Chapter 3

Four Years Ago, 2:15pm

James slammed down the quill for his final final exam and barely kept himself from crowing in victory. Freedom, and his final quidditch match were just around the corner! He couldn't contain his excitement as he placed the scroll in front of Professor McGonagall with a wink and strolled down the row of desks. Lily, still hard at work on her least-favorite subject, caught his eye and rolled her own. He grinned as he felt the small velvet box in his pocket for the billionth time that day. Normally he'd wait for her after class but he had to hurry and set things up for the proposal before the match started. He and the rest of the gang had come up with a brilliant plan involving their final quidditch victory (he refused to think of anything else), fireworks, and loads and loads of flowers.

Marlene met him in the hall, her dark curls bouncing as she practically ran toward him. She and Lily had been best friends since first year, their opposite personalities notwithstanding. Her edginess and Lily's girl-next-door personality somehow fit together perfectly and the two were inseparable. It was Marlene who'd suggested the flower thing and had helped him gather supplies. Today she'd be charming the lilies, roses, and dahlias (Lily liked variety) to race out of the boxes and onto the field to form the big question.

"Did Sirius–"

"The flowers are beneath the stands, Marls." James assured her with a laugh. "I think you're more nervous about this whole thing than I am."

She rolled her eyes. "You can't blame me for making sure that idiot didn't mess anything up. And my name is Marlene."

"Speaking of that idiot," James called with a wave as Sirius joined them on the path to the quidditch pitch.

Looking quite affronted, Sirius straightened his robes. "What a rude thing to say to the guy who just carried ten boxes of bloody flowers to the pitch for you!"

"I don't think your pampered little hands carried a thing, Sirius Black." Marlene cut in condescendingly.

"Oh, Marlene," he smirked. "Someday you may find out that nothing about me is little."

James was surprised to see her normally pale cheeks redden. She'd never reacted to Sirius' flirting before.

"Um– hello, guys? This is only the most important day of my life! Pay attention here!" He reminded the pair, trying not to notice as they avoided each other's eyes. Today was not the day to get involved in some kind of drama.

It took them about an hour to charm all of the flowers, the work finishing quickly once Remus came along to help. Peter was busy distracting Lily. She had a habit of coming down to the pitch on game days before the warm-up started to wish him luck. Normally he loved it, but today she had to come to the game at just the right moment.

Whatever Pete was doing worked very well, as the time came for team warm-ups and she hadn't come down yet. He scanned the hill leading up to the castle one last time before turning to his team, which was assembled in a long line in front of him. The two other seventh-years faced the rest of the team with him. James let Charles and Sam say their farewells first, getting a bit emotional as he looked over the people he'd trained with, fought with, and won with this year.

"Ladies and gents, it's been a good year," James began after Sam finished up. "We all played hard and put our very best onto that field, and our eleven wins show it. I'm honored to have been your captain. We've won the final three years in a row now and I know we'll win it again today. Don't mess it up when I'm gone, eh?"

"We'll miss you next year, mate." Gabe Bastion, one of the best beaters on the team, said.

"Thanks for everything, captain!" Someone else piped up.

As one, the team flew forward and engulfed James in a mass of hugs and well-wishes. He let himself enjoy the farewells but kept an eye on the time. They still had a game to win, after all.

A few minutes later, he extracted himself from a particularly clingy third-year and shouted, "Right, get out the bludgers and start passing!"

Warm-up sped by and before he knew it, they were flying out onto the field amidst screams of "Go Gryffindor!"

Remus gave him a thumbs-up from his place by the flower boxes to let him know that everything was in place. James zoomed around the pitch to Lily's typical spot in the stands to get his customary pre-game kiss. As he got closer he could see Marlene, Peter, Sirius, and the rest of them cheering like mad while waving blinking signs and all sorts of Gryffindor paraphernalia. What he didn't see was his girlfriend. He circled back, scanning the rest of the section but still couldn't find her.

"Where's Lily?" He mouthed to Peter, but he only got an oblivious fist-pump in response.

He jerked his broomstick back toward the field as the game began, mentally assuring himself that she'd be there soon. Lily would never miss the most important game of the year.

Present Day

Lily massaged the back of her neck, trying to get some of the horrible tension out of her body. She soon gave up as she realized that she wasn't only responding to the atmosphere in the bar. Not only were the two death-eaters still there, England was still losing and the patrons were not happy about it. The drinks were flowing faster, the tips were flowing slower, and the demands were getting louder and angrier. Some random assholes in the crowd claiming to be old co-workers of hers didn't help either.

