The next day, since it was the weekend, the boys all got up extra early to continue their movie. Hell, if they kept at it for a good 5-6 hours, they could very well complete it! Nothing could stop them! Well, nothing except for one thing...
Stan found himself smacking the top of his alarm clock. He opened his eyes and caught a visual of the red blinking lights that taunted '8:00.' He got up and dragged his feet on the carpet on his way out of his bedroom door. As he stepped downstairs, he heard noises. There were two voices. Probably his mom and dad, although they sounded both like guys. Maybe it was his dad Randy and Uncle Jimbo. He couldn't tell.
"I said shut up, you British piece of crap!" Stan shouted.
Fuck you!
"No, fuck you!"
He walked into the kitchen and noticed Keanu Reeves was still here. Did he spend the night? He didn't care, really. He stared at him drinking coffee with unnecessary sunglasses on staring at what seemed to the top right window pane to the outside porch. Frankly, Stan was just hungry. He jumped on top of the counter and reached for the cupboard. That's where the cereal was. He was feeling Rice Crispies. He opened and there he saw a tiny many all crunched up. Once he noticed he had been spotted, he stared Stan right in the eyes.
"Do you have any Chex?" it asked.
Stan shrieked. He landed on his back on the linoleum floor and screamed for his life pointing directly at the tiny face of the cupboard-bound abomination.
"Whoa," Keanu Reeves said standing up. "What seems to be the matter, small child?"
"What the fuck is that thing?!" Stan shouted still pointing at it.
"That?" Mr. Reeves asked. "Why, that's Verne Troyer."
"Verne Troyer?!" Stan yelled. He took a closer look at the creature in his creature, who was now muching on Captain Crunch. "M... Mini-Me?"
Kyle, though he was also very devoted to the film, had to get in his 9+ hours of sleep. He didn't want to be bothered with an alarm clock. However, it was the telephone in his room that woke him up. Kyle jotled up from what seemed to be a good dream and stared coldly at the ringing phone. He walked over to his desk drowsily to pick it up.
"Godammit..." he said to himself having been awoken. He picked up the phone and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with his little fist. "Hello?"
"Dude!" Stan barked at the other end.
"Stan?" asked Kyle, now fully awake. "Dude what's wrong? Calm down!"
"It's Mini-Me!"
"... Mini-Me?"
"Yeah, dude!"
"The guy from Austin Powers?"
"Yeah!"
"... Aaannd... What about him?"
"He's in my house!"
"What, do you mean your watching him on TV or did some drunk kid waltz in dressed up?"
"No! The guy! Verne Troyer! He's in my house! I think Keanu Reeves brought him over!"
"What?! Are you serious? Dude, if Verne Troyer is in our movie, that would be awesome! He would be such a step forward for the Moon Stomp Awesome Films of Awesomeness!"
"It's not just... wait, what?"
"What?"
"What did you call our film company?'
"Well, you know... Instead of Sun Dance... Moon Stomp... Get it? ..."
"... Yeah... But seriously, try getting a part for all the other actors here."
"The other actors?"
Kyle ran as far as his little legs could carry him. He jolted into the door without knocking and right into Stan's back yard where Cartman and Kenny were already. Kyle stopped in his tracks and saw what he never thought he would ever see. He saw a bunch of Hollywood actors all bunched up in Stan's back yard.
"What the hell is going on?" Kyle asked simply amazed.
"I don't know!" Stan said.
The boys could see a bunch of actors that they already knew. They saw Shia LaBeouf, Ben Afleck, Sylvester Stalone, Charlie Sheen, Adam Sandler, Ice Cube, Matt Damon, and David Caruso. They didn't know what to do, but they knew that their cast list wasn't big enough to fit all of these Hollywood actors.
"Um, Mr. Reeves?" Stan asked to the crowd of celebrities.
"Yes?" Keanu Reeves replied stepping out.
"Um... What the hell is this?"
"Well, you need to make your movie, so I called these professional actors over."
"Wha... P-professional actors?"
"Yes, indeed."
"But... Keanu... These guys all SUCK!"
"Wh... What?" Keanu was deeply offended. Almost as if Stan had spat in the face of each and every one of his children. Each and every one of his rather talentless children. "How dare you say such a thing?"
"No one likes any of you! Charlie Sheen acts like he's such a hot shot in that stupid show with that little fat kid, just like Adam Sandler in all of his movies! David Caruso has the face of a date rapist and couldn't act on that stupid CSI: Miami show if his life depended on it!"
