Lost Wishes
Part Four
"Impossible is just a word for weaklings who want to make excuses? Azula!" Ty Lee snaps as soon as they exit the healer's office. Now a whisper, "Azula... I'm royalty too. My baby could be royal blooded..."
Oh wow. Ty Lee cancels the end of her sentence, but Azula knows exactly where it was going.
"Are you jealous about me sleeping with someone else?" Ty Lee asks anxiously and Azula glares even more fiercely somehow. Even a saber toothed moose lion would stand down, but Ty Lee does not even blink. "No, really!"
"Of course I would be but I understand that you want his child and I do too," Azula snarls, pushing the gate open without unlatching it. The golden fixture screams as the old metal rips and Ty Lee grimaces at it before following her wife.
They stop beneath the shade of a gorgeous tree, but neither of them pay the branches and petals much mind. Ty Lee scratches at her lower lip and then wrings her hands as Azula watches the birds just flaunting their carefree lives.
At last, Ty Lee speaks. "Azula, I don't know why you're so..." Ty Lee doesn't know the word. "I want this too but I think you're going too far."
"I deserve this and you know that," Azula snaps without a flicker of remorse.
Ty Lee just gazes at Azula, close to unblinking. "I'm still so confused," Ty Lee whispers and Azula rolls her eyes.
"I do not have patience for you crying and pretending to be the victim today," Azula snaps, crossing her arms and Ty Lee tries her best to hold in her need to cry. There is no one to hold her in their arms at this point.
"I don't think I'm the victim. I think if you really wanted a family with me, you would be willing to try everything," Ty Lee says quietly. "I'm sorry you got hurt but..."
"I did not get hurt. I was hurt by my own father," Azula snarls and Ty Lee does recoil, but just slightly. "I want this, and you seem to be against it unless it benefits you."
The birds make loud noises from trees above and Ty Lee loses it, for no reason save for how her sudden sobs match the screeching of the animals. Azula clenches her jaw. She rolls her eyes again, and now Ty Lee cannot contain herself anymore.
"You didn't even want this before!" Ty Lee is on the verge of tears and Azula wonders what the anger within herself is directed at. She wants to blame it on the woman in front of her, but that would be a lie. "I did, and I'm sorry, and I'm sorry that I dug up your past because that was a bad thing to do and I'm sorry but I'm not letting you get hurt over... What? What even...?"
"I have decided to do this and you shouldn't interfere."
Ty Lee's jaw drops and Azula genuinely does not get it. This is so simple but clearly her wife is just too much of a ignorant little butterfly to comprehend those facts.
"I should interfere! It's my baby too!"
"Yes, that kind of attitude is exactly the problem. You want this so much that you visited my father in prison to find out why I was so crazy that I didn't want a cute little fucking family of four or whatever it is you fantasize about."
The hallway is suddenly quiet, except for the faint sobs that Ty Lee is doing a poor job of containing.
"You are doing this out of spite. I thought it was just pride or the fact that you are so obsessed with doing things that people tell you are impossible. This is actually the worst thing you have ever done out of pure spite!"
"I think that might be an exaggeration. I can think of much worse things I have done out of spite." Azula smugly shrugs her shoulders and walks away, leaving Ty Lee in the dust.
Ty Lee does not have the heart to follow her.
[X]
That night, Ty Lee gently knocks on she and Azula's door, as if she did not live there. She receives no answer, and so she paces around their living quarters. Beautiful dining room that is never used, beautiful shelves, paintings and mounted weapons, a perfect living room with a blackened but frequently cleaned fireplace.
They took the guest wing and Ty Lee loves having this space to just them.
"I'm here," Azula says, the door shrieking as it opens. "What do you need?"
"I wanted to apologize for getting so mad at you. It isn't petty, silly spite like things you do to Zuko or anybody. Your father took something from you and you never had to think about that, and all, y'know? You lost something and you deserve to get it back."
"Life is not always fair. I have decided that we should quit trying this ridiculous venture of making a family. We have a family, and they are horrible." Azula sniffs in, turns away, and acts like that statement does not feel bad to her.
Ty Lee begins to reach out a hand to console her wife, but decides against it.
"It's not ridiculous," Ty Lee whispers, frowning faintly. Azula clears her throat, disliking Ty Lee looking so sad. "But I understand and I want to give you time." She starts wringing her hands.
"Good." Azula lies back down.
Ty Lee would ask for a well deserved apology from Azula, but she knows that she will not get it. Azula does not apologize; it is frustrating to the point of Ty Lee's rage, but the acrobat tolerates it.
Like many things.
Like this entire fiasco.
