Time passes differently here. I'm not entirely sure if I'm alive or dead. I should be dead. My very last memory is the one of David shooting me in the back as I hit the transponder that released the memory serum into the air at the research compound. The voice of my brother as he stormed into the room, the look of shock and despair that crossed his face. How he held me in his arms and rocked back and forth saying, "It should have been me. It should have been me" over and over again. Only it wasn't him. I did the ultimate selfless act and died so that everyone I loved could live. Maybe I should have been Abnegation after all. I'm not sure I would have been brave enough to go through with it if it hadn't been for Dauntless. To be truly honest, if it wasn't for Tobias, I don't think I would have been much at all.
Tobias. I wonder what he is doing right now. How long has it been since I've died? I really hated to leave him like I did. I am always breaking my promises to him about putting myself in danger. If I had lived, he would be furious with me. I'm sure he would be furious enough to possibly break up with me. It would have been worth it to save my brother. I lived through the Death serum. It was the logical choice. At least that's what the Erudite part of me thinks. If it hadn't had been for David, I would have lived. I would have had a life with Tobias. I could have had a family. I could have been with my friends. There were so many could have beens floating through my head.
I still remember the last words Tobias spoke to me. "I love you, too. I'll see you soon." Only he didn't see me, he saw my body. I can still feel the pressure of his mouth and the taste of his kiss, and the texture of his skin. Oh how I miss him terribly. I can feel tears streaming down my face now. Unbearable grief has filled me and unlike the place I was with my parents, the feeling doesn't go away. I drown in it like I did the water of the lake. My mind drowns in the thoughts of Tobias and all my friends that I have left behind. Hearing what these people are going to do to me, I'll never again know myself or them. I have to fight. I am good at that. The Dauntless taught me to fight. Tobias taught me to fight. I may not be strong, but I am brave.
"Shh. They may hear you crying," a gentle voice says to me. It sounds like it's close to my ear and slightly familiar. "You're probably freaking out because you can't see, you can't move, you can't speak. They have made you that way. All your questions will be answered in time. Be brave Tris."
Tris? How does this person know me? Why does the voice sound familiar? The other voices, medical staff I suppose, said it was top secret where I was. None of them sounded familiar except for this one. Was I in another compound like the one just outside of Chicago? Is it possible that I lived and they brought me here under cover and told no one? Hope finally springs forth in me. I can go home. I will see you again Tobias.
"Oh, excuse me", a firm voice said, the voice I recognize as the nurse who wiped away my tear, "are you supposed to be here? I haven't see you before."
"Yes Ma'am. Just cleaning up, ma'am," the gentle voice said the one that was close to me. That was the voice that knew my name, the voice that I could almost pin point as if the name was right at the tip of my tongue.
I heard the footsteps as the familiar voice most likely left the room. I heard the snap of the latex gloves as I assumed the nurse placed them on her hands. Cold hands grasped my wrist and held it for a few seconds. Scratches, like pencil on a paper came next. Light humming sounds filled the room, almost musical.
"How is our patient?" the rough voice asked. I didn't hear him enter the room, perhaps he hadn't.
"Doing remarkably well. I assume we will administer the memory serum before she wakes? It will be soon. Her brain activity is bewildering. It's as if she is dreaming in her comatose state."
"Then we will need to administer the serum as soon as possible. Have Nita gather the materials and bring them in. We'll get started. We can't have her remembering all the details of her past life. We have other plans for her other than dwelling on stuff from the past."
"Nita, sir?"
"The lady who was just in here. She is support staff and will help you gather all we need for the serum. She should be easy to spot. One of the very few in a green jumper."
"Yes, sir"
I heard the shuffling of feet and then quite. Nita. Juanita. Yes, that is why the voice sounded so familiar. She must be here to help. But how did she know I was here. If she knows then Tobias can't be far away. He has to be here, ready to save me. At least I could hope he was.
