Why Her?

Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews. For those interested, I posted the new story. It's called, That's My Boy. Sasuke and Hinata's son shows up from the future and of course much chaos, fluff, and lemony goodness will result. Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter. Sorry this one is late.

Chapter Notation: This is a crack chapter. It is full of humor and likely very OOC. I hope you enjoy the chapter because I realize it will be a very hit or miss thing. Summonland is what I call the place where Summons are when they aren't being summoned. The toads clearly have their own place in the anime, so I figure that it's probably something of a parallel world for all the Summons.

Viewers Choice: Let me know if you liked this craziness or would prefer me to do a revised, more serious version.

Chapter Four (The Crazy Chapter)

"Hinata, why do you look like you want to strangle someone?" Sasuke asks, coming back into the house a few hours later.

"It's Anko. She's trying to corrupt my sister." Hinata fumes.

"And how is Anko trying to corrupt your sister?" Sasuke asks in an amused tone.

"She's telling her THINGS." The bluenette informs him.

"Oh THINGS. How horrible. Well that settles it." Her dark haired housemate says.

"You know what I mean…" Hinata mumbles.

"Not really, things is rather vague." Sasuke admits.

"She's talking about what lingerie choices…excite men with my baby sister!" Hinata says in a rush, blushing deeply.

"Always a fascinating topic." Sasuke says.

"SASUKE!" Hinata cries out his name in a scandalized voice and blushes even more.

"And what advice did the Queen of S&M give your poor, innocent sister?" Sasuke questions with a smirk.

Quite honestly, this was hilarious. He wasn't going to tell Hinata that though. It was fun to watch her get all flustered.

"What's S&M?" Hinata asks.

"I knew that your family was reserved, but just how sheltered are you?" The last Uchiha asks.

"You're making fun of me!" Hinata accuses.

"I'm not. Well maybe a little. You probably know what it is. You just didn't know the name for it. They are people either enjoy giving or receiving pain during sex because they find it erotic." Sasuke explains.

"Ohhh…that's awful." She says and sounds horrified.

"It ranges from relatively innocent to…extreme. Not everyone is cracking a whip." He states.

"…You seem to know an awful lot about the topic." She observes.

"Hinata, I lived in the Sound. Believe me, I learned more than I ever wanted to know about just how bizarre some people's preferences are. Anyway…I'm curious. What'd she say?" Sasuke continues.

Yes, it was true. Sasuke had witnessed more than he ever wanted to while he lived in the Sound. He tried not to dwell on it much though. The Uchiha couldn't help but shudder as some rather graphic images flashed unbidden across his mind.

"That dominant men preferred animal prints." She mumbles.

"She's got a point. For you, I'd recommend snow leopard." He states.

"Wh-at?!" She asks.

Sasuke ponders the idea of Hinata wearing snow leopard lingerie in further detail. The colors would compliment her skin tone. She could be quite the adorable sex kitten if properly motivated. He decided he was making her uncomfortable and to change the topic though. He'd ponder this more later.

"Forget I said anything. I can't believe your father actually agreed to you going on this mission." He says, trying to change the subject.

"Oh he was a bit nervous about it. But then I reminded him I can lock up chakra points." She says.

"Yes, I imagine that's useful skill to have." He agrees.

She smiles and nods. Sasuke had actually complimented her. From what little she knew about him from Naruto, that almost never happened.

Meanwhile Naruto had found Sakura. The bastard could deny it all he wanted, but Naruto wasn't buying it. There was something there! The blonde decided that as the bastard's best friend, possibly his only friend, it was his job to help him realize his feelings for Hinata. Maybe if he got a girlfriend, he'd stop being such a bastard.

"Naruto, I agree that there is probably something there. But this is Sasuke. It's probably better to just let him figure it out on his own. That and Hinata is so shy, that if you tried to meddle, you'd likely just make her feel awkward." The pinkette points out.

"That's why we should work on Sasuke. Hinata is so shy. You should have seen him. Asking her if he could go train with me!" The blonde says.

"So? What's so shocking about that?" Sakura asks and raises an eyebrow.

"It was like she was his wife or something. The Sasuke I know wouldn't care. He would have just gone off with me. He doesn't ask permission for anything." Naruto says.

"Well that's true." His female teammate admits.

"Exactly!" Naruto says nodding his head, pleased that they were finally getting somewhere.

"I still think you are probably reading too much into this." She says.

