Chapter 4

With Lady Catherine's invitation secured, Darcy prepared for the day with care. If he could prolong his morning with Elizabeth somehow, and then she came to Rosings for dinner, he would have most of the day with her. After so long of repressing his feelings for her, he felt a great freedom in allowing himself to look forward to seeing her, despite all. The idea that she would certainly not be looking forward to seeing him checked his plans and enthusiasm. But, he had overcome his own reservations, surely he could overcome hers as well. He hoped.

he had an idea of her habits after purposely finding her walking the lanes several times over the last couple weeks. With both of his cousins' help ensured, he had formed a plan.

"Good Morning Richard!" Darcy said over the breakfast table as Col. Fitzwilliam came into the room.

"You are more chipper than I expected, cousin. I anticipated a moody or desolate man after the events of yesterday finally hit you."

"That I may become if I am forced to give up hope, however, for today I have a plan. Determination will pull me through."

"Am I privileged enough to know the details of this plan?"

"Oh you need only follow along." Lady Catherine came into the breakfast room at that moment. "Good morning, Aunt."

"Good Morning, Darcy, Fitzwilliam. I am very pleased you plan to stay, we greatly enjoy your company. Anne especially would be very sorry to see you go so very soon." Catherine sounded more deferential than normal and Fitzwilliam wondered what Darcy had said the night before to elicit such behavior.

"I am glad we could be a source of pleasure to my cousin. In fact, I arranged with Anne last night that I would drive her out in her phaeton this morning." Lady Catherine looked extremely pleased, but before she could say anything Darcy continued. "She said she would like to pay a visit at the parsonage, which will give me an opportunity to extend your gracious invitation to the Collins' and their guests to dine with us this evening."

Fitzwilliam was regarding his cousin with great interest, with a hint of a smirk fighting at the corner of his mouth.

"And if it suits you, Richard, would you join me for a walk around the grounds after breakfast. I should like to stretch my legs." Darcy eyed his cousin flatly, as if there was nothing to this request.

"I should be very interested in seeing where such a walk will take us." Fitzwilliam was truly smirking now.

Darcy simply nodded, Lady Catherine had begun discoursing on the various walks around the estate, the many merits of each, and the benefits of walking.

Elizabeth was far more agitated than she would have liked. She knew she must avoid Mr. Darcy, in case he had not given up his foolish ideas. She could not allow anything like yesterday to happen again. Unfortunately, it was a very fine day after the rain of the day before, and her legs itched to be outside. If another part of her itched to see Mr. Darcy again, she was quick to disregard it. She had not forgiven herself for how she reacted to his touch the day before.

"Charlotte, are there any lanes or walks here about that are not in Rosings park? I do not wish to miss anything worth seeing simply because I have not ventured outside of the park of one estate." Elizabeth was pleased with the casual tone to her voice.

"No, I don't believe so, Eliza. Surely you have not seen everything in the park? I did not expect even you to want for places to explore," Charlotte teased.

"Oh no, I am sure I could not have seen all of the park yet, I just wondered." Then an idea struck her. "I'm sure you have not seen it all either, perhaps you would walk out with me today?"

"You know I do not possess your love of long walks." Charlotte began.

"Only come a short way then."

Charlotte examined her friend suspiciously, but agreed. They found their bonnets and pelisses and headed towards the park.

Several minutes into their walk, Charlotte noticed that Elizabeth seemed to be looking for something surreptitiously. After several attempts at conversation with a very distracted Elizabeth, Charlotte was surprised when Elizabeth exclaimed, "Let us explore this way!" And she grabbed Charlotte's arm and pulled her behind some trees down a smaller path, faster than they had been walking.

Charlotte permitted this for several more minutes while contemplating her friend, but was getting quite tired due to their pace. When she spotted a bench she asked to stop briefly. Elizabeth looked concerned but agreed that they could of course stop if Charlotte wished it.

Darcy had seen Elizabeth too, only the swish of her gown as she turned away, but he was sure it was her. He promptly directed Col. Fitzwilliam in the direction of the skirt.

