Part 4 - Regret
Nanosecond 1
::... what...::
Ratchet's other hand automatically came up to cover Nova's little frame protectively as he stared at Skyfire, processor stuttering. The starcraft eyed him sombrely.
::Ah. You never knew::
Waves of disbelief and utter shock flooded the communication bands; Skyfire flinched as Ratchet's personal field flared erratically. His 'voice' was a tortured whisper.
::... how...?::
::Do you remember when you first met?...::
xxx
Nanosecond 2
Ten and a half million years ago, during the last golden age, between the first Great War and the most recent second one...
"Ratchet?"
Already aware of Perceptor behind him, the medic "Mm"ed a response without taking his attention from the sample of refined energon he was scanning with his newly-integrated electron microscope. The biophysicist waited, politely, until Ratchet had finished and tabulated his results, then, as the medic looked up, gestured behind himself.
"This is Starscream."
Ratchet gazed at the Seeker with a less than enthusiastic optic. Seekers. Arrogant. Self-satisfied, privileged, expecting everyone to drop everything for them... Not his favourite people.
"And what can I do for you, Starscream?"
At least he was nice to look at...
The Seeker eyed him warily.
"I was... I am hoping to qualify for long-distance exploratory missions, but in order to do so I need training in self-repair. I have heard that it is one of your specialisms. I am here to ask for your assistance. Sir."
"Are you indeed..." Ratchet regarded the young flier. At least he was polite, even if the 'sir' had been an afterthought. "Any experience?"
"No, sir. Just the normal auto-self-repair."
"Hm." Nice voice too - soft, low, slightly rough, unusual... "Training's rigorous. You have the determination and endurance?"
"Yes, sir. This is what I want to do. I am already sufficiently qualified in the other required fields. My lack in this one is now holding me back."
"It will hurt."
"I know, sir. I am prepared."
Ratchet nodded curtly. "Very well. I will make it as painless as I can, in line with what you may actually experience. I need three cycles to complete my current project, then I will be able to spare the time for you."
Starscream's field lightened. "Thank you, sir."
"Just make sure you don't waste my time."
"I won't."
Ratchet watched as the Seeker loped away, wings twitching with what he hoped was anticipation, then vented and rolled his optics at Perceptor. "Well, at least he's pretty..."
Perceptor eyed him dryly. "He is also one of the Academy's brightest and best. Please don't break him."
"Oh please, credit me with more sense than that! I do know how the Academy treasures its Seekers."
"And I know you aren't fond of them. Just because Cloudfire caused you grief, it doesn't mean any other will."
"I know that." But knowing it and feeling it are two different things... "And it wasn't grief. Just... irritation."
"He did apologise."
Ratchet vented. "Yes, he did. And it's fine. I just won't take anything for granted any more."
"Which, while sensible, can prevent you enjoying yourself."
"Not something I have a problem with."
"... shutting up now..."
Ratchet 'grinned'. "Excellent idea."
xxx
Three days later Starscream arrived promptly moments after the medic himself.
"Greetings, Doctor."
Ratchet nodded, a little brusquely.
"Starscream. Prompt and punctual. Good." He gestured towards a medical berth against a wall hung with a variety of somewhat alarming medical instruments. "Be seated."
Nervously glancing at the array, the young Seeker eased himself onto the berth and sat, watching the medic making notes on his personal datapad. After a few moments Ratchet looked up and offered a half 'smile'. "I see from your records that you are basically healthy. Standard Seeker systems and physiology. Any upgrades I should know about before we start?"
"They haven't been decided yet, sir. Not until I qualify completely."
Ratchet nodded approval. "Very well. We will start with basic procedures - pain control."
xxx
Cybertronian sensornets varied from frame-type to frame-type and according to how heavy and durable the outer plating was designed to be. Those dealing with heavy labour or who worked in dangerous fields or environments wore the heaviest, naturally, while those in lighter, less stressful and perilous work wore much less. Seekers of Starscream's type, Ratchet knew, were the most fragile of all, their frames composed of thin, light alloys, their complex internal systems delicate and flimsy compared to their ground-based colleagues. It allowed them to be the fastest and most agile of all the transformers, but also the easiest to damage. Especially their wings. And they had the most sensitive sensornets, instinctively reactive to air currents and tiny changes in pressure, speed, temperature, direction... again, especially their wings.
That was going to be a problem.
Ratchet started by holding the upper edge of the left wing, gradually increasing the pressure of his digits. To start with Starscream wriggled, cooling fans kicking on as his frame heated - Ratchet assumed the force was being interpreted as pleasant, even arousing - but as the pressure increased the Seeker tried to pull his wing away, wincing as the medic kept hold.
"Isolate the sensors in this area."
"I don't know how to."
Ratchet paused, keeping the pressure steady, and called up a screen showing Starscream's sensor nodes. Pointing to a cluster close to where his digits had hold, he enlarged the image.
"These are the discrete nodes controlling sensation in this part of your wing. You must mute them. Not turn them off, or you won't be able to tell whether you're repairing or causing more harm."
"But... how?"
