*Sorry this update has taken so long. It's seriously been a struggle to motivate myself to write ANYTHING. But I only have one more chapter after this one...so it should be out before the end of the month. Thanks for reading with me, and bearing with the heavy mood.


Leonardo wasn't sure how to feel when it was time to speak. He'd put off voicing what was on his heart until then for exactly that reason: there was no telling what emotions could be unleashed. Despite not knowing how to proceed, the blue-masked turtle wasn't uncomfortable. No one had spoken from their smaller fire circle for a few minutes, but there was a sense of solidarity in their grief. It left him free to take his time to choose his words.

His eyes drifted to the larger bonfire to the right of their group. The flames would burn all night to remove any evidence of their Master's earthly form. Physical evidence, he reminded himself. The deepest parts of Sensei can't be destroyed by fire. And with that thought, Leonardo recalled a conversation he'd had with Michelangelo months beforehand, when his orange-masked brother was at a low point.

Something akin to inspiration sparked in Leonardo's mind at the memory, and words finally came to the surface. "A few months ago, I shared a quote with Mike. He might remember it, but I think it's appropriate to mention it again today. Isabel Norton said that those we hold most dear never leave us…They live on in the kindness they showed, the comfort they shared, and the love they brought into our lives."

Leo paused briefly to focus on his brothers and friends in turn. "The first time I heard the quote, it left me bitter. It sounded like sentimental nonsense someone awkwardly comforts you with when they don't know what else to say. But I get it now – what it really means.

"We don't have Splinter here with us, but he's not gone. Not completely. As long as we live, a part of him is alive with us. His presence is in every lesson and skill he trained us to use. Every word of wisdom and act of compassion are pieces of Sensei that we carry around with us, wherever we go.

"The impact Splinter made on our lives doesn't cease because he's gone. We haven't forgotten ninjutsu. We haven't left behind honor. We haven't lost our family. The circle is broken, but not destroyed."

Leonardo hesitated for a long moment. "Sensei changed nearly everyone he came in contact with. He ignited a passion in us, not just to take care of ourselves, but to fight for the greater good. He didn't have to order us to go make a difference in a very dark place. He simply inspired the path that we all choose to lead…and you, our friends, choose to walk with us. Sensei's light has gone out, but we're not lost. As long as the spark he lit in us keeps burning, the night won't overcome our family. Even the darkest midnight can't hide a tiny candle.

"That doesn't mean the next few weeks and months won't be hard, or that we won't miss his presence. But it tells me there's still hope; hope for life to continue, hope to keep growing. That's what Splinter would want us to do…and I believe it's the greatest way we can honor the legacy he left. To love and protect each other…to do the right thing, and never back down in the face of fear.

"We're blessed to have each other, and to have every one our friends." Leonardo stopped when his voice cracked, and swallowed to keep composure. "This isn't what any of us wanted, but it isn't the end. If Splinter could see us now, with full understanding of everything yet to come in our lives, I think he would be excited. Maybe he can view the whole picture, watching over our shoulder as we walk a path we can hardly see. Either way, I have a strong feeling we have a full future ahead of us. When it's all said and done, we still have a lot to be grateful for."

Leonardo rested a hand on his red-masked brother's shoulder and grazed Luke's back on his other side. "So even though I can't tell you what will happen next, I'm not afraid for this family. We've trained, fought, and worked together in the past, and we'll find a way to grieve together too. We're not finished."

"No, we ain't," Raphael said stoically. "And Sensei wouldn't want us to give up that easy. No one said this was gonna be fun, but we're still here."

The oldest turtle sensed he needed to say more, and nodded at Raphael to continue.

"None of us wanted to lose him, but watching Sensei wear out the way he did…Part of me is glad that he's better now. He's whole," Raph said emphatically. "And it really does feel like he's watching us from somewhere else, and proud of us for being a team."

The red-masked turtle took a shaky breath and focused on the small fire in their circle. "I think…we could all go on about Splinter for a long time. A lot of people on the surface can get sidetracked, kind of forget about what's important. We might get distracted by stuff too, but our lives are sorta…limited, so it keeps us more aware.

"Maybe it's harder for us to lose Sensei because he's the only family we had, or maybe it's better…Because we were always there with him, and he got to pour so much into our lives. I can't say anything for sure, except that my brothers and I probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Splinter. I doubt we would have survived as kids, and we definitely wouldn't be who we are without his guidance.

