CHAPTER 4: A Heart to Heart Girly Chat with Mum

A half hour later, shower and clothing change completed, Hermione peeked out of the bedroom door to see that the coast was clear….No bloody Calum!,…before she ventured out into the living area. There was no sign of her father but her mother was sitting outside on the sea-facing porch just looking around her at the view. There was a book on the small table beside her but that was lying ignored.

"Mum, do you need another drink? I'm going to make one as I did not have my coffee earlier?"

"Yes please love. That would be lovely?"

"What about dad?"

"He's not here. He has gone to the village to stock up on groceries and whatever. So it's just us love."

So, coffee made and a glass of orange juice poured, Hermione carried them outside.

"Thank you love. Another coffee within a half hour! Well seen I am on holiday."

"Mum. Who is Calum?"

Emma Granger was a bit surprised to say the least at the start to her and her daughter's morning conversation.

"Well! I didn't expect that question so quick. Why do you ask?"

"Why do I ask! Mum, I wander out of the bedroom not exactly dressed in an awful lot and this..this..muscled up Greek god is standing in the middle of the kitchen! He was a complete and utter shock. Who is he and where did he come from?"

With a smirk on her face, Emma Granger replied'

"You have already answered your own question before you asked it love."

"What do you mean?" asked her daughter.

"He is a Greek god from Olympus!" and then Emma added "And I see you noticed the muscled up bit."

Hermione went a mild shade of pink then replied,

"Ha Ha Ha, Very funny. Greek god's are mythical beings mum, and he was definitely not that. I mean, he was…" the pink blush intensified…."well, serious eye candy mum. Just who is he, though? And a serious answer this time please?"

"OK love. Only teasing. Well what little bit I got from him this morning, he is actually a nephew and cousin of the family that owns this cottage. That family also own a couple of the shops in the village and they own a beach café cum bar just a few hundred yards from here. Calum run's that for them mainly, but also does a few other errands and stuff. That is why he was here this morning. He was delivering the welcome pack for us. It should have been here yesterday but it just hadn't got done."

"He's a relative of a French family? Calum's Australian, Isn't he?"

"Well I think so love. Going by his accent anyway. But I don't know the answer to that."

"Oh right. Well, at least when I called him the delivery boy I wasn't insulting him completely then.!"

"And why would it concern you if you had insulted him? Have you an ulterior motive, Hermione?"

The Hermione Granger light pink blush returned.

"OH….Um…No mum, I just wasn't with it earlier, that's all. Just got up, before coffee, HE was there, the orange juice fiasco; I was just a bit flustered that's all. And dad didn't help either!"

Emma laughed. "Oh Hermione darling. Your dad and I see you nearly all the time as this super cool, super intelligent, switched on girl that can shoot down other peoples arguments in flames. You are 'on the ball' as the saying goes. But when it comes to boys, well young men now I suppose, you are a nervous wreck. Are you like this at school?"

"No mum", returned Hermione. "My two best friends are boys, Harry and Ron! Then there's Neville, the twins, in fact all the Weasley brothers. And plenty more as well, all good friends. I have more male friends than female."

Emma looked at her daughter with a question in her eyes.

"Ah, but you have just said it. 'Friends.' Are any of them any more than just..um…'friends' maybe?"

"NO Mum. Not at all. I just hang out with them just like any other school friends. Well, maybe not Harry and Ron. I mean, I have let on to you and dad some of the stuff I have got mixed up in with those two, so I am with them a lot. But that's it. Nothing else."

Emma was surprised at her daughter's answer, particularly knowing both her own and her husband's passionate natures and how passionate that Hermione could get over subjects and topics that concerned her.

"So, let me get this right, Hermione. You are telling me that amongst all your male friends at school, a variety of young men to choose from, you have not got a bit up close and personal with ANY of them?"

"No I haven't mum." Said Hermione, a bit put out at the interrogation. "Why? Is it compulsory that I snog half the school!?"

"No Hermione. And don't get annoyed. I'm just trying to be a mum having a heart-to-heart with her 16yr old daughter." Emma paused, feeling a bit hurt and trying to assess her daughters feeling about the conversation "Unless you don't want to make it a heart-to-heart?"

Hermione looked at her mum for a good few seconds before replying:

"Mum, you are the best confidante that a daughter could have. You know all my personal stuff from when I was a little girl, but..well, maybe I am a bit out of practise with this. I'm not with you much year on year and I don't really have anyone at Hogwarts to talk personal stuff with. Not that I have a lot of personal stuff to talk about anyway. I have female friends but no one close. The only one really close is, well, Harry. And I will not do personal girly stuff with Harry!" After a short pause, Hermione continued, "So yes, maybe a heart to heart with my mum would be good. But just give me a bit of time. OK?" Then she stretched over to her mum and kissed her cheek.

