Standing tall in the city was the site of the entrance examinations for Plus Ultra Academy High School, or UH for short. Green Boi fought back the urge to throw up as he wondered how Deus ex Machina would manifest itself in his body. Maybe I should have tested it out with All American before I rushed here. But I didn't know if some dumbass supervillain was gonna hold up traffic again. I couldn't risk being late for the exam. Since the competition for Plus Ultra High is so cutthroat, it's an automatic disqualification if you're late.
"Stop muttering to yourself you motherfucking nerd ass-eating bitch," shouted a familiar voice.
"Explochan?" Green Boi turned around to see his (best?) friend approaching him.
"Yeah it's me. Just cuz you've been avoiding me all year doesn't mean I don't exist you dick sucking slut."
"Why do you use such sexually explicit language?"
"I don't have to explain myself to you!" Angry Boi pushed him aside. "Go eat ass, punk."
"Maybe if it's yours, Explochan," Green Boi sarcastically retorted.
"Only in your wet dreams," barked Angry Boi as he stomped away.
He's mad because he thinks I've been avoiding him? Since when have I been avoiding… You know what, yeah, I've spent the whole year training with All American. I haven't seen much of Explochan outside of school. I'll make it up to him. When we both get in to UH, I'll take him out for ramen. He smiled and made his way toward the entrance. I've worked so hard. So I'm gonna definitely get in—
He stumbled over his own shoe. He hurtled, face first, toward the cold, hard, unforgiving ground. Welp. Guess I'll die.
Fortunately, his precious face decided not to hit the ground. In fact, his whole body began to float. "HOLY SHIT IS THIS THE POWER OF DEUS EX MACHINA?"
"Lol, what are you talking about?" asked a cute girl who was magically suddenly standing beside him. She helped him to stand and then clapped her hands together. "I stopped you with my quirk. Sorry I didn't ask first, but, I figured that you like your face. Teehee. Anyway, I'm super nervous about the exam and I feel like I'm gonna throw up. I didn't eat much for breakfast, though, so I shouldn't. If I do it'll probably just be stomach acid. I'm gonna go inside. Buh-bye." And she walked away, while saying under her breath, "Why the hell did I say that? Ugh!"
Green Boi was at a loss for words. An angel of good luck blessed me. He laughed happily.
…
Inside the auditorium, Speaker Man, a pro hero whose gravity-defying hair should have been a quirk in and of itself, was trying to get the UH applicants to loosen up a little. "Are you ready to rumbleeeeee?" he cheered, to a crowd of silent, awkward 9th graders. "Come on, lemme hear you say 'Hey!'"
Silence. Except for Green Boi who was quietly fanboying over Speaker Man's presence, because spending ten months training exclusively with All American Blonde Superman didn't quell his fanboy nature.
Since the students didn't want to play along, Speaker Man got serious. "Never mind. Let me just explain the rules. Each student is assigned a to a battle center, where they will be competing in 10-minute mock battles in an urban setting."
Explochan, whose assigned seat was next to Green Boi's, looked at his own registration card, and then glanced at Green Boi's card. "I get it," he thought aloud. "They're separating us so we can't work with our friends."
Green Boi heard, and glanced at Angry Boi's card. "Yeah, our registration numbers are consecutive yet we were assigned different battle centers."
"Don't look at my card, ass-breath."
"You really are creative with these insults Explochan."
Speaker Man continued to explain the rules, "Alright so as per the official rulebook, you will be tasked with fighting robot villains. There are four types of villains: 1pt villains, 2pt villains, 3pt villains, and 0pt villains. Not only do you get points for killing the villains, you get points for destroying the surroundings, and you get points for style, which are awarded subjectively by the judges. The purpose of this exam is to show off how interesting your quirk and your personality are. The flashier and the more destructive, the better. We at UH only want the best and flashiest students, because that's what makes for a good anime. Unfortunately, we're also a hero school, so attacking your fellow applicants on purpose is grounds for immediate disqualification. This isn't Deadman Wonderland. This is Hero School Plus Ultra. Any questions?"
A hand rose from the middle of the audience. It was a dude wearing glasses. "Hello, I raised my hand because I like the attention. I'm also going to point out something on the examination information form, and yell at you, because I'm a super serious type of guy that always plays by the rules. I'm also going to turn around and yell at that kid because he's mumbling." Glasses Guy turned around to Precious Green and said, "Shut up!"
Explodey Boi banged on the desk and retorted, "Hey, no one picks on this loser but me! Go eat ass!"
Green Boi quickly tried to calm his friend, "It's okay Explochan, it's not that serious."
