There's a sync test going on, but Asuka can't focus. Her mind, too occupied with things she doesn't want to consider, refuses to stop racing. She'd said too much to Rei during that night a week ago, and that, somehow, is more important to her than her score for this test. Asuka's caught the First Child looking at her more than once, and though the ability to hold Rei's attention is one she'd long coveted, this is not what she desires.

Asuka sighs, breathing a stream of bubbles into the LCL of the entry plug. Nothing's been going her way this week. First Rei, now this, and then that weekend that might graciously be referred to as a complete mess. She went on a date, though it could hardly be called that; it was more a silent meet-up, since Asuka didn't want to speak and she was too intimidating for her date to try saying much. It reminded her of college in Germany and the boys there. They didn't know how to handle her either, and they were just as quiet. If they'd been any different, maybe she'd remember them as men instead.

Asuka opens an eye, peering under her eyelid at the images of the First and Third Child superimposed on her viewscreen. Rei looks the same as ever: calm, a little bit tense. She must be remembering, as Asuka is, the last time they were in an simulation body. Though the Angel is gone, its presence lingers in the form of their own doubts, a problem Shinji will never have to face. He looks composed, though he's wearing a slight frown. What right does hehave to look so down, Asuka thinks; hedidn't have an Angel rattling around in his head, and last night he'd kissed the most attractive girl in their year, if not the entire school.

She'd overdone it on the mouthwash. Asuka can still taste the mint on the back of her tongue half a day later. She hadn't needed it all, either; she'd just used it to feign disgust, to disguise her anger, her sadness, at not having been held. Asuka doesn't know why she'd even expected that of Shinji. No one has bothered to hold her since Kyoko did, and that was a time so long ago that Asuka can't even remember it. All she has are pictures, left behind in Germany, and the stories told to her by a man who she'd never believed since she saw him cheating on her mother. She'd been a fool to hope that Shinji, a pilot like her, would somehow be different from every other boy she'd kissed.

"You three can come out now," Ritsuko says, her voice filling the entry plug as the LCL begins draining out of it. Asuka startles from her thoughts, opening her eyes in time to see the pictures of Rei and Shinji vanish from the screen. "We're done."

Asuka rises immediately and heads for the hatch, wrenching it open with a twist and spilling onto the walkway. She doesn't need to hear what she already knows, that Shinji must have surpassed her on that last test and now lays claim to the title of best EVA pilot. Even from the scaffolding, she can hear Misato's voice congratulating him- disgusting. No one ever congratulated heron her scores. It was always there's still room for improvement, be sure to try harder next time.

Her teeth grind together as she stalks towards the locker rooms, ignoring Rei, who's also exited her plug. Rei steps forward, clearly intent on trying to speak to Asuka. She takes in the Second Child's shoulders, raised high near her ears, and chooses instead to follow silently after her.

The anger that Asuka's holding in rushes out as she kicks in the locker room door, swinging it into the wall on rusty hinges. "Good for him," she spits, decompressing her plugsuit and tearing it from her body. She slings it onto the bench between the two rows of lockers, not caring that half of it lands on the floor. This is a very different Asuka from the one Rei's observed before; this Asuka doesn't seem to care about piloting at all, and yet it's all a front. She's hurting inside- she must be- this reality is one like the vision the Angel had showed her, only it's Shinji who's overtaken her and not Rei.

"He's finally done it," Asuka says. Her tone has swung from bitter to cheerful in seconds, and the smile on her face is forced, looking more like a grimace. She pulls on her uniform clothing with such force that Rei is certain that Asuka might rip it. "He did it so easily! It's so irritating! The great, the wonderful Shinji! If he's so unbeatable, we might as well just retire now and let him deal with the rest of the Angels!" Asuka slams her locker door shut, glaring into the metal, as if willing it to melt under the heat of her gaze. "We'll have to work harder to keep up with him now, won't we?"

Rei closes her own locker, having changed and dressed during Asuka's rant. She grabs her school bag, staring at her hands. What can these do for Asuka? Nothing. These hands were made to pilot EVA. She cannot help the Second Child. Rei steps toward the door, and as she draws closer she feels a pit deepening in her stomach: this must be guilt. She stops just in front of the door, turning her head to catch a glimpse of Asuka. She must help, or she will never be able to justify leaving now.

"You are afraid he will replace you," Rei says. Asuka spins towards her, fists clenched.

"Why are you saying the obvious?!" she asks, her voice bordering on screaming. "Why aren't you worried? You don't want to be replaced either, do you? No wait, you don't have to worry about anything, because I already promised I wouldn't forget you. Isn't that right?!"

"It is not that, Soryu. You cannot be replaced as easily as you think."

"And how would you know that?!"