"You look like a hound who has just spotted his fox, Darcy. Am I right to assume that you had higher hopes for this walk than just my company?"

"I do not know to what you refer." Darcy smiled mischievously back at his cousin before speeding ahead to catch up with Elizabeth. Unfortunately his cousin did not wish to exert himself likewise. Thus, Darcy continued to speed ahead then circle back to ensure he did not get too far ahead. They would need to arrive together or it would look odd indeed.

"You are doing nothing to lessen your resemblance to a hound with this behavior, Darcy. Relax, it will not do to go racing after her."

Darcy scowled, but fell into pace with Fitzwilliam. They were quickly within sight of Elizabeth again, but she was not alone.

"Good Morning, Mrs. Collins, Miss Bennet! How fortunate we are to bump into to you this morning." Darcy smiled genially.

Elizabeth had immediately shot her gaze to the floor when she noticed the men within sight. But at his greeting she sent him a reproachful glare for the smallest amount of time possible and then turned her head to the side, away from him.

"Good Morning Mr. Darcy, Col. Fitzwilliam." Mrs. Collins said politely before looking over to her friend, expecting a similar greeting, but was confused by what she saw.

Darcy continued on steadfastly, "I must say that I am not at all surprised to see you outside on such a beautiful day, but I am surprised to see you sitting down."

"That is on my account, Mr. Darcy. I am not as fond of long walks as Eliza. I wished to rest. I would be ready to turn back, but she practically pleaded for my company today and I know she would be loath to turn around so soon."

Elizabeth glared at her friend at the end of her speech. Charlotte ignored her as the men seemed to be doing. Until Elizabeth confided a reason for her behavior, Charlotte saw no need to be uncivil herself. And she was quite eager to push her friend into such a confession.

"Now I am surprised, Miss Bennet, for I have never known you to require companionship on your walks. But, if you wish company, you now have two more willing companions." Col. Fitzwilliam said with the same genial tone he always used.

Elizabeth could not ignore him. "I will not deny that I specifically sought my friend's company this morning."

"Then allow me to offer you my arm, Mrs. Collins, so that you may more easily continue your walk. I would not wish to deny Miss Bennet the pleasure of your company or her walk." Darcy promptly stepped up to Mrs. Collins, with a slight bow and arm out, bent at the elbow. He was not about to let them walk away.

Charlotte gazed at him in some surprise before accepting. "I would be glad of your assistance, Mr. Darcy. Eliza sought to explore somewhere new today, but I'm afraid that I am a poor guide. Perhaps you have a suggestion?"

Darcy could not have been happier for such an opening. "What would you be most interested to see Miss Bennet? I assume you have followed the path of the stream to the pond on the north side of the estate. But perhaps you have not seen the view from the top of the hill on the far east side of the park? On a clear day, like today, I expect we could see for miles. I believe you, Miss Bennet, would enjoy such a sight?"

Elizabeth had finally looked at him, and even began to look excited, then seemed to remember herself and turned away again. "No, sir, you are mistaken. I should think nothing of such a view nor do I wish to go so far."

Charlotte thought this pronouncement of Elizabeth's was exceptionally petulant and very unlike her. Particularly as she saw the excitement in her eyes at its first mention. She began to worry that perhaps she should not antagonize her friend farther.

"I must admit, also, that such a walk does not appeal to me. I would prefer stouter shoes and a heavier pelisse. Perhaps another day. For now, let us just walk to the pond." Charlotte began heading in that direction and the rest followed. Darcy offered his arm again as it had been dropped at some point during the conversation.

'I suppose a different day would be better. My cousin Anne wished to pay a visit to you today. I promised her I would drive her over in her phaeton when we returned from our walk. If it is agreeable to you, of course, I will go fetch her after we bring you back to the parsonage."

"Yes, that would be lovely, Mr. Darcy. I am always honoured to host Miss de Bourgh."

"Wonderful, I am glad to hear it. Incidentally, my Aunt also wished to extend an invitation to your party to dine with us this evening. I am certain my cousin will renew the invitation when she arrives. May we have the pleasure of seeing you all there?" Darcy looked at her amiably as they continued to walk.

