THIS CHAPTER CONTENT IS 1,234 WORDS! WIN. Just thought I'd share that real fast. :)
Also, I'm currently in DC for the first half of my spring break so don't know when I'll get the next chapter up. BUT be on the look out for a collab from me and minerva56, who is also on the trip with me.
Now, onto what you guys really want.
"How long have you been bulimic?"
All the warmth in Blaine's body rushed down his face, up his arms, down his chest, and into the pit of his stomach, rocking dangerously. He went completely lax, fingers dangling limply in Kurt's grasp. He felt Kurt tighten his grip and pull him closer. Those glasz eyes were looking at him, obviously expecting some kind of a response.
All that Blaine could manage was a spluttering "What – what are you …. I mean—!"
"I heard you earlier, Blaine," he said calmly. His free hand trailed up Blaine's arm. The contact burned; the pressure on his fingers strong. Blaine dropped his head, letting his eyes settle on their still entwined hands. His olive skin was too pale, and Kurt's porcelain was too flushed. "Please, Blaine."
Blaine kept his eyes focused on their hands, paying attention to every little twitch and counting the pulses he could feel. When he spoke, he kept his voice level, but there was a hard edge he hadn't intended on. "I don't know what you're talking about." He didn't respond when Kurt took hold of his other hand as well.
"You drink too much water—"
"To keep my skin hydrated!" Blaine interrupted.
For his trouble, he was given the patented Hummel bitch!face. "So why's your face always red and irritated?"
Shit!
"Id' buy that if you were guzzling water all the time, but it's only during meals. Then you chug a diet coke and go to the bathroom."
"So I drink soda after eating then need to pee! What's wrong with that?" Blaine could feel his temper flaring and fought to calm down. Being defensive makes you more suspicious.
Kurt ducked his head to try to look into Blaine's eyes. "I'm not asking you to admit it, Blaine. I'm tell you I know!" he pleaded. For what, Blaine wasn't sure, but he couldn't deny that through the yelling, Kurt was pleading with him.
Blaine pulled his hands free from the countertenor's grasp. "I don't know what you're talking about!" Blaine snapped.
Kurt reached out to grab Blaine's sleeve. "Please. I know you do, Blaine." The older boy pulled away again, turning from his friend, his blood finally flowing again – so fast it burned his veins. "I just want to help you get better."
"I have nothing to get better from!"
The brunet backed up against the door, getting out of Blaine's reach – just in case. "You're bulimic. You still haven't truly denied that," he spoke reasonably. Blaine refused to look at him again, For lack of anything else to do, Kurt kept talking. "This isn't healthy, Blaine. It's okay to be unhappy with what you see in the mirror – most people are! But this isn't the right way to go about it." Glasz eyes stayed trained on Blaine, looking for any sign that his words were getting through.
Though Blaine still kept his back to Kurt, his shoulders were relaxing. He spread his palms flat on the desk and leaned onto them. A low hum vibrated through his throat, assuring the countertenor that he was listening.
"I don't understand why you wouldn't like it, but obviously we don't see the same thing. But starving yourself? Especially this way? How the hell will that help? It's damaging your body!"
"I know the risks, Kurt." Blaine's voice startled him. "I've taken them into consideration. I can take care of myself."
Kurt couldn't stop the scoff and eyeroll. "Oh, my apologies for thinking that purging everything you eat is unhealthy," he quipped just loud enough for Blaine to hear.
The hollow laugh that ripped from his throat surprised both boys.. Blaine dropped his head as another laugh caught. He tried to suppress it, but that only encouraged more laughing to surface.
Kurt raised an eyebrow, mouth hanging open just a bit. "Blaine, this isn't funny!" He pushed off the door and made towards his friend.
"Sorry!" The tenor managed to choke out in a watery voice. He reached a hand up and swiped it across his face.
A jolt went through Kurt's heart. He gravitated to the other's side, taking in the subtle shake of his shoulders. "Hey…." he spread a warm hand ont eh small of Blaine's back. "Why are you crying?" The muscles under his hand tensed as the boy took a shaky breath.
"Nothing." Though his voice was thick from crying, it was once again hollow and defensive. "Don't forget Warblers is at four instead of five tomorrow." He shrugged out of Kurt's touch and made for the door.
'Don't let him leave….'
"Is Warblers what's making you do this?" True, a reach at a reason. But he figured it would at the least slow him down.
Blaine turned towards him, face drawn up in confusion. "What?"
"Do you think your position is threatened and being thinner will keep you as frontman?"
The brown-eyed boy dropped his head a fraction and shook it in incredulity. "Kurt, that's insane."
His back went rigid, defenses up. "You're talking to the boy who wore flannel, sang Mellencamp, and dated Brittany for a week so his father wouldn't replace him with a straight version. So no, it's not insane." Kurt saw a broken smile flit across Blaine's face.
'…try not to get angry.'
Kurt moved between his friend and the door.
"I'm not mad," he whispered.
"And I'm not stupid." His voice lacked any traces of anger. Instead he sounded…. defeated? Blaine stepped back and turned to face the wall, but not quite turning his back to Kurt.
"What does that mean?" Kurt stepped forward again, angling himself so he could see more of Blaine's face than just his profile but could still block the door.
"I know what I'm doing." Hazel eyes slid to glance at the other boy.
Kurt huffed and mumbled "Because that makes everything okay."
"I think you'd be easier to deal with if you were mad," Blaine said softly, lips twitching up.
Feeling he'd made a small victory, Kurt bumped his shoulder against Blaine's "Obviously you haven't seen me properly angry before."
The two boys stood together in quiet for a moment, neither completely sure how much had been said and still remained to say. The silence weighed heavily around them, too strong for either to feel brave enough to break it. Kurt shifted, accidently brushing his fingers against the back of Blaine's hand, which twitched in response. Kurt glanced sidelong at his friend, hoping to catch his eyes, but Blaine was staring pointedly down.
Finally, "No, it's not the warblers."
Kurt dropped his gaze back to his feet. "The what is it?"
The reply was barely audible. "I don't know, Kurt. I just want to fix what I see in the mirror."
"This isn't the right way," he chided. Blaine simply shrugged in response. "What can I do to help you get better?"
When Blaine remained silent, he chanced a glance at the older boy. He was worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. His eyebrows were drawn together. "Blaine?" he prompted.
"I don't want to get better yet."
http : / www . recoveryourlife . com
Please go there if you're struggling with anything, even just the seemingly trivial aspects of life, but especially if you have an ED or are struggling with SI or bullies. Everyone there is wonderful and so ready to help.
EDIT (April 8, 2011) : Sorry I haven't updated in almost a month but I'm trying to pull my grades up. I have chapter 5 about half done and I promise to have it up before Night of Neglect airs on the 19th! There's been a lot on my plate lately that kinda pushed this to the back burner. I'm really sorry. I'm not abandoning this story. It means too much to me to leave it unfinished. I have it planned out where I want it to go, so hopefully once I get back into the swing of writing this it will move faster.
Also, feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. A few people have. I love to talk to people and listen to people. I hope all of you are well and I promise to update soon. 3