Rei turns away. She can't bear to have Asuka looking at her like that, desperate and angry, and it confuses her as to why this is. "I simply know," she replies, and reaches for the door.

Asuka doesn't stop her as she leaves. She watches the First Child disappear through the door, and once it's stopped swinging and the hinges have stopped creaking, a different sound fills the locker room: Asuka driving her fist repeatedly into the lockers. She only quits once the knuckles of her hand are bloodied and there's a red-colored dent in the metal, and even then all she's done is given herself a second throbbing pain to match the one in her chest. "You don't know anything," she whispers. "You keep saying you can be replaced."

Asuka wants to run out into the hall, scream this at Rei and see what happens. She wishes she could go back to that night in quarantine and stop herself from saying so much, from promising something she earns nothing from. She imagines Rei's hand in hers, encircling hers, turning her hand over to examine the swelling beneath the redness.

Weakness, that's what this is. Asuka shakes her head- there's no room for that, not when Shinji's surpassed her. She can catch up, she knows she can. As long as she focuses, it'll be alright; that's what her training's taught her. And yet, her training has never prepared her for failure. She could never afford it, so she never failed, just worked past things, but now she's come across something she can't overcome so easily. How pathetic, she thinks, and exits the locker room into the empty hall. No wonder her mother had never looked up at her. There was nothing to be proud of, nothing worth looking at in that hospital room of hers.


The Commander is absent again from the city when the Angel alarms go off. Rei finds herself wondering if this is intentional, if he's excusing himself from the city in order to not be around when certain Angels arrive. It's the first time she's truly questioned the Commander's actions, an experience just as unnerving as the white and black orb hovering over the city.

There isn't much to say on the ride up to the EVA hangar; Asuka hasn't been speaking to Shinji since the sync test, and Shinji knows better than to try and test Asuka's patience. Rei stands between them until the doors open and they're released onto the walkways, Shinji hurrying ahead of the others to avoid Asuka.

Rei goes to her entry plug and seats herself inside it, closes her eyes as the entry plugs shut the hatch and LCL begins pouring down around her. She is about to enter combat with an Angel. If she dies, she will be replaced; more than that, she will be remembered. Despite their differences, Rei has no doubt that Asuka will uphold her promise, even if grudgingly.

"The Angel is currently located over the west portion of the city," Misato is saying to them. "You will obtain a weapon from the armory and approach with caution. We will be deploying power stations throughout the city so you may connect your EVAs to them. Any questions?"

The biting remark that Rei expects doesn't come. Asuka is silent; her portrait on the viewscreen shows that she's folded her arms and is glaring at something, probably Unit-01. She places her hands back on the controls as Misato starts the launch sequence, and then they're shooting up through the catapults into the heart of the city.

The Angel waits dead ahead, a dark sphere against the sun, oddly quiet. The three EVAs scatter in equal silence, taking up positions behind buildings. "Listen up," Misato says. "All the data we have is being sent to your EVAs right now. Engage it slowly. Lure it out of the city if you can. Asuka, you're on backup."

"Roger!" Asuka says. She sounds cheerful enough; there's a smile on her face that looks genuine, but Rei knows it to be that same tone she'd heard from Asuka in the locker room before. She thinks, briefly, of Asuka's hand. Would it still be bloodied beneath that plugsuit? Had Asuka been taking care of it? Rei shakes her head, tries to dispel these thoughts. She is about to fight. She cannot think of anything besides her mission and that nagging in the back of her mind that today might be her last day alive.

"By the way, Misato, I think Shinji should take the point position!" Asuka exclaims.

"Wait, what?" asks Shinji.

"It's the obvious choice. Shinji's got the highest ratio out of all of us. Anyway, isn't being the leader a man'sjob? Or if you're not feeling up to it, I could always volunteer for you."

"I'll do it! And I'll show you how it's done!"

"What?"

"You said it yourself, I'm the pilot with the highest score," says Shinji. "Anyway, combat's a man's job, isn't it?" Shinji shoots a thumbs up at the comm window, a confident smile on his face. Right now, he looks and sounds more sure of himself than Asuka does, and that in itself spells more to this defeat of Asuka's than anything Shinji's score might say.

"You- fine!" Asuka shouts. "Unit-02 will be backup."

"Unit-00 will be backup as well," Rei says, confirming her position. She regrets grabbing the high-powered rifle now, but at the time it had seemed best: Shinji had a pistol, Asuka had an axe, and she thought she should get a long-range weapon. Now, standing just a few hundred meters from the Angel, she thinks she and Asuka should have exchanged their choice in weapons. Rei Ayanami is the expendable one, not Asuka Langley Soryu. The axe in Unit-02's hand suggests the opposite; it's a reflection of Asuka's subconscious, of the belief that she's just as replaceable as Rei.

