Chapter 4: Where Growth Begins

Derek was sitting in the waiting area of the ER. He had gotten Addison into an exam room and stayed with her until the detective entered the room. Richard told Derek to wait outside while he stayed with Addison. When the ER doctor came in to examine her, Richard left the room and went to see Derek. He hated to essentially leave her alone, but it was at her insistence. She didn't want anyone she knew personally in the room.

Derek was leaning back in the waiting area chair with his eyes closed.

"Derek," Richard said.

Derek sat up and opened his eyes.

"How is she?"

"She's almost finished. She did great with the police report. Give them a few more minutes and you can discharge her."

Derek sighed and nodded. "How does this happen, Richard?"

"I don't know, Derek. I just don't know."

Derek stood and thanked Richard from coming in so late. Derek knew Addison appreciated it too.

"Go to her," Richard commanded.

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Addison was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed tying her shoe laces when Derek came into the exam room. She smiled at him and said, "Take me home."

"I will. I have some sleeping pills that I want you to take. I'll drop you off at your hotel room. Take a couple of them and sleep the rest of the day."

As she carefully hopped off the bed she said, "I'm done with the clinical stuff today, Derek... You're not staying with me?"

"No. You need to sleep."

Addison sighed. "Ok," she replied sadly.

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Derek opened Addison's hotel room door and let her walk past him. He followed her and went into the bathroom to fill a glass with water. When he came out, Addison was lying on the bed.

"Addie, let me pull back the covers."

Addison got up and Derek threw back the covers. "Get in," he directed.

Addison glanced at him and crawled into the bed. Derek handed her the glass and two sleeping pills. She swallowed them and handed her glass back to Derek. He set it on the end table and then grabbed the covers on her bed. Addison laid down while Derek tucked the covers around her.

"Close your eyes."

Addison did as Derek told her. He bent down and gently kissed Addison's head. "I'll call you later. Sleep well."

Addison smiled slightly. Derek got off of the bed and walked out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.

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Addison went to work the next day despite Derek's attempts at keeping her away from the hospital. She walked up to the nurse's desk and sat down at a computer. She began working on charts and looking through her schedule for the next week.

"Addison?"

Addison looked up and saw Mark standing on the other side of the counter.

"Oh, hi," Addison replied and returned her eyes to the computer screen in front of her.

"Everything ok? You alright?"

"I'm good. I'm fine."

"Why are you here?"

Addison raised her eyebrows and asked, "Why wouldn't I be here. As far as I know, I still work here."

"Everyone knows, Addison. You should've taken more time off."

Exasperated, Addison pushed herself back from the desk and stood up. "Mark, thank you for caring, but really, I just want to get back to work. I should've known no one in this hospital could keep a secret."

Addison gathered her paperwork and walked past Mark. He turned and watched her walk away. Before she got too far, he said loudly, "When you're done today, don't go to your car alone."

Addison stopped, turned around, and sarcastically smiled at him. "Thanks for the advice."

---------------------Two Weeks Pass -----------------------------

Addison was confused. She thought things were progressing with Derek, but he had hardly spoken to her since the night in the ER. They talked briefly during the day at the hospital, but he had never come back to her hotel. He had never invited her back to his trailer either. She knew they were not yet a couple, but she had been hoping that it was going to happen at some point.

Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be going as she planned.

The past two weeks had been difficult. She was sick of people asking her how she was. She was sick of Mark, if for no other reason, than the fact that he was still around. He seemed to sense when things weren't going well for her. At times in her life that sense from him was a relief and enveloping, but now, it was only irritating. Meredith had been assigned to her for a few days and that, too, was suffocating and awkward for her.

Those feelings of confusion, sadness, and frustration made her decide to fill out, and send, the Boston Children's Hospital application. Addison knew the job was hers as soon as she could get the paperwork faxed and she had given her notice to Richard. She was at that point. She needed to go. She needed to start over.

