So finally, a new chapter. This is in Edward's point of view. I wanted you all to know his background, his story. This isn't a fanfic mainly about Bella in the beginning, it's about them both.

EPOV

"Get over here," he yelled.

I didn't move. If I did as he said or not, the same would happen.

Pain.

Pain would happen. I was 12 year old boy, and pain, bruises and beating was a part of my life.

I could hear my little sister cry, but I didn't turn around to look at her, to try and comfort her. I had to keep my eyes on him. She was never beaten, only because I took the hits for her. She was 10 years old, I didn't want that to happen to her. Yes, I was only 2 years older, but much more mature. I had dealt with more things than a 40 year old.

I protected my little sister with my life. She was the only thing that got me through everything, the only reason I kept living and didn't end my life.

He took a step towards me and his hand flew out and smack my cheek so my head turn to the other side. I saw a glimpse of my mother, standing in the corner of the kitchen.

My mother..

I thought she loved us, me and my sister. I thought she would protect us from this, run away with us. But she didn't. She didn't do a thing. She just stood there and looked away when he was beating me. Every single day. In the beginning she came and held me until I fell asleep, but that stopped. We were left alone, we had nothing.

I looked back at him, right into his eyes.

My father had beaten me since I was 8 years old.

I wasn't a good person, but who could blame me with the past I had. I know I had gotten a new family when I was 13, but that didn't heal the scars. The scars were still there and they still burned. I was 23, and my life had always been fucked up. Even though I had gotten the best new parents, Carlisle and Emse, that anyone could dream of, it wasn't enough. Would I never heal? No. I still struggled.

After I got out of that house, I shut the world out for 2 years. I didn't really go to school. They tried to take me there, but I couldn't handle being around those people. I had a bad temper, and the smallest thing could piss me off. I could get violent really fast. The only two people I had respect for was Carlisle and Emse, because they took so good care of Alice, and me. Me and my sister was so close, I can't even explain it. But we had been through something so.. so horrible together. She had held me up, made sure I didn't do anything stupid. I couldn't really do anything stupid. No matter what I did, he would hit me, hard. I was just a kid.

The smile on his face was something that was burned into my mind forever. I could still see it.

We were his kids and he could still do that..

I wanted to kill him, I hated him, more than anything. I hated him, and if I saw him, I would kill him. For everything he had done to me, to my sister.

And my mother.. I didn't even wanna think about her. What she had done was almost worse. I had counted on her, I had thought she loved us, wanted us. I was convinced that some day she would say it was time to run, and she would run with us. Far far away, and we would be free. Start a normal life, go on. She would love us, take care of us. But no.

She kept us there. She never said a thing to him, never tried to stop him. She was so afraid to get beaten herself. She cared more about herself than for her fucking kids.

She wasn't my mother. Yes, she had given birth to me, but she wasn't my mother. And he wasn't my father. Your mother and father is suppose to give you love, help you, care for you, do anything for you.

Me and Alice was left alone. Not only were we left alone, we were beaten. Well, I was. A few times I had come home to find Alice crying and seeing a bruise on her face. The anger rose inside me, but she calmed me down, made sure I didn't say anything to him, because that would mean alot more than just some hits with his hands. We both knew that. It had happened one time.. I couldn't even think back to that.

My teen-years was not something I was proud of, it was something I hated myself for. Suicide had been in my mind several times. I knew what I did was wrong, so wrong, so horrible. I was a monster.

But when I was on the high with my drugs, when the alcohol took over me, I didn't care about anything. I didn't have friends. The people I hung out with wasn't friends. It was people I took drugs with, people I drank with. I would do it alone, but I couldn't get drugs and alcohol. I had to get it through them. I also stole from Carlisle. I knew where he hid money. I felt fucking terrible about it, but then I got drunk and I forgot it. And when I was in the situation of stealing, I just thought of the powerful feeling the drugs and alcohol gave me. Nothing could touch me, I was invincible.

I was 15 when all this started. I went out for a walk one night, and got to talk with some guys. Then it all started.

It stopped again when I was 18. I came home one night, totally fucked up. I had gotten some wrong drug, something really strong, too strong for my body to handle. It felt like I couldn't breathe, it felt like my throat was closing and my heart beat slower. Carlisle found me on my floor and my puls was way too low. He got me to the hospital.