Unit-01 lumbers forward, treading heavily on the asphalt streets. Unit-00 and Unit-02 tail behind a short distance away, navigating around the taller buildings that they can't step over. They've all split up; it's a simple, instinctive matter: if the Angel should try to attack, it won't be able to take out all three of them at once.

"Ayanami, Asuka," Shinji whispers, as if the Angel can somehow hear his transmission. "Are you two in position?"

"Not yet," says Rei.

"I can't move that fast!" Asuka snaps. Rei turns her head and glimpses the red form of Unit-02 disappearing behind a building with a power cord in hand. This problem of staying connected to a power source is what's keeping them behind; Rei doubts the fight will last that long- the Angels they've beaten before have all been defeated in less than the five minutes their batteries allow- but they must adhere to protocol.

Up ahead, the purple frame of Unit-01 edges closer to the corner of a building. The Angel is nearly upon Shinji's position; another minute, and it will see him. Asuka is still navigating the city blocks- she might not make it in time. Rei's about to call to Shinji and tell him to pull back, when Unit-01 sticks its arm around the building and fires three shots at the Angel.

The black orb disappears, and the shots sail past into the open sky. The Pattern Blue alarm sounds in all three entry plugs at that moment, indicating the presence of an Angel. Rei's head whips around- maybe it's somehow gotten behind her- but out of the corner of her eye she sees the shadow unfolding beneath Unit-01 and realizes she's wrong, and she's too far from Unit-01 to help.

"What- what is this?" Shinji stammers. He fires his pistol into the shadow, kicking up orange globs that stick to the surface of the EVA. He's sinking into it, as if it's quicksand; already it's up to Unit-01's waist and advancing. "Misato?!"

The Angel reappears above him, a stationary yet present threat. Misato's voice crackles over the speakers: "Shinji! Shinji, get out of there!"

"You idiot, what're you doing?" Asuka shouts, charging towards Unit-01. Her EVA's power cable snags on a corner; she tears it from her back and keeps going without missing a beat. "Move!"

She's answered by a guttural stream of shouts as Shinji empties the pistol's clip and tosses it aside, trying now to claw his way to the edge of the shadow. The hands of his EVA stick in the mire and pull him down faster. "Misato!" he screams. "Misato, what's going on? Misato! Asuka, Ayanami? Where are you?! Misato!"

The head of Unit-01 dips beneath the shadow's surface. The horn follows after it a moment later, and now only static comes over the line, rather than Shinji's cries. "Shinji!" Misato shouts. "Asuka, get to him!"

"I'm going!" Unit-02's feet pound against the pavement as she leaps the length of a city block, crashing down near where Shinji had disappeared into. "Wonder Girl, back me up!"

"I do not think-"

"Just doit!"

Rei turns and places a foot on a nearby building, bracing Unit-00's back against another one, slowly raising the rifle in front of her. If Shinji could not land a hit on the Angel, surely repeating his tactics would not suddenly cause them to succeed. Asuka is far beyond the reach of reasoning, so Rei does not tell her this; she instead pulls the trigger twice, sending two bullets towards the Angel.

The first one sails past into the city; the second clips a building as the Angel again disappears. "What?" Rei hears Asuka say, and Unit-02 has barely tilted its head down when the dark shadow that took Shinji spreads under her EVA. "Shit!"

Unit-02 leaps up faster than Rei could have imagined- faster than Shinji could have reacted, she thinks- and grabs onto the edges of a nearby building. The added weight of the EVA sends the building sinking faster, and Asuka's frustrated groan fills the channel. "Asuka, climb!" Misato says.

"I know!" Asuka sinks the axe she'd grabbed into the side of the building, clambering atop it and working her way up the structure. The buildings around the one she'd grabbed are sinking as well; the ones near the edge of the shadow, stretching a hundred meters from where Unit-02 stands, have already disappeared into the darkness. There's no escape for the red Evangelion and its pilot.

Rei feels the rifle slipping from Unit-00's fingers, the massive EVA beginning to stride forward despite no clear command being given. It's responding, somehow, to that doubt that's begun to fester in Rei's mind, that if both Unit-01 and Unit-02 are taken, she might as well join them, for without them the act of living wouldn't quite be the same; she'd rather join them in this unknown place than face it alone.

"The whole city is sinking," Asuka murmurs, having reached the top of the building. Unit-02's head swivels from side to side, not looking for an escape path, but simply taking in the destruction.

"Asuka, Rei." Misato's voice cuts cleanly through Asuka's murmurings. "Withdraw to headquarters."

