Chapter 4 - Since I Lost You
Castiel went to Gail's park bench, by their old apartment. He needed to sit quietly and think. Was it possible? Had he deluded himself into thinking that Sarah was Gail because he wanted Gail back so badly?
He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and looked at her picture on the screen, doing his umpteenth mental comparison. He closed his eyes and pictured Sarah as she had looked this afternoon at the coffee shop. Aside from the hair and eye colour, he could see no difference. She had the same facial characteristics, the same figure, and the same smile. Her demeanour had been a little different, but that was just because she didn't know who she truly was. He looked at his cell phone again. Then he put it down on the bench next to him, as he usually did. Then he slipped off the bench, sinking to his knees. He bowed his head and closed his eyes.
"Father, please. I need Your help," he prayed. "Is she Gail? Or am I wrong? Please, I need to know. Everyone says it's not her. The DNA test says it's not her. But I was so sure. Please, Father. I know you're not too crazy about answering prayers, but I beg you. I need a sign. Can you send me something? Anything that will let me know whether or not I should just give up on Sarah? Please?"
Then Castiel heard a voice in his head: "Find comfort in these words: In your greatest time of need, know that I have not left you."
Castiel was excited. That was God, talking to him. But what had his Father meant by what He'd said? He shut his eyes tighter and concentrated, but that was it. There was nothing further. He smiled wryly, supposing that he was lucky to have gotten that much. But, what did it mean? Should he give up, or not?
He felt a tickle at his hand, and he opened his eyes and looked down. It was a little chipmunk, sniffing at his hand. Likely looking to see if he had any food, Cas thought. He smiled down at the tiny animal.
"I'm sorry, I don't have any food for you, little one," Cas said softly. The chipmunk looked up at him quizzically, as if it understood what he had said. It might have, at that; Castiel had long had the ability to talk to animals and calm them. That was why he had been so confident that the growling dog in front of the coffee shop would not harm them. He had talked to it and told it that Gail was afraid of large dogs, and to please leave them in peace. And it had. But he had not referred to her as Sarah. She wasn't Sarah to him, and she never would be.
Cas put his palm out, and the chipmunk sniffed at his hand again, then climbed onto his palm. Cas lifted his hand to eye level. The animal was looking right at him, as if waiting for him to speak again. So he did.
"What do you think?" Cas asked the chipmunk. "Is Sarah Gail? Am I right, or am I crazy?" His lips twitched, despite the anguish that he was feeling inside. Dean would say he was crazy. Of course he was; he was talking to an animal. But the chipmunk had come along right after his Father had spoken to him. Surely that couldn't be a coincidence.
The chipmunk quivered, and its eyes blinked. Then it appeared to nod its head, and then shake it from side to side.
Cas was bemused. "Which is it?" he asked the chipmunk. Hey, if he was going to be crazy, he might as well commit.
The chipmunk's nose twitched, and its bright little eyes continued to stare into his. Brown eyes, just like Gail's. Or, the colour that they should be, anyway. Then the animal nodded one more time, then it shook its head again.
Well, that was a big help, wasn't it? But then it dawned on Cas that he had actually asked it two separate questions; technically, three. He had first asked if Sarah was Gail, and if he was right. But then, he had asked it if he was crazy. The chipmunk was seeming to indicate Yes, then No.
"Is Sarah Gail?" he asked it softly. The chipmunk gave him a nod.
A thrill of excitement went through Cas. "Am I crazy?" he asked the animal, and it shook its head.
Cas brought the chipmunk to his face and kissed it gently on the nose. "Thank you," he said. Then he released it onto the grass in front of the bench, and it scampered off into the bushes.
Cas began to smile. That had been one of the weirdest signs he had ever received from his Father, but he would definitely take it. When he brought Gail back home, they would have to come here with a bushel full of nuts to give to that little one, and all his chipmunk friends.
He had to go back to Los Angeles, and stay there, until he could figure out a way to bring her back.
Cas was back at the theatre the next day. He had gone directly to Los Angeles from the park. He'd known that his friends would try to talk him out of going there if he went back to the bunker. He was mystified as to why the DNA test showed that there was no match, though. Had Sam's friend made an error? Castiel's human friends had assured him that the results were unequivocal. And he knew that Frank was not an impostor; he had just reacted emotionally to the news. But it was a mystery.
But that didn't matter to him right now. God had sent him the message.
He looked at the theatre doors, deliberating. She was afraid of him now, and after the way he had behaved yesterday, he couldn't really blame her. He had pushed her, and he had seized her, hurting her arm. Gail thought he was crazy, and she had threatened to call the police.
He had better not show his face to her, then. But he needed to see her, at least. Until he figured out what to do, Cas needed to stay close to her.
When people started to arrive for the show, Cas walked around to the side of the building, where he couldn't be seen. Then, about ten minutes before the show was due to start, Cas winked himself into the theatre.
He stood well back of the stage, in the aisle by the side wall. Cas felt fairly certain she wouldn't see him standing here. The area was shadowy, and people were still milling around talking, taking their seats. No one was looking at him or had noticed him arrive. He looked towards the stage. Sarah was there, as usual. She was moving across the front row, greeting people and handing out pamphlets. Then, when she got to the place where Cas had been sitting for the past few days, she stopped for a minute. Her eyes rose, and they seemed to be searching for him in the surrounding seats. Then she began to move down the front row again, and then the lights started to go down, and she moved off backstage.
Cas smiled. She had been looking for him, and she had looked disappointed when she'd seen that he wasn't there. But still, he had to be careful. She was skittish, and she had to be handled with care. He could do that.
He winked out of the theatre.
Sarah looked at the seat she had grown used to seeing Cas in. But he wasn't in it. She looked around, but she didn't see him anywhere.
She felt a strange mixture of relief and disappointment. Maybe he had finally gotten the message. Or maybe security had turfed him out. In any event, it was for the best. Then why did she also feel so disappointed? She had to admit, it had been flattering to have him showing up every day, asking her when he could see her. He had made her feel desirable, and she had been waking up in the morning feeling excited at the possibility that she might see him there. But now he was gone, and she had chased him off. He was crazy, though. She had to remember that. Yes, it was for the best. She would just have to keep telling herself that.