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The next afternoon, she left the hospital early. She had had a conversation with Richard that morning. Richard was unhappy that she was leaving, but he understood her need for a change. Addison felt she had cried during the entire exchange. Richard had sat down next to her and just held her hand while she tried to get through it. She left feeling drained from that discussion and what had transpired in the last month.

Addison knew that Derek had the day off. She also knew that she had to see him. She had to tell him that she was moving to Boston.

Addison pulled into Derek's driveway. She tilted her head and smiled when she saw him sitting on a chair on the deck with beer in his hand.

Derek stared at Addison's car, but he didn't move to greet her. Addison turned off the engine and got out of her car.

"Hi, "Addison said as she shut the car door.

"Hi," Derek replied.

Addison walked up the steps toward Derek. "Can we go inside for a minute?"

Derek set his bottle down next to his chair and then got up. "Sure."

Derek opened the trailer door and Addison walked in. Derek followed her and stood opposite of her. He looked at her questioningly.

Addison took a deep breath before beginning to speak. Her stomach was in knots and she was hoping she could get through this conversation without throwing up. "Do you still love me? Because if you do, I need to know. You've barely spoken to me since the night in the ER. Did I do or say something wrong?"

Derek shook his head and ran his hand through his hair.

"Then what is it?!" Addison asked. "It's been a rough couple of weeks, Derek. I want to want us. I want to think we can still be Addison and Derek. But, I can't do….this. I can't continue to wonder whether I'm enough for you."

Derek stayed silent and Addison knew she had to tell him the rest. "I'm leaving Derek. I faxed the forms to Boston. I feel smothered here. Mark and Meredith are constantly in front of me. And everyone seems to want to shield me. From what, I don't know….but I can't take it anymore. I need space. I need to go somewhere without seeing past loves and hotel rooms every day."

Derek looked shocked. He never thought she'd actually accept the offer. "I do still love you, Addison."

"Then, why….?"

Derek interrupted Addison before she could finish her question. "What were you like after I left you the night I found out about Mark's baby?"

"What?" Addison whispered. "What are you….?"

"I need to know how you felt. I need to know you were ok because every time I think about that night, I see you crouched on the floor shaking and crying. I was angry when I found out about the baby. I know I hurt you that night. I shouldn't have come to you angry. I shouldn't have….."

Addison stepped closer to Derek. "Oh, My God, Derek! You can't compare what we did in the hotel room to what happened in the garage. You just can't! Is that why you've been avoiding me? Not talking to me?"

Derek replied, "The way I saw you after the attack? I don't ever want to do that to you. I couldn't live with myself if I'd ever hurt you that badly."

Addison took Derek's hand and said, "You are not a stranger, Derek. You could never hurt me like that. It's more painful for me to have you avoid and ignore me. I need you in my life, Derek. But, I won't beg you to go with me."

Derek took Addison's other hand. "I would never expect you to beg, Addison. You don't need to anyway."

Addison tilted her head and waited for Derek to continue. He let go of one of her hands and placed his palm on her cheek. Derek bent down and placed his lips onto hers. He kissed her softly and said, "I want to go where you go. I want to be with you wherever you are. I just don't want to hurt you again."

Addison smiled, sighed, and replied, "Oh, thank God because I wasn't sure how I was going to leave here in one piece if you dumped me."

Derek grabbed Addison around the waist, pulling her in towards him. "If you ever turn to someone else again, I will get another dog and let him chew every one of your $900 shoes."

Addison laughed and said, "And if you ever grow distant from me again, I will blow up this very trailer."

Derek joined her in the laughter and then stopped. "Speaking of the trailer….."

Addison interrupted him and said, "We'll keep it as a romantic, no-trout-inside, get-away vacation…..home."

Derek smiled and began to kiss her. They continued kissing while walking towards the bed and shedding their clothes. Once they finished making love, they laid in bed together enjoying the warmth and unspoken bond between them for the rest of the night.

The next week passed uneventfully. Addison and Derek spent every night together and they spent their short free time at the hospital together, as well.

Derek was in the doctor's lounge filling out patients' charts when Addison walked in.

