I did it, I poured my heart out to my best friend and told him I loved him. He was obviously stunned. He didn't say much, which if you know him, you know that's not the usual. I am numb at the moment. I finally got up the balls to tell him and he didn't give me the answer I wanted, the answer I needed. Damn. I just thought we'd be together, I thought he'd be excited, well, I was hoping he'd be excited… ugh! I probably just screwed up everything. He thought I was going tell him I didn't want to see him anymore and he was super upset at that, but then when I finally got out what I wanted to say he freaked in a whole different way. I'm completely lost. I've tried calling him and he won't come when I summon. He's blocked me. The only hope I have is that he said he loved me to. But why say that and then send me away? Why not throw me on the bed and ravage me? I just told him I wanted more…I am just so disappointed. Sure, I'm alive and he's not, but we could figure it out, every couple has drawbacks, right? Oh my gosh I feel like such a loser. Did I lose my friend? Did he go to think alone? Is he sitting there still staring at the wall? Honestly, I don't know what to do or think. To be continued…