Chapter Four

Hey all. Sorry that its taken me ages to update again! Lets just blame uni and be done with it... If it helps, this chapter is the longest so far so that may compensate.
Enjoy :D

Chapter Four

It was indicative of Buffy's life so far that when she disappeared out of the infirmary it did not overly surprise her. It wasn't that she'd been expecting it, just that when it occurred the only thought that crossed her mind was a simple, 'Hmmm…that's different'.

Buffy had just been about to start discussing Anubis, when she found herself engulfed by an eerie, bright light. It was warm and filled her with a tingling sensation as her limbs became numb. Ever so slowly, another room began to take form around her. It was a darkened room, with large, grey brick walls. Various technologies were scattered throughout it – a number of large television monitors and computer screens bearing assorted images of maps, encyclopaedias and video games. Moving figures also began to take shape. They seemed to be people, although before they completely came into focus Buffy found herself having been hurled onto her back.

"Buffster! Real, live, solid, corporeal, living, Yin to my Yang, Buffster!"

The voice was male and came from directly on top of Buffy, presumably from the figure that had bowled her over.

"Xander?" she asked, slightly surprised. Leaning up she looked at the carpenter-turned-watcher who was now glued with his arms around her. "What the - how did you…can I get up?" she stammered.

Xander quickly moved to oblige his friend, standing up and offering his hand to help her to her feet. Buffy's face was pale and she swayed a little as she stood.

"I'm a little pins-and-needley…" she said, gripping his shoulder for strength.

"It's a side-effect of the transportation spell. You might also experience a slight headache, swollen feet and some nausea," Xander explained as Buffy promptly leant over and illustrated the third of these all over Xander's shoes.

"Sorry!" she said, looking up at him piteously.

Xander simply patted her on the back and continued on with a goofy smile, though it had strained somewhat. "It's good to have you back Buff."

Fifteen minutes later, Buffy found herself in a change of clothes, sitting in the research room of the Scooby's Scottish base. Xander sat on the desk a few seats up from Buffy, with his feet and, for that matter, new shoes, perched on the edge of a chair. They both were full of questions, but neither knew quite where to begin. Eventually, Buffy decided to speak up.

"So, you found me," she stated, imploring an explanation.

"Yes, we found you. Found you we did."

"But why did it take so…not that I'm not grateful because I totally am, but why did it take so, so… long? I mean, it wasn't like I was dead! This time, anyways…" Her voice faded out, reflecting on what the length of time had cost her.

"We looked, Buff. We even brought in some extra-heavy-super-duty Wiccas from the Devon coven, but you were nowhere. And then we started looking through hell dimensions and alternate dimensions, but do you know how many of those there are to go through? It's like trying to find a needle in a land of magnets where we're also a needle and are drawn to the magnets and the magnets are all drawn and repelled to and from each other and everything's the same colour and they all have the same name and where was I going with this?"

"Finding me."

"Oh, right, so then today, by some fluke we happened to check our lowly earth maps again and there you were. In Colorado."

"I was in Colorado?"

"Yeah. What's up with that?"

"Oh, you know me! Just trying to keep things interesting…" Buffy replied sarcastically, not yet ready to start divulging everything that had happened in the last month. "Where's Willow?"

Xander looked taken aback by the sudden change of topic. "Ummm… Willow… well… Willow … errrrr… " he stumbled.

"She's got her vengeance on, doesn't she?"

Xander gave a slight nod. "You heard."

"Oh, I did more then heard. I saw. And felt. And wished. Xander, how could this have happened? What could have made her…? Did we do something? Did I do something? Or maybe it was something we didn't do, or should have done, or could have done differently… Or maybe--" After all that time of not knowing, of half-wishing she knew, the questions she'd rehearsed over and over were spilling out of her like a jumbled-up jigsaw puzzle.

"Or maybe it's just one of those whacky things that always seem to happen to us!" Xander interrupted derisively. He immediately looked guilty upon seeing Buffy's shocked expression. "I'm sorry; it's just been quite stressful around here the past month. With our two big guns playing hide-and-seek we've had it…tough, to say the least. As far as Willow goes, we don't know much. No one's been able to talk to her, or even find her to try and begin to do the talking thing. The only thing we know for sure is that Kennedy…well, Kennedy's dead."

"Oh God, Will!" Buffy instantly muttered under her breath. While Buffy had never really warmed to Kennedy she knew how much the young slayer meant to Willow. "Do you think that could be it? That that's what set her off?"

"I'm sure it played some part, but I doubt it's the only reason. I mean, even when Tara died Willow didn't take the vengeance route. There's got to be more to it," Xander concluded.

The two sat for a moment in silence, contemplating the situation. As Buffy adjusted to the notion of Kennedy's death she recalled the other vital event that occurred the day of the wish-making.