Lucifer had peeked out of the curtain before the show, and he had been gratified to see that Castiel was not there. Gail had pushed him away, and he'd obviously been smart enough not to show up here today. Unless one of the Demon guards had taken care of him. Lucifer doubted that, though. His Brother had been able to survive all those aeons for a reason. The Castiel that Lucifer knew would likely have just killed all of the Demons and then marched through the front doors, daring anyone to stop him. No, there was no way that Castiel had given up. He was probably just hiding somewhere, thinking of a Plan B.
It looked like the direct approach to taking care of Castiel was out, then. Gail had assured "the Reverend" that she was done with Cas, anyway. He was crazy, she had said, and she was worried that he could be dangerous. Lucifer knew that she had been attracted to Castiel; maybe it was simply because he was an attractive guy, on the surface. They had had a hot couple of nights in Vegas, and Gail had probably been hoping for a reprise. When Lucifer had created the Sarah persona for Gail, he had made sure that she would have a healthy appetite for sex, and he had removed some of her natural shyness. So she had thoroughly enjoyed her romp with Castiel, but now, she was living like a nun. Lucifer thought that would make her more receptive to his own advances, once he had her softened up a bit. But now Castiel had shown up out of the blue, and as much as Lucifer hated to admit it, he couldn't stack up to his Brother in that particular department. Castiel's time as a Demon had made him more confident and aggressive in bed now, and a lot more skilled, and Lucifer was a virgin. All that the Devil would have going for him was eagerness, if not forcefulness. But he had no idea how to please a woman, and quite frankly, he was too selfish to really care, not as long as he got what he wanted. But that wouldn't be good enough for Princess Gail, not with the way that Castiel was with her. So Lucifer had better step up to the plate, and use the fact that Castiel wasn't around to his advantage. He turned to Sarah now.
"Let's go out for lunch after the show," he said to her. "I'll take you someplace nice."
She smiled. "OK. You're on. But can you come to my office after the show, I wonder? I'm a little behind on the mail, so I thought I'd go back there to work on it during the show."
He regarded her for a moment. She wasn't going to try to sneak off again, was she? But Castiel wasn't in the theatre, and Sarah didn't know she was an Angel, so she couldn't be popping out to meet him anywhere. He guessed it was safe enough. But, just to be on the safe side, he called Aurielle over.
"Allison will help you get caught up with the mail," he told Sarah.
Aurielle looked at him. "Why would I do that?" she said, surprised.
Lucifer frowned. "Because I'm the boss, and I said so," he replied testily.
Aurielle glared at him momentarily, but she accompanied Sarah to her office. Sarah had thought it was a little curious, too. Gordon's sister didn't seem to do much of anything around here, usually. She just hung around backstage and in the office, and sometimes Gordon would bring her onstage to talk about the ongoing medical consultations she was having to try to fix her face. But aside from that, as far as Sarah could see, Allison was just a hanger-on, glomming on to her brother's status as a celebrity.
And she definitely did not like Sarah. Sarah didn't care what Gordon said in that regard; she knew his sister couldn't stand her. Every time Gordon wasn't looking, Allison would be glaring at Sarah. Maybe she didn't think Sarah was good enough for her Reverend brother. Well, that was too bad. Sarah would be the one to make up her own mind about that.
Aurielle sat in Gail's office across from her, helping her sort the mail into piles. It was so hard for her to just sit here and look at Gail, and not launch herself across the desk and plunge the letter opener she was holding right into her chest. But Aurielle knew that Lucifer wouldn't stand for it. He had warned Aurielle repeatedly to leave Gail alone, and he had meant it. When Gail had first arrived, Aurielle had threatened to kill her. She'd been speaking to Mark, but Lucifer had overheard her, and he had lashed out, using his powers to inflict painful wounds on Aurielle's arms and legs. "Keep talking like that, and you'll get more," Lucifer had barked at her. "I told you, you need to leave her alone." Then he had turned on his heel and left the office, leaving her bleeding and in excruciating pain. She had had to beg Mark to heal her.
So Aurielle made no move to harm Gail now, and they worked in silence.
When Gordon left the stage, he hurried to his office. He went to the locked cabinet behind his desk and got out the vial of liquid that Mark had procured for him. He slipped it into the inside pocket of his jacket, then walked to Sarah's office.
"There are my little worker bees," Lucifer said happily. "How's it going, Allison?"
She was frowning at him. She threw the letters she'd been sorting down on Sarah's desk and stalked out of the office.
Lucifer was amused. A tiny part of him had wondered if Aurielle might not try to hurt Gail, in spite of his warning. She had been foaming at the mouth ever since Lucifer had brought her rival here. But he'd shown her what she could look forward to if she ignored his command, and so far, Aurielle was toeing the line.
Sarah looked at Gordon. "I don't care what you say, she definitely doesn't like me," she said to him.
"Well, it doesn't matter, because I do," Gordon replied. "She may be my sister, but she doesn't run my life." He extended his hand to her. "Come on, let's go."
Cas was standing outside the theatre now, and he was wondering how he was going to keep an eye on Gail when he didn't know what her routine was. How long did she usually stay in there? And where did she generally go afterwards?
He was still standing out front of the theatre, but he had hidden behind a tree across the street, just in case he was seen by someone he didn't want to see him. The audience began to stream out of the theatre, and Cas was thinking furiously now. Would she come out this way, as she had done when they had gone for coffee?
He was casually studying the faces of the people coming out of the theatre, and his eyes keyed in on a man who looked strange to him. He was an older man who was carrying a briefcase, and when he emerged from the theatre he looked around quickly, then stamped his foot on the sidewalk. He looked angry. Cas guessed he hadn't enjoyed the show very much. But there was just something about the man that made Cas keep watching him. He looked nervous, edgy. If this man had been on one of Cas's cop shows, he would definitely have played a "perp".