"You can control them, Starscream. You can control anything you want to. It just takes practise." Using his internal medical protocol, he commed the lines of code that should be employed. ::Try it now::
It was an admirable effort, he conceded. Ineffective, but certainly heading in the right direction.
"Good."
"But it didn't work!"
"No, but it was the right procedure. Try again."
In the end it took the Seeker seventeen attempts, and he was shaking and exhausted at the end, but - as Ratchet had hoped - the procedure suddenly 'clicked' in Starscream's processor and, 'smiling' tremulously with delight, the young flier was able to mute the pain. And keep muting it as Ratchet pressed harder. Finally the medic let go, gently rubbing the abused metal, strong digits easing out the sizable dent he had made.
"Excellent. Well done."
Starscream slumped on the berth, venting loudly, and peering up at the medic. "I can see how that would be useful."
"Essential. Now, let's try it on the other wing."
Groaning but not daring to object, Starscream tensed as Ratchet caught hold of the lower edge of the other wing and squeezed...
xxx
After that first success, it took Starscream surprisingly little time to learn to control his entire sensornet. Ratchet was impressed by the Seeker's dedication - he must have practised in his off-time as well to become so proficient so soon. After four days they were able to progress to the less pleasant aspects of the training.
Starscream gazed up at the medic, optics dimmed, then stared down at his arm. His detached arm, the one Ratchet had just wrenched off.
"Ow."
"Mute the pain."
"I am muting it! It still hurts."
"This is a major injury. Remember what I've taught you."
Venting deeply, Starscream focused tightly, manoeuvring the arm back into its rightful place and carefully realigning and reattaching lines and cables. Ratchet had fitted him with a small laser sealer in each hand, and instructed him in its use: he would be able to repair most injuries, at least enough to get him to a properly equipped medical facility. His wings presented a more difficult challenge, but, as he himself pointed out, as long as he had the use of his thrusters he could manage - albeit less than gracefully and not very quickly, but in an emergency slow and clumsy was sufficient.
"And if your thrusters are damaged?"
"My internal systems will repair them very quickly."
Ratchet 'nodded'. The thrusters were the one part of the Seeker frame with superior healing abilities, a sensible ability given how critical they were to survival.
"So you simply hide and wait while your self-repair takes over. Very good."
Starscream 'smiled' happily: Ratchet found it charming how well and easily the Seeker responded to praise.
"Thank you, sir. You have been an excellent teacher."
"And you have been an excellent student. We are mostly done now, although I would like another couple of days to consolidate everything you have learned."
Starscream nodded. "Yes please. It's important for me to be ready." He 'grinned', optics bright. "The Academy is planning to team me with Skyfire for my first mission. I must be fully prepared for it. I don't want to let anyone down."
Ratchet 'chuckled'. "Skyfire, eh? You're a lucky Seeker."
"Do you know him?"
"A little. Very experienced, very successful. Very pleasant to work with, gentle and tolerant. You'll get on well."
"I can't wait..."
xxx
It was about a century before Ratchet saw the Seeker again. Starscream sought him out after one particularly stressful mission, arriving in the medic's surgery with badly damaged wings and a number of deep lacerations across his frame.
"What happened, Starscream?" Ratchet sterilised his hands and began to take stock of the damage as the weary Seeker dropped onto the berth and sunk his helm into his hands, bleeding wings drooping as he rubbed his optics.
"We were ambushed. Ambushed! I didn't think such things could happen these days."
"Who else was hurt?"
"Luckily just me. Skyfire retreated with the rest of the crew while I distracted our attackers. Unfortunately I underestimated their speed..." he winced as Ratchet cleaned and sealed the worst of the wing gashes, then peered over his shoulder at the medic. "I need some sort of weaponry. I don't want to be caught like that again."
Ratchet 'nodded'. "I agree. I'll discuss it with the Academy board and see what we can come up with."
"Thank you, Ratchet."
"Can you lie down? It would make it easier to treat those wounds, and you need to rest."
Moving carefully, flinching as his wings made contact with the berth, Starscream managed to lie flat, then relax as his training automatically kicked in and he muted the pain. He gazed up at Ratchet, crimson eyes dimming slightly.
"I appreciate your tending to me."
Ratchet peered into the worst of the lacerations and began to repair the torn internal lines. "There are medical facilities closer to the starport. Why wait to come here?"
"I trust you. And it's been a long time since we've met."
Ratchet eyed the Seeker. "I'm flattered. You've made quite a name for yourself since I last saw you."
Starscream 'chuckled'. "You helped. I've heard horror stories about the way certain other medics train their students. Your method is empowering. Gave me belief in myself, that I could accomplish what I wanted, if I just kept trying."
"You got all that from the short time we had?"
Starscream raised a hand and gently touched the medic's face. "You are an excellent teacher. And an inspiring person."
Ratchet paused, startled, and stared at the Seeker. "Thank you."
"No, thank you."
The medic shook himself and returned to his work. "You can recharge here if you need. This is going to take me some time."
"I'd like that." The Seeker's voice - now a little deeper, a little more confident with age and experience - slowed and quietened, and before Ratchet had finished fixing the lateral gash to his thigh Starscream had slipped into recharge.