"Hi."
"Hey," replied Derek as he watched her sit down in the chair next to him.
"Have you spoken to Richard, yet?" Addison asked.
"No, I'll do it later today."
"Are you putting it off for any reason?"
"Nope. Just haven't had a chance. I'll do it today."

Addison smiled and pulled a sheet of paper out of her pile of charts that she had been carrying. "What do you think about this?" She pushed the paper towards Derek.

Derek picked it up and studied it. "It's a house."

"Yes. It could be our house. Do you like it? I was searching online and found this one. It's on 10 acres. It has a lake on the property...it's man-made, but still..."
"It's big."
"You don't like it."
"No, no...it's not that. I just hadn't thought about a house."

Derek continued to stare at the picture. "It has four bedrooms."
"Four bedrooms and three bathrooms."
"Why would we need four bedrooms?"

Addison grabbed the paper from Derek's hand. "Nevermind. I'll look for something else. Maybe I should look for two houses."

Addison gathered her papers and started to stand up. Derek grabbed her wrist and said, "Addison, wait."

Addison sighed and sat back down.
"Derek...?"
"Call the realtor. We'll fly out this weekend and look at it."
"Really? Are you sure? I mean, if you really don't like it..."
"We'll look at it together."

Addison smiled and leaned in to kiss Derek. "Thank you. Don't forget to talk to Richard today."

Derek nodded and watched Addison leave the lounge. After everything that has happened, I still have trouble denying her what she wants, Derek thought.

---------------------- the weekend arrives ------------------------

"Addison, we are going to Boston for the weekend. Why do you have so much luggage?"

Addison was filling suitcase #3 when Derek walked into her hotel room. Derek dropped his one overnight bag onto the floor.

"I just wasn't sure what else we were doing while we were there. Shopping? Fine dining? The zoo?"

Derek laughed, "the zoo??"

"Ok, not the zoo, but you know what I mean."

Derek shook his head in amazement. "Hurry up and finish. We need to get to the airport soon."

Addison tried shutting the suitcase closed. Frowning because the lid wouldn't fully shut, she climbed on the bed and sat on the lid. Closing the clasps successfully, she hopped off of the bed. "There! All done!"

"I'll have to call a porter for all of this stuff," Derek said.

Addison stared at her suitcases and replied, "Yeah, it looks like it."

Derek called down to the front desk. When he was off of the phone, Addison walked over to him and put her hands on his back. Derek turned around and pulled her towards him.

"What's wrong, Addie?" Derek asked, noticing the change in her eyes.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"You look worried."

"No...I'm good." Addison smiled slightly and continued, "This is our first real weekend together in a long time. I just want it to be perfect. I just want you to want to be with me."

"I do, Addison. I want what you want."

Addison and Derek hugged, silently, lost in their own thoughts for a few minutes. The porter knocked on the hotel room door and Derek broke away from Addison to open it for him. The porter walked into the room and began putting their luggage on the cart. Addison picked her purse up from the table and stood next to Derek. He entwined his fingers with hers and, together, they headed for the airport.

After settling into their hotel room in Boston, Addison asked Derek about his plans for the next morning. After flopping onto the bed next to Derek, Addison asked, "So, while I am showing the Boston Children's Hospital staff my sparkling personality, what are you going to be doing?"

"I'll find something to do." Derek reached over Addison to grab the remote on the end stand next to her. He pushed the power button and began channel surfing. "I have my laptop. I'll get some work done. When you are finished at the hospital, we'll go check out the house."

"Sounds like a plan," Addison replied. "Are you hungry? We could go out to dinner. Or we could order room service."

"I am hungry." Derek turned towards Addison. "For you."

Addison rolled her eyes. "Is that all you ever think about?"

"No…..Yes." Derek threw the remote on the floor and rolled on top of Addison. "We'll eat later," Derek mumbled as he started kissing her.

"Sounds like a plan," Addison mumbled back.

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The next morning Addison was in the bathroom applying her make up when Derek walked in.

"Hey, Sleepyhead," Addison said, smiling.

