Author's Note: Greetings, everyone! This chapter will certainly be the shortest that I have written so far. I actually thought about writing more, but then I wondered if it would be too long for what I really needed to get across. This chapter will feature some 'religious philosophy', since Dil is trained in that, and it might be a bit touchy for some readers. As always, please feel free to read and review.
We Will Burn the Sky
Chapter IV
Easter Sunday 2016 was the 25th Easter that Dil had celebrated. For his daughter, Blaer, it would be her second Easter celebration. On this Easter Sunday morning, Dil was up at 7:30. Or perhaps, it should be said that since Blaer was up at 7:30, Dil had to follow. Dil changed and dressed his daughter in a bright yellow dress. He attempted to place a white bow in Blaer's hair but was unsuccessful. When it came to dressing his daughter 'like a girl', Dil was not very successful. But for this day, Dil was going to try. Part of the reason was to appease his mother. Last night, Didi insisted that Blaer not wear the clothes that Dil had dressed her in, when he dropped her off at his parents' home. Stu and Didi always kept some clothes around for their granddaughter, when she stayed with them, and Didi dressed Blaer in a white dress and yellow bow for church. Dil, of course, was not going to dress so formal. Dil wore jeans and an Iron Maiden shirt with the artwork from the Live After Death album, which showed an image of Iron Maiden's mascot, Eddie, rising from the grave. "Jesus rises from the dead, so Eddie can to," thought Dil.
Once Blaer was dressed, Dil prepared breakfast for himself and his daughter. After Blaer, reluctantly, had some of her cereal, Dil presented her with some of the Easter candy, she had received from the Pangborns. Blaer brightened! The candy was much more approved than the cereal.
One o'clock in the afternoon was the approximate time for the Pickles annual Easter gathering at Stu and Didi's home. Dil and Blaer were present, and so was Tommy. Around 2:30, Tommy and Dil decided that they had eaten enough. The brothers decided that they would have a glass of wine to help settle their stomachs. Tommy chose white wine, while Dil chose red wine. With their glasses poured, Tommy and Dil decided to stand on their parents' back patio, while Blaer remained inside and entertained her grandparents.
"Kimi has a question that she wants me to ask you," Tommy said, before he took a sip of his wine.
"What's that?" replied Dil.
"She wants to know, if she can interview you and the band? She interviewed you once before, when you got that record deal, but you've had some success since then—touring with Iron Maiden and all that."
Dil nodded. "I'll text everybody later, and see what I can do."
"Cool—oh! There was something else that I wanted to ask you."
Dil took a sip of his wine. "And what's that?"
"Before I ask you the question, there's something else I wanted to ask you."
"Which is?"
"We're close, aren't we, D?"
Dil smiled. "Well, yeah, T, we're close; we're brothers. Don't you remember when I covered for you, when you were so stressed out that you were sleepwalking and stealing things?"
Tommy laughed. "Yeah, I remember that. Do you remember when you were 14 and wanted so badly to see Dio in LA, and Mom and Dad wouldn't let you?"
Once again, Dil smiled. "Yeah, you really helped me out that day."
Tommy returned the smile. "I convinced Mom and Dad that if you could survive being 600 miles away from them, when we went on that RV thing to New York, how bad could LA be?"
Dil maintained his smile. "That was a great night for me, you know? When I gave the headbanger gesture to Dio, he saw me. He smiled, and gave the gesture right back to me."
"Yeah, you've told me that before."
"Yeah, but you see, I wonder if it was maybe a blessing? That maybe Dio was giving me his personal blessing on that night, and that's why he's watching over me from the Silver Mountain?"
"Or maybe Dio just saw you and his ten thousand other fans, and decided to give all of you the gesture," thought Tommy. Verbally, however, Tommy said, "I'm getting a little bit off topic from what I originally wanted to ask you."
"And what was that?"
"It's a personal question, but…how come you didn't want to go to church last night?"
Dil's mood changed. "Why did you ask me that question, T?"
"Well, we're close. We're brothers. Dad told me that you didn't want to go, and he didn't ask you on your reasons why. Well, I was curious. We always go to church for Christmas and Easter masses—although you missed last Christmas Eve, because you were away. It just seemed odd for you to always attend church on Holy Saturday and not attend this year."
Dil turned away from his brother. He took a sip of wine and observed the sky. "Do you remember what I told you about how I defined myself religiously?"
Tommy nodded. "Yeah, you said that you considered yourself to be more of an Anglican or Episcopalian, rather than a Catholic."
Dil nodded and returned to his brother. "That's correct. However, I no longer know what I believe anymore, Tommy."
