Happy Easter! I can't write much now, so yeah.
Edward, Bella, Nessie, and Jacob were at the house. Where were the rest of us you may ask? We were as far away from there as possible. In all my years living with Edward, I've learned that when he's mad, he's furious! And if you mess with him while he's mad, you're done for.
But that was a couple weeks ago. Edward's slowly calming down and Jacob is keeping his distance. Bella is stuck at the crossroads of 'It's not that bad Edward' and 'You pathetic irresponsible mutt!' Those vampire emotions can change dramatically for no reason some times. It's very amusing.
As of right now, me and Jacob are playing the new Final Fantasy game. I'm kicking his ass. All the while I'm making jokes about him and Nessie. Everything from 'Trying to get her drunk already?' to 'She can sure hold her liquor, can't she?' An overall average day. Until...
I could hear it from a mile away. Bella was saying something, but I didn't care enough to listen. It wasn't until they got closer that I realized Bella was trying to calm Edward down again. Only this time, it wasn't helping.
I shut off the XBOX and got up to stand at the far end of the wall.
Jacob looked at me surprised. "What the hell, Emm? What's your probl-" That's all he got out before the front door opened. Excuse me, the front door exploded! One piece landed on the other side of the room and the other was barely hanging on one hinge.
Edward stormed in and tackled Jacob to the ground. He gripped his neck and shoved his head on the floor. "What did you do to my daughter, you son of a bitch?" His voice was not unlike a demon's at the moment.
Jacob looked like he was staring death in the face. "D-d-d-d-dude! Edward! I-I-I thought we got past this."
Edward slammed his head into the floor again. Bella was at the door.
"Edward! Stop it!"
"Shut up!" He screamed back.
"Oh, shit." I didn't know I said that out loud. Edward never talks to Bella like that. I got ready to help if things ended up to be as bad as I expected.
Jacob looked even more terrified, which I thought was impossible. "Edward, I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me!"
"I know what I got to say to you mutt?" Edward leaned down close to his face. He smiled wickedly, and in a voice that only vampires (and werewolves) could hear, he said "April fools."
"Happy Easter!" Alice said coming down the stairs. I laughed at her. She was wearing a pair of bunny ears with a little cotton tail on her butt.
"What's up with the get-up?"
"I would never miss an opportunity to dress up."
"But Easter?"
She shook her tail at me. "You're just jealous."
"Oh yeah. Cause I've always wanted to look like a bunny."
"It's nice to hear you finally admit, Emmett," Edward said walking into the dining room.
"Har har. So is Mr. Craps-his-pants going to be joining us this evening?" That's what I've been calling Jacob since April Fools. Because, low and behold, we could all smell it and it just will not go away. But I shouldn't make fun of Jake. If I could, I probably would have crapped my pants too.
"Stop calling him that," Bella said from behind Edward. She was in on the joke too. "I feel horrible about that."
"Why?" Edward asked. "You saw what he did to Nessie. He deserved some fear knocked into him. I just didn't expect the fear being pushed in would push out a load." He started giggling towards the end. Bella hit him.
"You are such an ass."
"You're just figuring that out," Rose said walking in.
"Hey baby! Ready to paint some eggs?"
"Emmett! I'm so proud of you! No sexual innuendo. You're learning."
"No I'm not. I'm just still a little shaken up from Edward's 'prank.'" I used air quotes.
He rolled his eyes. "I'm sure we'll all laugh about this eventually."
"I'm already laughing about this! Jake on the other hand may be scarred for life."
"Don't be so over drama-" He turned towards Alice. "What's up with the bunny outfit?"
"You're just noticing?" Alice sounded hurt.
"I was a little preoccupied with Tweedledum over there."
"Oh," Jasper said walking in. "Did you see that movie?"
"I did. It was cool, but the 3D never works for us so..."
It was true. We can easily see straight through the glasses without getting any of the 'whoa!' effect.
Edward chuckled. "The 'whoa' effect, Emmett? Really?"
"What?"
"Enough talk," Carlisle said joining us. Esme was with him. "Let's get to the eggs."
"Aren't we forgetting someone?" I asked.
They all stared at me like I was crazy. That was until Edward read my thoughts, then his eyes grew ten times their size. "Bella, where's Nessie?"
"Oh crap!"
"Mommy and Daddy are in trouble," Nessie sang. I was smiling like the cat that ate the canary.
I was running my rounds when I happened upon Nessie alone in the woods. Her so-called responsible parents left her there when they went hunting. Admittingly, this isn't as bad as what I did, but added to that stupid April Fool's prank, I think we may be even now.
Nessie looked up at me with a grin almost as big as mine. "Are you gonna pull a prank on Daddy?"
I stopped in my tracks. I didn't even think of that. I knelled down next to her. "What did you have in mind?"
She touched my cheek.
Everyone ran outside...except for me. I was laughing my ass off! I know I shouldn't, but just the fact that they left Nessie, they're only child, in the woods is priceless.
They didn't get far. Jake and Nessie were waiting for them right out front. I ran to see.
"Lose something, Eddie?" Jacob said smugly.
Edward ran to Nessie and picked her up saying that he was sorry or something. Lovey-dovey father stuff.
"I guess were even now Edward."
"Thank you Jacob. And yes, I admit that what I did was a little...extreme."
"Apology accepted."
"Okay," I said. "Now can we paint some eggs?"
We all went back to the dining room and sat down. We all got started, but Bella, Jacob, and Nessie looked confused. This was their first Easter with us. Edward explained.
"Every Easter, we each paint one egg. Then we go outside and see who can throw their's the farthest."
"Yup," I said. "Just like Jesus would have wanted."
Edward rolled his eyes. "Not another one of your atheist rants."
"No no no. I was just saying that eggs and bunnies seem like a very odd way to celebrate the rising of your messiah."
"For your information, eggs were considered a symbol of rebirth long before Jesus."
"Okay. What about the bunny?"
"That, I have no idea."
"Exactly."
Nessie turned to Bella. "Mommy, who's Jesus?"
I laughed. "Looks like you guys are going to hell. Isn't that one of the deadly sins? Not shoving Christianity down your children's throats?"
"Shut up, Emmett!" Literally everyone said it. I laughed again.
I sat and finished my egg. It was a picture of Rose naked, but it could have easily been mistaken for a flamingo eating a walrus. I'm not the best artist.
We all headed outside. I was the leading champ for the last... Oh wait! I can't remember the last time I lost. Hahaha!
I went first. It hit somewhere on the mountain. I ran out to it and stayed by it, watching everyone else's pathetic throws not even coming close to mine.
Once I was sure I won (again), something impossible happened. An egg whirled right past my head and hit a good 200 feet farther then mine. What the- I ran to it as fast as I could. I never lose. I must have imagined it. But there it was. The broken egg that beat me. I picked up the shell pieces to see who threw it. The drawing was so good that I could easily identify it. A picture of Edward and Bella holding hands.
We were all laughing as we walked to our cabin. The look on Emmett's face when he saw that Nessie actually threw her egg farther than him was hilarious. It looks like we have a new champion in the family.
When I opened our front door, I jumped back and grabbed my nose. Wolf. It was everywhere. Bella smelt it too and groaned.
"What is that?"
Nessie started laughing. "Me and Jake did it. He wanted to get back at you."
"But how? It's so strong and...UGG!
"He wanted to just roll around and stuff, but I convinced him to pee on your bed. He also told me to tell you that now you're even."
I almost forgot about April Fools. Luckily, I slapped something in there. Please review and tell me I'm awesome!
