Picking on…Ferncloud!

Thanks to Birchsong and Avatar2016 for confirming that I should totally pick on Ferncloud! Oh, and FYI I had no chance to proof read this so please forgive typos…

Ramblings about the purpose of Ferncloud (whatever that may be other than repopulating ThunderClan…) and her virtually nonexistent personality…

Once upon a time in a beautiful forest there lived a noble young cat named Dustpelt. Now, this noble young cat was so very noble that he just couldn't tolerate that his Clan, the once noble ThunderClan, was being overrun by useless, annoying, overly goody goody and totally NOT noble kittypets. So…he hatched a very noble (though slightly evil) plan. And this noble (though slightly evil) plan was called Operation Repopulate ThunderClan with PUREBRED THUNDERCLAN CATS (what a concept!). Now all he needed was a mate…

I have so many problems with Ferncloud I can't even count them on two hands (let alone remember them all…). She's just so…so…UGH! First of all, when is she NOT expecting kits, having kits, or taking care of kits? I mean I think she was a warrior for all of maybe one freaking book at the most and the rest of the time she's expecting, having or taking care of kits. I mean, is that possible? Doesn't she want to do anything other than have kit after kit after kit? Come on!

Now, since Dustpelt was so very noble, he understood that the fate of his once noble clan was in his paws. So, he understood how vital it be that he have as MANY KITS AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE! The moment he laid eyes on Ferncloud, he knew he had a match…

Honestly, Ms. Hunter, did you have to make Ferncloud such an annoying, personality-less lump of fur? I swear, at one point, she maybe even had potential to be a slightly decent secondary character. She was kind of brave when Tigerstar killed her mother, Brindleface (worst name in the history of these books…), and she and Ashfur (then both apprentices) helped to lead the dogs off the cliffs? And then, practically the moment she earned her full name, FREAKING DUSTPELT GOT HER PREGNANT! WHAT DID SHE LAST ONE NIGHT IN THE WARRIOR DEN!? Hello, Ms. Hunter, I need to ask you a question: why? Why!? WHY????

Yes, I know you have so many characters to think about so you couldn't make them all interesting. I realize that, especially after Rowanclaw mysteriously had a sex change (yes, you can look that up) and Sootfur came back from the dead (look that one up to). I understand. BUT SERIOUSLY! If any cat perpetuates the stereotype of the queen who's completely useless, whiny and overly attached to her wittle, wuvely, incredibly noble mate it's her. I mean, I can sum up her existence in the book in like one word…

KITS! KITS! KITS! KITS! KITS! KITS! KITS! KITS! KITS! KITS! KITS! KITS! KITS! KITS!

Because Dustpelt was so very noble, he understood the need to have a wimpy, clingy mate who needed to always prove her love to him. He knew that he needed a cat with a remarkable ability to breed ENDLESSLY and whenever he felt the need to. What cat would be better than one who was (except for one moment where she went out of character) then Ferncloud? The wimpy, clingy cat she was. Oh, Dustpelt picked wisely.

Oh, and her personality is nonexistent. She's all about the kits, baby! Whenever you see her it's something about those darn, annoying kits!

*faint* Birchpaw has a tummy ache! Oh no! He may DIE save him

*yowl angrily* WHAT ABOUT MY KITS!? WHY ARE YOU GOING OFF AN EPIC JOURNEY TO SAVE ANOTHER CLAN YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF WHEN I HAVE KITS! (Firestar should've been like, *confused* But you ALWAYS have kits…When could I go if I had to go when you didn't have any?)

*crying* One of my many kits died (and for some reason, I can't seem to remember their name…I have had so many of them. *sob*) (Note: I am not for having kits/apprentices get killed. I cried for Shrewpaw, I really did…)

So, basically, Ferncloud is really only a ROBOT! Yes, a robot that produces babies at an exponential rate! OMG DUSTPELT'S EVIL (though very noble) PLAN MAY COME TRUE! Because, seriously, Ferncloud is just a kit producing machine. That's all she does. She doesn't have any personality (all she ever talks about are kits or Dustpelt), isn't brave or courageous (except for one isolated incident that was TOTALLY out of character), and she's in love with DUSTPELT! (granted he's really nice to her but is he nice to anyone else??) Oh, and she perpetuates that darn stereotype I absolutely hate. Hey, Ferncloud, Squirrelflight, Leopardstar, Ashfoot, Mistyfoot, etc., etc., etc. CAN ALL TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES! Oh, and, for the most part THEY HAVE PERSONALITIES! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?????

Unfortunately, noble Dustpelt's very noble (though slightly evil) plan went very much awry. His offspring, the very noble Spiderleg HAD KITS WITH FREAKING DAISY and Birchfall (why Birchfall?) HAD KITS WITH WHITEWING (a half kittypet). Shrewpaw, Larchkit and Hollykit all died before they could probably go off and mate with other kittypets or half kittypets. *smacks himself in head with paw* I SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER! ALL MY KITS TURNED OUT LIKE HER: REALLY SCREWED UP!!

Well, Dustpelt, you can still hold out hope for Foxleap and Icecloud (snicker…right…are there ANY full clan cats left in ThunderClan other than Brackenfur and Sorreltail's kits to mate with??)…Although, I think mating with Ferncloud was a mistake. Sure, she was full clan but…Look how screwed up her kits turned out. Probably because they were raised by a personality-less lump of fur they were attracted to personality-less lumps of fur (i.e. DAISY).

And so the noble Dustpelt's noble (though slightly evil) plan was thwarted because he forgot to take into account that being able to reproduce endlessly and at lightning speed doesn't mean that ANY of the kits will be normal. Poor Dustpelt…Now his kits are merely continuing the line of kittypets in the clan, just what he didn't want. Blame your mate, Dustpelt, blame your mate…

So, to sum everything up, Ferncloud's ONLY purpose is to produce an endless stream of really annoying cats who end up producing more really annoying cats (see Toadkit…). (but I will say that Icepaw (I don't know about Icecloud she may turn out like her mommy but we can't be sure because none of Ferncloud's other female kits lived…).

Oh, and, she has ABSOLUTELY NO OTHER PURPOSE, I'm certain… Just trust me on this one…

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Yeah, that one was longer than usual (really don't like Ferncloud…) Next up is Heathertail (thanks stealthclaw and strawberrypaw). But, as always, I am still taking suggestions for the chapters after it! I'm hoping to do 20-30 of these so please R&R and tell me who to write about. I'm in DESPERATE need of characters to write about!)

Until the next installment (coming probably Thursday or Friday)…

~Moore12~