==== ==== Harry: The Tale Of Two Half-Wits ==== ====

SUMMARY: { This scene is set during 'The Ordinary People' Ep3, and plays shortly after Harry's and the Doctor's misadventure at sea. Due to the main story setting, the Doctor believes himself to be a human. Note that unlike the re-telling in Ep 3, I decided to move this scene to a public location and set it to a later time of day. [Harry, Fourth Doctor]}

It was the late afternoon of a Saturday when two visitors entered the "Sel de la Mer" - a little tea house, pub and restaurant – all rolled into one – that was located not too far off Brighton harbour. The strangers were dripping wet, and with each of the steps they took further into the room, little puddles of water were forming underneath their feet. You might be led to believe that they had just stepped out of a heavy rain shower, but despite the overcast sky outside and the chilly temperatures, not a single drop had fallen all day.

The sea, however, was always wet, and rough, and unforgiving in terms of mistakes, as Harry knew. He was feeling miserable thanks to his cold clothes sticking to his body and the strong smell of salt that was coming off them. Even though his former sailing instructor had given him a large wool blanket to keep himself warm, the icy winds had pricked him during the short walk from his car to the pub. Those were the perfect conditions to turn acute hypothermia into something more serious.
There were only two things which lifted Harry's mood slightly. Firstly, there was no one else inside of the pub besides them and the owner, old lady Jackie, so he did not have to endure the odd glances.
Secondly – and, more importantly – the Doctor was just about as miserable as he was. 'Serves him right!' Harry thought sullenly. Without turning his gaze, he knew the slightly taller man was standing next to him. The sea had tamed his unruly mob of long curls, which were now sticking wet to his face and made him look a bit like a doused poodle. He, too, had been given a wool blanket, but even though he held it tightly wrapped around his shoulders, it had absorbed too much water already to be of any further use.

"Mon dieu! Don't you look like something the cat dragged in?", the older lady who owned this place greeted them. She was a woman beyond her Fifties, sturdy built and what you would call a little rough around the edges, after running this place for god knows how many years. Although she had grown up in France, she had fled to England during the second World War, married a British sailor and then opened the "Sel de la Mer".

That was the story that Harry had been told by the locals during his time with the Royal Navy, and he even remembered that her real first name was Jacqueline, but after so many years on the British coast, and having been worn out by the tongues of so many sailors passing through her pub, the regulars had resorted to calling her Jack.
"Good day, Jackie.", the medical officer eventually responded to her, before walking over to the bar made from well-worn wood. On one of its ends sat a black-and-white television set that was playing some sort of sci-fi programme, but the sound was turned off, so no one was paying attention.

The Doctor was following him and looking about himself with interest. He probably thought the layout of the place was a bit curious. There were three big rooms, whose ceilings hung at a different level, but nonetheless the walls between them had been removed to create one very long room that could serve multiple purposes. In the section to their right, there was a big, lit fireplace used to heat the whole of the pub. Its warmth was one of the reasons why Harry had decided to stop here after the mishap at sea, rather than to drive the long way home.

"Is that you, Sullivan? Has the Royal Navy brought you back to us?", Jackie wondered aloud as she curiously eyed the two men.

"Afraid not. It's a mere coincidence this time.", responded Harry with a weak smile.

The woman nodded into the Doctor's direction, who, so far, had not spoken a word. "And who's this you've brought with you?"

The former time traveller pried his eyes away from the pictures of guests and local celebrities hung on the wall behind her, and finally greeted the pub owner with one of his cheerful smiles. "The name's Tony Smith.", he introduced himself quite briefly. "How do you do?"

"Oh, Ca va.", replied Jackie nonchalantly.

Harry resisted the temptation to roll his eyes at the Doctor's fake name, and although he was forced to keep his quiet, he decided to make a small correction to his introduction. "...That's Doctor Smith, actually."

The pub's owner turned back to the stranger before her. "Oh! A doctor like our good Harry, are you?", she asked.

"Like this clumsy oaf?", the Doctor had a dig at Harry on the first opportunity given and drew a very distinct line between them. "Oh no, my doctorate is academic."

Harry rolled his eyes after all and breathed out his frustration in a huff. Lucky for him, the barkeeper was on his side.

"The academics, pah! All brain, but no muscle.", Jackie commented snidely, but the Doctor remained just as upset as he had already been. "Say, have you ever been to the sea?"

"TO the sea? We've been IN the sea, and rather recently, too, as you might have spotted.", he just said.

She smiled at him teasingly. "And? Was it too rough for you, garçon?"

"No, but someone's skull was too thick.", he handed the insult straight down to Harry.

"For the last time, Doctor; It was your fault, not mine! Besides, we've discussed it already well enough, haven't we?", he glared back, insisting on his opinion. They had been over whatever went wrong already a dozen times on their way back to the harbour, and Harry was not interested to get upset again. If the Doctor would not see reason, at least he had to keep his calm. Before he had to listen to some argument in response, the medical officer turned back to the place's owner. "Make us two cups of steaming hot tea, will you, Jackie? And, would you mind if we hung about your fireplace for a while?"

"Not at all, Sullivan. An admiral's booked my pub for a celebration this evening, so we're not actually open, but feel free to make yourself at home until then." She gave him a warm-hearted smile.

Thinking that it was better to pay in advance than to forget about it later, Harry pulled his wallet from the pocket of his jacket. Although he was very glad not to have lost it to the sea, he looked slightly surprised as a puddle of water dropped out on opening it. The Doctor, upon watching this, quickly produced a few coins from his pockets, yet only along with the papier mâché remains of a handkerchief.