"Hermione darling, I am not an overbearing mum, you know that. And your dad is the same. We have accepted that you are different, that you are in a world that we knew nothing about, that we didn't even know existed until five years ago. And in that five years you have changed dramatically, both in your abilities and you have grown into a lovely young woman. But I am still your mum, who see's her lovely daughter as still the baby she gave birth too, the little girl she saw starting to walk, who never had her nose out of a book, who was so intelligent it was frightening, who did brilliantly at primary school, but had no friends worth talking about. So if I want to, maybe, find out how your life is going away from us, a life that your dad and I just don't see, then please excuse a concerned mum. And I can be a girly friend too, you know. A friend that loves you very much. Agreed?"

A smile lit up Hermione's face. "I would love that mum."

"Let's start again then, shall we?" And at a nod and a smile from her daughter, Emma said,

"Nothing too personal then, but a question all the same. Have you not got close to anyone Hermione? I mean girl/boy close?"

"No mum, not really. There was a visiting schools competition a couple of school years back, The Tri-Wizard Tournament. One of the pupils visiting was a Victor Krum, from Bulgaria. He invited me to be his partner at the Christmas time Yule Ball. We had a few..well, mistletoe kisses if you like. We have kept in touch by 'owl' mail, which you know about, and he has developed into a nice pen-pal type friend but that is it. And no one else either."

"OK love. Em..I hope this one doesn't annoy you love. It is not meant too. But when you kissed ..Victor?..." Hermione nodded. …"was it ok? Good even? Or didn't you enjoy it…..with a boy?" Now Emma blushed.

"Mum. I like boys..men. Not girls. OK?"

"Yes dear. OK."

"And kissing Victor WAS good mum. But he was four years older than me and he was an absolute gentleman. And as I said, he lives in Bulgaria."

"Hermione, going back to your school friends. Is this the same Harry you have always mentioned in your letters home? Harry Potter isn't it?"

"Yes mum. The same Harry."

"So that's the whole time you have been at Hogwarts and you have not had a better friend, male or female, than Harry?"

"No one has even come close to matching Harry, mum. I mean, there is Ron too, Ron Weasley. I love Harry and Ron to bits, as friends. But,…well,…there is just something about Harry mum. He never let's me down, he is always there for me, he is courageous to a fault, he never criticises or run's me down, he supports me no matter what but is not afraid to contradict me if he thinks I am wrong." Hermione stopped, very obviously in deep thought. "He has had an awful upbringing, mum. Harry hasn't said too much about it, I think he is bit embarrassed about it, but his parents were killed by the dark wizard I told you about, called Voldemort. So he was brought up by relatives, his aunt and uncle and a cousin. They treated him really badly, and still do when he is there. Yet it hasn't affected HIS way, mum. He is lovely. His nature; his concern for other people, the way he wants to help everyone, his generosity of spirit. But he is so infuriating. He gets himself into so much trouble in school. Nothing nasty about hurting people or anything, but he get's Himself hurt. So often. And he get's me so worried about him…oh he drives me mad at times!"

Emma Granger was astounded. She had never heard her daughter go off like that on ANYONE before. It was very obvious to Emma that this Harry Potter meant a lot to Hermione. Maybe more than she realised or was willing to admit, both to herself and others.

"And he has this crazy jet black hair, mum. So thick and unruly. And his eyes! They are incredible mum. Deep green most of the time, like a deep pool, until he gets excited or annoyed, or revved up about something, then they change shade. Still green, but they become lighter,… no that's wrong….they become illuminated, like a light is sitting behind them, shining out of them. His eyes are just ….WoW! He apparently looks like his dad, James, his double in fact, but his eyes are from his mum, Lily. And when Harry smiles mum. When he forgets about everything that is lining up against him, everything he has to do, all his troubles. When he is just Harry, just himself, his smile lights up a room."

"Hermione, you think a lot of this Harry, don't you?" Emma asked. "You always mention him in your letters to us and well and now what you have just said about him. Has it ever occurred to you that you are describing someone that has actually stolen your heart love? That you love him more than just as a friend?"

A shocked Hermione gave her mum a look that could only be described as terrified, as if her feelings for Harry that her mother had referred to had never occurred to her.

"No mum. I have never thought that. I….I….I do love Harry, very much, and we are close, but I can only describe it as maybe brother/sister close. Nothing more. A couple of times I have thought that maybe if things changed then maybe we could develop something between us but that wouldn't happen so I never pursued the idea of me and Harry. And anyway, he fancies Ginny, although he hasn't done anything about it yet, and Ginny fancies him, although she is dating someone else I think to make Harry a bit jealous and to hurry him along a bit, so I am not going to interfere in that."