"But…" Rei hears herself say. "Ikari and Unit-01 are still…"

"It's an order," Misato says, coming out more as a whisper than an actual command. "Withdraw." The bottom of Rei's stomach drops out; it feels as though she's sinking into the same substance that had dragged Shinji down. "Rei, get Asuka out of there."

Rei is about to ask how that's possible, how she expects Asuka to get clear of the shadow- hop to the edge of the buildings and then jump and hope Rei catches her?- when the darkness coating the street vanishes. The buildings that had slipped into it crumble to the ground, cut off at the point up to which they'd sunk. Asuka yelps as her building tips forward, spilling Unit-02 onto the ground. She rises to find the Angel hovering over her again, and Rei darts forward with a speed that she'd only achieved in simulation tests to grab Unit-02 by the arm and haul it away.

"You idiot!" Asuka screams. "Don't tell me you're giving up on him, too!" Unit-02 flails its arms; Rei leans Unit-00 to the side to avoid them. "Let go of me, Wonder Girl!"

"We have been ordered to retreat."

"Damn the orders!"

"Soryu-"

"Don't callme that!"

This, Rei knows, is Asuka's only way of reacting to the loss of Shinji- by pinning the blame for it on someone else, so she won't have to live with having goaded Shinji into taking the lead. Rei, being closest, will be the one Asuka takes it out on. She will accept this. It's just another burden that Rei will have to carry, one easily divested once Instrumentality is complete. There will be no one for Asuka to blame, after all, once everyone is gone.

Rei holds Unit-02 still as the technicians force Asuka's entry plug to withdraw. They park Unit-00 and Unit-02 side by side a few kilometers from the Angel's location and bring the pilots to a nearby roof. By now, the Angel has reached the heart of the city and hovers there, blotting out the sun like an eclipse, sending a long silhouette over the tops of the buildings. Misato's set up a command post on one of them, directing the stream of tanks and military vehicles that parade in the deserted streets below.

Asuka stands with her back against one of the air conditioning units mounted on the building they're on, arms folded across her chest. She pays no mind to Rei, who's walking aimlessly back and forth across the rooftop, trying to expend all the nervous energy that's bunched up in her limbs. When Asuka speaks, though, she's loud enough for Rei to hear, as if she's directing her words into the gap between them and seeing if Rei will dare to respond.

"Some pilot he is," Asuka mutters. "What use is having the highest sync score when if you get into combat, all you do is this?"

Rei slows, missing a step that should have been taken. She stares at Asuka, eyes narrowed slightly, waiting for her to say something else. "Well?" Asuka demands. She does not waver under Rei's scrutiny, though she does unfold her arms and face towards her. "What, are you going to say something to me? He didn't fail, he tried his best, right? Go on, spit it out!"

Rei surveys Asuka for a long moment. The setting sun reflects off her eyes, turning them a burnished shade of gold. There's something in that gaze that makes it look like Rei could get into her EVA now and go fight the Angel, and Asuka believes she would win. Her stomach churns, but she returns Rei's glare with one of her own, daring her to speak, to defend Shinji.

Instead Rei says, "Do you feel guilty, Soryu?"

"Guilty? Why would I feel that?" Asuka laughs, though like everything else she's done since Shinji disappeared, it's forced. "It's his fault that he went in without backup, not ours! We told him we weren't ready!"

"It is what you said that caused him to act so recklessly. If you had not-"

"It's not my fault he acted on his own!"

"Did you not tell him that he should be the lead position, since his score was highest?"

"I- well-" Asuka stammers. "So what if I did?! A leader doesn't just go in like that without waiting for his backup!" Asuka takes another step, places herself within Rei's personal space. To her credit, the First Child does not budge. "What's with this all of a sudden, anyway? Is this 'cause you couldn't do anything to help him? Is that what this is about?" Asuka's face twists strangely, as if some mixture of disgust and pity is fighting to win its way free. "You're not going to tell me you feelsomething, right?"

At last Rei looks away, and the way that the shadows fall over her eyes makes it look as though they could be rips in reality, recesses of darkness from which there is no returning. "Feel?" she murmurs. "Yes. I do feel. I do not know the name for it."

"You don't feel!" Asuka screams. The faces of those on the rooftop turn towards them, including Misato's. Asuka ignores them all, grabs Rei by the shoulder and slams her into the side of the air conditioning unit. "You don't even know what it's called!"

"You are contradicting yourself-"

"Do you think I give a damn?!" Asuka raises a hand; for the first time Rei realizes that angering Asuka might have physical repercussions. She should have thought of this before, should have remembered the bloodied bruises on Asuka's hand, but Asuka just flails her arm into the air, gesturing furiously at nothing. "Alright, go ahead. Tell me what you think you feel."

