Chapter Four

I would have written some more chapters, but I got distracted watching the Lost in Space movie, then the TV show. It's such a cool concept. How does Lexarke in space sound guys? I can make it a side project while I finish up this story later. Could you imagine? Just traversing the universe in a ship decked out with everything you need, exploring untouched worlds... I get so giddy thinking about it xD

Here's another chap loves, she's just a touch up with a decent sized add on at the bottom. I'll try and aim for longer chapters later.


Clarke felt nothing but the rolling muscles of Hawal beneath her as they rode. She felt wisps of her mares black mane brush against her cheek as she stood in her stirrups, urging her loyal companion forward. She heard nothing but the thundering of three sets of hooves as she rode with Octavia and Indra. She could not let herself feel or hear anything but these two things, otherwise she would suffer a breakdown. She forced herself to focus on Hawal, and her mind immersed itself in the joy of the fast gallop she had taken on. Clarke, for the first time since she first set foot on the ground, felt free. She had never allowed herself to truly enjoy a hard, fast riding trip with Hawal, let alone a pleasurable stroll. Now, she enjoyed the wild adrenaline, one that didn't stem from battle. Her mind could go blank, and that was something she had never had the liberty of truly enjoying.

But memories of yesterday slipped through the cracks in her armor. They slipped through in the slivers of doubt and fear that caused erosion in the stable rock of happiness that Clarke had been able to find within the vast ocean of emotions within her mind. The waters of emotions rose, enveloping her little stable rock, drowning it in unpleasant memories carried in uncomfortably cold water.

'"Bellamy, look I'm sorry-" Clarke started, truly sorry for her friend. She thought that after the war she would be able to stop hurting people, but it seemed that this wouldn't be the case. She always seemed to be caught between a rock and a hard place, and the only way out was through pain.

"-No, Clarke." Bellamy interjected, honest tears misting over usually unwavering, calm eyes. "I don't know how you can reject me yet give me so many signals-"

"-What signals?" Clarke asked, getting defensive. There was a time where she had considered being with Bellamy, but after she spent more time with Lexa, those considerations flew out the window. Even before Lexa, Clarke felt like she just needed to feel something, so she had thought, 'Why not Bellamy'. But it had been a farce, a creation formed within her mind in her attempt to prove to herself that she was still human after everything she had done. Now, she had Lexa to prove that to her, and it was for real.

"Telling me that you couldn't lose me! That's a pretty big signal to give Clarke!" Bellamy half-shouted, jabbing a finger at the girl he loved, "And you kept giving me hugs! And you didn't want me to leave! You wanted me to stay with you! You wanted me to stay for you!"

Clarke sighed, shaking her head. "It's not like that Bellamy!" Clarke said, slapping Bellamy's hand away, unable to stand him pointing his finger at her in such an accusatory manner. "You're my friend, Bellamy, and I do care about you, but not like that. Maybe before this whole mess, before I met Lexa, maybe we could have been together. But even then, you're to me what you are to Octavia, a really good big brother."

Bellamy swallowed, rubbing at his jaw as he glared at the floor, shifting his weight from foot to foot for a moment. This wasn't how things were supposed to go. The guy, the hero, he was supposed to get the girl! He had though that after he had gotten back, that he and Clarke could finally be together. That was what had kept him going other than Octavia. He wanted her so badly, and now he had to let her go? What kind of shit was that?

"Bellamy," Clarke said softly, desperately, almost. She need to know how he felt now, not from the look on his, but voiced from his mind.

"You were the reason I made it through Mount Weather, and now you expect me to let you go so that you can run off with the Commander?" Bellamy seethed, his mind clouded in denial and pain. He could be so much better for Clarke, couldn't she see that? "She's gonna hurt you Clarke, can't you see that?"

"You can hurt me too. Anyone can hurt anyone. It's taking that risk of getting hurt that makes the love so much more rewarding, makes it worth the risk." Clarke's own words shocked her. When did she say things like that? When Clarke realized the time, a small smile ghosted across her lips. She had begun to speak like that when she started spending time with Lexa. She needed words of her own wisdom to counteract the ones Lexa preached that she didn't agree with. Turns out, she had become a master at it.

"You know she thinks that love is a weakness, right?" Bellamy snapped, willing to play such a card in his moment of desperation. Clarke had to see the light.

Clarke shook her head, smiling fondly at a thin black snake slithering between the leaves as she remembered the kiss she had shared with Lexa. It curled around her ankle as she spoke, "From the way she kissed me, I know that she's weak for me, Bellamy."

Bellamy's jaw clenched, his nostrils flaring as he fought tears of anger and desperation. Things weren't supposed to work like this! "What kind of future would you even have with her huh?"

Clarke's own jaw clenched, Bellamy was being an asshole. "What kind of future would I even have with you?!" She snapped, tears of frustration brimming in her own eyes. She had kept so many tears in throughout her time on the ground, and the moment she let herself go, they all came back to the surface. She owed the Earth the tears she had yet to shed.

"We have a home, Clarke! Or we could get some guys together and build a new one! There are enough metal scraps to build a tough one that'll last us. Raven could hook us up with a little old fashioned projector and we could watch movies and have-" Bellamy ranted, eager to share with Clarke the dreams he had for the both of them.

"-But that's the thing, Bellamy," Clarke interjected, confidence returning. She knew what she wanted, and she would let it be known. "What if I don't want to live in some metal husk? What if I don't want to just sit at home and watch movies on a projector? What I want to travel, what if I want to go see the ocean? What if I want to learn how to shoot a bow and wield a sword? What if I want someone to build a house with me out of trees we cut down from the land we call home? Manage a farm with the people beside us. What if I don't want you, and I want Lexa? What, are you going to become her?!"

