Okay! Next chapter! :) Sorry for updating so late, but university is getting serious. I had an exam between this and I only wrote in the 1 hour train trip needed to get from my home to my shared apartment twice a week. I really tried not to sob as I wrote, so you can imagine me pokerfacing all the time and people sending me weird glances LOL.

Aaaaand you'll see here new characters :O but you won't recognize one. Kyasarin Takōiz is Erin's OC! She's a really great character, and I love her as much as I love her roleplayer. You can find her on twitter and tumblr. Her username is wingedempress and winged-empress respectively.

Ahhh okay, I'll shut up. Review please? :D


I believed that you'd always be here

'cause once you promised a life with no fear.

Please don't break my ideals

And say what's fake was always real.

Hope was the one

Now I'm gone

Take me back again.

[ Shine (acoustic) – Muse ]


Him.

I still remember how he managed to destroy my childhood.

That white-haired asshole I had to call a cousin.

Every family reunion, every time I had to go to his house or him to mine he made my life an insufferable hell.

I didn't know when I was a kid, but now I know that he was just jealous of me. I don't even know why. I mean, at least physically we were exactly the same. We were so look alike it was creepy. He was like a white copy of me.

And he hated me with passion.


"Kurosaki-kun!"

Auburn locks flickered with the wind as a big-eyed, pretty little girl chased after a little orange-haired boy.

Said boy followed after the girl with an explosion of giggles and little laughs that weren't that manly, but who cares when you are a kid?

They seemed to be alone, but if you look closely, you can spot white hair and golden, narrowed eyes nearly glaring at the couple.

What an awful expression for someone so young.

The white-haired boy—Shirosaki, called like that by a really inspired mother that disappeared not long after the boy's third birthday – was trying to split in a half his older cousin, Kurosaki Ichigo, with a death glare.

Why would someone so young want the death of someone of their own family?

If you look at the scene, it was pretty obvious why.

Inoue Orihime and Kurosaki Ichigo were friends. Best friends. You couldn't see the one without the other. Sometimes, when their mothers wanted to go home after a long day of playing at the park, they took each other's hands and simply refused to let go, not wanting to be separated of the other for hours until they saw each other at school the next day.

Shirosaki was in love with Orihime.

It'd be strange, knowing the meaning of such big words at the age of 5. You could say he was only a kid, he didn't know what something like that was, and that you can't be in love at that age.

But if someone that has been in love were in Shirosaki's situation, he could see and tell that the boy was completely, irrevocably and desperately in love with that young girl.

Orihime, a kind girl that lived with her older brother, didn't really talk to someone like Shiro (not because she was rude, but more like she hadn't had the opportunity to do so), and focused all her attention to the orangette that was her best friend in the world.

Said orangette didn't know about his cousin's feelings. He only knew that his white copy made his life a hell without an apparent reason.

And because of Shiro's obsession with the little girl, he had no friends. The only one that could fill that role was scared of him. And besides, he hated him with burning rage.

His father, a kind man that had to take care of him and a house and a heart that was broken when his beloved wife left both of them, was desperate to find his son a good friend. And because of that desperation, he always tried to make Ichigo and Shiro's relationship develop by bringing the boy to the park when he knew the other would be there. Of course, Shiro only accepted to go when he knew the object of his obsession would be there (and that was almost always).

Back to the scene we left, Shiro was sitting on a tree, thinking of ways and ways of getting rid of his cousin and imagining a life with the red-head girl after doing so.

Suddenly, a ball both friend's had been using landed next to the boy's side. He stood up, grabbed it and thought—if it was Ichigo who came after it, he'd kick it away. But if it was Orihime's, he'll kindly give it to her. Maybe that could be a good excuse to get to talk to his goddess. Grinning like he hadn't done in years, he waited, imagining her beautiful hair, her smile, her voice...

But it was Ichigo the one that came after it, grinning like the stupid kid he was. God, he hated his cousin. He didn't know what he had between his hands. A girl that he would do anything to get near her.

Angry eyebrows nearly knitted together as orange approached white. In a really stupid move he'd regret the rest of his life, the white-haired boy kicked the ball with all his force, sending it flying through the air above Ichigo's and Orihime's heads.

He'll never forget the sad expression that ran through the girl's eyes as she followed the ball's trajectory. He'll never forgive himself for making the girl's last expression known be that one.

Being the one nearest to the street where the ball fell, she ran without even looking at her sides after her toy.

They told them after hours that she died in the impact.