"Yes, I am sure my husband will be very happy to accept any invitation from Lady Catherine. But I will let him speak for himself when we get back to the parsonage." Charlotte had never had such a friendly conversation with this man, she was not quite sure how best to respond.

"I am glad. So, Mrs. Collins, how do you find Kent? Do you feel you have been here long enough to form an opinion? How does it compare to Hertfordshire?" Darcy continued companionably.

While Charlotte marveled over what could produce such a change in someone so proud and disagreeable, generally, Elizabeth fought to not stare with her mouth agape.

Col. Fitzwilliam offered his arm to Elizabeth when Darcy stepped away. "I would not wish you to be neglected, Miss Bennet, may I offer you my arm? Though, of course, I know you do not tire easily." He smiled down at Elizabeth's look of astonishment still directed at Darcy's back. She did not move to take his arm, nor acknowledge his remark. "Miss Bennet? Is something amiss?"

Even in her confused state Elizabeth recognized the amusement in her companion's voice and turned to look at him sharply. Col. Fitzwilliam continued to smile at her pleasantly and presented his arm once again. She stepped up and took it without dropping her quizzical gaze.

After measuring her words for some time Elizabeth finally responded, "You and your cousin seem in good spirits this morning." It was more of a question than a statement.

"And is there something amiss in that? Should we not be?"

Elizabeth shook herself slightly and her voice took on its normal demeanor. "Certainly not, Colonel. I would not wish to be around foul-tempered men. Especially not when they refuse to acknowledge my hints about wishing to spend time with my friend."

"Were you trying to hint at that? I must say I completely missed it."

"Well of course you did, military men are not known for their intelligence after all. But Mr. Darcy, I know, prides himself on his greatness of mind, surely he . . ."

"And what have I done to deserve such wrath? Not known for our intelligence, indeed! You may be disapproving of my cousin, but I . . ."

"And what do you know of my disapproval of your cousin?" Elizabeth asked sharply, having gained her purpose from the insult. She did not wish to endure Col. Fitzwilliam smirking and manipulating her for the rest of their walk.

He stopped short, the slightest hint of embarrassment on his cheeks. Then he smiled a very meaningful smile. "You are a very clever woman. I would never wish to cross you."

"You have not answered my question. And what makes you smirk so?" Elizabeth was clearly frustrated. He had not seen her this way before and almost wanted to laugh. Another look at her face, however, told him just how inappropriate that would be.

"I merely appreciate my cousin's tastes more and more."

Elizabeth blushed scarlet out of embarrassment or anger, she was not sure.

Col. Fitwilliam did not seem to be sure either. "That was meant as a compliment, Miss Bennet, please accept it as such."

"Your cousin's tastes are not that of a gentleman, I would not recommend that you esteem them," Elizabeth responded softly, but with bitterness.

Fitzwilliam examined her closely, even though she kept her eyes down. Then he continued considerately, "What has brought on this opinion?"

"You have yet to answer my question, Colonel, but I imagine that you would be able to answer your own." Elizabeth's voice was stronger now, she was clearly attempting to gain her normal composure.

"Perhaps you are correct. I should like to hear it from you just the same."

"I have nothing I wish to say. And Mr. Darcy should be aware that I do not desire his company."

"Is that so? Well then I'm afraid you and he are at cross-purposes. For I believe he did all in his power to be in your presence as much as possible today." He smiled at the look of shocked incredulity on her face.

"To what possible purpose? Why would he impose himself on me again!" Elizabeth almost shouted, but she and the Colonel were not very far behind Darcy and Charlotte, who seemed to be having a very pleasant conversation. Thus, she lowered her voice quickly when her first question caused Charlotte to turn her head.

"Be reassured, at least, that he also wished your comfort," the Colonel replied more softly a moment later.

"How did he believe he could possible achieve such a thing?" Elizabeth was confused by this statement.

"I am here, am I not?"

Elizabeth understood, Darcy brought a witness so that he would not do anything else untoward. Or perhaps so she could not simply flee or yell at him.