"The Hellmouth," she stated, her eye's widening at the memory. "It was opening! That day…the ground rose and—"

"It's cool Buffy. We sorted it out. You're not the only slayer anymore!" Xander reminded her, a trace of condescension in his voice.

Buffy looked up at her friend, not at all impressed by his patronising tone. After all that she'd been through in the past month – torture, mental anguish and a hard-to-shake feeling of abandonment, she was not in the mood for being talked down to.

"It wasn't a moment ago that you were singing my praises Xander. I was one of your 'big guns' didn't you say? So don't be putting me down. I've proved myself enough times over to deserve that courtesy."

"Look, I'm sorry Buff. It's just – you left. Disappeared without a trace. We've had to cope without you for what seems like forever…"

"Seems like forever! Let me tell you what forever feels like. It's getting woken up everyday by a guy with an overzealous cattle-prodder just to be subjected to torture and humiliation until all you have left to hang on to is the dwindling string that is your pride." Tears began to form in Buffy's eyes as all of the emotions she'd been denying herself for a month hit her at once. "Forever is dying over and over, just to wake up alive again in some stupid coffin every time. No relief for this slayer – oh no, she's not allowed to stay dead. It would be far too easy for her! We've got to make sure her life is as long and painful and confusing and drawn-out as possible…"

She then broke down, weeping harder than she could remember ever doing before. She wasn't sure whether it was the relief of her experience finally being over, or the fact that she knew it never really would be. It would go on and on, with her fighting the good fight without reprieve. It barely registered when Xander began to lightly pat her back.

"I…don't…want…to be…the one…anymore," she forced out between sobs. "I'm just…so…tired!"

"Shhhh…shhhh…" Xander soothed. He now held her seemingly fragile form to his chest, supporting her as she cried. She always seemed so strong; it was easy to forget that she was still a twenty-three year old girl just trying to cope. Even Buffy herself tended to forget this, or at least she suppressed it as best she could.

"You don't have to be 'the one' anymore," Xander continued. "In fact, you're not 'the one'. Now you're just 'one of the ones'. One of a few thousand chosen ones."

Buffy turned her tear-streaked face up towards him, her expression somewhat surprised at his insightfulness.

"You're right! Oh god Xander, you're so right," she murmured. Her tone then turned cynical. "Why didn't I think of that? Or, maybe, why didn't you think of that? I'm one of your 'big guns' and you only have, what, like, a thousand of us now?" She sighed deeply, becoming sincere again. "But you're right."

Taken aback, Xander resorted to quoting his favourite, if somewhat short-lived, TV show. "It's what I do!" he said light-heartedly.

However, Buffy wasn't even really aware that he had spoken. Instead she had stood up, the last of her tears lying forgotten on her cheeks and began pacing the length of the room. The list of possibilities now that she wasn't locked in that godforsaken cell, nor was she the sole hope for humanity, seemed endless and spilt out in a rush of relief, gratitude and just plain hopefulness.

"I could stop, Xander. You know… have a break? I could finish college, travel, sleep in a real bed for the first time in forever. Actually have a life!" she said, her eyes glowing at the prospect.

"And you question our bringing you back," Xander teased lightly, leaning over his knees, his single eye flickering back and forth as her pacing intensified.

"Dawn… I could finally show her everything I wanted to, before Willow pulled this stunt. Just for a little while." She suddenly stopped speaking, her shining eyes fading, her bright smile falling. She had believed for a moment – just one moment – that she could leave this arduous life behind her. However, the memories from the past month were not entirely forgotten. It wasn't the pain and torment. She would find a way to move on from that darkness. Everyone would expect that from her and she would oblige, just as she always did in the end. No, it was something else entirely that had caused her to realise her salvation was not yet at hand.

Even if she could pretend that her life was her own, for the moment, it wasn't. They needed her. Not the Scoobies, but the military. She almost laughed out loud at the irony of that – she was going to leave her friends behind for the military…again… But it couldn't be helped. Not now that she had learnt of the 'would-be-god' Anubis. 'Forgetting' and 'moving on' were off the cards.

"I have to go back," she stated.

"Huh?" Xander seemed to be pulled from his thoughts, looking confused. "What? Why? And again with the 'huh'?"

"I need you to send me back."

"Buffy, we just got you back. How can you think of just leaving us again?"

Buffy almost told him the 'whys' of it, but she stopped herself before she got it out. She realised that Xander couldn't know – none of them could. It wasn't because it was obviously a military secret (she couldn't really give a damn about that), but because he would want to help. He'd want to put the whole Scooby-force behind her, but they were needed elsewhere. There was still evil to fight that was native to this planet.

Buffy smiled at him solemnly, yet firm. "Because a change might just be as good as a holiday?" she suggested lightly.

Authors Note: Please, please, please review! I do love receiving them and they always help to make the story better.

And thanks to my beta, FallenStar2 from