"Leo's right. There's a huge part of Sensei that'll always be with us, even when we don't feel like it. But now there's a void too, and nothing's gonna fill it. I don't think we should even try to find something to take his place. Some people you don't get over…and you're probably not supposed to."


Leonardo was tired of sitting. He'd spent most of the night in silent watchfulness of the bonfire with his brothers. Though their human counterparts offered to take part of the watch or stay with them at the very least, the blue-masked turtle had gently insisted it was their task to finish, their final way to honor Splinter's physical body.

While his brothers had alternated pacing and tending the fire, Leo was unmoved until he saw the first rays of light on the horizon. Their watch was almost over, the job nearly complete, but there was no accompanying satisfaction or peace.

The muscles in his legs protested as Leonardo stiffly rose, unused to the inactivity he'd subjected them to for the last couple of days. There was an obvious cure for it, though he'd been shunning anything to do with ninjutsu to prevent a possible breakdown. It's kind of senseless though, isn't it? I can't avoid this forever. It's not going to make me feel better to shut down, or help me miss Sensei less.

Leo closed his eyes with a deep breath. As he inhaled, he sensed the newness of greenery emerging in the forest surrounding him; fresh life under the surface of the earth, waiting for the opportunity to come forth. The soft trilling of birds in the sparse overhead canopy was suddenly louder, and felt closer by.

A light breeze swirled around him, refreshing after the heat of the bonfire his brothers had dutifully fed so it would burn throughout the night. The world hasn't changed. Our family has been rocked, but life continues…and we have to continue too.

His breathing automatically deepened as he posed one leg ahead of the other and sank into a relaxed stance, resting his weight on bent knees. Leonardo drew his right arm backwards and brought it forward again slowly, crossing his chest. The breeze sifted through his fingers, and he swore it had a physical texture to hold on to.

In the tranquil state, Leo didn't have to direct his body. His limbs shifted as though they had life of their own, flowing seamlessly from one stance to another. He was an ocean wave, ebbing and flowing with a consistent current. He was one with every sensation colliding with his frame.

Leo couldn't recall when he picked up speed. His conscious mind was faintly aware of the wind increasing, and his movement naturally adjusted to flow with its intensity. He was nearly distracted when his breathing quickened too, but the blue-masked turtle exhaled to settle it.

The action of slowing down felt like he was fighting against Nature itself. The wind continued to whip around him, stinging his skin as it sought to unhinge his disciplined respiration. He found himself beating the air in slow motion, struggling to take back the airway that was rightfully his. The howl of the displeased elements whined around him until the urge to cover his ears was too strong to resist.

Leonardo clapped both hands on either side of his head and felt himself pitch forward. The abrupt cessation of the wind caused him to blink rapidly and find himself supported by his red-masked brother's arms.

"Y'okay, Bro?" Raphael's piercing amber eyes searched his face.

Leo nodded slowly. "Yeah. Thanks."

Don took a step into view. "I think you should sit down, Leo."

"I was sitting all night," he answered faintly. Nevertheless, he didn't fight Raphael's grip guiding him back toward their original fire circle. Leonardo found his youngest brother staring at him with a knowing expression. "What is it, Mikey?"

The orange-masked turtle fidgeted on his feet, neither moving toward him nor retreating. "You felt it too, huh?"

Leo pulled away from his other brother. "Felt what?"

Michelangelo looked down. "The rage. Everything starts out normal, but then…It falls apart."

Leonardo took a couple of hesitant steps. "It felt like the wind would tear me apart."

Mike shook his head. "I'm glad it's not just me."

The oldest turtle's brow furrowed. "I don't know what it means, but it's never just you, Mike, or any of us." He cast a glance back at Donny. "I…I've shut you guys out, because I didn't know how else to keep my emotions under control. But it's not really controlled at all…only isolated. I'm sorry."

Michelangelo crossed the remaining space between them. "You don't gotta be sorry for hurting, Bro."

Leonardo swallowed, but couldn't find any moisture in his throat. "I wasn't ready to lose Sensei. I'm not ready to be alone."

"Yer not," Raphael insisted. "So long as we're here, you never will be." The red-masked turtle hooked an arm over his shoulder, and cast his other hand around Mike.

Leonardo mimicked the action by extended his arm around Raphael's back, and then reached for Donatello, who filled in the last gap by stretching around to Mike. The tears of four brothers resounded with the rest of the wilderness rising to greet the new day.