But then the man walked away from the theatre, and Cas began to think again about how to find out where Gail was going to go after the show. The crowd had more or less dispersed by now. Now, Cas was thinking that she probably wouldn't just walk out the front doors. There was likely a back exit that the people who worked on the show would use. He looked around but he didn't see anyone who might be watching, so he popped himself over to the back of the theatre. There were two security guards posted at the door there, but Cas ducked behind a limousine that was parked there. It must be the Reverend's car, he thought. Would Gail come out here with him, maybe?
Cas waited a bit, and then he had his answer. Gail came out of the back door of the theatre, and she was with Reverend Devlin. They were laughing and talking, and he was holding her hand! Cas's own hands curled into fists. It was taking everything he had not to just run over there, draw his blade, and chop the man's arm off, so he would let go of her hand. But if he did that, he would frighten her off of him for good, and he had already traumatized her.
Gordon started to steer Sarah towards the car, but she shook her head. "It's such a nice day. Can't we just walk?" she asked him.
He shrugged. "Sure, Sarah, if that's what you want."
Cas breathed a quiet sigh of relief. He was hiding behind the limo, and if they had taken it to get wherever they were going, he would have had no way of knowing where that was. But now that they had decided to walk, it would be easy to follow them.
Oliver was sitting on a bench a block away from the theatre, waiting for the bus. He had his briefcase on his lap, and his fingers were drumming nervously on top of it. He had no idea how he was going to find out where the Reverend went after the show. If he couldn't shoot the man during the show, and apparently, he couldn't, he needed to pick another location. But he had no idea where, or even how he would find out where he would be at any given time. Oliver had asked around at the theatre, but none of the other audience members he had talked to seemed to know much of anything about the Reverend's personal life. He had tried to ask one of the security guards at the theatre today, but Oliver had gotten such a bad vibe from the man that he'd had to back away. If Oliver had had any doubts before that Reverend Devlin was evil, he no longer did. It wasn't every televangelist that had Demons working on their security staff.
Oliver was frustrated, and he was also very, very scared. His fellow audience members had seemed to be under some kind of hypnotic spell cast on them by "the Rev", as they all affectionately referred to him. The man preached that Armageddon was inevitable, and that it was only the ones who wanted to the most that were going to survive it. What exactly did that mean? The Rev wasn't saying, and none of his flock seemed to care. But that sounded ominous to Oliver. He was sure that Jim Jones's followers hadn't asked too many questions, either. Well, not for very long, anyway.
He said a quick prayer in his head, asking for some kind of a sign. If God wanted Devlin gone, He was going to have to give Oliver some guidance, here. Otherwise, he was just spinning his wheels.
Oliver's prayer was answered just a few minutes later. Unbelievably, Reverend Devlin walked right by him on the street, accompanied by a short, blonde woman. Oliver didn't get a good look at the woman's face, as she was walking on the far side, but Oliver wasn't really looking at her, anyway. He waited until they got a little further down the street, and then he jumped up from the bench and began to follow them.
Cas was following Devlin and Gail too, and he saw them arrive at a restaurant. Lucifer had probably extended her ability to eat and drink when he had modified her memory, and now this man was taking her out to eat lunch. The Reverend was her boss; it could just be a business lunch. But he had been holding her hand when they had come out of the theatre, and even though the two were not hand-in-hand now, that sight had worried Cas greatly. Did this man have designs on Gail?
Oliver saw the couple enter the restaurant, too, but he did not see Cas, who was hidden from view. And Cas did not see Oliver, but even if he had, he would only have recognized him as the agitated man from outside the theatre a few minutes ago. But Cas was focused on Gail and her boss now, and their body language.
Oliver thought furiously. They were obviously going in there to have lunch. How much time did he have?
But this might be his only opportunity. He had to try. Oliver looked around. There was a low-rise apartment building across the street from the restaurant. Perfect. He hailed a cab that was coming down the street and asked the driver to take him back to the motel.
Gordon sat back in his chair, smiling. Sarah had just come back from the washroom. He hadn't added the urge to urinate when he had modified her, but she said she wanted to wash her hands after lunch, and that had been good enough for him. He had been wondering how he was going to be able to slip her the drug he had in the vial that was in his pocket. Mark had told him that the substance would sedate her; not to the point of passing out, but that it would make her more...pliable. It was similar to Ecstasy, Mark had said. The guy who'd sold it to him had assured him that the substance would weaken a woman's resistance to a man's advances. Sounded good to Lucifer.
He had ordered her an after-dinner drink, and he had slipped the waitress some extra money to have the bartender pour heavily. Then, when the server brought the drink to the table, Lucifer had tipped the contents of the vial into it and stirred it with the straw.
Sarah came back from the bathroom and sat down at the table. It was funny, really; when they'd first gotten to the restaurant and had been brought to the table to be seated, she had stood there, expecting him to pull the chair out for her, as Cas had done. But Gordon had merely sat down across from her, and Sarah had sat down immediately, feeling foolish. But why would she have expected otherwise? No man held out a chair for you anymore. That had been a lovely, endearing gesture on Cas's part, but she was sure it was unique to him.
But Gordon had been good company. They'd had a leisurely lunch, and now when she got back from washing her hands, she saw that he had ordered them both one more drink. She looked at him.
"Come on, Sarah, live a little," Gordon teased her. He raised his own glass, and she picked up her fresh drink and clinked her glass with his.
Once their drinks were finished and Gordon paid the bill, they walked outside. "Wow, is it ever hot now," Sarah commented. She was feeling a little lightheaded. Maybe she shouldn't have had that last drink. Or maybe it was just the heat. Why the hell did she live in a place with such a hot climate, anyway?
Gordon took his cell phone out of his pocket. "I'll call the limo to come and get us," he told her.
Good, Sarah thought. Her head was starting to swim. She was sure that once she got into an air-conditioned vehicle, she'd be fine.
Oliver saw them emerge from the restaurant, and he saw Devlin take out his cell phone. Good. That would give Oliver a moment to get into position. He crouched and then dropped to one knee, picking up the rifle he'd gone back to the motel to retrieve. His arms were shaking, both with dread and with excitement. Excitement, because this was his opportunity to save the human race. Dread, because Oliver had never murdered anyone in cold blood before. But he was convinced: this was the right thing to do. He aimed the rifle and fired.