[X]
Azula stands in the prison that holds her father, glaring at the guards who think they have a right to even breathe the same air as her.
"Because I'm planning to overthrow Fire Lord Zuko," Azula snaps as she is guided through the security, which certainly is being more forceful towards her than others.
Possibly because she scoffed at the idea of being searched. The prison is, however, quite accommodating to Azula's usual tastes. Last time she spoke to her father it was in a grungy, gritty and filthy room, staring through bars.
Azula remembers when she was imprisoned here before her trial after she was found. She remembers being imprisoned again due to the owner's of a teahouse absolutely overreacting when Azula criticized their customer service... by severe property damage, but honestly.
She then is hit with the painful realization that Ty Lee was there every time, glued to Azula's prison cell. Even when the princess was awaiting trial and everyone seemed to hate her, Ty Lee murmured madness about missing Azula, knowing you'd come back for me.
On one hand, Azula found it flattering and easy to use for her advantage. On the other, she is certain that she owes Ty Lee for that, and Azula does not owe anything to anyone.
Ozai strides in very confidently for a man in handcuffs, but Azula straightens her posture and leans back. She has all of the power in the relationship now, and she is unafraid of it.
He sits in front of her and is shackled to the table. Azula thinks that the guards are contemplating shackling her down, but they know better.
"Azula, how nice you see you," is father's faux-kind comment as he looks directly into her eyes. "You look better than last time."
"So do you," Azula replies curtly and Ozai only nods, also unbothered by the less-than-saccharine conversation.
Ozai has been waiting for this meeting for a long while, and he is surprised it took his daughter so long. He reminds himself that she is here now, and that he must pretend to not be bothered by how he lost her.
"You didn't ever visit your own father. That's not very kind of you," he says, hiding unnatural honesty with mockery and cold words. Azula now wants to immediately snap and burn him alive. But she manages to hold her tongue and keep her fingers from smoking.
"I'm here to talk about Ty Lee. I know you spoke to her."
"And you told her all about it?" Ozai smirks and Azula fights back her urge to attack.
"Not all. I... We're in a bit of a mess, and seeing as it's your fault I was hoping for some fatherly advice." No matter how mockingly Azula says it, she still truly means those words and that idea sickens her.
"You two still want a family. It's not all it's cracked up to be." He is too quiet after that and Azula can tell he was trying to offend.
"I'm not as easy to piss of as Zuko is." It is Azula's turn to smirk with a smug glimmer in her golden eyes.
"Zuko..." Ozai hesitates as his daughter becomes more and more detached. "He has that little girl, doesn't he? I've heard she looks just like you."
Azula falters and he hides his slight smirk. But she takes a quick breath and collects herself before he can gain too much of the power. "You heard correctly."
"Your wife told me that you thought I was a wonderful father."
"That may be stretching it, but I have only one reason to hate you." Azula drums her fingernails on the table and the guards look doubly as uneasy. "You are the reason I can't do... that with her."
"You two don't fuck?" he asks, on the verge of laughter.
Azula's nostrils flare. "That is not what I meant and you are my father and cannot say that!" She composes herself, unwilling to let him win. "No, I think I want to have a baby with her and I can't because of you."
"The chance of your child ruling the Fire Nation is slim to none. The odds of you being a half-decent parent are even less." Ozai looks her up and down as if she is a little girl asking for a pet dragon.
And not a woman who just wants to be able to do one simple thing.
"Is that what you told Zuko when he visited you so often? I know he did while Mai was pregnant," she inquires coolly.
"You want a baby because he has one. Why not just borrow his baby a day or two a week? It sounds preferable to you being pregnant and raising your own. Preferable to you finding a way to get knocked up in the first place." Now Ozai does laugh.
Azula glares in return. "I will do whatever it takes to make my wife happy."
"You genuinely still think that. Have fun with those thoughts while they last. You look so pretty when you're angry. No, angry is too pedestrian of a word. I would call you wrathful."
"Yes, that tends to happen when my father..." Azula licks her lips. "I love her, it is something she has always wanted and I will give it to her. Of course, you and mother and Zuko manage to ruin my happiness consistently."
"I do know that trouble conceiving can be very taxing on a marriage. Perhaps you should invest in marriage counseling."
"Perhaps you should invest in not making any more political enemies."
He laughs; Azula does not care. She crosses her arms and leans back.
"You're not here to whine about me suggesting to your circus whore that perhaps you had some kind of childhood trauma. That isn't much of a stretch." He stares at her, waiting for a reaction and not getting one. "What is it you want?"