Rei closes her eyes, digging deep within her for that elusive tinge of pain that's been lingering at the edges of her being since Shinji disappeared into the Angel's shadow. "It hurts," she whispers. Asuka lets go of her shoulder. "Near my stomach. It hurts when I think of Ikari."

"You miss him?" Asuka's voice is oddly restrained. There's no anger to it now, though Rei can hear it lingering beneath the surface, ready to explode out at any time. "You want him back?"

"Yes," Rei says. "I want Ikari to return."

"Of course." Rei opens her eyes and finds Asuka's turned away. Now there's something like hatred in her voice, only it's a kind that Rei's never heard from Asuka before. "You only feel when you're the one affected. Wouldn't Shinji love to hear that when he comes back? He made you feel, isn't that the achievement?" Asuka laughs, a harsh, short sound. "You're just as selfish as I am, aren't you? You want him back, and that's the only reason you feel anything."

"That is not-" Rei begins, but Asuka's already walked away, shaking her head. There's a smile on her face, insincere and bordering on broken. Rei goes back to leaning on the place where Asuka had been, her eyes closed as she mulls over Asuka's words. Selfish- that's never a word she's had applied to her before. Her entire existence is for Commander Ikari- if anything, that would be selflessness- but no, she'd made Asuka promise not to forget her. Would such an act be considered selfishness, she wonders, then would that mean she would normally not be worthy of being remembered?

There's a cold pooling in her stomach, that familiar touch of fear. Rei thinks of her other bodies waiting below; she thinks of Unit-00, calibrated specifically to receive Rei Ayanami regardless of her memories or how long she's been active. Even the system that interfaces with the mind of the First Child has been programmed not to remember her specifically, but just the general feeling of her.

Perhaps Rei Ayanami was not meant to be remembered after all. As Rei thinks about it, this reality seems increasingly likely. Shinji has the others he calls his friends; the Commander will have Yui. Asuka, save for their promise, would have no reason to want to remember Rei. She is being selfish then, by making Asuka keep this promise. Of course Asuka is right. She always is. Rei opens her eyes, sees the Angel suspended in the air, now just a dark ball against the light of the setting sun. Asuka isn't always right- she was wrong about Shinji and his readiness to be the one to engage the Angel. How quickly Rei forgets.

Then it occurs to her- she is the second Rei. She has no memory of being the first. Rei Ayanami is forgettable, even to herself; if she cannot remember who she is, then there's no reason for anyone to do so, either.


Rei is of the opinion that if one N2 bomb didn't have an effect on the Third Angel, then 99 of them won't make a dent in the Twelfth. Still, she's on stand by with Asuka, waiting for the bombs to drop. With Commander Ikari gone, the decision lies with Misato, and this is the one thing she could think of to possibly try and recover Shinji. If it doesn't work- here Rei runs into another problem; she wants to believe Shinji will return, but all logic says this attack will fail- maybe the EVAs can do something while the Angel is still recovering.

Or maybe they'll all be consumed by the Angel's shadow: city, EVAs, and all.

"Bombers are five minutes out," someone says. Rei tilts Unit-00's head skyward, watching the empty blue expanse for the formation of black dots that will signal the beginning of the attack. Beside her, Asuka fidgets in Unit-02, playing with the ends of her hair.

"Outpost to Command, we're reading movement!"

The black surface of the Angel twists and contorts, bulges protruding from its spherical body. "Hold the bombers!" Misato shouts; the line crackles with static as Unit-00 staggers back, its footing thrown by the bucking of the earth beneath it. "Asuka, Rei, pull back!"

Rei complies, but Asuka stays. She must have concluded, as everyone else has, that if this isn't an attack of the Angel's, then it must be Shinji's doing, and Asuka is not willing to move away so easily. Unit-02 plants its feet firmly on the ground, refusing to be budged.

The Angel shudders again, this time spraying red blood. From inside it emerges the distinct shape of an arm. The next thing Rei sees are the eyes: orange, glowing, piercing the darkness of the Angel's body like twin beacons. Unit-01 reaches with both hands to tear the Angel apart from the inside, pushing its head through the bloody gap and roaring into the morning sky.

"What is this…" Rei hears Asuka whisper. "Are we… piloting things like that?" Rei knows the answer to this, but she watches in silence: there's no need to tell Asuka the obvious.

The trickle of red from above becomes a stream, then a shower, as Unit-01 drops from the Angel's corpse to land on the ground, kicking up the Angel's blood onto the nearby buildings. From it there comes a deep groaning, as if it's the EVA that's in pain, and not the Angel that it just ripped apart.

The city is still in the aftermath, petrified. Overhead, the bombers fly past, leaving a crosshatch of white contrails in the sky. Unit-00 and Unit-02, their pilots too stunned to move, stand facing Unit-01. The lights of Unit-01's eyes slowly dim as they look on, and Unit-01 sways from side to side, looking as though it will fall again.