PING! The bullet hit the metal bus stop pole beside Gordon and fell to the sidewalk. What the...? He looked at the pole, which was wobbling now, and then down at the sidewalk. Had someone just fired a shot at them? He started to smirk. But then, as he looked closer at the spent bullet, Lucifer's eyes widened. The bullet was partially collapsed, but he could still make out the pattern. A pentagram!
Sarah had heard the noise too, but it didn't really register on her what it could have meant. She was feeling quite woozy now. She hoped the limo was going to be here soon; she felt like she was going to pass out any minute.
Cas had heard the ping too, from his vantage point across the street from the restaurant. What was that? He had also heard a cracking sound to his right, and he looked up to where that sound had seemed to come from. Was that a man on the roof of that apartment building? Cas shaded his eyes from the sun with his hand. Yes, it was definitely a male figure up there. And he was holding something. What was it that he was holding?
Lucifer looked up too, but the sun was so bright after coming out from the dimly-lit restaurant that he couldn't see a damn thing. Someone was shooting at him, and they were using pentagram bullets.
He dropped his cell phone on the sidewalk and started to run.
Oliver panicked. He had missed the shot, and now Devlin was going to get away. He lined up another shot, but he overcorrected with his aim. Devlin was running past Sarah, and the shot hit her squarely in the chest.
Oliver dropped the rifle. He had shot the girl! Devlin was out of range now, and Oliver had missed his chance. He fled from the roof.
Sarah had had her eyes closed when she felt the sudden pain in her chest. She opened her eyes, wondering what that sound had been. She turned to ask Gordon, but he was gone. Then Sarah looked down at her chest. Why did it hurt so much, all of a sudden? The blood was starting to bloom on her top now, and the sight was surreal to her. Then everything went black.
Cas saw Gail crumple to the sidewalk, and he shouted her name as he ran to where she lay. He fell to the sidewalk and took her in his arms. She was an Angel, so a bullet wouldn't kill her. That's what he told himself. But she was bleeding, and she appeared to be unconscious. He put his hand on her forehead to find out where she was currently living, and then he winked them there.
Lucifer had run down the street in his panic, and then he heard Castiel's voice, yelling Gail's name. He turned around and saw his Brother running towards her. Damn it! Lucifer knew she couldn't be hurt seriously by a bullet, of course, and certainly not one with a pentagram carved on it. Not any more, at least, he thought with a smirk. But, SHE wouldn't know that, would she? And now, the first face she was going to see hovering over her in her moment of need would be Castiel's, not his. But Lucifer had had the impulse to save his own hide first, of course. No woman, or man for that matter, was worth him risking his life over.
Still, the shooting seemed to have stopped now, so Lucifer slowly started making his way back to her. But by the time he raised his arms and prepared to blast Castiel out of the way, the two of them had disappeared.
Castiel had her; now, where would he have taken her? To a hospital? No, that was ridiculous. Castiel knew very well that the bullet might hurt her momentarily, but it would do no lasting harm. And if the hospital did enough tests on her vessel, they would likely detect the illicit drug that he had put in her drink, which would be very bad for him. But Lucifer didn't think he would take her to the hospital.
Would he take Gail back to his precious bunker, to cloister her there and cover her with hugs and sweet little kisses while he worked on recovering her memory of him? That might do for a bit, but the Sarah that Lucifer had created would soon want more. If Castiel was smart, he would bed her, as soon as possible. But Lucifer doubted that his Brother would. He would be too sickeningly honourable to seduce her while she still thought that she was someone else. Lucifer still wanted to be the one to take her next. And he felt like there was still time to do so. He had scanned the bunker with his mind, and the couple weren't there. Where had Castiel taken her?
But, wait a minute: Castiel wouldn't be fool enough to take her to Sarah's apartment, would he? If he had, she was still within striking distance.
Lucifer was just about to wink himself there when the police car pulled up.
Cas laid Gail down on the bed. She was unconscious, non-responsive. Was she just in shock?
He tore open her top and dug into the bullet hole with his fingers. He grasped the bullet, pulled it out of her, and flung it across the room. Then he healed the wound. She was still out cold. She was healed now; why wasn't she coming to?
He raced into the small bathroom that was just off the bedroom and got a washcloth, rinsing it in cold water. Then he raced back and wiped the blood off her chest, and then he went to her closet and grabbed a new top for her. He eased her out of the remnants of the bloody top and bra and put the clean top on her. She still hadn't even stirred. Now he was starting to panic. What was wrong with her?
He raced back to the bathroom and washed the blood off the cloth, then brought it and a towel back to the bed. He gently dried off her chest and put the cold cloth on her forehead.
Sarah started coming to when she felt the towel rubbing her chest and heard Cas's voice, pleading with her to wake up, please wake up. Her eyes opened slowly. It was Cas she'd heard, all right. He had a hold of her arm now, and he was rubbing it briskly up and down. Then he did the other one.
Cas had seen someone revive someone else this way on TV, and praise Father, it seemed to be working. She was stirring now, and her eyes were half-open. But she still seemed languorous.
"Cas?" Sarah said drowsily. Was this another one of her sexy dreams? She was sitting partially upright against the pillows on her bed at home, and he was sitting on the bed beside her, caressing her arms. She reached up to touch his face with both hands, and his eyes lit up.
"Oh, thank God. You're OK," he said, and he gathered up both of her hands in his and kissed the palms of her hands.
"Come here, Cas," Sarah said softly, and she pulled his head towards her and kissed him. She kissed him on the lips, and he looked surprised, but he kissed her back. She opened up her mouth and gave him her tongue, and his arms went around her, pulling her to him.
"I love you, Gail," he said in her ear.
Now Sarah was confused. Why would he be calling her by that other woman's name in her dream? But now, her eyes were starting to focus, and his body felt way too solid, too real. She had just been having lunch with Gordon, and when they'd come outside there had been a couple of noises that had sounded oddly like gunshots, then she had felt a pain in her chest, and now she was here, with Cas. What the hell?