"If that guy calls me his 'mate' one more time, I'm going to kick his ass," Charlie groused as he reached around Lily to grab a stack of napkins from the small stockroom behind the bar.

She gave his arm a sympathetic squeeze. "I know, it seems like everyone's being awful tonight. Don't we both have tomorrow off? Let's go–"

"Lily?" They both turned at the interruption, and it seemed like time slowed down and sped up all at once.

He hasn't changed, she thought, stunned, eyes raking over his messy black hair, wire-rimmed glasses, and lean frame. No, she decided, there was definitely more muscle under that Puddlemere United tee. She'd forgotten just how tall he was, though. And (of course) stunningly handsome. Lily drank the sight of him in for a few more seconds, wondering if she could just freeze time right here in this moment.

"James," she whispered, totally at a loss, berating herself for not planning this better on the off-chance that she'd ever see him again. She didn't miss the slight flinch as she said his name, nor the haunted look in his eyes that hadn't been there in their Hogwarts days.

Charlie's hand tightened on her shoulder, jerking her back to the present and reminding her what was at stake. Glancing nervously toward the stockroom door, she clenched her hands. Her chest felt concave as the man she'd never stopped loving stood within reach, and instead of being blissfully happy she was terrified.

A sudden realization hit her. "Oh god, it was you that asked about me wasn't it? Did you–"

"You need to leave, Evans," he interrupted forcefully, an awful iciness she'd never seen directed at her before descending over his face.

Lily winced, knowing she deserved this, yet her fear for his safety refused to let her be cowed. "No James, you need to leave. As I was saying before you interrupted me, Sev and Reg are out there."

He seemed to swell in anger, his face getting the red tinge she recognized so well. He certainly hadn't been this imposing at Hogwarts, however. "Associating with Deatheaters now, are you?"

Her view was partially blocked as Charlie stepped in front of her. "Excuse me, you don't talk to her like that, buddy. How'd you get in here, anyways?"

"No, no!" She put a hand on James' arm as he reached for his wand and they both froze before she snatched it back like she'd been burned.

Eyes darting between her and Charlie, James stepped back, the look on his face somehow even more awful than before. "Fine," he muttered. "Both of you, go."

It's been four years, she reminded herself as she felt the strong urge to assure him that she and Charlie weren't an item. She shook her head at how pathetic she was.

"James," Lily pressed her lips together and breathed through her nose. God, he was still infuriating. "You need to listen to me. I don't know what's going on, but"

"No, you don't know what's going on, do you?" A muscle leapt in his jaw as he jerked his arm away and took a step back. "This is where you've been hiding? All this time?"

Lily knew he was confused, knew he was hurting, but his jab still staggered her. Her concave chest filled with something unbearably suffocating. "I don't, I can't" she pleaded incoherently.

He looked around derisively and, to her horror, actually laughed in disbelief. "Bartending? While we're… we're dying out there, Lily. How could you do this?"

It was her turn to flinch as he spat out her name like it was the most disgusting thing he'd ever tasted. She fought past the pain to protest, "This is not the time"

"Emmeline died," he said meanly, bluntly. "And you were here?"

She heard Charlie mutter, "What the fuck?" as the ground fell out from under her. Lily sucked in sharply and felt her composure disappear as her chest filled with impossible pain. "Don't do this to me, James."

He let out a half-breath, shaking his head. "Do what? Interrupt your safe little life? Remind you that you fucking ran away?"

"Emmeline?" was all she could get out as the weight that had hung over her twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week for four long years finally came crashing down. Pain was etched into every line of her body and she hugged herself as Charlie put a protective arm around her.

"Listen mate, I don't know what is going on, but you can't just come and attack her at her workplace. I'm calling the police if you don't leave right now."

"I would like nothing better than to fucking leave, but I fucking can't." His still-furious eyes shifted to Lily. "What does he know?"

She glanced down at the chipped tiles before looking at Charlie apologetically. "Nothing."

"We need to get these Muggles out of here, and then"

"Wait, these what? And what do I not know?" Charlie interrupted, looking between the two of them. "Are you involved in a gang?"

Great, just what she needed, one of her best friends thinking she was in a gang. That horrible feeling of imminent disaster was getting stronger. Lily gripped his hand desperately, willing him to understand.

"Charlie, I'm not. I promise, I'm not. Just get Padmil and go. I'll be fine, I just need to take care of this."

As Charlie opened his mouth to argue, they were interrupted once again.

"James Potter."

Lily and James tensed and snapped their heads toward the sneering, drawling voice.