Unit-02 is there to catch Unit-01 as it wobbles, laying it face-down upon the concrete. Shinji's entry plug, now responding to remote commands, slides up from the EVA's neck and begins oozing orange, gooey LCL from the vents. "Mark the Third Child as recovered and the Twelfth Angel as dead," Misato says, her voice growing fainter. She must be walking away from her command post, and the last thing Rei hears her say is, "I'm going to see him for myself."

The rest of things fall into routine for Rei from then on. She remembers her EVA being secured in the catapult and taken back down; she remembers the elevator ride back up to the surface, in which Asuka was entirely silent. Even as they make their way over to where Unit-01's entry plug lays, it seems like Asuka has nothing to say, or rather she is still in shock from Unit-01's display: it could be either.

Misato is already there when Rei and Asuka arrive. She's descended into Shinji's plug, ignoring the risk of contamination- or maybe there isn't any, since Shinji was kept in his entry plug the entire time. Rei moves to the edge of the hatch, placing a hand on it. It's strange how eerily this echoes the ending of their first fight together, only this time it's her that's come to Shinji, and Shinji that smiles up at her from inside the plug.

"Ayanami," Shinji whispers.

"Ikari." Rei nods her head, the only greeting that seems appropriate right now. "I am glad you have returned."

"You're not the only one." Shinji grins and gestures at Misato, still hugging him. Rei acknowledges this with another bobbing of her head and steps back, removing herself from Shinji's line of sight. Even to her, it's clear that this moment of his with Misato in the entry plug is not one that's meant to be shared.

"Of course," Asuka mutters from directly behind Rei. Rei hadn't realized Asuka was so close to her. She turns, and Asuka is scowling at her from a few feet away. " You'dbe glad to have the number one pilot back. It means you're not in danger anymore. Now you have one pilot to protect you, and the other one to sit back and watch how it's done."

"That is not-"

"Shut up." Asuka does not raise her voice, nor is there any heat to it. It is low and cold, and even though Asuka doesn't meet Rei's eyes, Rei feels that the mere act of Asuka looking at her has her rooted in place. "Just shut up."

Rei doesn't say anything else. She watches Asuka walk away, moving against the traffic of NERV vehicles and personnel that come streaming towards the EVA and the bloody remains of the Angel. She watches until Asuka is no longer distinguishable from the crowd, and only then does it come to her that she'd been looking for Asuka's red this whole time.


In another one of those strange paradoxes of life, Asuka finds that the hospital wing of NERV was not designed for overnight stays. It speaks to either NERV's degree of unpreparedness, or the more likely (and callously accurate) prediction that those who piloted EVA would have no one who would stay by their bedside for a full night.

Asuka has been waiting outside Shinji's door since the late hours of the night. She isn't inside, because Rei's there, and Asuka's had enough of being stuck in hospital rooms with Rei for a long while. So she won't be the first one that Shinji sees when he wakes up- that's not the end of the world. In fact, it's probably for the better: now, her guilt won't cause her to lash out at him. There's a bitterness though, one that comes from this necessary waiting. She's second again, not in the sense of her title, but in that she's the one left waiting again, always behind the First or Third Child.

It's a silly bitterness, she knows. She's letting the past she swore she left behind- Look at me mama, love me!-dictate her feelings. Asuka hunches her shoulders and meshes her fingers together, stares at the neatly arranged tile flooring. Whoever did this put more thought into a fucking floor than the EVAs. Five minutes of battery. Five minutes of battery in an age of intercontinental air travel. Something stinks about this, but Asuka can't quite put her finger on it.

There's a scraping in Shinji's room, the sound of a chair being pushed back. Shinji's awake, then. That, or Rei's finally gotten tired of waiting and wants to leave. Asuka rises on legs that are still not quite stable and wobbles over to the door. It hisses to the side just as Asuka gets there; she glimpses Shinji, eyes open and sitting up in his bed, over the top of Rei's head.

Asuka knows she's been seen. She darts behind the doorway, out of Rei's path, and hears Shinji snickering from within. She's made him laugh- that should be something good, right?- but no, he's laughing at her; it isn't the same.

Rei has already started towards the elevator. Asuka storms past her, hoping to beat Rei there, maybe seal her out so they won't be stuck in the same one for the entire ride back to the surface. "Soryu," Rei calls as Asuka goes by.

"What?!"

"Do you not want to see the Third Child?"

"I already saw him, thank you very much!" Asuka snaps.

Rei walks a little faster, catches up to Asuka in a few strides. It takes a visible effort, but Rei manages to keep pace with Asuka down the hall. "Why are you angry?" she asks. "You waited the whole night. You should go to him."