She pulled out of the embrace. "Cas, are you really here?" she asked him.
"Yes, of course I'm here," he replied, smiling at her. "And so are you, and you're all right." He still had his arms around her, and now he brushed an errant strand of hair off her face. He had missed being this close to her, so much.
"What happened, Cas?" she asked dazedly.
"You were shot," he told her softly. "But don't worry, you're fine."
She was shocked. "I was shot? What about Gordon? Where is he?"
Cas frowned. "He ran away, like a coward. I saw that you had been shot, so I brought you back here and removed the bullet. Then I cleaned you up."
Sarah pushed him away and looked down at herself. She pulled her top away from her body and looked at her chest. Not a mark on her. "Where was I shot?" she asked him. "I felt a pain in my chest."
"That's where the bullet was," Cas confirmed.
"And you removed it," she said skeptically, looking at him.
"Yes," he said simply.
"So, on top of all your other talents, you're a surgeon, too," she said, bemused. "I was shot in the chest, you removed the bullet, yet I have no sign of a wound, and I'm just fine. That's what you're telling me?"
Cas was frustrated. "That's what happened, Gail."
"How can I be fine, Cas? If that's what really happened, how can I be fine?" she persisted.
"Because I healed you," he told her. "And you wouldn't have been seriously harmed, anyway. I just couldn't bear to see you like that."
"Cas, you're not making any sense," Sarah said to him, shaking her head. "Look at me. You can't just patch somebody up instantly like that from a shot to the chest. And you're still calling me 'Gail'. If you felt like you had to make up a story to get me into bed, it should at least be a believable one. I don't know what happened, or how we got here, but since we're here anyway..." She leaned forward and kissed him softly on the cheek. "I have to admit, I don't really mind," she said into his ear. Then she gave it a little lick. "But please, at least call me Sarah while we're doing it."
Cas wanted to kiss her, and then lay her down on the pillows. Now that they were here alone together, and he had seen that she was physically fine, he longed to undress her and make love to her. It had been so long. But she wanted him to call her Sarah, and he couldn't do that, because she wasn't Sarah. She was Gail, but she wasn't his Gail, not at the moment. She obviously loved him on some level, but until she was herself, he would just be taking advantage.
"I can't, Gail," he told her. "Not until you're you again."
"And what does that mean, exactly?" she asked, looking into his eyes. "Who am I, supposedly?"
"You and I are Angels," Castiel told her. He took her hands in his. "We live here on Earth, but we alternate between Earth and Heaven, depending on where we're needed." He smiled. "We've been together for nearly three years now. We have Angel friends and human friends waiting for us back at the bunker, and they've missed you almost as much as I have." Then he frowned. "You've been gone for nearly nine months, Gail. I just about lost my mind."
"You HAVE lost your mind, Cas," she said sharply, pulling her hands away from his. "How can you possibly expect me to believe such a far-fetched story?"
"Because it's true," Castiel responded. "And you yourself are the proof. You were shot in the chest. If you had been a human, you probably would have died. And if I had been a human, I wouldn't have been able to heal you."
Sarah stared at him. His eyes were clear, and they were looking right into hers. Cas really believed what he was saying. And if what he was saying was really true, what a hell of an exciting story that would be. She only wished.
"Cas, for the last time, my name is Sarah," she insisted. "I've lived here in Los Angeles and worked for Reverend Devlin for the past two years now."
Cas was growing really frustrated now. A part of her had believed what he was telling her or wanted to. He had to break through to her somehow. "Really?" he retorted. "All right then, tell me: What's your last name, 'Sarah'? Where did you live, and what did you do, before coming here? Who are your parents? Where did you grow up? Can you answer even one of those questions?"
"Stop badgering me, Cas," Sarah shot back. She was angry now, but she was also a little scared. She realized she couldn't actually answer a single one of those questions. She didn't even know her own last name. What had this guy done to her? Hypnotized her, somehow? Who the hell didn't even know their own last name? "Look, Cas, thanks for bringing me home from - " she gestured " - whatever that was. But I think you need to go now."
Suddenly, there was a light knock on the bedroom door. "Sarah?"
Gordon entered the room. "Are you all right, Sarah? I would have been here sooner, but I had to talk to the police."
Cas rose from the bed and faced him. "What you mean to say is that you would have been here sooner, but first, you had to return from wherever it was you ran away to," he said angrily.
Lucifer glared at Castiel. "I didn't run away. I was going for help."
"Did you not have a cell phone in your hand when the shooting started?" Cas said sharply.
Lucifer gritted his teeth. "I dropped it on the sidewalk after that first near miss. It broke."
Cas laughed harshly. "Do you expect us to believe that? You ran away because you're a coward. I was the one who took care of Gail. I've been taking care of her for three years now. Protecting her from people like you."
Lucifer manufactured a laugh. He looked at Gail. "You were right, Sarah, he IS nuts. Anyway, I gave my statement to the police. I told them that someone shot at us, they missed, and that we were both fine."
"She's only fine because I healed her, and because she's an Angel," Cas said pointedly. "As am I. And you are nothing but a false Prophet. The worst sort of human."
"Can you believe this guy?" Lucifer said. He approached the bed, giving Castiel a wide berth. He looked down at Gail. "He's a crazy stalker, and HE'S calling ME bad." He turned back to Cas. "You can go now, Cas. Sarah doesn't want you here."
"Thanks, Cas, but he's right. You'd better leave," Sarah said.
Gordon smiled. "You heard the lady. Now, get out." He sat down on the bed beside Sarah, taking her hand.
Cas was livid. He should take his blade out right now and end the pathetic excuse for a life that was Gordon Devlin. But as long as Gail didn't want Cas here, he couldn't force the issue. He couldn't have her angry at him, or afraid of him, if he hoped to make her receptive to him. And stabbing her boss once or twice or thirty times wouldn't be a very good way to earn her trust. But he had to trust in her now, too. If she was his Gail, deep down inside, she wouldn't be taken in by this man. Cas gave her one last look, and then he exited the bedroom. Once he was out of sight, he popped out into the street in front of her apartment building. He began to pace back and forth. Just because she'd wanted him to leave the room didn't mean that he wouldn't be here to watch out for her. If her boss had come here just to make sure that she was all right, that was fine. But if he didn't come back down in fifteen minutes, Cas was going back up. And the next time, he was going to have his blade in his hand.