"I am not! Come on. He's never even looked at a girl before." The blue eyed ninja states.

"You have a point." She says.

"So we are going to do this then!" Naruto says triumphantly.

"No. We aren't. If Sasuke finds out you are trying to meddle in his lovelife, he will kill you. I'm not getting involved. I'd like to live long enough to see my 30th birthday." She replies.

"Oh come on. Don't be a scaredy cat. He wouldn't actually hurt us." The hyper ninja reassures her.

"Oh really? Well what about that time…" Sakura proceeds to list all the instances of when Sasuke tried to kill Naruto and Sakura, it takes approximately thirty minutes.

"Alright. So he can be a bastard sometimes! But we are both still alive. I mean if he really wanted to kill us, he would have done it by now. He needs our help. He's our friend. Don't you want to help him be happy?" The man says and unleashes his big blue puppy eyes on the woman.

"Naruto, don't give me that look. You know that's not fair." She tells him.

"I know. But it works. You can't argue with what works." Naruto says cheekily.

"Alright. Did you have anything specific in mind for this crazy plan of yours?" She says with a sigh, figuring she should probably help Naruto so he didn't get killed.

"Um not really! I thought that maybe you would have an idea. You are good at this sort of thing." Naruto says brightly.

"Oh boy. This won't end well." Sakura mutters.

Later that day, Hiashi heads to speak with Kakashi. He was still unsettled about the prospect of Hinata living with Sasuke Uchiha for an indefinite amount of time. He wanted to hear straight from the Hokage's mouth that his daughter was fine. Sasuke was rather unpredictable. He truly worried for her safety.

"Ah, Hiashi. It is good to see you." Kakashi says, idly flipping a page in his book.

"It is good to see you as well, Lord Hokage. I was wondering if Hinata had sent you any reports about her latest mission yet." He says tactfully.

"Hiashi, she just started the mission. She wouldn't have had time to file any reports." Kakashi informs him.

"I see. Well I have to admit to some uneasiness with this situation." The Hyuga Patriarch states.

"Hinata is a Jonin. She's a very capable ninja in her own right. Besides, she and Sasuke had never had any issues with each other. I doubt they'll start now." The Copy Cat Ninja tries to reassure the worried father.

"Yes, I know that she is a capable ninja. They haven't had any issues with each other because their interaction has been basically nonexistent!" He argues.

"Well that's true. If you want, I can ask her how her mission is going tomorrow. It is late. We should both get some sleep." Kakashi counsels him.

"I suppose you are right. I would appreciate that very much." The Hyuga man says, bowing his head, and heads off.

"He worries too much. That man is a heart attack waiting to happen." Kakashi muses as he continues reading.

Sasuke shakes his head in amusement back in the Uchiha District. Hinata had fallen asleep on the couch, playing with Smoky. Adorable.

"She's going to hurt neck laying like that." He mutters.

He scoops her up in his arms. The irony of carrying the petite woman in his arms Bridal Style, was not lost on Sasuke. Still he dutifully carries her to the room she was going to be staying in and lays her gently on the bed.

"Ah ha! You called her beautiful." Naruto's words rang in his mind.

Well she was. Still that didn't mean anything. They were completely incompatible. That wasn't even taking into account that she came from another Clan. A Clan which was the opposite of his in every way. Where the Uchihas were all fire, the Hyugas were like ice.

Naruto was an idiot of course and would never take any of these practical consideration into account when he was playing matchmaker. He fully expected the loser to do something stupid. He just hoped that whatever the blonde did, didn't embarrass Hinata too much.

"Good night." He murmurs and heads to his room to get some sleep.

Meanwhile in Summonland, Aoda had gathered the other snakes that were affiliated with Sasuke for an important meeting. Aoda as Sasuke's largest Summon, was considered the unofficial leader. There were hundreds of snakes gathered around ranging in size from a harmless Garden Snake to Aoda.

"What's going on, Aoda?" Rue, a rattlesnake, asks.

"It's about Master Sasuke." He begins.

"Did he die?" Another asks.

"No. He didn't die." The large snake answers.

"Is he injured?" A cobra inquires.

"No. He isn't injured." Aoda replies.

"Did he leave the Leaf again?" A beautiful boa questions.

"No. He didn't leave the Leaf again!" Aoda snaps, getting a bit irritated.

