Ben, Jerry, and James
DISCLAIMER: I do not now, nor have I ever held any form of ownership over any of said characters. They all have rightful owners, none of which are me. I just choose to twist them for my own wicked delight. Thanks J. E.
Despite all of my efforts, I was in tears by the time the cab dropped me back off at my place. I had to forcibly drag myself up the ungodly amount of stairs, and the spent ten minutes fumbling with the keys before my door finally released itself permitting me inside. Everything seemed to be falling apart at the seams. Dickie, my job, my car, Rex, my mother, James… what was I going to do?
I tossed my keys onto the counter, next to a stack of bills which only seemed to grow, and went for a much needed shower. I stood there, letting the water just poor down me. I did not understand why this was happening to me. I had to do something to fix this… tomorrow.
Forty minutes later, I crawl out of my self-made sauna and towel dried my hair. I dressed in my plaid pajama bottoms, a tank top, and big fuzzy slippers before b-lining it to the freezer where the answer to all of my problems awaited, stopping along the way only to unplug my answering machine. I had already racked up eight messages. I would almost bet my Ben & Jerry's they were from my mother.
A groan flew from me as I stared into an empty freezer. I could have sworn I had some B&J's stashed in here. Maybe I should have stolen the apple pie…
Another groan leapt out as there came a pounding upon my door. Who in the hell would be pounding on my door at this hour… not that is was that late, and maybe it was not so much pounding as knocking, but still, I have had a bad night and did not want to deal with any more disasters. Grumbling the entire way to the door, I yanked it open, completely prepared to chew out who ever dared to breathe on the other end. What I was not prepared for, however, was James Buzick to be leaning on the doorframe, beer in one hand, Ben & Jerry's Phish Food in the other.
"I'm sorry. Maybe I should come back another time?" he asked while the corner of his mouth twitched. "I would not want to impose, especially since it looks like you and Charlie Manson have a date."
Annoyance ripped through me, or tried to. I had to look pretty bad; I had even let my hair air dry… Crap! Crap! Crap! "You can come in!" I half yelled as I ran for the bedroom. "Be right out!" Hurriedly, I shoved on a different shirt and ran a brush through my hair, to no avail mind you, and decided to just throw it up into a ponytail. I cannot believe he just showed up on my door like that! Did my mother send him? If she did, you can bet your ass he was fixing to walk right back out that door, leaving the precious gifts behind.
Calming myself down, I walked back out of the bedroom to see James standing in the kitchen, staring down at an empty plate on the floor. "Damn it!" I screamed. How could I have forgotten to check the plate? I was even in the kitchen but I was so worried about the ice cream that I forgot to even look for Rex. I am a horrible person and mother.
James cocked his head to the side, watching the facial expressions fly across my face. "Now I think you are scaring Charlie away. You and the plate need some time?"
I glared at him the best burg glare I could muster. "You don't get it. I am a horrible mother and that plate was not always empty. I set it out in attempts to draw out Rex but I completely forgot to even check for him when I got home earlier." I sagged against the counter. "I'm sorry, I am not having the best of week here, and today has been the cherry topper, if you know what I mean."
"Hey, it's no big deal. If you want to feed your children on the floor, more power to you. It means more room at the table for the adults, right?" He grinned while I just glared in return.
"He is not my kid; he is my hamster. He got out of his cage when my mother was here earlier. Why are you still grinning?" I growled, thoroughly irritated.
"Well, we could be trapped in a giant bird cage facing certain death, so the way I see it, I have all the reason to smile." His grin only widened.
I stood there dumbfounded. He was crazy. Why in the world would my mother try to set me up with someone like him? He was dressed in jeans and a loose fitting t-shirt and had torn up tennis shoes on. His dark mess of hair was not exactly off putting, but not what my mother would go for. Maybe this was a pity setup for her friend Loretta. Poor crazy kid couldn't get a date so they decide to set him up with the burgs other favorite lunatic: me.
"Look, why don't we sit down, have a couple of beers, eat a little ice cream, and relax." He held out his hand "come on, it will be fun." His grin was a little crooked, but contagious just the same. I let him lead me to the living room and we plopped down on the couch.
The night went by and slowly I relaxed. Maybe James hadn't grown up so bad after all. We talked about how work sucks, him owning a car rental place downtown and me not having one. How burg mothers are the worst yet best; meaning they always mean well. He never asked me about Dickie or Joyce, and although he poked fun at me, he never put me down. It was a nice change of pace.
"Hey, look there!" James whispered suddenly, getting up and slowly wondering towards the dining room table. "It looks like your kid slash hamster came home." He bent over and picked something up as I ran to his side. "See, safe and sound. He was hiding under the table." He put Rex back into his cage and turned to smile at me. "Thank you for a wonderful even and I'm sorry I wrecked yours. Have a good night." And with that, he walked out of my door.
sorry for the choppy short chapter. I haven't had much time to write and wanted to post something. I know, bad me.
(Charles Manson is a cult figure who was able to convince people to kill. The bird cage was reference to Mork and Mindy, one of Robin Williams earlier works)