Lucifer was holding Gail's hands in his now, and he was smiling. "In bed and helpless. Just the way I like them," he said to her.
"Har, har," Sarah retorted. "Very funny. So what happened back there, Gordon?"
"I told you," he said. "Some lunatic shot at us and missed. I went for help, and your psychotic boyfriend obviously brought you back here before I could come back for you. I'm sorry, Sarah. Later today, I'm going to start interviewing for a bodyguard. Nothing bad will ever happen to you while you're with me, I can promise you that."
"Thanks, Gordon," she said.
"I can take care of you as well as he can," Gordon said. He gently pushed her down against the pillows. Then he waved his hand over her face, restoring her brown hair and brown eyes. Lucifer had decided that this was his golden opportunity. She had chased Castiel off again, and she probably had the drug he'd given her coursing through her veins. And if Castiel had gotten her a little worked up before Lucifer had gotten here, so much the better.
He kissed her on the mouth, and while she wasn't kissing him back, she wasn't exactly resisting, either. Lucifer took that as a good sign. He put his hand between her legs and started to rub her through her pants.
"Let me in, Sarah," Lucifer said. "It'll be good, I promise." He took his hand away from her so that he could put his arms around her.
"Do that again," she said to him. Lucifer smiled. The bitch was worked up, all right. He would touch her again as she had requested, and then he would have her undo his pants and get on her knees for him.
Lucifer kissed her again, and he put his hand back between her legs. "Do you like that?" he asked her.
"No," Sarah said softly. "No. Not when YOU do it."
"What?" Lucifer said sharply. "What are you talking about? You just asked me to do it again!"
"I just wanted to be sure," she replied. "And, guess what? I didn't feel anything, Gordon! Nothing. I only feel something when it's Cas kissing me and touching me. I'm sorry, Gordon. Looks like that's it for that, then." Incredibly, she was smiling. "If you want me to keep working for you, I'm willing to do that, but we can never have that kind of a relationship. And now, I think you'd better leave, too. You can let me know your decision in the morning."
She started to sit up, but Lucifer was enraged now. The little slut. She had thrown Castiel out, and she was telling Lucifer to leave now? He didn't think so. He had her here underneath him now, and he was done waiting for her to open her legs for him.
He shoved her back down on the bed and opened his pants, exposing himself to her. "I forgot what you truly like," he said through gritted teeth. "I've been going about this all wrong. You like it rough. Okay, we'll do it that way, then. I'm done playing around."
Sarah was scared now. What was wrong with him? Was Gordon going to try to rape her? He'd always struck her as all bark, and no bite. But he was pinning her to the bed now, and he was on top of her. She was struggling, but he was too strong for her.
"Once I get you on your stomach, you'll start to enjoy it," Lucifer told her. "You won't even have to look at my face. You can just pretend it's your precious Castiel doing that to you. Then maybe it won't hurt quite as much. But I'll make sure it hurts; otherwise, you won't enjoy it, will you?" He released one of her arms in order to flip her over, and Sarah used the opportunity to hit him in the face. "Get off me, Gordon!" she yelled. "Stop it!"
But he was grabbing at her again, turning her roughly over onto her stomach, and she had a pretty good idea what he meant to do to her once he had her in that position. She wished she could just disappear out from underneath him. Sarah closed her eyes and screwed up her face. Gordon had her arms behind her back, and he was tugging on her clothes now. Please help me, God, she prayed. Please.
Gail appeared on the sidewalk in front of Cas. In her desperation, she had winked herself right out of Sarah's apartment. Cas caught her before she collapsed onto the pavement.
"What the hell?" Sarah asked him. "What was that?"
Cas smiled. "You teleported," he told her, trying to steady her on her feet.
She looked up at the building. "I was just...and now I'm...I did what, now?" She looked at Cas, astonished.
"You obviously needed to get away from him rather suddenly," Castiel said dryly. "He tried to interfere with you, didn't he?"
Despite her fear of a moment ago, Sarah smiled wryly. "That's the understatement of the century. I've got to get away from here, Cas. I just can't deal with him right now."
"Will you allow me to take you somewhere safe?" he asked her. "I'll take you someplace quiet, where we can talk. Then, whatever you decide to do, I'll abide by."
"OK, Cas," Sarah said. Her head was spinning. She'd been shot at, Gordon had just tried to rape her, and she had "teleported" out of her own apartment to escape him. Maybe Crazy Cas wasn't so crazy after all. Maybe Sarah was the crazy one. "Sure. Why not?" she said, laughing nervously.
He took her hand and winked them out of Los Angeles.
Cas took her to the park bench outside their former apartment building. He sat them down as she looked around.
"Nice place," Sarah remarked. "Very serene."
"It's one of my favourite places," Cas said to her. "Or at least, it is now that you're back here with me."
"Where's here?" she asked him.
"Lebanon, Kansas," he replied. He turned and pointed up. "We used to live in that building. You used to come down here sometimes, to enjoy the fresh air." He smiled. "And probably to get away from me, once in a while."
She looked at him. "And why was I getting away from you, Cas? What's going on here? Who's crazy, Cas? You, or me?"
"Neither," he said firmly. "You've just forgotten who you truly are. And I'm only crazy about you."
"Then tell me who I'm supposed to be," she said to him.
Cas took her hand. "I already did," he said softly. "I know it seems hard to believe, but it's all true. This is where you belong, Gail."