She probably didn't even feel the hit.

That was the only thing that helped Shirosaki sleep after all this time.

Orihime was a queen. And Ichigo was his king. All the white-haired boy wanted was to be the king of her love.

And now she was gone.


I open my eyes. The rain has stopped—for now. The silence is almost unbearable. I bet it's really late. I bet Yuzu is worried sick by now if she isn't sleeping. I smirk. Poor girl. She worries too much about me.

Thinking of Yuzu makes me think of another little girl. Woah. It's been years since I last thought of Orihime. I scowl. Why does it hurt? It's already been like, 13 years since the incident. She wouldn't even look like that now.

She'll always be a little girl.

Will I always be an 18-year-old, then?

I won't go to university. I won't grow a beard as Grimmjow and I promise stupidly. I won't be able to drink my first (legal) beer with him. I won't have kids. I won't die at 180 years as I promised him.

It hurts

But I can't make it alone. My future depends on him. I planned it with him. I can't do it alone, and even less with someone else to fill his void.

Grimmjow.

You ruined my life.


"Look who we have here."

I felt my shoulders stiffen with dread.

I knew he was here. Trying to ruin my life. As always. Despite having the same blood running in our veins, he hated me for a reason I didn't even know.

I was practically shivering. That guy was so fucking scary. He was like, a sadist. You don't even know what things he has done to me. And to other people. He really was crazy.

"Who the fuck're you."

I turned my wide, scared eyes at Grimmjow. What the hell was he doing? Was he crazy? Did he want us to get killed? This guy was crazy!

But then again, so was Grimmjow.

And dammit, he looked beautiful. His playful expression from before changed into a death glare I was glad not to be the one receiving it. But Shiro didn't even flinch.

"Oi, king." I didn't even know why this freak called me that. I will never understand, either. It was some kind of weird inner-joke he had with himself. "Who is your boyfriend? What's the matter, too scared of going out alone?"

"H-he isn't my—"

"You got a fucking problem with that, snowball?"

Grimmjow, what the hell are you doing? Stop walking closer to him. Stop. Stop.

"You look a lot like Kurosaki. The hell are you, a lost twin?" He snorted. God, why was he so damn relaxed? I couldn't be more scared.

"What did you call me, blue?"

"Are you deaf or something? I called you snowball. 'Cause you're all white and shit. What are you, an albino?"

Oh god. No one talked about Shiro's white skin.

If they did, they died.

"Gimmjow—"

"Shut the hell up, king! This fucker wants to get his ass kicked or something."

"Hah! Do you even know who I am, Snowball?"

I saw it. The knife. Oh fuck, oh fuck, Shiro, what the HELL.

"Shiro, stop it dammit!"

But he wasn't gonna stop.

I saw him charge towards a grinning Grimmjow, which was unarmed, what the hell!

I closed my eyes. Stopstopstopstopstop.

And then suddenly a female voice broke the tense silence. I saw sea-green locks and golden eyes flick around the place and then my cousin was pinned to the floor under some beauty's legs. And oh fuck, some really, really tall, weird guy was pointing a gun to Shiro's head.

"What the hell! Who the fuck are you? Get off him, dammit!"

"Nnoitra, Kyasarin." Grimmjow was greeting them? The hell was wrong with him? He knew those freaks?

"'Sup, Grimmjow?"


I have to smile at the thought of those two. I hated one and loved the other. The one I really liked was Grimmjow's best friend, Kyasarin, a really nice girl that was almost as crazy as him. Seriously, the things they've told me about their childhood. I really liked her.

Where are you, Kyasarin? You disappeared the day Grimmjow died. Was his death too much for you too? No, you were strong. Stronger than I'll ever be.

As my mind turns back to that day, my mouth turns down into a frown. Nnoitra. That son of a bitch. Grimmjow hated him, and he hated Grimmjow too.

He was the one that killed my boyfriend.

A sob tears my chest open. Why. Why? He was only trying to have a nice, peaceful life with me. He only wanted to get out.

He could have lived if that... bastard hadn't given him that final blow with that weird-shaped knife. He could have survived after the horrible beating up they did to him.

He could be with me right now. We could be embracing each other in my bed.

Grimmjow.

Tell me you're not dead, tell me this is just a big joke, tell me it is just a bad dream. Come get me.

Save me, Grimmjow.

Don't let me die alone.


"Get the hell off him!" I shouted. What the hell was this weird guy doing? Was he NUTS? He'll kill Shiro!