"You were there too, weren't you? I saw you go in. Between you and Misato, that brat's got all the sympathy he needs already." Rei has caught up; she hovers at the edge of Asuka's periphery. Asuka reaches out, shoving her away. "Besides, why are you complaining?" she snaps. "Isn't this a good thing?"

"I do not understand."

"You're the only one who talked to him. You're the one he'll remember. That's what you want, isn't it?"

"What I want…"

"Not to be forgotten! Don't tell me you don't remember that!" Asuka throws her hands up into the air, exasperated. "Forgetting what you wanted- you aren't really that stupid, are you?"

Rei simply stands there, head bowed, rubbing the part of her shoulder that knocked into the wall. Asuka glowers at her, one of her eyes beginning to twitch. The First Child's apathy is something she can't deal with any longer. She wants to leave; she needs to; she's known since she was young that hospitals are no place for her to be, and today has proved this to still be true.

"You're useless!" Asuka snarls, walking over to the elevator. She mashes her finger against the call button, demanding the it come and lift her out of this place, away from Rei and that strange friendship she's formed with Shinji, that Asuka knows she'll never match. When the elevator arrives, Asuka finally looks back, sparing a glance. Rei is still standing in that same place where Asuka had pushed her, but she's stopped rubbing her arm. She does not move, nor does she look up from the floor. The elevator doors begin to close, blocking her from Asuka's sight. She reminds Asuka of a little girl, staring into nothingness as a bed and its entourage of equipment rolled by.


Two days after the Twelfth Angel is defeated, Shinji Ikari is released from the NERV facility. Two more days later, Rei is summoned, this time to the dummy plug plant. She takes the elevator down with the Commander and Doctor Akagi. As always, there is nothing to be said. They do not ask her how she is. They know the answers they expect to hear- I am well, Rei will say to Akagi, and to the Commander she'll say I am awaiting orders.

When the doors open, Rei is the last one out. She wanders towards the center of the chamber, trying not to look at the smiling clone bodies that inhabit the aquarium set into the walls. She wonders what the last Rei Ayanami had said to the Commander, what the next one will say. It wouldn't surprise her if the answer was still I am awaiting orders.

Such consistency should be a comfort to Rei, but today it puts that cold sliver of fear into her spine. She climbs into the tank in the center of the room without prompting, stands there and waits for it to be filled with LCL. This will be quick, Rei thinks. Just a standard check-up, and then she'll be allowed to go.

She must have tempted fate with that thought, or perhaps this is the price to be paid for her wishes for Shinji's return. "We're doing something different today, Rei," the Commander says. He tugs at his gloves as he stands by Doctor Akagi, something Rei's never seen him do before. Something must have happened while he was away, to warrant this change in schedule.

"Yes."

"We will be transferring your personality data into a system known as a dummy plug. You must be sure to give us the best readings."

"I understand."

"We will begin, then."

"Yes."

Ritsuko presses a few buttons on a remote, and the tube begins filling with LCL. Though it's warm, this time there's no familiarity to it; through the buffer of liquid and glass, she hears the Commander and Doctor Akagi speaking in low tones.

"Even if Rei's data is perfect, there'll still be some problems," Ritsuko says. "The Second and Third Child's personality matrixes are entirely different from Rei's. Their EVAs may have some trouble synchronizing."

"What matters is that we have the technology," the Commander replies. "Install it in their Evangelion Units. We will refine it as necessary." He pauses, adjusting his gloves again. "Can we use the data from the synchronization tests?"

"No. If we wanted to use their personalities for dummy system, they would have to take an individual reading."

"I see."

Rei expects the Commander to say something more, but he doesn't. He and Doctor Akagi stand there, monitoring the tube despite there being nothing to really see. All the data they need is being transmitted to servers hidden deep in the facility, accessible only by a few people and the MAGI.

Rei keeps the silence with them, though her mind races through the conversation she's just heard. There are no plans to replace the pilots with dummy plugs, not yet, but the implication is there. It should be good; Rei should be happy: Shinji and Asuka will be out of harm's way, and the only one who'll be in any danger is her.

It won't quite be that simple, though. She knows the others won't take it like that. They'll see the dummy plug for what it really is, a replacement for flesh and blood pilots. It's nothing new for Rei. For Shinji, he'll be sent away again, and won't be so much of a surprise to him. But Asuka- she'll be replaced, sent back to Germany with no EVA and no one to acknowledge what she'd given up to be a pilot in the first place. If Asuka ever found out- and she will; those dummy plugs read REI on the side- Rei will have to answer to her.

The device in Ritsuko's hand beeps, clearly audible even to Rei in her tank. She opens her eyes, and Doctor Akagi is looking not at the device, but at her. "Rei," she says. "Is something wrong?"