She thought about what he was saying. Hadn't she known, in the back of her mind, that something was wrong? She had tried to think back to before she had met Cas on the plane on the way to Las Vegas, and Sarah couldn't remember a damn thing before that day. Not even one thing. There was no way that was possible. He was claiming that they were Angels, and that they'd been in a relationship for three years. But they had been eating and drinking in Vegas, and Angels weren't supposed to be able to do all those things, plus the things they'd done in bed, were they? But then again, what did she know about the subject? Anything she could recall having read or seen about Angels brought to mind beings with wings, watching over you. Well, Cas had certainly been watching over her. He'd saved her from a crazed sniper, and then she had apparently saved herself from her jackass of a boss. She couldn't believe Gordon had done that. She'd thought that Cas was the maniac, and Gordon was supposed to be a Reverend. Up was down, and black was white.
She and Cas sat there quietly for a few minutes as Sarah tried to organize her thoughts. Cas was still holding onto her hand. There was no way he could let go of it now. Just the fact that she was sitting here with him like this was extremely encouraging to him.
Cas saw movement in the grass, and he looked down to see his little chipmunk friend. The animal sat up on its hind legs, looking at Cas. Then it turned its head to look at Gail, then it looked back at Cas. Cas smiled. "I haven't forgotten about your treat," he told the chipmunk softly. "We've just been a little busy." He bent down and put his hand out, and the animal climbed onto his palm, just as it had before.
Sarah was watching this. She remembered the gentle way Cas had spoken to the growling dog outside the coffee shop, and her thoughts about that at the time. "Suddenly we're in a Disney movie," she quipped. "Friend of yours?" she inquired lightly, one eyebrow raised.
"Yes," Castiel said simply. He'd better not tell her that he and the chipmunk had communicated with each other about her, or she would never be persuaded to stay. He brought his hand up and showed the chipmunk to her.
"He's cute," Sarah said. She reached out slowly and stroked the fur on its head. "Has he got a name?"
"All God's creatures have a name," Castiel replied, looking at her warmly.
She sighed. "And you're telling me that mine is Gail. Then why don't I remember, Cas?"
He put the chipmunk back down on the grass and watched it scamper off for a moment, then turned back to look at her. "It's a long story," he told her. He had no idea where to start. How could she possibly take it all in?
"Of course it is," Sarah said. She sighed again. "Well, I guess I've got the time to hear it, now. I seem to be out of a job."
Cas looked at her closely, his eyes flashing for a moment. "What did he do to you, Gail?"
She thought about telling him everything, but she didn't like the way Cas's jaw clenched when he'd said that. All she would need was for him to freak out, when she was trying to find a way to be OK with him. But she didn't want to lie to Cas, either. "He came on to me," Sarah told Cas. His lips pursed. She could tell he was trying to hold onto his temper. "But I told him I didn't have any feelings for him, Cas," she continued. Then she shrugged. What the hell. "I seem to only have feelings for you," she told him. "Go figure."
He smiled. "That's because we're in love," he told her.
"Oh, well, that explains it, then," she said, smiling wryly.
"You'll see," Cas said, taking her hands in his again. He kissed her softly on the lips. He was still smiling. "I've loved you for three years now, and for some unknown reason, you seem to feel the same way about me."
Sarah shook her head slowly. With every minute that passed, she was starting to see how that could be possible.
"Will you come to the bunker with me?" Cas asked her. "Maybe if you see it, you'll begin to remember. Sam and Dean live there, and you and I spend a lot of time there. Your brother Frank will be there too, and probably Jody, as well."
"Sam and Dean live there together? Are they Angels, too? Are they a couple?" Sarah asked curiously.
Cas laughed softly. "Neither. They're humans, and they're brothers," he told her. "Though you must remember to ask Dean both of those questions, when you see him. And I'll need to be in the room when you do." It was really a shame she didn't remember; she would have thought that quite funny.
But Sarah was thinking about that. Why not? she asked herself. Maybe seeing the place would jog her memory. Maybe she could talk to those guys a bit more and see what they said. None of them had looked familiar to her when she'd been introduced to them, but she owed it to herself to do a bit more investigation on the subject. She wasn't necessarily ready to buy into this whole crazy theory just yet, but there had to be some explanation as to why she didn't know anything about herself, or her own life. Not to mention the fact that both she and Cas just seemed to be able to pop around from place to place.
"Are they all as nice as you are?" she asked Cas.
"No," he deadpanned, and she laughed. "Well, I know they can't be as funny as you are," she told him, smiling.
"Please tell Dean that, too," Cas said, raising his eyebrows comically. "I've been trying to tell him that I'm funny for years now."
She laughed again, "OK, I will."
Cas was elated. She wasn't scared of him anymore, she was coming to the bunker willingly, and she even looked like herself again. When she had appeared before him on the sidewalk in front of Sarah's apartment building, Gail's hair and eyes had been brown again. He probably should have stopped to think about that. He probably should have thought about why she had looked so panicked when she had first appeared. And if Gail had mentioned to him that Gordon had called him Castiel, everything would have been clear to him, and a lot of lives could have been saved. But Gail was his priority now. She was coming back home, and he had to focus all of his energies on helping her regain her memory.
He took her hand and winked her to the bunker.
Cas had sent Bobby a message on Angel Radio, asking him to please make sure their Angel friends stayed out of the bunker for the time being. He didn't want Gail to be inundated with so many people all at once, people who would probably all be strangers to her. He also asked Bobby to call Dean on his cell phone to let their human friends know that he was bringing her home, though her memory had not yet returned.
They stood outside the bunker, hand in hand. Sarah was holding his hand tightly, looking at him with wide eyes. "Are you all right?" he asked her.
She took a deep breath. "I guess so," she told him. "This is just so weird."
"Just remember that everyone here loves you," he told her.
She shook her head, as if to clear it. What a concept. Apparently, there were a whole bunch of beings that hung out here, Cas had said. Human, Angels...even God Himself. And they all loved her? Had she stepped into a movie all of a sudden? Or a cult?
She gave Cas's hand a squeeze. "You'll be with me the whole time, right?" she asked him.
Cas smiled. "Of course," he said softly. If she only knew. He was never going to leave her side again. He opened the door to the bunker and walked with her down the stairs. Dean was standing at the foot of the stairs, and Sam, Frank and Jody were standing behind him.