Speaker Man clapped and cheered. "To have the balls to ask a question when the rest of the audience is silent, that gives me goosebumps! I like you kid! You're interesting! You'll get style points for that! And you, the angry kid, I like your style too! But you, green-haired kid, I don't like you. You're too plain. I'm deducting style points!"
Explodey Boi scoffed. Green Boi panicked. Can he do that? That's not fair!
Glasses Guy bowed, said, "Thank you," and sat down.
Speaker Man clapped his hands and struck a pose. "Okay, this chapter is going to be a long one, so let's get this started! Everyone, let me hear you cheer our school motto! Say it with me!" He took a deep breath.
Green Boi took a deep breath as well, ready to cheer with him, but Angry Explodey Boi gave him a vicious look. So Green Boi, and the rest of the auditorium kept silent when Speaker Man yelled, "PLUS ULTRA!"
…
Plus Ultra Academy High. Green Boi thought to himself as he suited up for the entrance examination. The school where the most popular superheroes are trained. The godly All American Blonde Superman, the world's strongest and most beloved hero, was a student in these sacred halls. UH also trained the second top hero in Japan, Abusive Fire Daddy, and the third top hero, Denim Dude. Attending UH is basically a requirement if you want to become a top hero. And I want to become a top hero. I'm going to use All American's power and my wits to bring about a peaceful world. That's the plan.
Green Boi gulped. But I'm so nervous! He glanced around at the couple dozen kids chatting, hanging out by the gate enclosing the fake city built for the mock battle. He couldn't help but overhear some of the conversation bits floating around.
One said, "How did they afford to build, not one, not two, but at least a dozen mock cities for UH's entrance exam? This is Japan, right? Real estate is precious."
Another said, "LOL, I know I'm not gonna get in to UH. I'm just doing the test because someone dared me."
To which someone replied, "Me too dude, I don't even want to be a hero."
Someone else said, "So I ate some ramen for dinner last night and I'm feeling pretty good about this test."
Green Boi sighed. "Why does everyone seem so calm? Am I the only one who's nervous?" He skimmed around the crowd. He happened to see the pretty girl who helped him earlier. He blushed. "Oh, that's her! Didn't she also say she was nervous? She looks kind of nervous. Maybe I should go talk to her and we can be nervous together." So he started walking toward her.
Suddenly, a cold, heavy hand grasped his shoulder. Green Boi shivered at the authoritative touch. Turning around, he saw the glasses guy eyeing him sternly. "I insert myself into situations so that I can get more screen time," Glasses Guy said. "And I say everything in a proud manly voice because that makes me seem authoritative. So don't talk to that girl because she's obviously trying to focus."
"O-okay! Sorry!" stuttered Green Boi.
A couple of kids overheard the situation, and laughed at Precious Green. He heard them say, "Loser. He's definitely not getting in to UH."
"Neither are we, dude. We're extras."
"Aw come on, have some faith in yourself. At least five future class 1-A students were just background characters in this episode."
"REALLY? Which ones?"
Their conversation was cut short when Speaker Man appeared on top of a tower over-looking the fake city. He took a deep breath, shouted, "ROCK N' ROLL!" and whipped his hair back and forth. Green Boi stared at him, wondering, What the hell is he doing? Then he turned around and saw that his fellow students had rushed into the open gate.
THAT WAS THE STARTING SIGNAL? Green Boi followed them. His heart was racing. His mind was all over the place. Focus, Precious Green! Don't overthink. Don't panic. Just punch and kick. That's what they want. Be flashy! But how? What do I do? How do I even activate Dues ex Machina? Ugh why didn't I test it out with All American earlier? Dammit I don't know what I'm doing! Why did I do this? What am I doing here?
As if to rub salt into his wounded confidence, a 1-point mecha robot burst through the wall of a building, and scared Precious Green so bad that he almost shit his pants. Punch it! Punch it! Punch it! Punch it! He told himself. But his body wouldn't listen. His feet wouldn't move. His arms went numb. He started to cry. The robot reared back, like it was about to slap the color out of this skin. Oh no. I'm not hero material at all. I'm pathetic. I'm too scared of this stupid fucking robot.
Fortunately, a bright flash of light ripped apart the robot. Some blonde, flamboyant kid said, "I'm flashy! I'm well-dressed! I'm blonde! I speak French and English and Japanese! Look at my perfect smile! I shoot lasers out of my belly! I'm definitely hero material~!" and he ran away.
Green Boi watched him run off. Then Greenie stood around and thought, Wow. I panicked. I froze in fear. I'm so stupid. It's just a test. It's not like the robot would kill me… although they did make us sign liability waivers before we took the test.