"Regulus," James greeted, hand resting casually on his wand.

The younger version of Sirius strode toward them, the same arrogant smirk on his face. "Where's my brother today? It's quite refreshing to see you're not magically attached at the hip."

"Sorry to disappoint, brother dearest." Sirius squeezed into the now-tiny room, hand also on his wand as he smiled with utterly fake sweetness. Lily was disheartened to see that nothing had changed between them since their different Hogwarts houses had set them on very different paths.

Lily took the opportunity to push Charlie toward the door. "Get everyone out of here," she hissed. "Promise me." He looked at the three tense men and nodded reluctantly. Lily let out a breath as he left, one less thing to worry about.

"Good thing I came to see what was taking you so long," Sirius muttered to James as he leaned against the back shelf next to him. He nodded neutrally toward Lily. "Been a while."

"Hey, Sirius," she replied, her voice small. His bad-boy, magazine-worthy hotness hadn't diminished since their school days. His jet-black hair hung just above the collar of a leather jacket and the silver piercing drew attention to lips that had seduced many of the girls in their year, not to mention those above them. There was more of a darkness about him, just as there was about James, a look in his eye that begged for a fight.

"What a nice little reunion," Regulus cut in. "Well done following orders, Lily."

She stiffened as James and Sirius whipped around to face her, matching expressions of disgust and betrayal on their faces. "I would never," Lily hissed, beyond furious at them for even suspecting she'd be capable of… that.

"Then why?" The hurt in James' voice was so palpable, so raw, that she flinched. "Why'd you leave?"

"You didn't know me at all if you think I'd even think about working with them, James Potter," she fired back, glancing toward the door. "More to the point, is this really important right now?"

James had no time to respond before yet another person crowded into the stockroom.

"What is taking so long, Black?"

This was the moment that Lily had been dreading since she first realized the pair of death-eaters were in her pub. "Severus," she said evenly, looking him in the eye.

His cold, slightly annoyed expression didn't change as he ignored her greeting completely, eyes sweeping impatiently over the group before coming to a stop on James. "Potter," he sneered, "I might have known you'd be here."

Regulus rolled his eyes. "You always were too involved with these blood-traitors, Snape."

"Says the man whose brother is one!" Sirius pointed out incredulously.

Ignoring that, he motioned to the door and continued mockingly, "Ahh, here comes the werewolf. Now the whole gang's here. Two blood-traitors, a werewolf, and a mudblood whore."

Two wands whipped out but it was Lily who swung, intending to wipe the horrible smile right off that smug face.

"Reducto!"

The curse whizzed toward her as Lily dived to the left, but not before James yelled, "Protego!" She straightened up somewhat sheepishly as the spell bounced off the shield.

James put an over-dramatic hand to his heart, smirking down at her. "So little faith in me, Evans. I'm devastated."

Luckily Regulus hadn't attacked again, because just like that Lily was paralyzed with memories and regrets. Four years ago, she'd have teased him right back. Four years ago, they'd have gone back and forth before one of them grew tired of arguing and ended it with a kiss. Four year ago… she'd left him. The smirk slid from his face and as they stared at each other it was all Lily could do not to cry.

"Oh, how cute." Regulus gave one of his strange little giggles. "The blood traitor and the mudblood are having a moment."

This was the last straw, and curses began flying through the air. Lily dodged spells on her way to the door, giving a silent cheer as the fire alarm began blaring. Good one, Charlie. She only hoped he'd gotten himself and Padmil out.

Any hopes of containing the incident died a few seconds later as someone in main pub screamed "attack!" and all hell broke loose.

4 Years Ago, 7:05pm

The cold began to seep through Lily's thick sweater and she finally made her way back to the house. She didn't know what to think about James not showing up. He hadn't ever let her down since they'd been dating; not seriously anyway. She knew Pete would have delivered the message as soon as he could after the game. Her steps faltered as she realized that she had more unwanted visitors. She squared her shoulders, breath catching as five death-eaters stalked toward her in an ominous line. Their white, conical masks promised nothing but death and for a brief moment she welcomed it.

Breathe Lils, breathe.

Shaking off the macabre thoughts, Lily tightened her grip on her wand. She was proud that her voice didn't waver when she asked, "What do you want?"

One of them broke away and glided ahead of the others, zooming toward her in what she supposed was an effort to unnerve her. It worked, although she hoped they didn't see it.

"Poor little orphan girl," the front one taunted.

"Regulus!" she shouted, fists clenched. "Take off that ridiculous mask and face me!"