"Hey, Gail," Dean said, smiling at her. He wanted very badly to hug her, but Bobby had advised that Cas said she was still skittish. So he settled for putting his hand out, and she took it. "Hi, Dean," she said shyly. Her eyes roamed around the room. What a strange-looking place. It looked partly like a home, but mostly like some kind of a secret agent hangout, or something. Then her eyes shifted to Sam and Frank. Standing next to Frank was a woman with short, dark hair that she had never seen before. Frank was holding the woman's hand.
Cas was looking curiously at Dean. His friend had insisted from the beginning that she was not Gail, but now that she looked like herself again, there could be no doubt. He could see it in Dean's eyes. Dean recognized her now. His eyes lifted to Cas's, and Cas could see the apology in them. Cas smiled at his friend. It didn't matter. Nothing was bothering Cas any more. Gail was home.
Frank squeezed Jody's hand, then moved forward. How could he have been so wrong? Her hair and eyes had been different, but still, he should have known it was her. "Hi'ya, kiddo," he said to her. Her forehead wrinkled. "That's what I always called you," Frank said in a quiet voice.
"Oh," Sarah said. She looked at Jody. "This must be Jody," she said. "Is she your girlfriend?" Silence. "Did I say something wrong?" Sarah said to them.
"Not at all," Jody said, smiling. "It's about time we came out of the closet, anyway. It's not like everybody doesn't already know." She walked up to Gail. "I'm glad somebody finally said it out loud," Jody continued.
Sarah smiled. She liked this woman already. But she frowned when she looked up at Sam. He had a serious expression on his face, just as he'd had when he'd been asking her all those questions before the Reverend's show. She had extolled Gordon's virtues to Sam, but she had been unable to explain any of his theology. Sarah felt stupid now. Look at what kind of a guy the so-called "Reverend" had turned out to be. She looked away from Sam, embarrassed. She may not know exactly who she was at the moment, but she'd thought she was smarter than that.
Sam looked at Cas, concerned. He realized now that he'd given her a bit of a third degree when he had come to the theatre with Cas. Sam felt bad about that now. He'd been approaching it like an investigation. But she was wide-eyed now, looking around her, stealing glances at all of them but only making eye contact with Cas. They would clearly have to treat her with kid gloves for a while.
"Can I get you a beer?" Dean said, nudging her.
She made a face. "No thanks, Dean."
He smiled. "You always did hate beer."
"Then what did you offer me one for?" she retorted.
Dean nodded at Cas. "She's Gail, all right. Same smartass." He smiled down at her. "Can I please give you a hug, before I explode?" he asked her.
She looked up at him. Then she shrugged. "Sure, Dean," she said with a little smile. He opened his arms and wrapped her in a hug. Dean smiled at Cas. "Thank God you're stubborn," he said to his Angel friend. "Thank you for bringing her back home." Then he pulled out of the embrace, looking down at her face. "OK if I call you Gail?" Dean asked her. "I went out with a Sara once, and it did not end well."
"That's because you were also dating her best friend at the same time," Sam piped up, grinning.
"Shut up, Sammy," Dean said good-naturedly. "Gail was just starting to like me. Let's not sully the moment."
She was smiling up at Dean. There was just something about him that put her instantly at ease. "So, you're one of THOSE guys, are you?" she teased him. Dean gave her a half-shrug, and he broke into a wide smile when she said, "That wasn't ME, by any chance, was it?"
"Naah, you have way better taste than that, Gail," Sam quipped. They all laughed, even Dean. She looked around at all of their faces again. She might actually grow to like these people, Sarah thought.
"Why don't you guys all call me Gail, then?" she said. "What the hell? Apparently, that's my name. I might as well get used to it."
Gail walked up to Frank. "So, you're my brother, eh? Obviously, you got all the height."
Frank's eyes flicked over to Cas for a moment, and then he looked at Dean. "What do you say we all sit down and have a drink?" he said.
"I've got a bottle of champagne I've been saving," Sam said to the assembled group. He'd been saving it for this day, of course. Thank God Cas had ignored them all. Sam would never doubt anything Cas said, ever again.
But Frank was shaking his head. "Gail doesn't like champagne," he told Sam. "She always says the bubbles tickle her nose. Get her a rye and ginger."
Sam looked at Gail, who was smiling. "What he said," she quipped, pointing at Frank. Sam grinned again, and said, "Come on, Jodes, Dean. Let's give them a second."
The three humans trooped out of the room.
"Do you want me to go, too?" Cas asked Gail.
"No," she said, looking stricken. "Stay here, please." She reached out for his hand. Cas gave Frank a half-shrug, but inside, he was beaming. He took Gail's hand. Frank was a little hurt, but he tried to understand. In his sister's mind, she was meeting him as her brother for the very first time. And boy, did he have something to tell her, right off the bat. Those guys had better bring lots of booze.
They were all sitting around the table drinking a few minutes later. At least, Gail and the humans were. Cas had abstained. It was curious to him that she still ate and drank, and apparently, she slept, too. But he didn't care. She was sitting in her usual seat at the table. He had guided her to it and pulled the chair out for her, and then he'd sat next to her, holding her hand. Cas was over the moon right now.
"Try to cheer up, Cas," Dean quipped. He'd never seen Cas look so happy, and he had known the Angel the longest.
"I can't help it, Dean," Cas said, smiling at his friend. He brought Gail's hand up to his lips and kissed it. "I can't help it," he repeated.
Gail thought he was sweet, but her eyes kept roving around the room, searching for anything that might look familiar to her. There were a lot of books, which she found comforting. Whatever her name might be, she knew that she loved books. She could picture herself curled up on that couch by the fireplace, with a blanket on her lap. She would be reading while the men talked or watched TV. She could almost picture that, as if it were a memory.
Frank was frowning. Cas tried to recall if Gail's brother had smiled even once since Cas and Gail had gotten here. He could not, and it was starting to bother him.
"What's the matter, Frank?" he asked quietly.
Frank cleared his throat. "There's something I have to tell you," he said, looking at Cas and Gail. "I didn't think it would ever come up, but..." His voice faltered, and Jody gave him an encouraging nod.
"I'm not your brother, Gail," Frank said.
