was by a stream and had a great view of the mountain, though. It was a quiet spot and that was what they needed.
It didn't take long to set up camp and get a fire going. Even in the late summer it still got chilly in the mountains. There was plenty of grass for the horses to munch on. So, they were pretty set once the sun started going down. Ennis had made sure to bring blankets for the horses.
Supper that night was sandwiches that Ennis had packed. Jack didn't care, as long as it wasn't beans. The fire that night was purely for warmth and keeping the coffee warm.
Ennis had been quiet and a bit distant while they were getting things set up. Jack was a bit surprised, considering his behavior at home before they left. But, then again, he wasn't too surprised. Ennis had said he wanted to talk about something. Jack knew that it would take him a while to get things straight that he wanted to say. Ennis thought he wasn't good with words. Maybe that was true, maybe it wasn't. But, because Ennis felt it was true, he always thought about what he was going to say until it sounded perfect in his mind. That could take a while.
Jack had something to tell Ennis, too. Something that would probably shock him. But, it could wait. He didn't want to mess up what Ennis was going to say. Ennis didn't get in a talkin' mood often. Not that he had any idea what Ennis was thinking about. He rarely did. But, he didn't think it could be anything bad, or Ennis wouldn't have been so happy to be alone or away from the chaos of the ranch.
It had gotten dark and they were sitting next to the fire. Both of them had a cup of coffee with generous amounts of whiskey. In truth, it was more of a cup of whiskey with some coffee to flavor it.
"What's on yer mind, cowboy? Ya been avoidin' talkin' since we got here. An', I know ya have somethin' ya want ta talk about."
"Sorry, yer right." Ennis said nodding his head slightly, still looking at the fire. "I've been tryin' ta get it straight in my mind what I want ta say. You know how I am 'bout that kind a thing." he smiled and shook his head. He knew what he wanted to tell Jack. He just didn't know how to say it. The words that were in his mind didn't seem strong enough for the emotions he was feeling.
"So, I'm jus' gonna say it. If it ain't right, I hope ya'll know what I'm meanin' ta say." Ennis moved closer to Jack on the log they had next to the fire. He still wasn't touching him, but he was close enough to see Jack's face and look into his eyes. He wanted Jack to know how intensely he felt about what he was going to try and explain. And, maybe, if he didn't get the words exactly right, Jack would still be able to see the meaning in his face, in his eyes.
"When I lost my parents, I was real young. The emotions I felt were mos'ly a sense a loss a home an' comfort. My brother, sister an' I weren' real close. There were several years between me an' them. They took care a me an' all, as best they could. But, when they got married an' didn' want me around no more, I felt lost because I didn' have a home. It weren' really that I lost someone I loved. They weren't dead, just gone. 'S been diff'rent with your momma dyin'. An' I don' really know how ta explain it." Ennis looked back at the fire. His mouth a straight line as he concentrated and tried to find the words he needed to describe his emotions.
"She treated me like I was her own son, the same as she treated ya. It was like havin' my momma back again. An', after bein' on my own and takin' care a myself fer so long, it felt good ta have someone want ta take care a me. An', now that she's gone, I realize that you never know how long the people you love are gonna be around. An' if you don' tell 'em how ya feel an' don' act on it, you're throwin' away the best thing there is in life. It's the only thing worth livin' fer. An', I haven' had that much love over the course a my life ta be pushin' it away."
Ennis turned back to Jack, looking into his eyes. He gently slid his hand up Jack's shoulder to his neck. His let his hand rest there in the warm hollow below Jack's jaw. His thumb softly stroking Jack's cheek. Ennis' eyes started filling with unshed tears. When he spoke again, there was a slight catch in his voice.
"I'm sorry fer what I've put ya through, darlin'. I'm sorry fer makin' ya hide how ya feel. Don' know how it'll go, me bein' all tied up inside about stuff like this. But, I'm willin' ta try an' make a life with ya. I'm willin' ta work at it, if ya still want ta try. Cain't promise it will be all fun and games. Hell, we both know it won'. But, Jack... I love ya. I love ya with everythin' that I am. I want ta be sure ya know that. An' I don' want ta lose ya."