The doctor paused for a moment, regarding his patient. Still pretty, but with a patina of fortitude and tenacity that suited him admirably... Ratchet shook his helm and returned to his task.
xxx
Another three centuries passed before they met again. This time Starscream sought him out before the mission.
"Hello Ratchet."
The medic glanced up from his research paper and 'grinned' widely.
"Starscream! How are you?"
"Well. You?"
"Fine." He gazed at the Seeker. "You are looking in excellent form."
"I need to be - we're off on a major mission in two light cycles. The furthest yet."
"You're going with Skyfire?"
"Of course."
They gazed at each other for a moment, then Ratchet beckoned him in and gestured to a seat.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?"
Starscream eyed him momentarily, then 'smiled'. "Nostalgia. We're going to be gone for a very long time, and I wanted to see you before we left."
"I'm flattered but surprised. Meetings with me usually involve pain!"
"That's why I thought we'd try a meeting with no pain involved, for once."
Ratchet 'laughed'. "Very well. Give me a little while to finish up and we'll head out."
xxx
Ratchet had been a little surprised that the Seeker wanted to spend the time quietly, just the two of them. They'd stopped first at Maccadam's Old Oil House, where Starscream seemed completely at ease, to Ratchet's surprise and despite some of the other clients giving him odd, not to mention downright hostile, looks, then moved on to the Celestial Spires...
"Do you mind being up so high?" Starscream asked once they had reached the top of the most slender and graceful Spire.
"Not at all."
The Seeker 'smiled'. "Good. I like it here. It reminds me of the towers of Vos."
They were silent for a while, Ratchet intrigued by the view, Starscream apparently lost in his own thoughts. Then the medic 'sighed' and turned to his companion.
"Starscream, why are we here, really? Why am I here?"
"I told you. Nostalgia."
Ratchet eyed him sardonically, and eventually he chuffed a sigh.
"The mission is going to be a very long one. Very long. I won't see Cybertron again for millennia. I wanted to spend a little time with you, because to me, you are the epitome of home."
"I... what?"
Starscream turned to him, optics sombre, and cupped his face in strong clawed hands.
::You were the first grounder I ever knew. I know you thought I was going to be an arrogant, privileged glitch when we first met, but I had heard a lot of good things about you and I was curious - about grounders, and about you in particular. You represent everything that is good about our home - you are skilled, tolerant, dedicated, and endlessly patient. You are quite wonderful, Ratchet. I'd like to take the memory of you with me on the mission. It will keep me... :: He 'grinned' ::'grounded' while I am so far away::
Speechless, Ratchet stared into crimson optics, his own brilliant blue wide and startled.
::Starscream...::
:Oh, now, don't go getting all sentimental on me. I'd hate to lose the respect I have for you::
::And we can't have that:: He placed his hands over the Seeker's. ::Star... I am honoured. I don't understand why you think that of me, but I'm not going to argue::
::Good... There is one more thing. To fix the memory indelibly...:: Ratchet stared as Starscream slowly opened the plating over his spark chamber. ::Will you share sparks with me?::
::Star... that's...::
The Seeker paused and gazed at him. ::I will understand if that is too intimate, Ratchet. I don't want to distress you::
The medic shivered, then opened his own plating. ::I would be honoured::
He lost himself in the achingly bright ice-blue spark that was the Seeker's soul.
xxx
Nanosecond 3
::... but we only shared sparks the once... how...?::
Skyfire gazed at him. ::You know very little about Seekers, still, don't you?::
::There was little information available...::
The starcraft 'sighed'. ::By their very nature the lives of Seekers can be perilous. They have evolved a mechanism whereby a spark created by sparkmerging can be placed in stasis within the carrier's body and held there, safely, until an appropriate time for it to be hatched arrives::
Ratchet stared, shaken, uncomprehending. ::It was ten and a half million years ago...::
::Yes:: Skyfire very gently touched Ratchet's face with one massive hand. ::No sparkling has ever been held for so long. But Starscream wanted him, wanted him to survive - he told me that much before we were separated on that fateful last mission::
::He waited until... until he could... he was going to pretend to Megatron and the Fallen that Nova was theirs...::
::I believe so. It was the only way he could be sure the sparkling could survive::
Ratchet lifted his sparkling up to his face, regarding him with awe. ::Mine...::
And Nova, half asleep, patted his face and 'sighed'. ::... papa...::
::Does he remember?:: It was whispered as Ratchet gazed at the little jet hovering over his other hatchlings.
Skyfire shook his head, optics infinitely sad. ::I am sorry, Ratchet::
And the medic lowered his head, his child held close to his spark, rocking with grief for what could have been.
xxx
© JAT 16.06.12
xxx
The notion of Starscream and Ratchet having some history was mooted back in Consular pt 10.
You can partially blame my Australian partner in insanity Lutra for the resolution to this part. Back when we were discussing it I said I loved the idea of Ratchet being daddy - but how could that work? Then Lutra told me it already does in kangaroos, who will hold the fertilised embryo in 'stasis' until it's time to let it develop...
Life. It just won't give up...
xxx
