Snow White : Mass effect 2 version.
Chapter four.
One day, there was-
"FOR THE LAST TIME, LET . ME. IN !"
'sigh'...My apologies dear reader, it seem that there is a nuisance in front of the door of the castle.
So before we continue with the story, let us see what is going on...maybe it's better to say : read what is going on.
Front door of the castle.
Two brave guards of the castle (who weren't well pay for their job since the step queen was here...AND before she was here too by the way.)
were having some difficulties with something far more dangerous than any monsters, any collectors, any reapers existing in this world.
Something that would bring fear in the heart of the most courageous soul.
Something that will spread ANY rumor into the entire universe, even if nobody care about it.
Something that would lure you to bring IT in your house just because IT need some salt or sugar.
Something that will always step into your business.
And...worst part of it...
It...Will...Always...Seem...Polite !
In one word : neighborhood.
"Please my lady, you can't just go into the castle without an appointment." explained guard N°1.
"Don't you take that tone with me, young man !"
(Blanche as the 'sneaky neighbor')
"Who are you calling sneaky , you good for nothing author?" demand Blanche.
I am maybe good for nothing but you exist because of me.
So what are you doing here?
"Someone with a horrible voice has killed my dying husband"
Well since he was dying isn't it better to get rid of him now than later?
" 'gaps' HOW DARE YOU, YOU RUFFIAN !"
Ruffian?
"Ruffian?" the two guards asked at the same time as the author.
"Anyway you can't come inside, princess Shepard is actually cleani- I MEAN- he is actually sing- I MEAN- He is there and you can't go that all..." said the guard N°2
"Wait...Princess Shepard...He? You dare to call the lady you serve 'a man' ?" asked blanche who was outraged.
"As a matter of fact we all do (since he beat the shit out of us, any time we call him 'she')." Replied both guards.
"And you said sing...THAT MEAN THE PERSON WHO KILLED MY HUSBAND IS IN THERE WITH THE PRINCESS?" yelled Blanche.
Actually they are the same person...
"And probably this person is forcing the princess to act like a man...only one type of person do that...A...A...A TRANSVESTITE ! "
And she doesn't even listen to me...
Ding dong.
"Ah it's midday, time for dinner." both guards are going inside the castle to eat.
"That it, I will save our princess from the transvestite and avenge at the same time my husband." And Blanche is still talking alone...
Now let's go back to our story.
One day, there was a prince who came from a far away country.
"Fufufu I'm so cool."
...WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING HERE? AND WHERE IS THE REAL PRINCE?
"What are you talking about ? I, Garrus Vakarian am the future generation prince. Oh Oh Oh."
(Garrus Vakarian as the 'fake prince')
'facepalm' seriously I need an aspirin...and some sedatives.
He was a charming prince (almost fake).
"Hey ! "
Wherever he would goes, he would be admired by his fans...but...
THUMP (he hit his face on the ground...mostly painful)
He was a very clumsy prince as well.
"HOLLY SHIT! I THINK I BROKE MY NOSE! AHHHH! IT HURTS! OMFG!"
...since when does Turians have noses?
"...Imbecile."
(Miranda Lawson as the 'front part of the horse costume')
"The **** Hell is **** going on here? Is there a fight already?"
(Jack subject zero as the '...behind part of the horse costume')
"Go ahead say it...I am the ASS of the **** horse !"
That is...one way to put it...
Beside we did Rock-paper-scissors for the roles and you got this one.
" That bit** in front of me cheated !" accused Jack
"I have won my role fair and square...and beside I am perfect and I am a perfect front horse."
"...You...Have...no idea...of my pain and suffering." said jack in a very cold voice.
"I have to look away every time but even so I have to look so I can see where I am walking...And every time...I see it...Your **** goddamn**** ASS !
Ah...I see the problem now.
"Why? how is it a problem ? My ass is perfect too." Casual answer of Miranda.
"THAT IS NOT THE **** PROBLEM YOU SICK **** CHEERLEADER !" casual answer of Jack.
"WHAT IF YOU FART? HUH? DID YOU THINK OF THAT TOO?"
"..."
"..."
...
Jack dared to ask :
"You...you think your...fart...is perfect too?"
"Well...-"
"ARGH I **** HATE YOU !"
"Yes, yes I know...And the fake prince is still bleeding on the ground." said Miranda.
Ah?
"**** I forgot about the avenger justice freak." Said Jack.
Avenger justice freak?
"Yeah, how many of them are going to pester us with their 'self-righteous mode' ?"
"I'm perf-"
"Yeah you too should stop, seriously." replied Jake
Suddenly , the fake prince heard a song sang behind the wall in front of him.
"He is still bleeding by the way." precise Miranda.
Shut up.
He decided to check out and climbed over the tall wall.
Which is a very intelligent thing to do, when you bleed a lot and when the world is spinning around you.
When he reached over the wall.
He looked upon...to see a person that totally caught his attention.
An...ANGEL !
Which is only princess Shepard who is singing, surrounded by dead birds feathers.
Since the fake prince was a bit pervert, all this made his blood boiled and he began to bleed to death.
It was love at first sight.
"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE HELL?" said a horrified princess Shepard.
At least for Garrus it was...
END OF CHAPTER FOUR.
Before Garrus the fake prince could say anything to princess Shepard.
A cool and cold voice coming from hell :
"What...Are you...Doing...In MY role?"
(Tali'Zorah vas Normandy as the 'real prince')
"Ah finally some actions we are going to have fun!"
(Grunt as the "real prince's horse")