Azula hesitates. "I don't..." She cannot believe her own words. "I don't know." The thought hits her, even though it is not the one she came with. "I just think that you might understand what it's like to have something taken from you that you can never get back."
He tenses and the guards all suddenly pay much more attention to the scene. Azula gives them a warning glance that seems to resonate through the room, subtle as it may be. She gets that from her grandfather.
Ozai doesn't know what he is supposed to say, but he thinks if he were able or if he were unable to control his impulses, he would have probably just pushed her against a wall and maybe broken her neck. But that fades.
"How dare you compare something as petty as you wanting to be a mommy to what was done to me." Calm, flat. Azula dislikes that tone and would prefer him to be yelling.
Azula breathes in sharply and clasps her hands together, elbows on the table, leaning towards him.
"I see very little difference. Do I value my bending a thousand times more than a hypothetical child? Of course. I value it more than my wife." Azula probably should not have said those words, true as they may be. "I had no choice because I was thirteen and you could have made a better one. Do you ny ft agree that perhaps you should have given me medical attention of some sort?"
"Well, it seems pointless in hindsight."
"Pointless in hindsight?" Azula spits and he very slightly and briefly flinches. She is about to throw herself over the table; he has good reason to react defensively.
"Yes. If I had known I wouldn't be Fire Lord in the long run ─"
Azula is suddenly, in a flash of grey and red, removed from the room as she screams at the guards for pulling her away.
Only one of them is brave enough to whisper, "You flipped over a table!"
[X]
Ty Lee goes through her normal nighttime routine. Azula is already in bed, having likely ruined the very quiet and subtle requests Ty Lee has made of their servants. Ty Lee completely deserves to sneakily get what she wants.
Azula has never been good at sharing.
At last, Ty Lee finishes combing out her hair and walks towards the bed. There is an intentional sexuality to her movements, but Azula does not seem wanting, or to have any feeling towards it at all.
Azula does not even make the slightest movement of her legs, and so Ty Lee just lies down and curls up beside her. The sheets have not been ruined and Ty Lee feels relief for that, but fear for everything else.
"Something is bothering you. Say it if you are going to say it," Azula states coldly, her voice muffled by her pillow.
Ty Lee hesitates for a few moments, thinking about how to phrase her jumbled thoughts. Azula is surprisingly patient about that.
"Azula," Ty Lee whispers as she slips over her soft and begins knotting Azula's hair around her fingers gently. Her wife does not protest and that makes Ty Lee very nervous. "I've been wanting to ask if... if you had any idea what we would do next? If we do have a baby, well, you were right that I just wanted it because maybe Izumi or maybe getting older or something but I don't know what we'd even do with a baby."
Azula swallows. Her throat is dry. She knows Ty Lee is right.
"I'm not even pregnant yet. We will discuss it then." Azula wants to punch herself for saying she will not plan something that far ahead of time.
But she knows Ty Lee will get her hopes up too much.
[X]
A week later, it is Izumi's birthday party and Azula does not know what to feel or how to think. She just keeps as icy as she possibly can to deter all of these pathetic people and their children running around so fucking happily.
"Do you want to go back to our rooms?" Ty Lee asks for the tenth time, now not even bothering to reword or soften the question.
"I..." Azula actually considers giving in, but then Izumi runs over to her aunts with the Avatar's little water girl.
"Meet my friend!" Izumi says, grinning and grabbing Azula's hand.
"You are gross. Were you eating your cinnamon pastries with your bare hands?" Azula inquires coldly, cocking an eyebrow. Ty Lee smiles faintly because it is the exact tone Azula uses with Zuko, except Izumi loves it.
"Noooo," Izumi lies, pulling her hand away and putting it in her mouth.
"Izumi says you know stuff about auras and cool things," the water child pipes in. "My mom said to bother Ty Lee about it."
Azula glances up as she dodges the saliva drenched hand of her niece.
"Well, then you ought to bother Ty Lee about it now, shouldn't you?" Azula purrs before she leaves the room.
Ty Lee thinks she might be crying. But Ty Lee knows better than to make Azula feel weak, and so she decides to discuss clairvoyance with the Avatar's little girl.
This is horrible.
Ty Lee is trying to stay optimistic.
But it is hard to stay optimistic about this.
[X]
Katara grimaces as she sits across Azula with a cup of green tea warming her hands. She looks at Zuko again and his eyes are so pleading and hopeful that she rolls her own.
"Azula, I want to try to..." Katara can see that Azula can see where this is going and that is bad. "I want to try to help you with you and Ty Lee's problem."
If the table were not heavy and culturally invaluable, Azula would have thrown that one over too.
