Sector Y
Imagine a music so bad it makes you want to start beating children. Yes, this is the tune from Law and Order: Sector Y. It plays continuously in this quadrant and the people who live here hate that show. It only gets about 3% ratings, and there are only about thirty people living in the entire sector. But that one person who does watch the show is also the producer, lead actor, supporting actor, lead actress, director of the show, and mayor of the sector, and so he passed a bill that played the theme from the show over and over in the hopes that it would eventually be so commonplace that his civilians would grow to like it.
Enter the Great Fox, in which Falco is having hot flashes and hunger cravings for boiled zsing chzinn quasi-duck loaf, a delicacy from just this area. "Thanks for taking me here, Fox. I really want some of that duck loaf," says Falco, on the edge of his seat. He has been frequently glancing at the door in the hopes that by doing so, the Great Fox will be accelerated significantly.
"Yeah, no problem, Falco. Listen, we need to start looking for Peppy and Slippy. Corneria's been invaded again by Andross," Fox sighs an irritated sigh and downs his fourteenth beer in the past fifteen minutes. It always amazed Falco how much his ex-boyfriend could drink. Sometimes, when he was also drunk, he liked to imagine that Fox was getting drunk in a depressed attempt to relive the days of his long since romance with Falco. "Do you know where either of them might be?"
"Slippy is a horrible, horrible man who needs to go to therapy before he ever gets into a relationship again. He beats me and talks badly of me and I'm beginning to think that he's going to make a bad role model for the baby. Oh, here, we can stop at this Y-Mart," Falco jubilates happily as the Great Fox pulls into a parking lot. Before Fox can ask about what Falco meant by 'baby,' He. Is. Off!
"There appears to be something on the radar. I mean, your mind, Fox," says ROB.
"No, ROB, I'm just thinking. What does Falco mean when he says that Slippy beats him and talks badly of him? And just what does he mean when he says that he would make a bad role model for his... did he say 'baby?'" Fox scratches his chin like a man who is trying to appear cool in front of some kids who will never, because the kid's about twelve years old and will therefore think nothing is cool except for Pokemon or some shitty kid fad like that.
"Would you like me to play the conversation back for you verbatim, Fox?" ROB is clearly a helpful individual, but Fox has grown so accustomed to taking the robot for granted that he ignores him altogether as Falco reenters the Great Fox with a few bags full of food.
"Fuck. Got enough duck there, Elmer?"
"The fuck does that even mean? Just drive. Don't we have to find Peppy?" Falco drops all the bags on the dashboard, which would ordinarily make it impossible to pilot the Great Fox, but Fox is driving, so it doesn't matter. Fox turns the ship around and they cruise down Main Boulevard. "Ooh, look at all the shops! I bet they've got all kinds of neat little knick-knacks that would be perfect for decorating the Great Fox."
"Yeah, whatever, Falco. Listen. Do you know where Peppy or Slippy might be?" Fox is not to be dissuaded.
"Slippy is a horrible, horrible man. But Peppy, I believe, is on vacation somewhere. Didn't he promise to retire after we blew those stupid Aparoid pieces of shit away?" Falco noms down an entire duck.
Fox almost becomes catatonic at the mention of the Aparoids. "Pig... ma...?" he moans, clutching his head, letting go of the steering wheel. The Great Fox begins to careen throughout traffic, cutting several people off, but it's space. Seriously, just fly around him.
"The Great Fox has just committed sixteen traffic crimes in this area," ROB warns Fox, but the latter is not-a-vail-a-ble.
"Oh, right. Ix-nay on the roid-apay," Falco murmurs, watching Fox curl into the fetal position with amusement. Meanwhile, the Great Fox runs over an oil tanker, which causes it to burst into flames. This is weird to think about, since they're still in space, and fire can't exist in a place without air, but whatever. The oil tanker crashes into a propane store, which causes the entire thing to explode in a crowd-pleasing fireball.
"Sector Y has been destroyed," ROB announces for no one.
"Fox? Fox, I think Peppy said that he was on Sauria. You know, that gay-ass dinosaur planet where you met Crystal," Falco cocks his head to one side, trying to appear sympathetic to Fox's loss.
"Right," Fox says. "Crystal. Sympathy sex. Let's go," he turns the Great Fox around. Ordinarily, he would've been pulled over for doing so much damage, but all the police forces are still being held in captivity by Andross'es forces, remember?