All of the actors look at each other in shock.
"And where do I start with Ice Cube?!" he continued. "You rap! You're good at it! Stick to it! No one liked u in Triple X Two, or Are We There Yet! You can barely understand a single fucking thing Sylvester Stalone says and it was not needed for another movie of Rambo OR Rocky! No one's going to take Shia LaBeouf seriously, EVER, and Ben Af... God... I don't even need to say anything about that guy."
Even the actors nodded. They all did except for Kyle who was staring at his best friend almost in horror. He couldn't believe what he did. Sure, Kyle thought the same thing about everyone, but Stan was in such a fit of anger, he didn't think Stan thought any of what he said through.
"Dude," Kyle said putting his hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. I know you're..."
"Shut up, Kyle!"
Stan stormed to his director's chair and left Kyle behind.
"Matt Damon, you're playing the role of Lyle. Places, people!"
Kenny and Cartman took their places behind their cameras and Kyle sat on the porch and realized that he had just been removed from the production, just like that. Just when Cartman was grabbing the edges of his camera, he looked to his right and noticed Kyle looking as lonely as ever. He slowly joined the boy.
"Kyle," he began. "I'm sorry about what happened, but... Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, ha! You're not in a mo-vie! You have been repla-aced by fucking Matt Da-mon! Na-na-na-na-na, na!"
Then he left and went back to his post behind camera 3. Kenny did his clickity thingy and went back to his camera.
"Action!" Stan announced, still a bit hot from his outburst.
As the acting continued, Kyle buried his face in his folded arms on his knees and simply waited for the world to end, having lost his best friend to the glitz and glamour of Hollywood. Suddenly, Kyle herd hooves behind him. He looked out to the street and saw what looked like a Korean, Oriental designed wagon with jade dragons panted on the smooth black side. Who was this? That question will be answered...
... Right now.
Out of the horse-dragged four-wheeled box came an Asian man. He had what looked like a very expensive outfit on.
"Oh, herro," he greeted.
"Uh... Hi?" Kyle greeted back. "Um. Who are you?"
"Oh, me? Why, I amma gweat Shim Hyung-rae."
"... Who?"
"I diwrecka Dwagon War!"
"You directed D-War?"
"Oh, yes."
"Dude, that movie sucked ass."
"You shutta rittre mouth, 'mewican boy!" Shim got angry. "Whewe is diwector?"
"Over there," Kyle pointed.
Shim and his crew men ran up to Stan in his chair. Mr. Hyung-rae had no hesitations into trying to get Stan into letting him use his set.
"Oh, herro, rittre boy," he greeted, the same way he did a minute ago.
"Hello?" Stan said, not knowing who this guy was.
"Imma Shim Hyung-rae. I diwrecka Dwagon War. Ia makea sequar in 2012. I use your set, now. Goodbye."
Shim and his crew took ahold of the camera, and added some new ones as he pushed Stan out of the chair.
"Hey!" Stan complained wiping the snow off of his jacket. "You can't just take control of our indie film!"
"Whachu gonna do, rittre boy?" Shin taunted. "Dwagon War 2 wirr be bigga and betta than eva, hokay?"
Stan watched as his empire was torn away from him just like that, in the blink of an eye.
"Everything I worked for..." Stan said to himself as his friends gathered behind him. "Everything I did... Gone..."
"It's okay, Stan," Kenny comforted.
"Yeah, man," Cartman said. "You were being a douche anyway.
Stan turned around and looked at his friend.
"I'm sorry, Kyle," he apologized. "I know I've been a lousy best friend."
"It's okay, Stan, I know you didn't mean it," Kyle said. "But you know what? I've learned something today. If we all do something that we know we're good at, we can't let it go to our heads, or else we become assholes like Shin Hyung-rae or Michael Bay."
"Yeah!" Stan agreed. "Come on guys, if we hurry we can catch the new Terrance & Philippe."
The boys hurried inside.
It's the opening of Dragon Wars 2. The boys are front row. I'm sure any of them would like to see how the new sequel of the year would turn out since it was filmed in their own back yard. It's in the middle of the movie, and two dragons are fighting with fire breath and razor-sharp teeth and all that other shit, but the boys are laughing their asses off.
"Dude!" Stan laughed, crying now. "This movie sucks!"
"I know!" Cartman replied, laughing on the floor. "What a fucking fag!"
All the boys laughed throughout the entire movie. It was the comedy of the century!