During Ennis' whole speech, Jack had stayed entirely still. He had waited so long to hear Ennis say these very things that he wasn't going to do anything to distract him or make him stop talking. Hearing Ennis talk about Jack's momma was hard because he missed her, too. But, hearing Ennis apologize for just being himself, made Jack's breath catch in his throat. And, to finally hear Ennis admit his feelings and his hopes for the future was more than Jack could stand. By the time Ennis was done talking, tears were running down Jack's cheeks. He couldn't help it. This was what he had wished for since that summer in 1963.
When it was obvious Ennis had said what he wanted to say, Jack slid off the log and knelt in front of him. He took Ennis' face in his hands. Ennis' eyes were searching Jack's, looking for an answer, a reaction to what he had said.
"You don' have ta apologize fer bein' who ya are. I love all of ya, Ennis del Mar. Even the grouchy asshole who keeps tellin' me I'm too excitable. Even the embarrassed man who blushes when he gets a compliment. An', even the scared little boy who will never forget the sick things his daddy told him an' showed him. An', ya know I've wanted ta be with ya more than jus' a few minutes here an' there since the day I met ya, since Brokeback, an' since ya moved here. It ain't jus' about the fun times. It's about bein' together, bein' there fer each other, an' takin' care a each other."
Ennis gripped the fabric of Jack's coat on either side of his waist and pulled him close. He had tears of his own on his face. He didn't care at the moment. As Jack's hands slid around to the back of his head, entwining with his hair, their foreheads gently touched.
"Love ya, rodeo," Ennis breathed softly into Jack's mouth. Their lips almost touching, but not quite. "Always have. Always will."
Jack couldn't take it any longer. He leaned in and devoured Ennis's mouth with his own. He had one hand buried in Ennis' hair, gripping it tightly and the other slid down to his shoulders, to his waist, pulling him closer, wanting to feel their bodies crushed together.
Ennis made that growling sound low in his throat that made Jack's stomach flutter. His hands moved inside Jack's coat and around his waist, sliding down to cup his backside. He slid his tongue into Jack's mouth as he pulled Jack's hips forward to grind against his own.
"Think it's about time I got ya out a them jeans," Ennis mumbled against Jack's mouth.
"Ain't gonna hear... no arguments ...from me, cowboy... Been waitin'... fer ya ta keep... yer promise... since we got here," Jack muttered between kisses.
Ennis pulled away slightly and grinned. "You ain't got no idea just how well I'm gonna keep that promise, rodeo. No idea at all."
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Ennis woke up first the next morning. He usually did. Normally, he got up immediately upon waking, but today, he didn't feel the need to hurry out of the warm cocoon he and Jack made wrapped up in the sleeping bags and blankets. Neither one of them had a stitch of clothes on and Jack was snuggled up against Ennis' back with one arm across his waist and a leg thrown over both of Ennis'. Jack had lain his head against the back of Ennis' neck and he could feel Jack's breath against his skin. Ennis drew a deep breath and closed his eyes. He could stay here the rest of his life and be completely happy.
Well, in reality, he could stay here until he had to take a whiz, which was right about now. He tried to get up without waking Jack, but as soon as he moved, Jack's arm and leg tightened around him and Jack started murmuring.
"Don' get up. Stay here with me where s'warm." Jack burrowed his face into the back of Ennis' neck.
"Thought ya was still sleepin', darlin'. Didn' wanna wake ya up. " Ennis put his arm on top of Jack's and hugged it closer. "But, I gotta get up. 'Less you wanna be sleepin' in a puddle the size a this tent."
"Don' you dare piss in my bed, asshole," Jack chuckled. He pulled away and jerked the blankets off of Ennis, who tried frantically to get them back. "Get up! Get outta here! Don' want no damn puddle in the sleepin' bag!"