"Are you sure? He does that a lot." Yet another snake chimes in, this time it was a sea snake.

"WILL YOU ALL BE QUIET, SO I CAN TELL YOU WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Aoda hisses.

"Jeez! There's no need to yell. How rude!" They all chorus.

"Unbelievable!" Aoda growls.

"Aoda, please continue." Kara says and uses her giant tail to gag the smaller snakes.

"Thank you. As I was saying, it is about Master Sasuke. He has taken a female into his territory. He claims that he has no intentions of breeding with her. Of course we all know that this is what humans call denial. You don't take a female into your territory if you have no intentions of having hatchlings with her." He states as if this was the most obvious thing in the world and the other snakes nod their heads in agreement.

"What's the female like?" One of them asks, once Kara moves her tail.

"She has very pretty scales. Quite friendly. I imagine she will be a good mate for him. Large bosom as well. I know Master Sasuke prefers this in a human female." He answers.

"Ah a good choice then." He nods in agreement with Aoda.

"Yes. Humans have a habit of making mating overly complicated. Therefore, we should help him." The giant serpent continues.

"What'd you have in mind?" The rattler asks.

"Oh it's quite simple really. This is the plan…" Aoda says, leaning in to discuss his plan with the other snakes.

The next day, Hinata goes to see Kakashi. Pakkun had visited the Uchiha District to tell her that Kakashi wanted to speak with her. Curious, she made her way to see the silver haired ninja.

"Ah there you are Hinata. Thank you for coming so quickly. I do hate to interrupt your mission like this. But your father is so concerned. I did promise him that I would ask him how you are doing." Kakashi says.

"I'm good?" She asks in confusion.

"He has concerns for your physical and emotional well being while on this mission." The Hokage elaborates.

"Oh. I really wish he'd trust me. Sasuke wouldn't hurt me. He's been very nice, by Sasuke standards." She adds for clarification when Kakashi looks rather skeptical at the phrase, "Sasuke has been very nice."

"I'm glad to hear it. Well I'll let your father know what you said. Hopefully that will make him less anxious." He says with a chuckle.

"Thank you." She says with a smile.

"You can go now. You have a mission to work on." He states.

"Thank you, Lord Hokage for having such faith in me." She says and heads off.

Frowning, she makes her way back to Sasuke's house. Her father still didn't believe in her. He thought she was weak. Well maybe that was being a bit harsh. He thought she was weak compared to Sasuke. It still hurt her pride.

"You look upset." Sasuke says, when he sees Hinata walk through the door.

"Oh it's nothing." She says.

"Hinata, you are a horrible liar. We are going to be living together. I think honesty might make that easier." He states.

"It's my father." She admits with a sigh.

"What'd he do?" Sasuke asks and raises an eyebrow, feeling the sudden urge to strangle the Hyuga Patriarch.

"He asked Kakashi to check on me, essentially. He doesn't have faith that I can handle this mission." She answers.

"You are probably the only person in this village that could. Most of the others are annoying. I'd end up killing them for their stupidity." Sasuke says.

"…You're joking, right?" She asks.

"Maybe." Sasuke answers vaguely.

"Sasuke." Hinata says warningly.

"What? They are really annoying." Sasuke says in his defense.

She shakes her head in amusement. Sasuke was Sasuke it seemed. If he wasn't threatening to kill someone, she decided it would be necessary to check his temperature. She didn't think he actually meant it. At least she hoped that wasn't the case.

"I think I'm going to get some training in and then hop in the shower." She says.

"Alright. I'm going to work on fixing up more of the buildings." Sasuke says and heads off.

"Aoda, do you really think it will be that easy?" Kara asks the other large snake, as they watch the smaller snakes slither into the Uchiha District.

"Of course. Humans have fake scales. They usually remove them before a mating. I figure that without their fake scales, the mating instinct will be triggered." He states as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Maybe. I just hope Master Sasuke isn't angry when he finds out that we took all their clothes." She says and ponders on the concept of clothes…fake scales were so strange.

"Oh I doubt he will be angry. He wants to have hatchlings to revive his clan. We are just helping him speed up the process." Aoda says cheerfully.

"Yes. You're right." She agrees.

While Hinata was in the shower, the smaller snakes quickly slither off with her and Sasuke's clothes. The cobra frowns, as much as a snake could. Well that was easy. How they were going to get the clothes Master Sasuke had on, off was going to be more tricky. He had an idea though.