After that they send me to rehab, and I didn't reject. I knew I couldn't go on like this. Taking drugs, drinking alcohol, fucking girls every night, it wasn't the life I wanted for myself.

Yes, fucking girls. I never made love. Love didn't exist. I had love for my sister, Carlisle and Emse, the only 3 people I had respect for.

I fucked girls, I fucked alot of girls. And it was rough. If they couldn't take things my way, they could fucking leave. I wasn't gentle, I didn't care about their needs. I cared for my own, that was the only thing that mattered.

I looked back at that time with regret, hate, sorrow, disappointment. It was disrespectful to Carlisle, Esme, also Alice.

Carlisle and Esme.. I did call them mum and dad, because they were real parents. They loved us, cared for us, helped us. They never let us down. They had done so much for me, and I didn't know how I was ever gonna thank them.

When we came to their house, they wanted to send us to a psychologist. Alice went, but I didn't. Alice is okay today. She had been since she was 16. She started seeing the psychologist when she was 11, when we had just gotten out of the house, and then for 5 years. She had dealt with everything. She lived her life. Made friends, laughed, smiled, seeing everyday as new and exciting. I admired her.

I had gotten out of rehab when I was 19. I had spent a year there. Well, I had been in and out for a year, because I started using again. But when I was 19 I was completely clean. I didn't take any drugs, I didn't touch any alcohol.

Today I was 23 and I still didn't touch alcohol, I couldn't. I was afraid it would take over me again, destroy me. I would disappoint all the people I loved, I couldn't do that. So I stayed away from it. I didn't really have friends. After rehab I was homeschooled so I could graduate High School. Carlisle and Esme wanted me to have the chance of going to college.

I wasn't in college. I couldn't take that step. I just wasn't ready for a big challenge. I was sure that around the corner there would be something to take me down. My past..

My past would always haunt me, always slow me down, stop me from doing things.

I didn't want to fail anything again. I had already failed at life once, I was not gonna fail anything again. I wouldn't be able to handle that. It would just be too much.

But could I fail again? I had already been through so much, I didn't deserve to fail again. It wouldn't be fair. Why did I have to be punished? I didn't understand why all this misery had hit me. It was too much to handle for one person. It just wasn't fair, that one person had to go through that.

So if I would fail again, I wasn't sure about, but I didn't take any chances. I also needed to be completely sure what I wanted to study, which I wasn't, at all. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life.

I still lived at home, and I didn't work. Carlisle earned alot of money, so that wasn't a problem.

I guess I had also had some luck in my life. My new family.. No, my real family was very rich. Not that money meant a thing. As long as I had the two most loving parents in the world, I didn't need anything more.

Alice also lived at home. She went to a college in town, but didn't live on campus. I had asked her why she hadn't moved, but she never really gave me an answer. Sometimes I thought it had something to do with me, but I hoped it wasn't the reason. She couldn't put her life on hold for me, until I was ready to move on. If that would even happen..

I had talk to Alice about our past. She was the only one I had talked to about it. I had told her that she didn't owe me a thing, just because I took the hits for her. I told her she couldn't think that, because I didn't want her to think she owed me anything, nothing at all. It had been my own choice to do it. And I did it to protect her. I always wanted more for her. I know it sounds like alot of thinking for a little boy, but I was very mature for my ages. I guess that came with being left alone, being beaten, never getting love, never having someone to fight for you, care for you. I grew up alot faster because of it. I had to.

I had finally started seeing a psychologist. It had taken alot of years, but now I finally did. I knew it was the only way I could move on, just a little. It gave me the possibility at least. I was 23 and wanted to do something with my life, not just sit in my room, staring out my window, thinking about how things could have been.

What if I had grown up in a loving family? With a father who went to work, came home and helped me with my homework and when we were done, he would teach me how to play soccer. I would have a mum who cooked dinner every night, she would smile when I came home from school and say "how was your day?" She would blow on my knee it was bleeding and she would sing me to sleep.

I would be a normal High School boy. I would have alot of friends, play on the school's soccer team and probably have a sweet girlfriend.

Then I would go to college, read something, get a job, a house, a wife. We would get some kids, maybe a dog. We would grow older together and I would look back at my life with a smile on my face.

But apparently I wasn't one of the million lucky ones. I had to struggle. Struggle really really bad. I got through everyday, and I could see more positive things in life than I could when I was in that house, or when the drugs and alcohol kept me up, but my life wasn't sunny, filled with rainbows and sugar.