They continued on in silence, Elizabeth not wishing to give anything that the Colonel did not already know away. They properly admired the pond in their own ways and rested briefly. Elizabeth singled out Charlotte and navigated her away from the men while they rested, but not long enough to explain her behavior.

"Shall we continue back? I think Anne will be ready for me to drive her soon, if you don't mind ladies?" Darcy queried the others.

"Of course we should return." Charlotte said but was slow to get to her feet, she hardly ever walked so far.

"Oh Mrs. Collins, would you wish to rest more? I will happily stay, Darcy may go fetch our cousin then we shall all be back to the house at the same time and you may rest for longer." Col. Fitzwilliam offered.

"I would not wish the housekeeper to be unaware of the arrival of so man guests at once. Lizzy, could you perhaps go back with Mr. Darcy and warn Mrs. Bradshaw?"

"No! . . . surely she will be well prepared for 3 guests, even such exalted ones as will be in attendance. Besides I would much rather stay with you and allow the gentlemen to return. Perhaps Col. Fitzwilliam could stop at the parsonage to warn of the call on his way." Elizabeth said these words in an almost frantic voice.

"No, no, what are you thinking? Col. Fitzwilliam could not possibly announce his own visit," Charlotte gently chided her friend. Then in a soft voice to Elizabeth alone, "I know you do not particularly like Mr. Darcy, but he won't bite, what has you so afraid of him? You were never this way before."

I suppose bite was one of the few things he did not do with his mouth to me . . . or did he? Elizabeth mused.

There was no means of escape, it would be unquestioningly rude to refuse Mr. Darcy's company after such a request from her friend and host. Though at this moment she would have offended Mr. Darcy with a light heart, and his cousin with just a twinge, the reminder of all the improprieties of her family came back full force. Though he knew she would not desire his company, he would also think her ill-bred if she did not comply.

"It seems as though you have gotten your way," Elizabeth said the the group in general as she felt they were all conspiring against her. "I will see you back at the parsonage shortly, Charlotte." And with a sigh she set off with Mr. Darcy, who was beyond pleased with the machinations of the others.

Elizabeth said nothing to her companion as they walked away. She walked only close enough to not appear to be running away while still in sight of the others. Once beyond their sight, her pace quickened.

Darcy could keep up with her easily, his legs being much longer than hers. The scene was almost amusing to him- her futile efforts to be away from him. Until, that is, it hit him that she was trying to get away from him and why.

He was musing on the best way to begin apologizing anew when the lady interrupted his thoughts. "Surely you must be aware that I have no desire for your company, Sir. What are you hoping to accomplish by seeking me out, as I have been informed you have done intentionally?"

"I have indeed. I told you yesterday, though in a manner not to be repeated, that I love you. What man would not seek out the woman he loves?" He took note of her disbelieving, angry look and continued, "I will admit that my goal at present is simply to encourage a better opinion of me than I believe you to currently hold."

"My opinion is in every way justified by your behavior yesterday. More than that your behavior towards me has never been anything but haughty and proud. I would add reserved as well had you not behaved so forwardly yesterday!" She was still racing up the path with him on her heels.

"I am still shocked by my want of propriety. You have every reason to be angered by my behavior yesterday. But please know that all my interactions with you in the past have been extremely uncharacteristic of me. You have heard Col. Fitzwilliam tease me, just the other day, because I was not acting myself. You discompose me so! I have not known how to act. I have never been so bewitched by any woman as I have been by you."

"A pretty speech, Mr. Darcy, but you forget that your initial rudeness to me was certainly not justified by such discomposure- you thought me tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt you. Surely a woman who is merely tolerable could not discompose a man of the world, used to all the beauties of the ton fawning over and throwing themselves at him," Elizabeth replied, spitefully.

"When did I say such a thing? . . . Oh . . . at the assembly, in Meryton? I offended you before I had even been introduced to you! No wonder you are so set against me, so quick to believe Wickham. I have done nothing but worsen an already negative opinion." Darcy was speaking more to himself than her, clearly angry at his own behavior. "I had not realized you overheard that nonsense. Please believe that I now consider you to be the handsomest woman of my acquaintance and that you could tempt me to do anything without a second thought."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "I well know how you are tempted by me, though I do not understand the transition. But you must admit that your being 'bewitched' by me is a poor argument after such a beginning. I do not know what initiated your current lust, but it does not make sense . . ."