Yeah, I know he made my life a hell, but dammit, he was my cousin! Even he would be affected if I died.

Right?

"Get off me you bitch! You wanna die?" Shiro was squirming underneath the woman's long legs.

"Grimmjow—"

"Should I kill this fucker, Sexta?"

What?

Grimmjow glanced at me, as if asking me. Was he stupid? Wasn't it pretty obvious? My jaw dropped, and I couldn't find the words to stop him. This was too much.

I heard the click of the gun.

"Fucking hell NO!" I threw myself against that tall fucker, but I found myself unable to move as strong arms held me in place. Then hot breath tickled my ear in a husky whisper I won't forget, no matter how much time passes. "If you do that he's dead, and so are you. This guy is pretty crazy."

"Stop him, Grimmjow." I nearly pleaded. Oh god, oh god I couldn't see my cousin die right in front of me. No. Please stop it.

"That's enough, Quinta, let that kid go."

The tall guy reluctantly let go of my white-haired cousin. I saw him stand up and dust off his clothes, his hurt pride oozing out of every pore of his white skin. He glared at me. Oh fucking hell, I was gonna pay for this. I groaned as he turned around and left.

"Grimmjow!" The girl threw herself into his arms. What the hell was this pang of jealousy I suddenly felt?

"Woah, you're hugging me? You sure were worried, huh?" he snorted, grinning like crazy. The hell was wrong with him! That weird guy almost killed Shiro! Why was he so damn calm?

"Enough of touching my girl, Sexta." The dark-haired, tall man sneered at Grimmjow. His girl? Was this woman really going out with him?

Grimmjow sneered back at him.

"Calm your tits, stretch. She was worried, okay?" He unwrapped his arms from around her waist and she took a step back, punching her boyfriend's stomach.

"Shut up, Nnoi. I can hug whoever I want, who the hell do you think you are? You don't own me."

I liked this girl.

"Tch." This Nnoi guy turned his only eye at me.

"And who're ya? Sexta's new fuck toy?"

Fuck toy?

I scowled.

"What the fuck! Of course not, you big freak! I am not fucking gay!" Grimmjow's eyes were wide. What? What did I just do?

"You little—"

"Stop it, Nnoi! He's just Grimm's friend." Golden eyes locked with my confused ones. Was she a friend? Was she an enemy? Although she pretty much stopped her boyfriend, she was the one that pinned him to the ground and allowed that freak to point a gun to his head. But then again, they just saved us.

Ugh.

"C'mon Grimmjow! What are you doing standing there with that face? Go walk your friend home, you big jerk!"

"Augh, dammit, okay, okay! Geez, woman, no need to push me—"

"I'm Kyasarin, by the way. And this big guy from here is Nnoitra. We're Grimmjow's... Uh, friends."

"A-ah. Nice to meet you. I'm Ichigo. Kurosaki Ichigo." I managed to smile. I really liked her.

"So heart-warming. Alright. Let's go, Kurosaki." Grimmjow tugged at my wrist and I had to turn and leave with him. What an asshole. But I didn't protest because I wanted to get out of there too.

What an interesting day.


You might think that kissing on the first 'date' is going a little bit too fast. Even more if that 'date' is between two straight guys (okay, Grimmjow wasn't straight, but I didn't know back then) and one of them hates the other's guts.

But yeah, I don't even know how that happened. Not even now.

I chuckle, a normally happy sound sounding raspy and kind of fake. But well, how do you expect someone to laugh happily when they have their hearts ripped out?

But hey, I am laughing. Because I freaked out so damn much back then it's so funny. Grimmjow kept reminding me about the first time I tasted those sinful lips.

"You kept bitching but you kissed me back! I thought you were going to rip my pants off then and there!"

That's what he always said. And I always punched him in the face afterwards. "And I bet you wouldn't have stopped me." Of course not.

We laughed. Embraced each other. I melted on his lips and then we made love. It was always the same. Grimmjow was so damn intense.

I sigh. There's no time to remember things that happened a couple of months ago. It'll be dawn in no time, and then people will try to stop me from jumping and blah, blah, blah. Stupid humans. You don't even understand what I am going through.

I came here to remember how we started.

The tinniest smile stretches my lips as I think of the first time our lips met.

It was so clumsy and perfect. I loved it. Even if I didn't understand back then.

I was so lucky to have you, Grimmjow.


I walked in front of him, my shoulders so stiffened with my anger I understood why Grimmjow was being so damn silent the entire walk home.

I was utterly pissed with him.