Bellamy's jaw opened ever so slightly to click shut.

Clarke nodded, knowing she had made her point. "Exactly, Bellamy. I love you like a brother, and I can't love you any other way."

"But I could give you-"

"-You can't give me everything Lexa can. You can't give me Lexa."

"I could be Commander!"

"That has nothing to do with it!"

"Oh please, I know you just like the power!"

Clarke gasped, she couldn't believe the audacity of her long time friend. But she knew he was angry, and he was lashing out. However, she couldn't let it stand, "That has never been a factor, in fact, I would prefer that Lexa not be the Commander, because then we could run away to the ocean, build a house by the shore and live out our lives happy."

"You sure you would survive?" Bellamy asked angrily, his eyes searching Clarke's face as he waited for a response.

Clarke sighed once more, remembering what she had told Lexa before. "Life should be about more than just surviving. Don't we deserve that?"

"We do," Bellamy replied, voice thick, "And I know I can give you more than just survival. Just give me a chance!"

"There is no chance to give Bellamy!" Clarke cried, frustrated. "I can't give you a chance when I've got everything invested in someone else! Because that's how far things have gone. I want her, I love her. I don't want you, nor do I love you the way I love her, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not sorry that I don't love you that way. I will not apologize for my lack of feelings."

Bellamy swallowed a lump in his throat, before his anger overcame his self pity. He spat out the last sentence he ever planned on saying to Clarke. "Go on and enjoy your savage girlfriend, Princess."

With that, Bellamy stormed away, and Clarke didn't bother calling his name.'

Clarke refused to shed any more tears. She had given enough of them. She would stand unwavering in her decision, and she prided herself in her tenacity. She wanted Lexa, not Bellamy, and she would not be sorry about her decision, because after all of the bullshit she had been drowning in, she wanted to just hang on to her lifesaver and be brought to safety. Lexa was her lifesaver, and Lexa was her safety, and that was all Clarke had to go on for their future.

The artist smiled, picturing herself forcing Lexa to go on vacation. They could go to the ocean, visit the Boat Clan? Clarke would definitely love to see Lexa in a bathing suit... Clarke blushed, she needed to put those particular thoughts on hold until she had actually gotten Lexa. But another vision appeared within Clarke's mind.

Lexa leant against a gnarled oak tree, it's roots buried half in the dirt and half in the sand of the beach. She had placed a thick, soft cloth blanket over a flat area of roots and sand. Her body was mostly bare, covered only in a dark green bathing suit top scavenged months before and dark brown cotton shorts that rode high on deeply tanned thighs. Clarke walked over to her, soft cloth brushing against her knees, the thin robe she wore over her bathing suit tickling her skin. Lexa opened her legs, and Clarke leant against her front, feeling the warmth of her beloved against her still cold back. Lexa pressed a kiss to Clarke's hairline, murmuring sweet nothings as they looked out at the hazy blue sea that stretched out in front of them.

When the vision ended, Clarke shook her head, clearing her thoughts of beaches, blankets and cold water. She needed to explain everything clearly first, otherwise she could lose Lexa before such a vision could even be fathomed in the realm of reality. Clarke's stomach clenched painfully at the thought, she didn't know how she could deal with losing Lexa on top of everything else.

Clarke spurred Hawal to go faster, patting her tan neck affectionately as a look of determination sparked in her eyes. She was a stubborn girl, no, woman, and she knew one thing was for sure: She wouldn't need to deal with losing Lexa. She would get her back, come hell or high water.

Clarke had already experienced hell, and she knew how to swim.


Riding for long periods of time became painful for Clarke, particularly her ass. She still hadn't gotten used to riding for more then an hour at best, any more and she had to clench her jaw to keep from whining and demanding they stop. She inhaled deeply, slowing Hawal to a trot as the threesome began to ride across a wide field of crisp grass. The sun was shining bright that early morning, beating down on the three ladies as they rode. None of them dared remove their padded jackets despite the early morning heat, not when the land they were traveling through was full of dangerously mutated creatures and traitorous members of the Coalition that despised any and all Skaikru. Their jackets meant the difference between an arrow through the heart and an arrow scratch on their chest above their heart.

Clarke was uncomfortable, not just because of the riding, but because she had the unsettling sensation of being watched.

It was a particularly startling sensation that often prickled at the back of her neck, setting her nerves on end. She had felt it so much among the people of the Skaikru and Trigedakru that she had become familiar with the worrying sensation. But the closer she had to gotten to Lexa, the more the people averted gazes, fearing the wrath of the Commander. Even after all this time, she still was able to isolate the sensation and recognize it for what it was.

Someone, or dare she say something, was watching them, or even more particularly, her.

Indra made a series of clicking noises, launching her stocky brown mare into a loping, graceful canter. Clarke's horse followed suit, while Octavia stopped and peered into the forest. She could've sworn she had seen a tail of some sort, flicking and slapping the low-hanging leaves in that tree just beyond the clearing. Seeing nothing, Octavia shrugged, urging her own red roan mare into a speedy gallop as she caught up with Indra and Clarke.

Behind the tree line, a beast rumbled, eyes flashing bright with a predatory gleam before ducking out of sight into the dark shadows of the dense forest.


Ta-da! No more updates today, but maybe the first post for Lexarke in space!

Oh and a curious question of mine: Have any of you thought of loading up your pet(s) (WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE THEM), some personal belongings and your clothes and just, up and leaving? Be it by car or bike or walking even. Even the shortest description of that particular feeling would be excellent I'm writing a piece about it and it would help me greatly. PM's or reviews folks ;P