4

I woke up this morning feeling like total crap. But I blamed it on the hangover, knowing that deep down I knew it was much more than that.

Last night was a complete disaster, but what's done is done. I can't take it back. I'm officially one of "them". I looked at the nightstand to the right of me, and saw the cash where I left it. I got paid $100, but had to give $40 to Jeff.

All it took was $60.

$60 to have sex with a stranger.

$60 to ruin my chances with the Fosters.

$60 to ruin what I had with Brandon.

And $60 to lose what was left of Callie.

I held back the tears that wanted to form at the sight of cash and thought like Rose.

That $60 is what's going to keep you from starving to death.

It's going to keep you from messing up your brother's chances at having a real family.

It's going to keep you from going back into the foster care system or back to juvie.

That $60 is going to keep you alive...

I got up from the bed silently, trying my best to not wake up Ginger who was lying down right next to me.

As I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water, I saw Jeff hunched over the counter with a rolled up dollar bill in his hands. He was just staring at me. And that's when I realized the white powder on the counter. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he was doing.

"Oh, sorry," I began, after realizing I had just interrupted him.

"Relax. Its okay…Really," he stood up awkwardly. "Do you want a line?" he asked in a friendly tone.

"No thanks," I replied as he gave me a disappointed look.

"What? You scared?"

"No, I just…"

"Just what?" I could tell he seemed interested in what I was about to say. He was just waiting for the lie.

"I… just think it's too early in the morning for that." I smiled at him.

"Uhuh. Well, that's the point sweetheart. Coke makes you hyper. It makes the mornings go by so much easier. Here, let me show you." He waved me toward him, and I reluctantly walked over.

I tensed up a little as he grabbed my arms from behind and pulled me directly in front of him. "Okay, so it might sting a little at first. But don't worry, its not too bad." I leaned over as he held the rolled up dollar bill. "So, just breathe in and follow the movement of my hand."

I did as he instructed, and it did sting a little. He laughed as I reached for my nose with both hands. "It didn't hurt that bad."

"I beg to differ," I replied as I rubbed my nose to try to ease the pain.

I watched him rub his finger into the leftover powder on the counter and hold it up to my mouth. I gave him a perplexed look.

"Open."

"What? Why?"

"Trust me. This wont hurt a bit."

I opened my mouth a tad as he slowly rubbed the powder on my gums. As soon as he pulled his finger out, he kissed me, long and hard.

One part of me wanted to pull away and knew it was wrong while the other part didn't care.

We pulled apart at the sound of Ginger's voice, "Damn...girl, running away, strolling the streets, drinking up a storm, getting high, and now sucking face with Jeff. You know, you don't have to commit all seven deadly sins in 24 hours?" She smiled as she grabbed some cereal from one of the cabinets.

I laughed, unsure of how to reply to her comment.

Jeff intervened at the silence, "Morning Ginger. Can I interest you in a line?"

"Sure, hook me up."

I watched as he poured some more powder onto the kitchen counter and made a straight line with a card. Ginger soaked it up with ease and kissed him on the cheek, "Thanks, hun."

"Uhuh."

Okay… So maybe he acts like this with all the girls

"Hey Ginger, can I use your phone real quick?" I asked.

"Calling home?" she smiled.

"No, just a friend."

"A boyfriend?" Jeff added sounding disappointed.

"Nope, I promise," I held my hand up in the air, which made him laugh.

"Kay," she replied as she handed her cell over.


I walked into the bathroom for some privacy, and dialed *67, followed by the house phone number. All it took was two rings for someone to answer.

"Hello?" It was Lena's voice. Crap! Why couldn't she just let Jude pick up? Should I ask for him? No of course not! She would just ask me a billion questions, which I wouldn't answer anyway.

"Callie, is that you?" her voice remained calm.

I had to hang up on her and dial Brandon's cell. I didn't know, if I was ready to hear his voice. Just deal with it, you're calling to ask about Jude. Not for anything else.

By the fourth ring, I was already planning the voicemail message I would leave in my mind.

"Hello?" Brandon asked.

I stayed silent, unable to find the words to speak.

"Callie?"

"Uh…Brandon, are you alone?" I whispered.

"Callie. Where are you? What are you doing? You have to come back here now. What were you think—"

"Are you alone?" I repeated, remembering what I called for.

"Yes, but where are you? I'm coming to get you."

"NO! You can't do that. Just… How's Jude?"

"What do you mean I can't do that? Of course I can. And he's devastated. We all are. Just tell me where you are so I can—"

"Can you tell him something for me?" I interrupted.

"WHAT? NO… YOU CAN TELL HIM WHEN YOU GET HERE."

"I can't go back, Brandon. Just tell him that I love him. And tell him that I'm sorry for all of this, and that he'll realize that this was for the best, okay?"

I couldn't hold back the tears from falling this time.

"CALLIE! WAIT DON'T H—"

I hung up the phone before he could finish his sentence. I hated hurting him, but I hated myself more for falling in love with him.

I hated Callie. I wish she would just disappear already.

What else do I have to do to make that happen?