A puzzled Emma Granger looked at her daughter for a few seconds, then asked,

"So let me get this straight. You are very fond of Harry, right?" Hermione nodded, "And you think that he fancies a girl who also fancies him, but he doesn't do anything about it and she is seeing someone else anyway?"

"Yeah, that's about it."

"So Harry is single, seeing no one; the girl he supposedly fancies is NOT single seeing someone else, and you fancy Harry something rotten but you won't do anything about it because you don't want to rock the boat over a possible pairing that at the moment doesn't exist or looks likely too in the immediate future!"

"I never said I fancied Harry!" said a shocked Hermione.

"Darling you don't have to say, it is so obvious. When you talk about Harry you just light up like a torch. You seem to know and understand him possibly better than he does himself. You describe him with such a fervour in you it is lovely to watch. You LOVE him Hermione. Why can't you see it?"

An astounded Hermione Granger looked at her mum as if she was mad, telling Hermione things that had never occurred to her.

"Mum, I…I…don't love Harry. Not that way. I never have. He's just….Harry. My friend Harry. My closest friend yes, but that is it."

"OK. I will ask you something else that maybe is a bit personal. Has Harry been with anyone, a girlfriend?"

"Yes, a witch called Cho Chang. She is Scottish but of Chinese descent. She is really beautiful with a kind of eastern allure about her, kind of exotic. Harry fell for her last year and they went out for a couple of months, but there were issues around Cho so their relationship didn't last."

Emma Granger thought for a few seconds, then asked;

"And what did you think when Harry was dating this Cho? How did you feel?"

"I never thought anything mum. Well, apart from that I thought that it was unusual that Harry didn't seem to help Cho get over stuff. I mean Harry is so good with that, he cares about people. But he seemed to be just not interested in helping Cho. Not like him at all."

"So did you question Harry about this?"

"Maybe a little bit. But I was more concerned about Harry, why he..was …..like ….that….! OOH!"

"Yes darling. OOH! You were more concerned about Harry. Are you beginning to see? Is it dawning on you that everything your saying, whether it be describing him, his ways, how he works, how you two get on, that you know about his parents and his awful relatives, your worry about him, that you DO love him as a close friend, that even when you talk about Ron as well, you always put Harry first. You were more concerned about Harry. Darling, you love the boy. You love Harry!"

Hermione had so many confused thoughts running around in her brain that she couldn't think straight. But somehow she just knew that her mum couldn't be right.

"No Mum. No. I don't love Harry. Well I do love Harry. But…but…just not as a lover. Not romantically. No mum, it just cannot happen. Harry loves Ginny. I am not going to get in the way of that. I'm just not. And we have so much more to do, as a team, with Ron. Harry has enough on his plate without worrying about his girlfriend tagging along! And I think Ron has developed feelings for me so anything between Harry and me would make it really awkward!"

Emma Granger looked at her troubled, confused, perplexed daughter. Emma sensed that all Hermione's denials were more to try and get her mind straight rather than her heart. And that was the problem. Her super brain of a daughter analysed everything before making a decision. Books, study, problems; think them through, puzzle over them, reach a conclusion. Sorted. Everything had to be on a list or in a programme or be an ingredient in a recipe or potion. It had to be thoroughly examined before the correct decision could be made. Hermione's heart just was not allowed in on those decisions. And that included love.

"My darling, you really are in denial about Harry. You are not allowing your heart to run with this, you overthink everything. Even love. You have even locked out looking for or at anyone else, not giving your heart a chance to even learn about loving someone, because you won't. If someone had hurt you over love I could understand it a bit more, not wanting to be hurt again. But it is not that. You are not interested in finding another boy because of that one boy that has got your heart. You do not have a heart to give to anyone else because Harry Potter has it already."

Hermione Granger sat looking at her mum but not seeing her, hearing only her words. Harry Potter has your heart! Harry Potter has your heart!

Hermione's thought processes were running at hundreds of miles an hour. But her incredible brain was not coping with her mum's words. She had never ever considered that she could be 'in love' with Harry Potter. Loved him, yes, as her closest friend, her friend of five years who had never put anyone ahead of her, her hero, her confidante about Ron, for his bravery over his life both before and now, and for what was likely to come, her Knight in shining armour, her….

"My Harry". Hermione hadn't realised that she had said that aloud.

"What did you say love?"

Hermione went scarlet, suddenly dawning on her that she had spoken her thought.

"Oh….eh…just thinking out loud mum." She paused, THINKING her denials about what her mother had said.