He remembered speed-reading the waiver when he checked-in for the exam this morning. It had said something along the lines of "UH will not be held responsible for any death or injury during the examination process."
But of course they'd make us sign a waiver. That's basic legal protection for the school. It's not like anyone has actually died or gotten seriously hurt during the exam. They wouldn't let children do this if it was dangerous… right?
Then he heard Speaker Man shout, "Six and a half minutes left."
"FUCK ME!" Green Boi screamed. He had wasted too much time standing around. He charged around the corner. I need points. I need points. I need points. I need points. I need points!
In the center of the city, there were a bunch of potential students, fighting mobs of robots. Green Boi happened to notice the nice, pretty girl going around touching robots, causing them to float high up in the air.
Oh that's a cool quirk. Green Boi thought.
"Release!" she said, touching her fingertips together. This brought the robots crashing down into the street.
Unfortunately, she wasn't paying attention to where she was dropping the robots, and she accidentally crushed one unlucky student to death in the process. Three more were hit by the flying debris, seriously injuring them. But she didn't notice the chaos that she was causing because she was panicking. "Jesus Christ, that's only 28 points," she said to herself.
Holy shit! Green Boi thought as he fought back the urge to vomit. Did that really just happen? Did she really do something as stupid as make robots float and then fall down in a densely populated area? He looked around. No one else had noticed, because they, too, were busy trying to kill robots for points. The guy with glasses was kicking robots with his engine legs. The force of his kicks caused the robots to explode, sending shrapnel in multiple directions. "That's 45 points," he said.
"Duck!" Green Boi shouted as he tackled Random Student A to the ground, barely saving her from getting decapitated by a stray robot claw.
"Back off you little shit!" she yelled at him as she pushed him away and ran after another robot.
"That's 32 for me!" yelled Random Student H.
"Well I have 37," said Random Student I.
"MY LEG!" screamed Random Student J. He was pinned underneath a robot part. Green Boi ran to him, and pulled him out. "You okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine!" The student pushed Green Boi aside and limped toward the thick of the battle to get more points.
So this is what All American meant when he said I definitely need a flashy quirk. But what use is a quirk if it hurts more people than it helps? Fuck this test. I'm not doing this. So what if I don't get accepted into this stupid school? I don't want to go to a school with an entrance exam like this! How is this even legal?!
Green Boi ran to help a girl who was bleeding from her skull in a ditch in the side of the road. He carried her away from the battle zone. On the way, he picked up another victim of the floaty girl's negligence, a dude whose tibia was sticking out of his ankle joint.
As soon as he set the two wounded applicants aside, he felt the ground rumble. Looking up, he saw a robot that was as big as The Female Titan Lady. With a single swing, the robot destroyed a building, sending dirt and debris everywhere. This stupid fucking test is way too extreme! Seriously! How much money did they spend building this fake city and all these robots, only to destroy it?!
Several students fell into fits of coughing, because they breathed in the dusty air. The ones that were able to run, ran for their lives. The robot rolled after them, like a tank ready to obliterate everything in its line of sight. Green Boi gaped in horror as he saw the robot run over entire buildings. And in its path were a bunch of kids.
No way. They won't let that happen. He thought. They'll stop the robot before it runs over anyone.
It kept marching forward.
No. Stop. Plus Ultra Academy High School, stop playing.
But it kept rolling forward, crushing everything in its wake. Soon it would crush helpless, unconscious students. Green Boi trembled with panic. Glasses Guy happened to run past the trembling Green Boi. He stopped for a second and said, "I notice that you're hesitating because you're worried for the safety of others, and I am too, but I'm not stopping to help because I want to focus on this test." Glasses Guy kept running.
"What is wrong with that guy?" Green asked himself.
"NO! Help!" screamed a girl. As the dust cleared, Green Boi saw that the tables had turned for the girl who made things float. Now her leg was pinned under a concrete slab. She was panicking so much that she didn't do the rational thing, which would be to make the slab float and crawl out from under it. "HELP!" she screamed.
It only took Green Boi a single second to act.
In that single second, he thought, How can I save her? I could pull her out. But what if her leg is broken or something? Then she can't run. And I can't outrun that robot while carrying her. Besides, it's not only her that's in the robot's way. There's a lot of applicants who can't run away, because they can't breathe since there is so much of the dust in the air. And those other two that I saved. They're in trouble too… I can't save everyone unless… Brute strength. I guess the only solution to this situation is brute strength. I have to beat that robot. So that's what I'll do. What did All American say again? Clench my butt-checks? Here goes nothing.