However, Jackie refused to accept the money offered. "The tea's on the house this time.", she explained.

"Thank you very much.", the Doctor nodded gratefully in return, before he and Harry walked over to the fireplace in the adjacent room.

In front of it stood two big, very comfortable-looking armchairs, and the mantelpiece was decorated with ships in bottles, just as Harry had remembered it from his visits several years back during his Royal Navy training. The warmth of the flickering fire inside of the chimney was so pleasant that he was almost tempted to step into it, but because he knew better, he decided to just push one of the chairs a little closer. After removing the blanket from his shoulders, his jacket and neckerchief, Harry hung them over the backrest and finally let himself sink into the chair's upholstery. While the Doctor followed his example, his eyes fell on a new piece of decoration on the wall next to the chimney. Where once hung a picture to protect the wallpaper from light and cigarette smoke, a slightly smaller frame containing a selection of sailor's knots had been put up instead.

Sighing, Harry, leaned forward to warm his hands at the fire. "Can we just agree that it was a stupid accident, and that it's all in the past now?", he asked the Doctor.

"Sure, sure. We can't undo what has happened already.", agreed the other wannabe sailor. He stretched out his feet to the carpet from the other armchair he was sitting in, and wiggled his toes at the fire after having removed his shoes. "But can we also agree that you have butterfingers and better keep them on yourself the next time?"

"I'm not clumsy!", protested Harry immediately. So much for keeping his calm...

"Yes, you are.", insisted the Doctor. His calm voice seemed to mock the medical officer further. "Just ask Sarah about it, she'll agree with me."

As Harry took in a breath to deny the accusation once more, he thought for a moment that, yes, maybe there had been a few occasions in the past which said otherwise. The rockfall on Voga, for example, or their accidental trip to space station Nerva, as well as locking Sarah in a room with hardly any oxygen in it – maybe even his failed attempt to infiltrate Think Tank. Still, nothing that occurred on a regular basis. "Please don't tell me either of you are still upset because of that time I stumbled against the helmic regulator?"

A low chuckle followed in response. "What's a helmic regulator?", asked the Doctor, which reminded the former companion that he had forgotten all of their adventures and could not possibly know.

"Hm… Never mind, Doctor. That's all in the past as well.", Harry gave in, thinking to himself that, perhaps, it might be rather in the future, but he did not intend to ponder about it for much longer.

"So; Let's just agree that we disagree about it.", concluded the Doctor. There was a strange chuckle to his voice as he accepted that more bickering would get them nowhere. "You keep thinking I'm too thick to tie a proper sailor's knot, and I'll insist you're worse than Laurel and Hardy taken together."

"That's fine by me.", replied Harry. He would much rather pour his energy into warming up again than into fighting over this nonsense, anyway.

It was not long until Jackie brought the tea she had prepared, and another pair of dry blankets she had found for them. Harry accepted both offers gladly, even though the cup was almost too hot to touch. Still, the air rising from the steaming tea alone smelled pleasant and warmed his lungs from the inside. For a few minutes, he just sat there and waited for the coldness to leave his body, while the fire was crackling softly.

"...Just why did you want to go sailing in the first place, Doctor?", he eventually decided to ask.

"I thought we were just through with that discussion.", replied the former Time Lord, possibly thinking that Harry was looking for more accusations to make.

"We are. I'm just asking out of curiosity."

The Doctor remained quiet for a little while, pondering about the answer. "Well..", he began with a sigh. "University has become a bit boring recently. Now I'm looking for new, exciting things to do."

For a second or two, Harry wondered whether Sarah already knew about it, before he figured that, if the Doctor was going to quit being a professor, she would be the first to know. "Sailing is rather exciting, indeed.", stated the Royal Navy lieutenant eventually.

"Yes, it is.", agreed the man next to him and chuckled, before admitting: "But maybe sailing isn't for me."

"Maybe not."

"There is something quite fascinating about the sea, though..." The Doctor trailed off as music and voices suddenly rang out from the television set on the bar. The two friends leaned out of their armchairs to see which show had caused Jackie to turn on the sound.

"What's this?", wondered the Doctor.

Harry easily recognized the voice of the presenter after having watched the show occasionally on Saturday evenings at home. He considered himself to be one of those people who could enjoy a bit of light entertainment. "It's called The Generation Game. It's a show in which families compete for prizes.", he explained to the man, who was still, despite his new set of memories, half-alien to this planet.

Seemingly, the programme had piqued the Doctor's curiosity, because he decided to get up and turn his armchair sideways, so he could watch the television from his spot at the fireplace. After wondering for a moment whether it was worth it, Harry decided to watch the show with him. There was nothing better for them to do while they waited for the fire's heat to seep through their clothes, anyway, and he had to admit, Bruce Forsyth was a riot!

"Why do people participate in this?" A question such as this could only be raised by a man who was not from this planet.

"Why shouldn't they?", replied Harry, plain and simple. "It's all for good fun."

It wasn't long until they were discussing the probability of successfully removing a table cloth from underneath a set of dishes under certain circumstances, and laughing at the half-improvised stage play the contestants put up together with the presenter. For a while, everything seemed so ordinary, that Harry was only reminded of his friend's hidden alien genius again when the Doctor managed to name all the objects on the conveyor belt at the end of the show, in the correct order and with precise description, too…

"You know, Harry, I could have won that cuddly owl with ease!"


Out of the four one-shots which represent events or scenes that were cut from the main story, this one plays at the earliest point in time.
In chronological order follow: 'Subconscious Memories', 'Caramel Candies' and 'The Lurker'.