"Hi. Don't you have to be at the hospital soon?"

"Yeah. I sorta slept in myself."

Derek turned on the shower and waited for it to warm up. "Hmmm…I'm hungry this morning. We sort of forgot to eat last night."

Addison watched him undress. "I guess we were too busy." She waited a second and then asked him, "Did Meredith cook you breakfast?"

"Addison, don't. Let it go." Before stepping into the shower, he added, "But for the record, no, she didn't. Izzie does the cooking."

Addison gathered her make up bag and replied, "Good," before leaving the bathroom.

Derek came out of the bathroom a few minutes later with just a towel on.

Addison smiled. "Nice. I'm very happy that I'm getting the chance to see you in a towel again."

Derek walked over to her and kissed her on the forehead. "And if you don't go to your meeting, you won't get many more chances. I don't get half naked for unemployed women."

Addison giggled, kissed him back, and grabbed her briefcase. "I'll call you when I'm on my way back here."

"I promise to be dressed by then," Derek said.

Addison opened the hotel room door, turned back toward Derek, and said, "Promises, promises."

Derek laughed and threw his towel at her as she closed the hotel room door behind her.

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Derek and Addison were in their rental car driving the 45 minutes it took to get to their potential new home. They both knew it would be outside the city limits and a bit of a commute to work, but Addison had her heart set on at least checking it out.

After Addison had finished her meeting at the hospital, she and Derek had eaten a quick lunch. Addison was excited to tell Derek everything she had heard about the staff and her new job at BCH. Derek sat quietly listening to her and enjoyed seeing her so happy. He hadn't seen Addison like that in a long time. It had reminded him of so long ago when Addison had come running up to him squealing, "I did it, Derek! I got in! I got the Attending position!" Things had a way of coming full circle.

"This must be it," Derek said as he spotted the large red brick house with the realtor's sign in the manicured front lawn.

"Yep. That's it," Addison replied.

Derek turned into the long driveway and drove until he saw the realtor's car near the house. They both climbed out of their car and shut the doors. Addison took a long gaze at the house and thought, Perfect. Please like it, Derek. Please. Derek had already introduced himself to the realtor that was standing on the front porch. Addison walked quickly to meet them in front of the beautiful oak front door.

The friendly realtor, Mrs. Reyes, opened the door and allowed Derek and Addison to walk into the foyer. It had 9 ft ceilings and a marble floor. They followed her towards the right side of the house where a massive great room opened up. Derek began asking her technical questions about the house. He asked her why it was for sale. He asked her how new the roof was. He asked her how many furnaces it had. The house was 80 years old, but completely renovated. The last owner was only the second one to own the house. He was a widower and had moved south for a warmer climate. The roof had been completely overhauled in 2005. The house had 2 furnaces and dual air conditioners. It was 3800 square feet of beautiful living space.

While Derek was playing twenty questions with Mrs. Reyes, Addison was checking out the first floor. The cathedral ceiling in the great room had large wooden beams flanking it. There was a brick fireplace with one side facing the great room and the other side facing the well-endowed kitchen.

Addison slowly walked into the kitchen and ran her hands along the Corian countertops. The kitchen also boasted stainless steel appliances including a double oven embedded in one wall. Derek caught up to Addison and stood behind her. He whispered into her ear, "Why are you bothering to look at the kitchen?"

Addison smiled and turned around to face Derek. "Har Har. Maybe Boston would be a great place to learn to cook."

"Let's hope so!"

Addison smacked Derek's arm and continued to scrutinize her palace.

They walked from room to room, floor to floor, with Derek asking questions and Addison touching walls and staircase banisters. The house held 13 rooms, plus, a double foyer, a finished basement, an attic, and a Florida room which over looked the man-made lake in the rear of the property. Surrounding the lake were acres of wooded areas. It was a peaceful place. It was a grand place. It was all Addison had hoped for.

The drive back to the hotel was a quiet one. Both Addison and Derek were lost in their own thoughts. Derek had spoken with Mrs. Reyes after they finished viewing the house. He had told her they would contact her within a day or two with their decision regarding a bid.