"Love, not lust!" He jumped in front of her path to emphasize his point and look her in the eye. "I am tempted by your beauty to be sure. But I love you for your mind, your wit and vivacity, courage and kindness. I have never seen your equal in all the ladies of the ton. You challenge me! You do not allow ill reasoned arguments to stand unquestioned, nor are not afraid to question. While at the same time your manners are perfectly correct, you do not offend, but simply enlighten. And none of the ladies of the ton, whom you describe as fawning, would consider walking three miles to be of comfort to a sister for no gain of their own. At first, to my shame, I thought you had purposely placed yourself in my path, as that would be the only reason for any of them to behave similarly. But I admired you all the more for your dedication to your sister. You were almost breaching propriety with how little you were in our company. The lively intelligence in you manner, which shone through your eyes, had my heart longing for more of you."

Elizabeth was closely examining her boots and blushing fiercely. She would never have expected such praise. Certainly after his proposal contained nothing but insults, she did not expect admiration of her character now.

"The night of the assembly I was in an extremely foul mood. I have expressed my discomfort in meeting and speaking to new people before. You so properly challenged my beliefs and behaviors. I promise to practice and try harder from now on.

"That night we had arrived from town only hours before. While the journey is not a long one, it was performed in the same carriage as Miss Bingley, Mrs. Hurst, and Mr. Hurst. The first lady's overtures for my comfort were nauseating. I was not well pleased to be forced to squire her around at the dance after such behavior. Additionally, we had been delayed by her in leaving and I had several stressful meetings and interactions in the days preceding my departure. When Bingley suggested I dance with some unknown lady in a room full of mothers and young ladies assessing my worth and primping themselves to win my favor, I demurred. I should not have said what I did, there is no justification. In truth, I had glanced in the direction he indicated to appease him and hardly registered the woman he meant. I am sorry for it as I may have behaved better had I truly seen you. I should not have allowed my poor mood to produce such ill-conceived words. I deserve the same censure I was so wrong to apply to your family. Their behavior had not the meanness of my own."

Here Elizabeth looked up for the first time. Is he really admitting to being wrong about my family? I expect him to apologize for insulting them, but to claim his behavior worse than theirs?

"Sir, though I cannot approve of your insults of my family, I concede that there is some truth to your claims of their impropriety. I would wish my youngest sisters more thoughtful, less flighty and flirtatious. But you disdain my aunt and uncle, to whom you have yet to be introduced, simply because of their address and occupation. I dare you to find more deserving people in all of the ball rooms of London."

Darcy tried to hide his smile. This was the fiery Elizabeth he loved so dearly. "I will accept your challenge with the expectation of failing. I am certain that if you hold them in such esteem they could be nothing but truly estimable people. I look forward to making their acquaintance soon so that I may start my futile search."

Now it was Elizabeth's turn to hide her smile. She had not intended to provide him an opening for wit and a furthering of their acquaintance. He had won that point. Despite herself she smiled at her mistake. She composed her features and continued past him once again. He easily fell into step at her side, pleased with his progress and the hint of a smile and the flare in her eyes he had witnessed.

"Your belief in the truth of my opinion must serve the purpose, for I see no situation in which you would have occasion to meet." Elizabeth tried to recover her disdain of him with only fragment of success.

"I am certain a time will come in the near future. You are to travel back to london in less than a week's time, are you not? I plan to travel there as well. Perhaps I could call on you there with Mr. Bingley. He may have already called by that time, but I'm sure he will be more than happy to accompany me."

"Mr. Bingley?" Elizabeth exclaimed in some confusion.

"Why, yes, Mr. Bingley. After you told me of your sister's regard for him yesterday, I wrote to tell him of her presence in town and apologize for not telling him of it sooner. I would like to see for myself that she really does care, but I have faith that you know your sister best. I only hope he will forgive my intrusion. It was not my place to interfere."