He gave a high-pitched giggle and flicked his wand. "Expelliarmus."

"Protego!" Her shield easily fended off the charm.

The looming figures glided closer and surrounded her. Wand raised, Lily bounced on the balls of her feet, shifting left and right as they'd practiced in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Dumbledore had already approached her and James about the Order, but she hadn't imagined that her first battle would be this soon.

"Give it up, Lily." White-hot anger filled her at Regulus' lazy, mocking tone. "You know you can't escape. Your parents certainly didn't."

There was a movement behind Regulus, a flash of dark and a wisp of smoke. Suddenly, Lily was on the ground. She saw the same lawn she was standing on, but the house was untouched. Utterly confused, she looked to the carport as it raised and her parent's station wagon pulled in. The backseat was filled with groceries and they were laughing together. Lily saw the red dress her mother was wearing and before she'd fully processed the sight, she was sprinting across the lawn.

"Mum, dad!"

They ignored her as they leisurely got out of the car and opened the back to gather the paper sacks. She reached out to grab her mom's arm, a sob escaping her as her hand went right through.

"Don't go in there, don't go in," she begged as her parents walked happily toward their deaths.

It was her mum they'd grabbed first, then her dad as he rushed in after hearing his wife's scream. It only took a few death-eaters to hold them down as another one tortured them, calling them names they didn't even understand. Lily had always been careful to keep them out of the more dangerous aspects of the wizarding world, not that it mattered anymore. She sank into a miserable ball, face in her hands. Petunia was right; this was her fault.

"Poor, poor muggles." Lily lifted her tear-stained face and looked into the soulless black eyes of Voldemort.

"You did this!" she rushed at him, only to be hurled back against the sink with a tiny flick of his wand. Sliding to the floor, she closed her eyes and hated herself for being so weak.

"Look." Voldemort did some charm and her body betrayed her as she got up and stood next to her parents' tormentor. Her eyes refused to close or look away, her feet refused to run and she was forced to listen as her parents alternately begged for mercy and screamed for help. It seemed like hours later when the deatheater finally raised his wand and uttered the killing curse. Lily's mind formed a snapshot of the scene to torture her later; the green-filled room, the glassy eyes, the spilled groceries, the paisley-print curtains flapping wildly from the force of the spell. Her head spun and she was suddenly on the lawn again, surrounded now by six looming figures.

She groped the grass blindly looking for her wand, heart sinking as one of the brutes waved it in the air.

"What do you want?" Lily gasped, the pain, both physical and emotional, tearing a gaping hole in her chest. She didn't bother getting up; she knew what was coming.

Voldemort glided closer, black robes mere inches from her upturned face. A cold hand reached out in a disgusting caress. Lily jerked her face back and the sick feeling in her stomach turned from emotion-based to physical. She lurched forward, the remnants of breakfast pouring onto Voldemort's shoes. Lily's gasping breaths were the only sound for a moment, until she purposefully spit the rest onto the only remaining clean spot. Still terrified, she felt marginally braver in the face of this monumental villain with barf all over his shoes. Wiping her face, she got unsteadily to her feet.

The deatheaters shifted and muttered angrily as they waited for their master to unleash them. To Lily's shock, he began to laugh.

"Such spirit, for a mudblood." He snapped toward one of the deatheaters. "Clean my shoes, Black."

"Snap snap, slave," Lily taunted the younger brother of James' best friend as he rushed forward to follow the command. "Good thing Sirius left. He'd never clean shoes for a living."

A snarl was her only answer. Voldemort chuckled. "This amuses me. We might have a spot for a mudblood like you in the new order of things, Lily Evans. Especially if you can get your friend Potter to join as well."

Lily recoiled, his pale face going in and out of focus for a second. "You killed my parents to get me to join you?"

He shook his head. "I killed the muggles because I wanted to. You have a certain… spirit that many of my followers lack." Voldemort's pasty white features twisted in sudden impatience. "Enough of this! I have things to attend to elsewhere. What will it be, Lily Evans? Join us, or die?"

Lily blinked, head momentarily filling with white noise. Never in her most horrific imaginings had she ever thought Voldemort would offer her a place in his bloody regime. Cursing her lack of a wand, she finally felt it: the fury that she needed, the pity and disgust that would take her through what were surely her final moments. All of the things she could say at this moment crowded together in her mind.

She decided to go with simple. "Fuck off," she said, her tone careless like he was some minor nuisance. Lily's green eyes never left his black ones as a flash of fury lit his face and he raised his wand, the killing curse already on his lips.