Commander Ikari shifts his stance, a subtle movement of his weight. It's his eyes that Rei feels boring through the tank now, and not Akagi's. "No," she says. "Nothing is wrong."

"Remember, if there's any disruptions in the data, we won't be able to use it." Ritsuko dismisses the alert and returns to monitoring the streams scrolling across the screen. After a moment, Commander Ikari relaxes and returns to his previous pose.

Rei closes her eyes again, releases a sigh that leaves her as a stream of miniscule bubbles. There can't be any more moments like that; another upwelling of emotion, and Akagi might notice. She fights down the hollow in her stomach, ignores the tremors that threaten to break her composure. She must not waver. She is not Rei Ayanami the pilot now, but Rei Ayanami the specimen. She will deliver a perfect reading, as ordered. She will not let on that she worries somehow that her fledgling emotions will leak through and corrupt this reading, ensuring the continued need for pilots, if only for a time.

It hurts, staying still, not letting herself feel anything. Rei endures it anyway. She has withstood worse for the Commander- and yet, he's never thanked her for it, has he? Rei wonders what Shinji might say if he could see her, or Asuka. Asuka would doubtlessly shout at her. Rei can imagine her voice now: why did you ask me about emotions when all you do is try not to feel?

Rei suppresses another shudder and tries to clear her mind. She will not explain to this imaginary Asuka that she does this for their sakes, so that they will be safe. It is easier to believe this lie, to not question it, than to consider a future in which Shinji and Asuka are gone and she must face Instrumentality alone.


Asuka knows where Kaji is by knowing where he isn't. He's not at Misato's apartment; Akagi hasn't seen him all day; he must be somewhere inside NERV, most likely the office he'd been assigned. Asuka doesn't know what exactly draws her towards him, but she can hazard a good guess. Shinji hasn't really spoken to her since the fight with the Twelfth Angel, and Rei is off being Rei, which leaves Asuka with no one to speak to, much less pay her any attention.

Kaji will pay her attention, she thinks, or she'll get him to. She's proved herself in combat repeatedly now; she's more than a child. Surely he'll have to acknowledge that.

Asuka stops outside Kaji's office, preparing to enter. Don't worry, she tells herself, he's had a long day of work, he'll be glad to see you. It'll be something to break up the monotony of it all, and maybe today will be the day something changes for her, too. Today might be when Kaji returns those feelings of hers, the ones that have grown faint and tepid to the point where hearing his name no longer warrants a reaction. She can fix this, they can; Asuka knows it's possible.

The door slides open. Asuka steps into the doorway, wearing her most innocent expression. Kaji doesn't even turn around to look. Asuka takes another step. "Kaji!"

"Oh, Asuka." He still isn't looking at her. "Sorry, I'm pretty busy. Can it wait?"

Can it wait, not you. Asuka frowns, her hands balling into fists at her sides. He has time for Misato, but not her. That isn't how things should be at all. She's equally as deserving of his attention as Misato is, maybe even more. After all, Misato isn't the one piloting an EVA.

Asuka moves forward, throwing herself onto Kaji from behind, arms around his neck. Before she's even completed her embrace, Kaji is leaning away. "Hey!" he says. "Not now, Asuka."

"So this is our synchronization data?" Asuka asks, leaning towards the computer Kaji's been working on. She won't be dismissed so easily. Kaji will have to speak to her, even if it isn't about things Asuka would prefer. "Wait…" She leans closer, the light of the screen burning her eyes. This can't be right. There must be a mistake. "A Fourth…?" Asuka pulls back, turns toward Kaji, demanding an answer. "What's this about?!"

Kaji says nothing. He places his chin on one hand and looks away, waiting for Asuka to settle down. "I don't get it!" Asuka persists, trying to get him to talk. "What's going on? How can someone like this be the Fourth Child? Why do we even needa Fourth? We're doing just fine on our own!"

At last Kaji opens his mouth, though it takes another moment for him to gather his thoughts. "Apparently," he says at last, "someone doesn't think so."

"Unbelievable." Asuka steps back towards the hallway. Never mind that this is probably what Kaji wants, for her to leave- the sting of that is nothing compared to this new information. A Fourth Child means a fourth EVA, more competition for her. She should welcome it, but she can't, not when the new pilot is Toji Suzuhara, and not after the mess that was the Twelfth Angel.

"He won't beat me," Asuka says as she walks down the hall. Behind her she hears Kaji shutting his office door; it registers faintly that he doesn't care, that consoling Asuka is even less of a priority than preparing for this new pilot. "He'll never beat me!" Asuka reaches the elevator, summons it, waits glaring at the doors. "I won't let it happen. If someone as simple as him ever beats me," she mutters, "I might as well resign."