Addison's thoughts were on Derek. Did he like it? Would he make this big step toward their total reconciliation? If he did agree to the house, would he regret it later? Was she moving too fast? Was she in denial about Derek being able to completely forgive her and move on together?

Derek's thoughts were on Addison. What did this house mean to her? Was it more than just a house? Was it a way for her to try to reclaim with they had before he became absent and she slept with his best friend?

Addison's cell phone rang and interrupted both of their individual thoughts. She grabbed the phone out of her purse and flipped it open.

"Hello? Yes, this is she….Uh huh…..I could be there tomorrow afternoon. I am currently out of the state, but I'll be returning to Seattle tomorrow late morning…..Ok, I will talk with you then. Thank you for calling." Addison shut her cell phone and stared out her window.

Derek glanced at her and asked, "Who was that?"

"Dectective Thompson from the Seattle Police Department. They have information regarding my case to pass on to me. I'll meet with him tomorrow when we get back."

Derek clenched his jaw and replied, "I'll go with you. Hopefully, it's good news and they got this bastard."

"Yeah….hopefully." Addison continued to look out her window.

"You, ok?"

"Yeah. I just…..it was kind of going away, ya know? I was finally starting to not think about him. I was finally starting to not have the nightmares…."

Derek looked towards her and interrupted her, "You had nightmares?! When?! You never told me…."

Addison turned back towards Derek. "I mostly had them right afterwards, but….we weren't together much then. The later times, I didn't want to wake you, so I just got up and dealt with them myself."

Derek took his free hand and grabbed Addison's fingers. He wrapped his hand over them. "I'm sorry. Next time, I'll be there."

Addison smiled sadly and replied, "I just want to move on, Derek. I just want to move on with everything."

Derek and Addison dropped their luggage off at the trailer before driving in to the city to meet with Detective Thompson.

"That was a whirlwind weekend," Addison commented.

Derek nodded his agreement. "Two weeks left here in Seattle."

"Yeah. This whole year has flown by."

Again, Derek nodded.

The small talk really wasn't going anywhere for either of them. They both knew a bigger decision needed to be made.

"Derek...about the house...I want you to make your own decision. I don't want to be the one that makes it for you. I don't want you to regret it later. I don't want to feel guilty that I pressured you into living there. I don't want you to resent me for pressuring you to live there. I don't want you to live somewhere that isn't you. I've been there, done that."

Addison smiled at her reference to the trailer, but Derek stared forward focused on the road in front of them.

Addison continued, "I mean, I can certainly afford to buy it myself. It's not like we have to live together. Maybe I shouldn't assume that's what you were planning on doing. Just because you agreed to move to Boston doesn't mean we have to live there together. So, what I am saying is that this house doesn't have to be the huge elephant between us. I could buy the house and you could visit."

"Are you done...rambling?"

Addison blankly stared at Derek.

He glanced at her and smiled. "You ramble when you're nervous."

Addison frowned and said, "I do not."

"You do. But, back to the point. I was just sitting here thinking, before you began your long, drawn out explanation, that I should stock the pond this Spring so I can fish there next summer."

Addison slowly smiled as she figured out his meaning. "Really?!"

Derek glanced back at her and grinned. "Really. It's a great house. It has the best of both of us. I'll call Mrs. Reyes this evening and we can place a bid."

Addison unhooked her seatbelt to reach up and kiss Derek's cheek. She also whispered in his ear, "I'll give you my formal thank you later tonight."

Derek laughed and said, "I'll look forward to it...now, get your seatbelt back on."

Addison sat back in her seat and reattached her seatbelt. "After the meeting with the detective, we'll need to stop for some furniture magazines."

Derek rolled his eyes and said, "Oh God, here we go."

Addison laughed out loud and smacked Derek's arm. She linked her fingers around his hand that was resting on the drive shaft. He lifed their hands and kissed her fingers.

"To new beginnings," he said.

"Yeah, to new beginnings," Addison replied.