"You have the explosive tag?" He asks the rattler.

"Course, I do. Let's do this. We'll have to be quick. There's only a small window of opportunity to grab his clothes while he's distracted by the explosion." He says and the other snakes agree, slithering off behind the cobra and rattler.

"Okay! That's close enough. Drop the tag." The cobra says and they do.

Sasuke was in the middle of repairing a roof when he heard the explosion. He blinks and looks around. What the fuck was going on? He jumps down from the roof and cautiously approaches the source. Was the District under attack?

The snakes see their opportunity and yank off his shirt, pants, and boxers. By the time the smoke cleared, they were long gone. They were safely back in Summonland.

"What the fuck?!" Sasuke growls and yanks one of the curtains from house to wrap around his waist.

"Damn. We should have thought of the curtains." Kara says.

"Yes. Well…it should still be good enough." Aoda assures her.

Hinata finishes her shower. She reaches for her clothes and blinks. They were gone? What the Hell?

A few minutes later, Sasuke walks inside. This was fucking embarrassing. He was walking around, wearing a curtain to hide his…Southern Sharingan. Someone had jumped him and stolen his clothes. He just hoped Hinata believed him and didn't think he was some kind of freak. Well maybe he'd find clothes, before she saw him.

He searches the entire house. Where were his clothes?! All his clothes were gone! Hinata's were missing too. Even his family's clothes were gone. There wasn't so much as a sock left in the place.

"Sasuke, is that you?" Hinata asks.

"Yeah. It's me. You aren't going to believe this. I was fixing a roof and an explosive went off. Then someone stole my clothes. I can't find any clothes in the house." Sasuke says.

"I bel-ieve you. Someone s-tole my clothes too. I grabbed a curtain though." She mumbles from behind the door.

"Damn curtains." Aoda mutters.

"Next time, we destroy them too." Kara says.

"Yes, next time." He agrees.

"Great. Now to figure out whose bright idea this was. I bet it was Naruto. He's dumb enough to pull something like this and he was going on earlier about how I thought you were…forget it. Like I said, it was probably the loser." Sasuke says.

"Do you really think Naruto would do something like this?" She asks.

"Maybe. Wait…I see a scale. This wasn't Naruto. You've got to be kidding me." Sasuke growls and summons Aoda, who was outside. (The house was too small to have Aoda summoned inside.)

"Aoda, did you steal all the clothes?" Sasuke asks, twitching.

"No. We just borrowed them." He answers truthfully.

"And why did you borrow our clothes?" Sasuke demands to know twitching.

"Humans usually remove their fake scales during mating. So we thought that it would encourage you." He replies.

"You've got to be kidding me." Sasuke says with a sigh.

"No. No. I am POSITIVE that humans remove their clothes in order to mate most of the time." He states.

"Aoda…" Sasuke says.

"Yes, Master Sasuke?" He asks.

"I know that you are trying to help and everything…" He begins.

"Of course. You want to revive your clan. You have a perfectly suitable female in your territory. Yet, for some reason you hesitate. I know that she is not claimed by another male. Her scent indicates this." He continues.

"Aoda! That is spying and an invasion of her privacy!" Sasuke growls.

"It's not spying. I can not help it, if my senses are keener than that of a humans. I can no more not smell her, than you can not see her if she was standing right next to you." He defends himself.

"Alright. Fine. I'll let that one slide. But you are going to give us our clothes back!" He says.

"But you like looking at her this way. Your Sharingan is activated." He says in confusion.

"What does his Sharingan have to do with anything?" Hinata asks in confusion.

"Well you see, in Master Sasuke's family whenever a m-" He starts to answer, but Sasuke sends Aoda away with a loud proof before he could finish his sentence.

"Sasuke! That wasn't very nice. He wasn't finished." Hinata says.

"Oh trust me, he was finished. I'll just summon another snake and get our clothes back." He says with a sigh and couldn't believe this.

"Okay." Hinata says and tries not to stare at Sasuke.

"Alright. We want our clothes back and we want them now." Sasuke says, once he summons another snake.

"Yes, Master Sasuke." The snake says and soon enough, hundreds of other snakes appear with various clothing items.

"This one is the snow leopard that Master Sasuke likes." One says, handing another item that Hanabi had smuggled into Hinata's suitcase to her.

Hinata blushes scarlet. Sasuke shakes his head. God damn meddling snakes!