My life was an eternal battle.

I was a fighter, and I did my best.

My first time at the psychologist, that's when I saw her.

I couldn't get her face out of my head.

I had walked in the door and seen her as the first thing. When she looked up from her book and I saw her eyes.. They were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Her dark brown hair.

Her glowy skin.

It was hard to keep my eyes away from her, but I tried. She probably thought it would be weird if some stranger was staring at her.

Stranger.

I didn't want to be that.

I wondered what her name was. It was probably something beautiful, just like her.

I wondered what a young women like her was doing here. What could have happened to her, for her to be here.

I hoped that it wasn't anything bad. I couldn't handle that. This beauty didn't deserve that.

I didn't even know her, and I was already so into her.

She could have a boyfriend.

Please, don't let her have a boyfriend.

Why was I going there? Was I even gonna talk to her?

I hadn't talked to girls, it was not something I did. I never wanted anyone, there had never been anyone special.

My name was called and I looked at her quickly. I got up from my chair and walked into the room.

I was already hoping to see her again. I wanted her to be here the next time I came. I couldn't wait to see her again. I would probably never talk to her, but just to look at her, that was enough. I had never seen anyone so beautiful, never.

I couldn't even concentrate in my session. I just saw her in my head.

There was this weird feeling inside me, and I couldn't really explain what it was. I didn't know myself. I hadn't felt it before, that was for sure.

But I hadn't felt alot in my life.

The only thing I felt in the house as a kid was love for Alice and hatred towards my fa.. the man I lived with. In my teen-years the drugs and alcohol numbed me, which also was the reason I took them. To shut everything out. I didn't have to deal with anything. I didn't have to think about anything. The world was shut out. I couldn't remember the pain I had once went through, mentally and physically.

I saw the drugs and alcohol as my friends. Wasn't friends someone who helped you through things? Made you laugh, forget everything and just have a great time, worry about the new day tomorrow. They were someone that supported you and was there for you when you were sad.

That was what drugs did for me.

That was what alcohol did for me.

They were my friends.

The second time I went she wasn't there. I decided to sit down in the chair next to the one she sat in the last time, hoping she would come. I didn't know what I was planning on to do, but I just wanted to do something.

When I saw her walking through the door, everything was just better. She sat down next to me, and I kept my head down in my magazine.

Suddenly I turned around and said something to her. I could see it came as a surprise to her, and I even surprised myself. It came out of nowhere. But to be honest, I was glad it had. Now I had started a conversation.

She answered me, and I can't even describe her voice. It was like sweet music, a melody I wanted to play again and again, over and over.

I had been right; her name fitted perfectly to her beauty. Bella – beautiful.

As I told her she had a beautiful name, the most perfect blush spread across her face.

The conversation stopped as her name was called.

She smiled at me and walked away.

I leaned back in my chair and took a deep breath.

I couldn't believe that I had actually talked to her. Now I just wanted to know more about her.

The next couple of days I spend thinking about her. It was weird that she could do this to me, make me feel this way, and she was just a stranger. No, I mean, I knew her name and I was determineded to find out more.

I kept saying her name in my head.

Bella.

Bella.

Bella.

"Bella," I whispered. It was odd to say it out loud and it gave me this butterfly-feeling in my stomach. She made me feel things I had never felt before.

I guess that was kinda of easy though, since the only things I had felt was;

Love for Alice, Carlisle and Emse.

Hate for the man who ruined my life.

Loneliness.

Emptiness.

It was Monday again. I hoped I was gonna see her again.

I had been missing her.

I walked through the door and she was already there. I hesitated before I went to sit down next to her.

She looked up and smiled at me, which made me all warm inside.

We had been sitting in silence for some time and I looked at her.

"Bella," butterflies, "can I ask you something?"

"Shoot," she smiled. How could she be so damn perfect?

"Would you.. uhm would you.. w-wanna go out sometime?"

I regretted asking the moment it was all out.

So what did you think? How do you feel about Edward's past? He sure has been through alot. His life is a battle. Do you like this Edward? Just tell me everything. I love your reviews and I love to hear your thoughts. Reviews is like food – the best thing ever!

I really hope you enjoyed it, and thank you so much for reading.

Susanne