Elizabeth was quite shocked by all that he had said today. It was too far, too great a leap from yesterday to today. "Mr. Darcy, while I appreciate the action and hope for the best results from it, you seem to have changed positions and opinions with a speed that makes me question their longevity. I still don't understand what you hope to accomplish or why by these displays. However, if I could like you, I would be foolish to do so. What truth is there in changing so dramatically to please me? Eventually the facade will crumble and leave behind the man I already know that I do not like."

He stepped in front of her again. "That is my point precisely- the man you know is not worth your esteem, but I am not that man. You do not know the man I truly am because I have been too afraid to show myself to you. In part I did not wish to expose myself for fear of initiating wishes that I did not believe could be fulfilled, I did not wish to injure you in the process. I know better now. I want you to know the man I truly am."

"You cannot claim that the opinions you spouted off about my family were formed from the same fears. You do not think well of my family or my connections. An opinion of such long standing cannot change overnight."

He held out his hand for them to begin walking again.

"I admit that I have been taught to think well of myself and meanly of others since I was a small boy. With my social position came a legacy of responsibility impressed on me as of utmost importance from birth. Old fashioned notions. My thoughts on the matter have been evolving of late, partially because of you. Because you are such an example of what a woman should be, despite your more modest pedigree compared to the ladies of the ton. I spoke to you of my scruples to emphasize how much I care for you. Had I truly held with my parents ideas about birth and rank I may have admired you, but I would not have come to love you. Who can love someone they truly believe is beneath them? I never thought of you as beneath me or beneath my notice."

He paused, taking a deep breath. "My declaration was meant to show that I valued you, your worth. My change from yesterday is not so great as you think. I am now confident when yesterday I was unsure. I am now certain that the change beginning in me is a change to be encouraged and developed. I wish to be more liberal minded. After all, my friendship with Bingley, who many would believe beneath me in social rank, has been a great source of happiness and comfort in my life. He is a better friend than any man I know of much higher rank, and far more worthy of my esteem. I hope I can be as good a friend in the future."

Elizabeth was at a loss for how to respond to such a speech. She walked on, head down in contemplation of the man beside her, utterly at a lost to make him out. Try as he might to explain himself, none of it made sense.

Just as they approached the parsonage house, but before they were visible from it, Darcy stopped again. "You mentioned again that you do not understand my motivations. I thought I explained them several times, primarily that I love you and wish for you love me in return. Thus, I must understand that you do not believe me. If you do not trust such ardent assertions of regard, do you believe any of what I have said to you? Has your opinion of me changed at all?"

He sounded pleading, almost desperate. She did not know how to respond, what to say.

"Please, my love, even if you can never love me in return, I would hope for your opinion of me to be such that you believe my honest explanations."

"Mr. Darcy, how dare you address me thusly! You claim that I do not know the true you, but how do you believe you know the true me? How could you possibly love me? Surely such a minor acquaintance as we have does not warrant the use of such terms. A term too that you will never hear from my lips in reference to you. I cannot stop your foolish campaign to win my good opinion. I even applaud your efforts to be a better person. But do not proceed in the hope that such changes will achieve what you claim to want so badly. My opinion may lighten, but I cannot conceive of a time when I could possibly love you."

Only the first sentence was spoken with anger. She conveyed the rest of her message in a calm and rational manner in the hope that he would respond rationally and stop this nonsense he had begun. Still, upon finishing, the look on his face was not anger but sadness. Then it changed to determination.

"You were right to chide me for my endearment. I will settle for a lightening of your opinion of me as that is all I have a right to hope for, for now. I would like us to be friends. If Bingley pursues your sister again we may see a great deal of each other. I would not wish such events to be uncomfortable."

Elizabeth looked at him skeptically. "I would not wish for that either."

"Then let us proceed as friends."

He walked with her to the gate, at which point he claimed her hand and bowed over it. Hesitating ever so slightly and watching her eyes for a reaction, he raised her hand to his lips for a brief kiss. Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly, but maintained only a skeptical look once he released her hand.

"I shall return shortly with my cousin, I hope that our friendship may strengthen in the company of others."

She curtsied and walked to the house without another word.