"What do you mean?"
Dil took a sip of wine. "St. Augustine said long ago that God will allow a bad or an evil act to take place, because a greater good will come from it. But what greater good is coming from having Dezirae gone? I'm having difficulty raising a girl—hell, I don't even raise her!"
"What do you mean, 'I don't even raise her'?" asked Tommy.
"Her grandparents raise her. Our parents and her maternal grandparents are raising her. I have to be either in the studio or on tour somewhere, and Blaer has to be either with Mom and Dad or the Pangborns. When Dezirae was here, Blaer had her mother, but now Dezirae is gone. Blaer has lost her mother, and I doubt she'll ever remember her—unless some photograph triggers a memory. Tommy, what greater good is coming from this?"
Tommy said nothing. He did not know how to answer Dil's question.
Dil took another sip. "There's another response to all of this as well."
"What's that?"
"A British philosopher and theologian, named John Hick, stated that God allows a bad or evil act to take place for the purpose of 'soul making'—that it is through such acts that we can grow and become 'children of God'. In other words, God had to take away my wife in order for me to become a saint?! What did Dezirae ever do wrong? True, she wasn't perfect, but neither is anybody else. If that scenario is true, then it sounds as though God uses people as a 'means to an end'. That doesn't sound very loving to me, Tommy."
Tommy took a sip of his wine. "I don't know what to say to you, Dil."
"Nobody else does either, Tommy. Besides, I already know what most of their arguments are going to be anyway."
"Perhaps it would help you, if you didn't think too much about this topic?"
Dil finished the last of his wine, and set his empty glass on a table. "That's probably what a priest or rabbi would tell me, Tommy. It's an easy way for Christians and Jews to stop questioning the all powerful, all knowing, and all loving natures of God."
Tommy nodded. "Do you still wear your Star of David and crucifix?"
Dil showed Tommy the necklaces. "Yes, I still wear them. They seem to almost be part of my stage presence. In many respects, I probably should not wear them, based on what I've told you. But regardless, Tommy, I couldn't attend church last night, because I simply no longer know what I believe. I no longer know what I think about God anymore—I really don't."
Tommy finished the last of his wine and nodded. "What you've said made me think of something."
"What's that?"
Tommy placed his empty glass next to Dil's. "We actually know someone, who went through the same thing you're going through."
"Who's that?"
"Chas Finster."
Dil was stunned. "Chuckie's dad?"
Tommy nodded. "Yeah, remember he lost his wife, Chuckie's mom, when Chuckie was about the same age that Blaer was, when Dezirae passed away."
"…That's true…I forgot all about that. Maybe I should talk to Mr. Finster about that?"
"You never know," began Tommy, "he might…"
Tommy's sentence was cut short, when he heard an outside voice. Dil heard it to. The voice belonged to a small child. Dil and Tommy turned to see Blaer at the patio door.
"Daddy!" Blaer said behind the sliding glass door. "Uncle Tommy!"
Dil smiled. He opened the door, and scooped up his daughter. "Hey there, my little strawberry haired girl!" Dil said, while he ran some fingers through Blaer's hair.
Blaer smiled, and she reached for a lock of her father's hair. Dil let her, but when she pulled on his hair, Dil gave her a firm swat. "No, Blaer, you are not to pull on my hair or somebody else's."
Blaer was stunned, and appeared as though she was about to cry.
"Care if I hold her, Dil?" asked Tommy.
Dil smiled—mostly to cheer up his daughter. "Care if your Uncle Tommy holds you?"
Blaer nodded, but it was a sad nod.
Dil maintained his smile. "You know, I think he'd like to hold you, when you're a happy girl." Dil tickled Blaer, until she laughed. Once she did so, Dil added, "Now that's my baby girl!" Dil kissed Blaer's cheek, and handed her over to Tommy.
Blaer appeared to enjoy her uncle's company, which made Dil smile. "You know, Tommy," began Dil, "I see one of those in your future."
Tommy chuckled. "What? A daughter?"
"Well, that or a son."
"With whom?"
"I don't know—Kimi perhaps?"
Again, Tommy chuckled. "Thanks, D. But you know, I could see another one of these in your future one day."
Dil's mood began to change based on Tommy's statement. "Thanks, T, but I try not to worry about things like that."
Tommy looked at Blaer. Blaer smiled, and she did indeed resemble her mother in many respects. Yet, Tommy thought, "Your father truly needs to get over your mother's death. I realize it's hard for him, but he's got his whole life to live. I don't want to see him this way. I want to see the 'happy go lucky Dil'—your father, my brother."