Ennis jumped up and rummaged around for the clothes he had been wearing the night before.
"Dammit, rodeo, why'd ya have ta throw my clothes all over the place. It's cold as hell an' I can't find my damn pants!"
Jack watched Ennis hopping around and digging through the blankets, barely able to keep a straight face.
"Didn' hear ya complainin' last night. Well, actually, I do remember ya complainin' 'bout how long it was takin' me to get 'em off a ya. So, really, it's as much yer fault as it is mine. Quit squallin' like a little girl." Jack pulled the blankets up over his head and burrowed back into the warmth they had created.
Ennis found Jack's boot and tossed it at his head.
"Mmff. Dammit, what was that?" Jack shouted as he jerked the blankets down so he could glare at Ennis, who was now fully dressed.
"Jes' yer friendly alarm clock," Ennis grinned. Then he drew back the tent flap and held it open a few seconds more than necessary just to let in some cold air.
Jack burrowed back in, cussing into the blankets so Ennis couldn't understand what he was saying. He didn't have to, though. He knew Jack well enough to know what he meant even if he couldn't hear the words. Ennis was laughing to himself as he moved out of the tent and pulled the flap back down to cover the doorway.
Ennis took care of his business as quickly as possible. Damn, but it was cold. He got some water and coffee grounds and put some on the fire to brew. There were still a few hot coals, so he stirred them up and got the fire going again. By the time Jack emerged from the tent, Ennis had breakfast well underway. He walked over to the pot of coffee and poured himself a cup.
"Didn' hafta knock me in the head with a boot ta get me up, ya jackass," he mumbled, taking a sip of the hot coffee and sitting down to watch Ennis cook. He stared blankly as Ennis fried eggs and bacon in a cast iron skillet.
"Nope, I didn'. Jes' one a the ways I'm gonna take care a ya from now on," Ennis grinned playfully. He was in a damn fine mood this morning. And, he was enjoying himself.
"Ain't I jus' the lucky one," Jack chuckled as he shook his head and took another sip of coffee. "Hopefully, yer tender lovin' care won' give me a damn concussion."
"Wouldn' count on it," Ennis snorted.
He put some bread on the wire grill to toast over the fire and in a few minutes, they were eating breakfast. Neither of them were talking. But, they didn't need to. Not now. They were just enjoying each other's company and the view of the mountain and stream below it.
They decided to take a ride after breakfast. It had been a while since they were in this part of the state and they wanted to take advantage of the scenery. The horses had done well during the night. But, Ennis always made sure of that. He knew the value of animals and made sure they were well taken care of. They rode for a couple hours and got back just before lunch time. Jack decided it was time to tell Ennis what had gone on at the lawyer's office Thursday morning.
They were sitting around the fire again, drinking their usual whiskey with a bit of coffee for flavor. That seemed to be their second favorite activity while camping.
"Ya never did ask me what went on at the lawyer's office, cowboy."
"Sorry 'bout that. My head was full a what we talked 'bout las' night. But, ya know I want ta know. How 'd it go."
"Went pretty well. Mr. Hampton showed me momma's will. Told me what it all meant. And, I gotta tell ya. I was a li'l surprised when he said she hadn' left her part a the ranch ta me." Jack looked over at Ennis with an amused look on his face.
"The hell, Jack? Whatta ya mean she didn' leave it ta ya? Y're her only son. She ain't got no other family 'cept her brother over in Cheyenne. He don' need it. Why'n the hell would she leave it ta him? Dammit, Jack. That jus' ain't fair!" Ennis was furious. Jack could see the anger written all over him. So, he hurried to set him straight.
"Hold on, there, Del Mar. She didn' leave it ta her dang brother, either."
"Well, who then? Would ya jus' tell me who?" Ennis demanded.
"You, Ennis. She left it to you." Jack smiled as he told Ennis the last thing he expected to hear.
