Petey - are you OK? You look sick again. Worse than last time.

- Jimmy

---

I'm fine. Really.

- Petey

---

You sure? No offense, man, but you've been looking like crap for DAYS now. Go see Nurse MacRae! It'll get you out of gym!

- Jimmy

---

Honest, I'm fine. Just not getting a lot of sleep, that's all.

- Petey

---

Not sleeping? Is someone picking on you? 'Cause I'd be happy to teach them some manners if they ARE. Who is it?

- Jimmy

---

No, nobody's being a jerk or anything! Really, I'm okay. I just need a rest, that's all.

Thanks, Jimmy.

- Petey

---

You sure? Just let me know if you need help.

- Jimmy


(Pinned to the noticeboards throughout campus)

Students will unfortunately be required to purchase their meals off-campus for the remainder of this week. The animal that provided the meat for Edna's Special Secret Stew has apparently become extinct.

- Miss Danvers


Russell, darling. You're totally rocking the Aquaberry! It looks divine on you. Glad to see you took my advice!

- Gord

---

RUSSELL THINK SWEATER IS ITCHY.

---

Oh, but that's simply the price you pay when you want to wear genuine mohair, silly!

...Well, that and the actual monetary price. Which is considerable. But it's sooooo worth it, wouldn't you say?

- Gord

---

RUSSELL HAD TO TAKE MENY KIDS LUNCH MUNNEYS TO BUY FLUFY SWEATER.

---

That's... wonderful. Really.

You know, if you're discovering a new interest in fashion, you could always pay a visit to my place and take a look at my collection of expensive clothes... I doubt they'd fit you exactly, but I'm sure we'd find something that would please you in some way!

- Gord

---

RUSSELL WOULD LIKE.

---

Oh, darling, you have NO idea!

- Gord


Dear Gary,

I'm sorry. I didn't know how horrible it was going to be in there. I didn't mean to clam up like that, it just freaked me out and I couldn't breathe right and how do you stand it?! It's worse than a prison! It's worse than Bullworth!

You were joking when you said they gave you electric shocks every day, right? And about the straitjacket and restraints and all that stuff? They don't really do that?

I know I said I'd stop writing if you let me visit, but you never confirmed that's what you wanted while I was there. So, you know... Do you still want me to leave you alone? Because I guess maybe you might have changed your mind or something. Seeing as you didn't try to stab me while I was there or anything.

Petey


Constantinos -

Ted says practice starts an hour later tomorrow. Just letting you know because of, like, your mascot duties and stuff! Someone probably already told you, but whatever!

- Christy

---

Nobody else let me know. Which is fine, I'm used to being ignored. Don't mind me.

Thanks for telling me.

- Const

---

Welcome! Say, your handwriting looks TOTALLY familiar!

- Christy

---

OMG!!! WAIT! IT'S YOU! YOU'RE CREEPY & DEPRESSING!!!

- Christy

---

Gee, thanks.

- Const

---

Noooo, not like THAT! DUH. You sent me a 'Dear Auntie Christy' letter! From 'CREEPY & DEPRESSING'! You are SO TOTALLY BUSTED!!!

- Christy

---

OMG, who are you crushing on? TELL ME!

- Christy

---

Eww eww eww! If it's Beatrice, I'm gonna PUKE!

- Christy

---

I can throw notes at you all day, you know! Nothing gets in between me and my gossip!

- Christy

---

FINE! I like making up my own rumours more than spreading true ones, anyway. BUT I WILL FIND OUT! NOBODY CAN HIDE FROM CHRISTY MARTIN'S EXPERT GAZE!

- Christy (I'LL BE WATCHING YOU!!)


Petey, Petey, PETEY!

I'd forgotten how teeny you are, GOD. Look at you! Did you grow at all since last summer, Pete? I swear you actually got SHORTER. And girlier. Seriously. We have a guy here who thinks he's Queen Elizabeth of England and even HE'S not as femmey as you!

Hey, I know. Maybe you should write to him too and ask to borrow one of his dresses! Then you can share make-up tips and do each others' nails and have girly sleepovers. You'll have a BLAST.

Anyway, you can keep bothering me with your inane mail if you want. I might even write back if I get bored enough. Then you can add all my letters to the "I love Gary" scrapbook you keep tucked under your pillow or kiss them goodnight or whatever it is that lonely little girls do with stuff like that. Awww!

By the way - don't think I didn't notice you asking about restraints and straitjackets and torture and all that in your letter, Petey. That kind of thing turns you on, huh? You get all hot and bothered thinking about it? I bet you do... God, I'd never have guessed you'd be into S&M. You filthy little perv, no wonder you were so eager for me to write you...

- Gary

P.S. Next time I go for shock therapy, I'll think of you!


Dear Gary,

Thanks a LOT. After I read your letter I went and asked Jimmy what S&M was and Zoe nearly punctured a lung laughing. When I couldn't get an answer from them, I went to try and look it up in the library instead. Then the librarian saw I was having trouble and she offered to help me research it using the school's internet connection.

YOU ARE SUCH A JERK!

I'm banned from the school library for LIFE! I think Ms. Carvin even told Dr. Crabblesnitch, because he keeps looking at me all weird and mumbling about 'deviant pursuits'. What the HELL, Gary? How do you even know what this stuff is?! And why am I still writing to you?!

- Petey


Come on, Kirby, you can't STILL be mad.

- Trent

---

You can't ignore me forever, Kirb! ANSWER ME, DILL-WEED!

- Trent

---

What, you want me to beg? I'm a star, baby, and stars don't beg to get what we want. We make a scene.

- Trent

---

Alright. You had your chance, Kirb! Don't blame me if I have to do something drastic!

- Trent


Dear Student,

Important Announcement

Students are reminded that this is a place of learning! Whilst up until now there has been a degree of leniency in our rules regarding fraternisation, a recent flagrant disregardal of protocol means we have had to re-evaluate the aforementioned guidelines.

All students are required to read and memorise the following school rules:

- All so-called 'public displays of affection' are heavily discouraged. Prefects may use their own discretion on this matter, but as a general guide: a friendly kiss on the cheek may be tolerated. Lifting another student into the air and screaming "I love you, (Name of Student)" whilst carrying them past every classroom on campus is far less acceptable.

- The football field is, as the name would imply, for playing football. Other usage, no matter how creative, is utterly forbidden. Playing football requires wearing clothes.

- Kissing in the staffroom and/or Dr. Crabblesnitch's office whilst waiting to be reprimanded is not allowed.

- Nor is kissing whilst being reprimanded.

That will be all, students. Please remember to wish Dr. Crabblesnitch a swift recovery from his ordeal should you get the opportunity to visit him in the hospital. I'm sure he would appreciate your support. Math class will, unfortunately, be cancelled until further notice.

Miss Danvers

Acting Headmistress


Dear Dr. Crabblesnitch,

We're sorry. We just thought you was coughing and stuff. How was we to know it was a heart attack?

Get well soon,

Trent Northwick and Kirby Olsen