Why? I don't know. It was ridiculous. And childish. He only helped when I was in danger, but dammit one of his... friends pointed a freaking gun to my cousin's head.

What the hell were they, anyway? I knew Grimmjow wasn't all that innocent. I knew he was in some kind of gang or something. I mean, I wasn't blind. Even if he tried to hide it to the teachers and the school workers, it was pretty damn obvious he worked for something not that legal.

"Kurosaki."

His voice broke me away from my thoughts.

"You're walking past your own house. You wanna take a longer walk or what?"

I turned to glare at him. He was a few meters away from me. Was I really gonna walk past my house? Was I that distracted? I scowled at him and made the move to enter the house.

"Thanks for the walk. You can go now—"

But his hand was holding my wrist.

"What the—let me go you freak!"

"Wait."

"Shut the hell up! I don't want to talk with you! What are you gonna do, point a gun to my head too if I don't let you touch me? I hate you, you damn bastard, I FUCKING HATE YOU!"

He didn't even flinch. Neither did the hold on my wrist. I didn't calm down, and I made the move to punch him, but he dodged it. What? I was dumbfounded. How could he dodge my punch? I was pretty good, you know.

He pulled me closer with the hand that was holding my wrist. My eyes went wide, and I turned my head away.

"What the hell are you doing."

Silence.

"Let me go."

Silence.

"I'm not gay, Grimmjow."

Blue eyes narrowed, but he stayed silent.

Our faces were so close right now. I could feel his breath against my lips, and my mouth watered. What is this? What is this what is this what is this?

Why do I want to kiss Grimmjow? A guy? Seriously?

The same hand that seconds before wanted to punch Grimmjow now rested against the other's chest. I could feel his heartbeat. It was fast, nervous, healthy.

Alive.

I didn't have more questions to ask. Grimmjow seemed to be waiting for me to be done. He dropped his eyelids, and his eyes met my lips. Oh shit, oh shit, is he going to kiss me? What do I do? I don't like guys!

Bullshit.

I liked him.

My lips parted as Grimmjow's met the skin of my cheek. It was a barely-there touch, but I felt it like it was lava running down my cheek, neck, down my chest and into my groin.

I moaned.

I could feel his stupid smirk against my cheek. Fucking bastard. I'm sure he was having so much fun. I was about to tell him to shut up (even if he wasn't speaking), but then those lips moved to mine and he was kissing me.

Kissing me.

Oh god.

This felt like heaven. Don't mistake me, I've kissed and been kissed a lot of times, but they all were drunk, clumsy girls that wanted a quick fuck. But this... this kiss was so damn... blue. I had blue all over me. I opened my eyes, and blue was staring back at me. I lifted my hands and I had blue between my fingers, soft, wild, tender, rough.

His blue jeans were pressing against mine. My blue shirt was drinking in his warmth and his scent, and I couldn't have enough.

Grabbing tight fists of soft, sky-blue hair in my hands, I deepened the kiss. Surprisingly, my tongue was the one that moved to meet Grimmjow's instead of the other way around. I felt him shift against me, his muscled, perfect body moving to adjust against my smaller frame, pressing me against the door of my own house.

My mouth opened, his mouth opened. We were practically eating each other, and we couldn't seem to get enough. I felt his arms around me, and I moaned again. God, it was so embarrassing, but he seemed to enjoy it the most.

But too soon he was breaking away from the kiss. We were short of breath, but I quickly launched myself forwards to get more of those lips.

God, they were like a drug.

This time, the kiss I myself initiated was a lot more heated and passionate than our first one. Teeth clashed, tongues met, hands clenched hair, and fuck if he continued to grab my ass like that I was gonna lose it then and there.

His knee found its way between mine, and I moaned repeatedly, already rock-hard. Oh god, what were we doing?

Fuck it.

I'll worry later.

But again, he was the one to break the kiss. I groaned in protest, my hands clenching and unclenching on Grimmjow's shoulders. I wanted more. I wanted more of him.

"If we keep this up, we'll end up naked and fucking in front of your house, Kurosaki."

I freaked out.

Fucking? WHAT?

"A-ah." That broke me out of my daze. And, of course, I blushed furiously. I took a step back.

"Don't go denying you're attracted to me anymore after this."

I looked up at him with angry eyes. What the /hell/.

"See you on Monday, Kurosaki."

He pecked my lips. My eyelids fluttered.

I couldn't say anything back and he was walking away.

Oh my god.

I kissed a guy.

What the hell was wrong with me?