"WHAT? Why'd she do that? Jack... I...," Ennis sputtered as he bolted up and started pacing. "I can' let her do that ta ya, rodeo. That ranch is rightfully yours. I'm not gonna take it from ya. I won'." He stopped in front of Jack and glared, his good mood completely gone. "I won' take it from ya an' I won' take charity. I got no right ta even a part a that ranch an' ya know it. It's yours. We'll take care a that as soon as we get back ta town. First thing Monday mornin' we'll go see that lawyer an' set this right."
"No, Ennis, we won't. I don' want ta go against my momma's last wishes. I don' want ta change the deed from what it is now. The ranch is half yours, dammit. An' tha's the way its gonna stay. If ya'll stand still an' stop bein' such a stubborn jackass, I'll tell ya why." Jack reach out his hands and grasped Ennis' arms. He wanted Ennis to stop and see this for what it was. He had to convince him.
"Will ya sit down? Stop pacin'?" Jack asked. Ennis sat down, but he was stiff with indignation. His face looked like it was a stone. His blue eyes were squinting at Jack.
"Fine. I'm listenin'."
"Ya know momma loved ya like a son, ya said so yourself.." Jack started.
Ennis interrupted him, "But, that don' mean.."
"Be quiet, dammit, and listen ta what I'm tryin' ta say," Jack snapped. "Let me finish before ya start growlin' at me ag'in."
Ennis looked at the fire, but remained silent. Jack took that as a sign to continue. It was all he was going to get.
"Momma loved ya. An' she loved me, too. I never begrudged the love she had fer ya. Hell, Ennis, o' course I knew she would love ya, 'cause I did. An' cause o' who ya are. She saw that I was only happy when the two a us were together. An' 'cause she loved us both, she wanted us both ta be happy. She saw how much it tore me up ta see ya leave every damn night and got ta that cracker box trailer ya insisted on livin' in."
Ennis kept staring at the fire. He was doing as Jack asked, listening and keeping his mouth shut until he was finished. But, it was damn sure difficult. And, he didn't like it at all. But, he did it. Dammit.
"Momma asked me about this about a year ago. She wanted ta know how I thought ya would react. I told her ya would do jus' what yer doin' now. Tryin' ta refuse it. She didn' say anythin' else. Not another word about it. I didn' know she had done it. But, I'm glad she did. It was the right thing. It was what she wanted ta do. It is a gift ta both a us, Ennis, not jus' you. Now we have somethin' we can work on together. Somethin' that's ours. Not just mine. The ranch is ours, yours an' mine. Together"
Ennis had to say something. He just couldn't keep quiet any longer. "Jack, I can't. I don' deserve it. It feels like I'm stealin' it from ya. That ranch should be in yer family. It belonged ta yer daddy an' his daddy b'fore him. It's yer family ranch, not mine!"
"An', who's my family now, Ennis? My family is right here, you an' me. This is the family I choose ta be a part of. I don' want it if we ain't together. It means nothin' ta me without ya. An' this way, we are equal. We're partners. You ain't workin' for me no more. You'll be workin' for yourself, for us. Cain't ya see? Momma gave this ta us as a gesture a love. Love for both a us. If ya refuse it, yer sayin' her love meant nothin' to ya. An' I know that ain't true, cowboy. That jus' ain't how yer made."
"But, Jack... I... I don't know... I cain't..." Ennis didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to think. He just didn't know. He leaned forward, putting his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees.
Jack moved to sit next to Ennis. He put his hand on Ennis' shoulder and squeezed. He didn't want to add to Ennis' feelings of being overwhelmed by hovering or getting too close. He knew Ennis needed time for this to sink in. Time to get used to the idea. And, Jack loved him enough to wait.
And, he wasn't just waiting for Ennis to get used to the idea of owning half the ranch. There was more Jack needed to talk to him about, but there was time. They had time now. Time together and time to make plans.
TBC
A/N: Seriously, please tell me what you think. I do appreciate reviews/comments. Thanks.