"Mum. I have thought about what love would be like, what sex would be like. I know how it all happens, love and sex and marriage and children and family. And maybe not all in that order. And I have…well..fantasised" blushing "about being with someone. But never Harry. Never in a million years. Surely, if I was thinking about anyone to have sex or a relationship with, it would be Harry?"

"Not if you have blocked him out, love, even although you haven't done it consciously. You have been so involved in all that has involved Harry, and I only know a little bit of that, what YOU have told me, and you are still involved, and Harry is there every day, you see him every day, he is the friend that is so close to you that you have not seen past the 'love' you have for that boy as your friend, you have put him on a pedestal out of your reach."

"But mum, Harry has never shown me ANYTHING that says he is in love with me. He has shown me plenty of love and affection like a brother, he has protected me, he has worried about me, he has rescued me, well you name it and Harry has been there. But not romance and sex. Never!"

"Hermione, you yourself said he has had a terrible childhood and at only 16 years old he still is having a torrid time. Does the boy know how to love? Does he even know what it looks or feels like? Has he ever had any love or affection shown to him that he can consciously remember? And if he has those feelings for you, or anyone, would he recognise them for what they were rather than a love of a friend or sibling? And Hermione, maybe, just maybe, he is in the same situation as I think you are; because of all the circumstances and outside influences that have thrown you and him together over the last five years, that he has not realised the progression that has gradually taken place in your personal relationship. HE doesn't realise that he is in love with you the same as you don't with him."

This other side of the argument, Harry's feelings about her, is not something that Hermione had ever thought about. As she had said to her mother earlier, a couple of times she had thought that IF circumstances had been different she could have seen herself falling for Harry, but as this was not a possibility in the foreseeable future she had dismissed the thoughts, so had never got as far as thinking about Harry's thoughts about her. And anyway, he had never shown any kind of romantic inclination towards her.

"Mum, you have got me thinking, but I can't see it. Harry and I…no mum, no!"

"Oh my Hermione, what am I going to do with you. You bloody well THINK too much. Why can't you run on feelings for a while! Love, passion, anger, jealousy, LUST for fuck's sake…"

"MUM! You don't swear!"

"You have drove me too it! That is PASSION Hermione! Anger and annoyance and worry and love over you, my darling daughter. You are the only child I will ever have. I can only pour my whole life and hopes into you. I have not been and do not want to be overseeing your every move. Your dad and I want you to have your own life, the ups and downs, the loves and heartbreaks, the passions and the sorrows. We will be there to pick up the pieces when you fall apart and help put you back together, but you have to allow those things in Hermione, into your heart."

There was a good few seconds of frozen time as both of these woman, mum and daughter, two women much more alike than they realised, stared at each other.

"Mum" Hermione said pleadingly. "If I am not seeing what you are, letting my brain run my feelings and not letting my heart in, how can I change? You and dad, last night, you were like a couple of school kids in their first illicit school romance. You LOVED each other mum. And I got embarrassed! I shouldn't have been embarrassed seeing my mum and dad flirt and kiss and snog, not when there was only me there to see it. I should have been so happy for you both and ME, that you still loved each other so much that you two were quite happy for me to see you show that love. And I WAS happy mum. So happy. But I…I…"

"Your dad and I love each other more than we did 20 years ago. And your dad was the reluctant one when it came to the physical side of love. Hell, If I hadn't taken the initiative I really would have been the virgin bride! Actually, on second thoughts, I wouldn't have been!"

"MUM! I don't need or want to dwell on your past sex life with dad OR anyone else thank you!"

Emma Granger laughed at her daughters now evident discomfort.

"OK love. I will take pity on you and let you off my sordid history! But I will say I don't regret any of it, what little there is to tell. And Hermione, there is nothing wrong with living a little. Enjoying yourself, being happy and joyous, daring without thinking, skinny dipping, get drunk and throw up, sun bathe topless, or even nude! Chat up that hunk of an Australian and get a closer look at those muscles! I don't think he would be difficult to catch. That is living Hermione. And don't THINK of the consequences. You are 16, Hermione, not 60! Enjoy life for what it is, love. And let your heart and passion over rule your brain and logic. Then, I hope, when you get back to Hogwarts and see 'YOUR HARRY' you will realise that he IS yours!"

Hermione realise her mum had heard her audible thought!

"You really mean that mum, don't you? Run wild for a bit. Let my hair down, well, what's left of it!" Both Hermione and Emma Granger laughed,

"Your learning luv. That's your second witty comment in less than 12 hours! We will have you loving and remembering a crazy, mad holiday by the time you leave here! And not regretting one bit of it! Your dad and I will certainly be making a few memories as well! I haven't gone skinny dipping in years!"

Loud, rather filthy laughter echoed round the Granger holiday residence.